The singing frog alarm on my mobile phone went off–much as I hated that tune, it did give me the incentive to switch the damn thing off!

Football Girl

By Susan Brown

Chapter 4

Previously...

Half an hour later, I was dropped off outside the café. Josie and Jeff said goodbye, after a kiss and cuddle from Josie and a manly handshake from Jeff who promised to pick me up at ten.

I watched them go–a bit regretfully because they were sort of surrogate parents to me and I loved them dearly; I let myself into my flat. I changed quickly into something nice, a short black skirt and white smock top, then I did my hair and put on a bit of makeup. At last I was Susan again and I felt much more comfortable.

I sat down on the sofa and sighed with relief. Today was a day I was going to remember for the rest of my life and I hoped that the future would be somewhat better and less traumatic.

And now the story continues…

The singing frog alarm on my mobile phone went off–much as I hated that tune, it did give me the incentive to switch the damn thing off! Lifting my head from the pillow I grabbed the phone, pressed a button and all was quiet again. I yawned and looked blearily at the time–7.30, and I had to get up as I wanted to have a run before Jeff came to pick me up to go to the hospital.

Reluctantly, I got out of my warm bed; it was slightly chilly as the central heating hadn’t kicked in properly. Padding to the bathroom, I hitched up my silky nightie and sat down for a quick wee. After doing the necessary, I got myself going. I was feeling a bit stiff and made a mental note to have a good stretch before going out for my run.

Twenty minutes later, I was out running on the hard footpath by the side of the Melchester Ship Canal–not that there were many ships using it now. It was more likely that you would see a pleasure boat than a ship nowadays. I got my second wind after about fifteen minutes and began to run with a bit more relaxation. This gave me time to look back at all that had happened in the past week.

I had been chucked out by my soon to be ex-step dad, moved into a great flat over the café. Then there was the thing with Melchester and the wonderful future that I could have, if I was good enough. Then there was mum–she had been through so much at the hands of that slime ball. I hoped that they would chuck him in prison and throw away the key…

I waved hello to a man with a Labrador as I passed them. Not many people around this morning; too cold really for anyone as nutty as me and the man with the dog!

I continued my thoughts as I upped the pace a bit, going over the small footbridge and coming down the other side. I liked the canal, lots of trees lining it and not many people about. I saw some ducks on the water and thought, ‘They must be cold in this weather.’
The cold and frosty air made my breath come out in clouds of steam as I pounded along the footpath; who said that the winter was depressing? I was about two miles from home now and heading back. I had a warm glow in me as I looked forward to getting back to the flat. I loved it so much, even though I had only been there a few days. It gave me the freedom to be Susan whenever I liked. I could live as a girl and not have anyone have a go at me for being myself. Looking at my watch, I could see that I would have to get a move on as we were meeting mum at the hospital at ten…

As soon as I was home, I had a quick shower and changed into something reasonably decent, as I was going to see mum off and then Jeff and I were going to meet Mr Prentiss.

I had some toast and a cup of tea and then I saw Jeff pull up outside the café. I grabbed my coat and was downstairs just as he got out of the car. He smiled and waved.

‘Hi mate, you ready?’

‘Yes, thanks for taking me today.’

‘No problem. Josie can’t come as one of the twins has a cold, but she sends her love.’

I got in the car and soon we were heading for the hospital.

‘So, did you sleep okay last night?’

‘Yes, like a log.’

‘We didn’t really want you to be alone last night, but I know how stubborn you can be,’

‘Sorry.’

‘Nothing to be sorry about, you are almost a man now and you have a lot of decisions to make. I just want you to know that Josie and I are there for you. Remember, if it gets too much for you, tell us. Your mum wasn’t happy about your living on your own but I understand how you want to do things for yourself and we persuaded her that you’ll okay and if you needed anything, we’ll be there for you.’

‘Thanks Jeff,’ I said, my voice cracking a bit for some reason.

‘That’s all right. Now, we’ll be at the hospital in a minute, so let’s have a happy face for your mum shall we?’

