It was only Tuesday, and a lot had happened in such a short space of time. I hoped this day would be a relatively quiet one. After the last several busy days I now had to knuckle down and carry on with my studies, as I really wanted to do well.

I didn’t have the distraction of Hannah, as she had to do a few things for her mum before going to college in the afternoon.

She was going to pop in to see me after college. It was obvious to both of us that our relationship had gone up a level. When I wasn’t in her company, I missed her and I knew that she felt the same for me. However, we had to get on with the ordinary day-to-day life or everything, especially educationally, would fall apart. Hannah wanted to be a nurse. She didn’t feel that she had enough going for her to go down the doctor route but it was nice that we both wanted to be in the medical profession.

I suggested that once I got up to speed at college, we might study together sometimes, not just as an excuse to be together, but because it might help us both in our studies. She readily agreed.

So there I was, on my laptop, doing searches on the college website for relevant information that I needed to have before going on Monday.

I received a text from Olivia Hatcher, my new course tutor. She wanted to have an online meeting with me after lunch. I wondered what she was like.

Since Covid, much of the coursework and lectures were carried out online. Now things were getting much better and the college was opening up to on-campus studying and lectures. I was lucky in some respects as many of the lectures had been recorded during the lockdown and I could just sit there and watch what had been recorded in the various subjects that I needed to study. Also, there was very little printed material that I needed to have as most of it was online.

That afternoon, I had a Zoom meeting with my course tutor.

We connected at 2 pm on the dot.

Her face popped up on the screen.

‘Hello Emma?’

‘Yes, that’s me.’ I replied.

Hi, I’m Miss Hatcher, nice to meet you.’

‘Yes, thanks for finding the time to contact me.’

‘That’s all right. Now down to business.’

I won’t bore you with the details but the meeting was good and I got to know her. She seemed kind and caring and knew about my circumstances but didn’t seem to mind. She was quite impressed with my qualifications and seemed to think that I would fit in very well. She gave me a few pointers regarding my studies but would get into more depth when I saw her on Monday.

Just after disconnecting from my meeting with Olivia Hatcher, my phone rang.

Looking at it, I saw that it was Antonia.

‘Hi Antonia.’

‘Hello Emma, just touching base with you. I've been meaning to catch up with you. What’s been going on?’

‘Have you got an hour,’ I replied laughing.

‘A bit like that is it? Tell all.’

So I did. I won’t repeat myself but it took a good half an hour to bring her up to speed.

‘Okay, I’m a bit worried about the medical things. You were a right idiot to buy pills on the internet, but you know that.’

‘Yes, but I was desperate.’

‘I know. Never mind, it’s water under the bridge. Hang on a moment, I want to look something up.’

She was away so long, I wondered what was happening…

‘Sorry about that Emma. I was just confirming something that I’ve just remembered. Your Grandma was a very clever and shrewd woman, you do know that she was a doctor many years ago?’

‘Auntie Claire told me, I never knew. I wonder if that subconsciously influenced me somehow to want to be a doctor too?’

‘Yes possibly, anyway, I believe she retired before you were born. The thing is, there are some provisions in the sealed part of her will, that may be of use to you. I have to tell you that I was under strict instructions and was not allowed to say anything unless it became relevant. She did not want to influence you in any way regarding any thoughts of transition that you might have. It was to be your decision alone whether you decided to fully or partially transition. Being once in the profession, she knew that you have to go through hoops to have gender reassignment surgery and also that the waiting lists would inevitably be long.

‘In short, she made provision in the will to fund private medical treatment regarding anything gender-related, if you decided to go down that route. She truly was your fairy godmother.’

I teared up slightly.

‘I…I don’t know what to say. How will it help me now?’

‘Well, from what you have told me, it looks like you need to have tests as soon as possible and you say that there could be delays in that. You could go private and use the funds' Auntie Gladys earmarked for you. As far as I am concerned, your doctor indicated that in all probability you will have to have your testicles removed and as that would form part of gender reassignment surgery, I believe that that procedure falls within the wording in the will. What do you think?’

It took a moment to process what she was saying. Eventually, I answered her question.

‘I agree. I’m very worried about the tests and everything to do with what’s going on in my body. I would hate to have to wait for any length of time for tests and any treatment. Could we go ahead and go private?’

‘Yes, I think so. Have a word with your doctor and get her to contact me. She won’t talk to me about anything medical due to confidentiality, but this is purely about your using your grandma’s money to speed things up and go private.’

We spoke for a little while longer, promised to keep in touch and then finished our conversation.