As we walked into the side ward, I saw mum sitting on her bed. She looked up as we entered and smiled. She looked pale and battered. I hope so much that my step dad gets what’s coming to him.

‘Hi,’ said mum with a tired smile.

I went to her and gave her a careful hug, because I didn’t want to hurt her.

‘How are you feeling Trish?’ Jeff asked.

‘I’ll live.’

‘Well you look a bit better than yesterday, anyway. Josie went to your house last night and picked up the stuff you wanted. There are a couple of suitcases in the car. Are you okay to go now?’

‘Yes, let’s get out of here; hospitals give me the creeps.’ she replied as a nurse came in.

‘Okay, Mrs Hurst, I have some papers here for you to give to your doctor,’ the nurse explained. ‘Also some tablets that you should take until the pain goes away. You need to see your doctor in three days so that he can give you the once over. If anything happens before that though, give us a call.’

‘Thank you, nurse.’

‘That’s all right; just look after yourself.’ With that she smiled and rushed off somewhere, leaving us to get mum downstairs and into the car. She insisted that she didn’t want a wheelchair, so we just took it steadily and eventually we settled her in the car. I could see though, that the short journey to the car had tired her out.

‘Mum, do you want to come and stay with me for a while in the flat?’

‘Thanks, Mark, but my sister’s expecting me and she’ll look after me. Once I’m in the train, I’ll be fine and she’s meeting me at the other end anyway, so there’s nothing to worry about.’

Seeing how pale she was and the fact that she was battered and bruised didn’t make me feel that I had nothing to worry about. The only thing that pleased me was that she at last appeared to be making decisions for herself and not relying on that scumbag of a husband.

As we drove along, nobody was talking. I knew that if I said much I might start to cry. Jeff was busy driving and mum was just looking out of the windows, thinking about God knows what.

Arriving at the station, we were lucky enough to park fairly close to the entrance. Jeff got out and took mum’s cases from the boot and then we both helped mum into the station. She wasn’t too bad on her feet, but I could see that she really didn’t want to walk much further. We went into the waiting room where the information board said that her train was on time and should be arriving in about ten minutes. Jeff went to get some tea, leaving me and mum alone in the warm and rather stuffy waiting room.

She turned to me and smiled–making her seem years younger, even after all she had been through.

‘Mark, love. I haven’t got long and I think that Jeff has left us alone so that we can have a quiet word together. I’m sorry things didn’t work out between your step dad and me. I thought he loved me and they say love conquers all. That’s a laugh. It was only after this last beating that I finally came to my senses. I’m sorry I put you through all this, you deserve better. That’s why I want you to do all you can to make a success out of your life. I don’t think I have been a very good mum up to now and hope that we can put all this behind us…’

‘But, mum, it wasn’t your fault!’

‘Well I think it was. Anyway, enough of that; I shall be staying with my sister for some time. I spoke to her last night and she’s very happy for me to live with her and I’ll be there for the foreseeable future. I need to recharge my batteries and this will help me a lot. That leaves the problem about what to do for you. No, don’t say anything I need to get this off my chest. I know you want to be a girl. I thought that it was just a phase that you were going through, but it’s not is it?’

I just shook my head; I was too choked up to say anything. She held my hand and continued.

‘When I spoke to Jeff and Josie about you in the hospital last night, I told them that you had a secret and I told them what that secret was. I had to, they are going to be looking after you in a fashion, and they needed to know that you had issues. I couldn’t go away and leave you to cope without any support. I just wish that I could have been more help to you. Anyway, they couldn’t believe it at first, but after I told them about the way you’ve been since you were small and that fact that you were far happier as a girl than a boy, they realised that you had special problems. They want to talk to you about it but won’t say anything unless you bring it up. You don’t need to worry about what they feel about you, they love you anyway. In some ways they would have made much better parents than me…’

‘Don’t say that, mum. I love you more than anyone and you’ve done so much for me…’

‘Not enough, Mark, or should I really call you Susan?’

‘Mark, when I’m dressed as a boy. Look mum don’t bash yourself up over all this. It’s my fault that I’m a girl trapped in a boy’s body and it’s slime-face’s fault for being a rotten husband and father.’

‘Well anyway, the train’s going to be here in a minute; look after yourself and ring me as much as possible. Jeff and Josie will be there for you, remember that. If you have any worries about staying in that flat, talk to them. I hope your football career works out for you. Although how you are going to be a professional footballer and a girl at the same time, I don’t know. You do know that you may have to choose one or the other, don’t you?’

‘I know, mum. I’m taking just one step at a time and see how I go–perhaps I’ll be the first girl to play in the Premier League…’

‘The train now approaching platform one is the eleven twenty to Aberdeen stopping at…’

I looked at mum and she looked at me. Both of us had tears in our eyes. This was it. I had lost my dad and now,–temporarily at least–I was going to lose my mum. She opened her arms and we hugged each other tightly. We were both too choked up to say anything more than how much we loved and would miss each other. A few seconds later we parted as Jeff came in and picked up the cases. We helped mum get on the train and with a final heart rending hug, she was gone. I was being hugged by Jeff and crying my eyes out as the train–and my mum–pulled out of the station…

2

Eventually, I pulled myself together and after a cup of tea and a bun in the station tea room, we were in the car again.

I was a bit quiet on the way home; still upset by my mum going and what she said to me about Jeff and Josie knowing my big secret. Several times I was going to say something, but bottled out for some reason.

Jeff tried to cheer me up by telling me about the Twins latest antics, though what kids of that age can do except say ‘ga ga’, drink milk, poo and stuff like that, I didn’t know. To be honest, I was on another planet and not paying much attention. Before I knew it, we had pulled up outside the café.

‘Right Mark, I’ll pick you up at two thirty and we’ll go into town, have a snack or something and then go see the agent–okay?’

‘Yeah, thanks for taking me today.’

‘No problem. Will you be all right by yourself for a while?’

‘Mmm, I’ll be fine, see you later.’

I watched him go off home and then let myself in the flat. I grabbed a coke from the fridge and decided to chill out, if possible. Sitting on the sofa, I switched the TV on and after some boring news, there was an item about Melchester United.

‘There have been reports that the Brazilian, Dodo has been lined up to join the club for an undisclosed fee. The increasing injury list, means that Melchester have real problems picking a decent side to face Champions League opponents Dynamo Slabovnia next week. Dodo, who has been out of contract with New City Rovers and is not cup tied, looks as if he is keen to join, but needs to have the offer of a contract finalised before he decides whether he wants to join…now other news…’

I switched off the TV and went to wash my face as my eyes still looked a bit red from crying. I brushed my hair and put it in low ponytail. Looking at my watch, I had about half an hour before Jeff came to pick me up. I sat on the sofa and must have fallen asleep as I woke up with a jerk at the sound of the doorbell ringing. Checking my watch, I saw it was nearly half past two! Yawning, I grabbed my coat and keys and rushed downstairs.

‘Hi Mark,’ Jeff said as I opened the door. I just yawned again and mumbled something.

‘Been asleep? Well not surprising really with everything that’s been happening. Come on, let’s go and have a bite to eat and then see Mr Prentiss, shall we?’

‘Okay, sorry, I just dropped off, I don’t normally do that.’

We got in the car and drove off. Twenty minutes later, we were in the city centre. Melchester had a huge shopping area and lots of places to eat. Jeff parked his car in a multi-story and we went to a Subway–for a sub, what else!

We found a relatively quiet corner and sat down. Jeff had a coffee and I had a coke. We munched at our food and sipped at our drinks as we watched the world go by outside the window. I was quite full up after the sub and didn’t want anything else; neither did Jeff. I had a funny feeling in my tummy as I realised that I needed to say something about what my mum had told Jeff and Josie. I finally plucked up the courage to speak. ‘Jeff–erm; mum told you something about me yesterday…’

He looked at me and smiled. ‘Is that why you’re a bit quiet?

I nodded; heart in my mouth. I didn’t know what to say now that it had come to it.

‘Look, don’t worry we’ll have a chat tonight. Josie and I will come over to the flat and we can sort things through.’

‘What about the twins?’

‘Josie’s mum is going to babysit Daisy and Poppy for a while, you know how she dotes over those kids. Poppy’s cold is a lot better, so that’s one worry out of the way.’

Somehow I felt a bit better about things. Jeff didn’t look disgustedly at me like my step dad did–maybe things might not be too bad, after all?

‘Shall we go?’

I nodded, so we got up, put our coats on and left the snack bar.

I had Mr Prentiss’s address written on a piece of paper and knew roughly where his office was, as I had Google mapped it. Fifteen minutes walk away from the shopping centre brought us to the business area. Lots of tall glass covered buildings and people going too and fro into and out of offices. We came to a large office block with tinted glass windows and a large rather grand entrance. We had found the right place.

The automatic doors swished open as we approached. Inside it was even more impressive than outside. The lobby was half the size of a football pitch and the huge desk over the far side was the width of goal posts. I felt a bit intimidated by all this but Jeff didn’t bat an eyelid as we walked up to the reception desk and asked one of the uniformed ladies behind it for directions to Mr Prentiss’s office.

‘Go to the lifts over there on the right and go to the twenty-first floor. Mr Prentiss’s secretary will meet you there.’

‘Thanks.’

‘You’re welcome,’ she said, picking up a phone.

My tummy was left a bit behind as we whooshed rapidly up to the twenty-first floor. Almost before I realised it, the doors pinged open and there was a lady wearing a ladies’ pinstriped business suit and a big smile, standing there waiting for us.

‘Hello, I’m Jane,’ she said. She shook hands with both of us and then led us across the hardwood floor to a door over on the left. She knocked and we heard a ‘come in’ from behind it.

Jane opened the heavy-looking polished wood door and we were ushered into a large, pleasant office with plush red carpets, easy chairs, a large expensive looking desk and a man who got up from a huge deep leather office chair and came to greet us.

John Prentiss looked about thirty; he was tall, slim with brown hair and a pleasant, open smile. I liked him as soon as I saw him.

‘Jeff, Mark, nice to see you both.’ He shook our hands and motioned us to sit on some chairs.

‘Jane, can we have some drinks please?’

‘Certainly; what would you like?’

As she went out to get my coke and two coffees, John got down to business.

‘Right Mark, first off, how is your mum?’

‘She’ll be okay, she’s gone to stay with my aunt in Scotland.’

‘So you are being looked after by Jeff?’

‘Erm–that’s right.’

‘Okay, let’s have a chat about things. Stop me if you don’t understand anything. I’ve had a draft of the contract faxed through to me and having seen it, it’s one of the standard ones approved by the FA, League and Players Association so there are no surprises there. But as you are new to this, I’ll explain what they are offering. Is that okay with both of you?’

We both nodded and just then, Jane brought in the drinks. After everything was sorted out, Mr Prentiss continued.

‘Right, it’s a three year contract for you to be in the reserve team squad. There’s no guarantee that you will play in the team, just that you are a squad member–this is normal. The contract is reviewed each year and depending on where you are with the club, terms are amended. This means that if you do better you get paid more; if you don’t you stay on the same money. To be honest though, if you haven’t made something of yourself in the first year you will probably be transferred anyway, it’s a tough business. Mind you, I have seen the video of the game you played the other day and I can’t see you do anything other than go to the top and make a big name for yourself.’

‘I didn’t know I was being filmed?’

‘It’s normal practice as it helps with training. Right, now to the important bits. Firstly, you will have to have a medical by the club doctor and then…’

‘Medical!’ I exclaimed. I didn’t like the sound of that.

‘Yes, all clubs insist on a medical; firstly to see that you are fit and well and secondly, it’s a requirement for insurance purposes. It’s mainly to see that you have no injuries or other problems that may affect your career. Mind you, you look very fit, if a bit small, but your age will be taken into account and the fact that you are still growing. Does that answer your question?’

‘Er–yes thanks,’

I hoped that I would get through the medical okay and was thinking about that when I realised that Mr Prentiss was talking again.

‘…you will get a signing on fee of twenty thousand pounds, payable immediately on signing to–‘

‘How much?’ exclaimed Jeff; my jaw just dropped.

Looking at our faces, he just laughed.

‘Yes, I was surprised at that. It seems that a few other clubs were showing a tentative interest in you. Football’s a small world and if a talent shows up, everyone wants him. This signing-on fee ensures that you’re tied in with the club as quickly as possible. I only know of three other players of a similar age to you who got a signing on fee like this. Anyway, you haven’t heard anything yet. You will have a basic wage of thirty thousand a year. You will get this even if you play no games. It’s just the starting point. For every game you play in the reserves, you will be paid two thousand pounds. If you win the match, there will be another one thousand pounds win bonus paid. You get nothing extra for a draw or a loss. There are other bonuses paid depending on how far up the reserve league you go. There are also other bonuses payable if you win the league or cup. Any questions?’

Jeff and I looked at each other, not believing the ridiculous sums being mentioned.

‘I can see that you are shocked, but bear in mind that wages in the football league are very high and twenty thousand a week is considered quite low. Top player get paid over one hundred thousand a week. That puts the figures I’ve given you a bit of perspective. Reserve squad players are potentially one step away from the big time and it’s very important for clubs to have a strong depth in the squad in case of injury to top players. In addition to this, all clubs think of players as assets that can be sold in the market. Melchester has made millions of pounds from selling players in the market and they, like many teams want to look after their assets. It’s not just about football nowadays; it’s about the balance sheet and keeping investors happy. Is all this clear and do you have any questions?

I think I was in shock and I could see that Jeff was finding it hard to come to terms with all this money. Jeff pulled himself together and looked at me.

‘Do you want to do this?’

I nodded slowly.

‘If the club thinks I’m worth it–I’d like to give it a try.’

‘That’s good,’ said Mr Prentiss. ‘I don’t want to get too detailed, but another thing is that if you play for the first team, you go up to another all together different level, but you won’t have to worry about that for a while, that’s why I’m here, looking after your interests. Now, I have a couple of things for you to sign and if you could too, Jeff. It’s just the agreement for me to be your agent. I get ten percent of everything you earn which might sound a lot because I take over your business interests and sell you to sponsors. So you get all that back and more quite quickly with sponsorship deals and things like that. Many companies like to associate with the club and even reserve team players get some goodies. My job is to help you get as much out of the system as possible.’

In a daze, I signed on the dotted line and Jeff as well as he was my ‘foster parent’.

‘Right, if you are available, your medical is tomorrow at the training ground at eleven a.m.’

‘What will they do?’ I asked.

‘I’ve got a list here.’ He passed it over to me.

I looked down at the things they were going to do.

Examination by Club Doctor
Blood and urine tests
Completion of Medical Questionnaire
Completion of Attendee Medical History Questionnaire by Parents/Guardian
Electro-Cardiograph x 1  
Echo-Cardiogram Assessment x 1
Consultant Cardiologist Report
Orthopaedic Screening

I sort of expected that a medical might be required and I think that I was okay medically. I had looked on the internet and emailed a few questions about hormone-blocking medication to a transgender forum I belong to and a few of the girls there had had medicals without too many problems. I could only wait and hope that it wouldn’t be a problem with me.

‘Right,’ said Mr Prentiss. ‘I have another meeting in about ten minutes. Have you any further questions?’

I shook my head and so did Jeff. We were still trying to take in all he had told us.

‘Well, if you need any help or advice give me a call. If I’m not available, leave a message. I’ll speak to you tomorrow anyway so if you can think of anything that you aren’t too sure about, we’ll speak then. Goodbye Mark, Jeff. I think that we will have a long and rewarding association.’

He shook our hands and walked us over to the lift. With a final goodbye, we soon found ourselves in the street.

A short while later we were in the car on the way home. Once again we were both a bit quiet. Then Jeff began to laugh. In seconds I was laughing too and we had to pull over to the side of the road to avoid an accident.

‘Bloody hell, Mark, you have well and truly landed on your feet,’ gasped Jeff, tears running down his face.

‘I–I can’t believe it. All that money for me to play the game I love!’ I said wiping my eyes and gradually calming down again.

‘Well good luck to you. You have the talent and you deserve some good things happening to you for a change.’

Jeff started the car again and we were soon back at the café.

‘I’ll go by bus tomorrow,’ I said.

‘No you won’t; this is important and as your ‘foster dad’ it’s my job to look after you. I’ll get my mate to look after the café. I do enough favours for him so he’ll be okay and anyway, I wouldn’t want to miss this for the world.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes. Now I’m going home to see Josie and the sprogs. We’ll come back about seven and have that little chat–okay?’

In all the excitement, I had forgotten about that, but Jeff’s words brought it all rushing back. He must have seen I was a bit upset.

‘Look, don’t worry; we won’t bite your leg off. See you a bit later.’

With that he drove off. I let myself in the flat and went upstairs.

I made myself a cup of tea and sat down to read a girlie mag that I had found in the café a while back and had smuggled out in a carrier bag. All the girls in the magazine were young thin and beautiful. I wished I was. I muddled through looking okay when I was dressed, but no way would you call me beautiful. I had a look at the letters page. It was mainly young girls with love problems or not happy with some part of their body or that their parents didn’t understand them. I could relate to two out of the three, love not being a thing that interested me at the moment. I wasn’t even sure of my sexuality so I would leave that until I started to get those sort of feelings.

After reading the magazine, I started to look at the papers that Mr Prentiss had given me. It was all a bit over my head–all that legal jargon–so I gave it up as a bad job and watched an Australian soap for a while. Truth is, I was very worried about what Jeff and Josie would say to me. I hadn’t had much in the way of positives regarding my gender problems and the rows and arguments with my step dad gave me a certain lack of confidence. I didn’t know what I would do if Jeff and Josie rejected me.
I went to the bathroom and had a wash. Then I put on a clean t-shirt and jeans. I wanted to show that I could look after myself okay, so I had a bit of a tidy up, hoovered the floor and did some dusting. When I had finished, the place looked really nice and I felt very lucky that I was able to live there.

My mobile phone rang. ‘Hello?’

‘Hello, Mark, it’s mum. Just thought I’d ring to say I’ve arrived safely and am at your auntie’s house.’

‘That’s great, mum. How are you feeling?’

‘Tired, but okay. I slept most of the way and my sister was waiting for me at the station. She sends her love.’

‘Tell her the same from me. Will you be all right there?’

‘I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. How did you get on with Mr Prentiss?’

‘Great, I’m going to be paid loads of money. The only thing I’m worried about is the medical.’

‘You shouldn’t worry; you’re as fit as a flea.’

‘I know, but you know me…’

‘Yes, a born worry-guts. Look I’d better go now. I’ll try to speak to you tomorrow, okay?’

‘Okay, mum; love you.’

‘You too, honey; ’bye.’

‘Bye.’

I put the phone down. I had a lump in my throat. I missed my mum already and hoped that I could see her soon. Perhaps, as I was going to get all this money I might be able to visit her soon.

I glanced at my watch. Half past six. I thought that I ought to have something to eat as it might stop the sickly feeling I had in my tummy.

I made myself a jam sandwich, then sat down and waited for Jeff and Josie to come. The TV was on and it was the local news, but I didn’t pay much attention to it as I was constantly clock watching and noticing that the minute hand didn’t seem to be moving much.

The doorbell rang, making me jump slightly. Looking at my watch I saw that it was just before seven. I stood up and went downstairs to let them in.

‘Hello, Mark,’ said Josie. Jeff was standing behind and just smiled.

‘Well, are you going to let us in or are we going to just freeze to death out here?’

‘Sorry,’ I said, standing to the side to let them in. As I followed them upstairs I imagined all sorts of negative things.

Once we were all inside, I took their coats and put them on my bed. When I came out I asked if they wanted a drink.

‘Tea, please.’

‘Me too.’

I made the drinks as Josie chatted away. Jeff just sat down and was looking at the girly mag that I had carelessly left on the coffee table.

‘Well Mark, you have made the place look very nice,’ said Josie as she took her and Jeff’s cups into the lounge. I took a can of coke out of the fridge and followed her in.

‘I just try to keep it tidy. Jeff and you made it really.’

‘You always were a tidy boy…’ she said sitting next to Jeff. I sat down in the arm chair. I had hopes that I might get swallowed up by it, but not much luck there!

Jeff put the magazine down and sipped his tea. There was a silence and I couldn’t stand it. If they were going to shout and holler at me, I wished that they would go and do it. Anything was better than this awful silence.

Josie looked at me, then Jeff.

‘Jeff, do you want to leave this to me?’

‘Well it’s sort of your department.’

‘What do you mean my department?’

‘You know, emotional stuff; like in that magazine. Anyway, you’re better with words than I am. I’d say something wrong and put my foot in it.’

Josie looked at me again. For some reason my eyes began to water and I could feel a tear go down my cheek.

Josie got up straight away and came over to me. Looking back at Jeff she said. ‘Jeff go to the pub for an hour and then come back.’

‘What? Pub? Me?–oh, okay.’

He got up hurriedly, sort of smiled apologetically and left in a hurry.

Josie held out her hand and I got up and sat with her on the sofa.

‘Right,’ she said giving me a tissue, ‘tell me all about it and don’t leave anything out. I know a bit about this. We’ve known for years that you have liked dressing. Your mum and I have spoken a lot about it. Just tell me what it’s all about, okay?’

It was a revelation that Josie knew about my dressing and I supposed that it meant that Jeff did too.

‘I–it started when I was very young…’

I told her about dressing as a young boy and how I felt that I was really a girl inside. I explained that I just didn’t feel right as a boy and was only happy being a girl. I probably didn’t put it too well, but I think she got the gist of it.

‘So now I live here, I can dress how I like and no one can hurt me–that’s why I love living here, I can be myself–a girl. Are you angry with me?’

‘Why do you ask that?’

‘I thought that you might think I was weird or a pervert or something–like my step dad did.’

‘No you’re not anything of the kind. Get this into your head, both Jeff and I love you like you are our own. We know that you have a very sweet nature, although I wouldn’t say that when you’re on the football field, where you can be as hard as anyone. Jeff and I accept you for who you are not what you are. I put that badly. We don’t care if you dress as a girl or are gay or anything else. We like you as sweet loving person and that’s good enough for us. Can you do me a favour?’

‘What?’

‘Go and get dressed as Susan and let me see you as you see yourself.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes, go on; go make yourself look pretty; take as long as you like.’

I smiled weakly and got up.

I went to the bedroom and closed the door behind me.

A bit shakily, I went to my wardrobe and picked out my favourite dress–the LBD that I hadn’t even worn properly yet–though I had tried it on when it arrived by post.

Taking off my t-shirt and jeans, I started dressing. I already had some panties on, so I quickly put on my padded bra and nude sheer tights. Then I went to the dressing table and sat down. I put on some makeup, not too much, just a bit of foundation and blusher, light brown eye shadow and eye liner; a light application of mascara to plump up my nice lashes and finally some pink gloss lippy. I wasn’t going to bother with nail varnish but changed my mind at the last minute, applying the pink varnish as quickly as possible and blowing my fingers dry.

I pulled up my dress and with a bit of difficulty just managed to pull the zip up my back. Smoothing the dress down, I loved the huggy sort of feeling it gave me. Finally, I placed my small gold cross necklace around my neck and gold bracelet on my wrist. I had bought them a few years before and had never worn them–until now.

Finally I picked up my brush and pulled it through my hair, brushing it until it shone and then parting it neatly in the middle.

I regretted that I didn’t have any shoes yet and remembered that some were arriving the next morning by post. I thought that I must remember to stay in for that–if I can get through this evening, that is!

I crossed to the mirror and liked what I saw. I just hoped that Josie would too.

I went to the bedroom door, took a deep breath and opened it.

To be continued...

Please leave comments...thanks

My thanks go to the brilliant and lovely Gabi for editing and pulling the story into shape.