I sat there for a while and looking around at her lovely cottage, I almost felt that Grandma was with me. In a way she was. She was helping me all that she could despite having passed away. I would have loved for her to still be with me so that I could hug and thank her for all she was doing for me. At that moment, I sincerely believed that she was up there looking out for me and it gave me some comfort.

I phoned the doctor's surgery and left a message to ask the doctor to get back to me. Her receptionist told me that she would pass on the message.

I found it difficult to concentrate on my studies after all that. Although it was quite warm outside, it was cloudy so I decided on the spur of the moment to get my kit on and go out for a run.

Soon, I was jogging further up the lane from my cottage. My hair I had up into a ponytail and it was tickling my neck slightly. It was a nice feeling somehow.

I hadn’t gone this way before and wondered where the lane went. After a few minutes, I was a bit out of breath and I slowed down a bit. The lane gradually went uphill past several other cottages and a big house. Then finally the lane came to a dead end but continued on as part of the Southwest Coastal path. I carried on through a wood, the sun shining through the trees making dappled shadows on the ground as I ran through. The ground was rock hard as there had been little rain for several days. Eventually, I left the trees and I found myself on the top of the cliffs. The views were marvellous. I looked down and saw the sea crashing noisily against the rocks. There was a nice gentle breeze that helped to cool me slightly.

The sea itself was blue, reflecting the sky above me, apart from some clouds on the horizon, which appeared to be bubbling up a bit. I was getting my breath back now and I continued on as the path followed the edge of the cliffs. Inland were some rolling hills and fields, with houses and cottages dotted here and there. Ahead of me were some rabbits playing about on the grass and quite a few rabbit holes. I had to be careful not to sprain an ankle!

I passed a few walkers on my run who greeted me as I passed. I was beginning to love this place. It was so different from where I used to live. In London, you never greeted anyone or acknowledged anyone. Heck, we didn’t even speak to our neighbours! Everyone was so friendly here. I didn’t have rose-tinted glasses. I knew that there are good and bad everywhere, but here, so far, everyone had been nice and kind to me and I hoped, once people knew who and what I was, they would still be pleasant.

According to my watch, I had gone about a mile and a half. That was enough for one day and so I turned around and made my way back. It was funny, I had felt a bit like a coiled spring before my run, worrying about my health and what was going to happen to me, but the run had helped me to relax a bit and I promised myself that if things got on top of me, I would just come up to the cliffs and let myself go a bit!

I arrived back at the cottage feeling a bit hot and worn out. It was obvious that I wasn’t very fit. Anyway, I stripped off my now sweaty clothes and had a nice shower. As I let the water run down my body, I felt my testicles, they ached a bit after the run and after all that had happened, I was very conscious of them. I didn’t want to get paranoid about them but I just wanted them gone. I knew that I would have to wait until I was at least 18 before I could have complete gender reassignment surgery, but if I had my testicles removed, it would be a step in the right direction.

I dried myself off and then used my hairdryer. It took a while to dry my hair but soon I was brushing it into submission.

It was now sunny outside and the temperature was rising even inside the cottage with its thick walls. I put on my new slightly padded strapless bra, panties and a pale blue sundress, one of my recent purchases. I loved sundresses as they felt free and very feminine. I couldn’t understand why some girls my age preferred to look scruffy or gungy. I didn’t see the attraction of wearing shapeless t-shirts and ripped jeans. As for tattoos, don’t start me with that, although I wouldn’t mind a small butterfly somewhere discreet…

Perhaps one day I would see the advantages of dressing less femininely, but for now, I wanted to be the girliest-looking girl I could be.

My phone pinged.

I went over to have a look.

Tried phoning you but there was no reply. Please ring me, Dr Sullivan.

I had been in the shower, so I hadn’t heard the phone.

I called her back.

‘I’ll just put you through,’ said the receptionist.

‘Hi Emma, thanks for getting back to me.’

‘Sorry I missed your call; I was in the shower.’

‘Never mind. How can I help you? Your blood results haven’t come through yet if that is what you want to know.’

‘No. I didn’t expect them yet. I have had a phone call from my solicitor, who is also my cousin.’

I explained the conversation that I had had with Anthonia.

‘So, could you contact her to arrange for private treatment, if that is possible?’

‘I don’t see why not. I’ll give her a call and get back to you. It’s a pity that you have to consider going down that route. I wish that the NHS is in a better position, but at the moment, waiting lists are horrific. Leave it with me. I’ll probably ring you back tomorrow. Anyway, my next patient is due, so I’ll speak to you then.’

‘Thanks for all you have done.’

‘No problem, bye.’

‘Bye.’

I liked her. She was the complete opposite of my old doctor.

I grabbed a coke from the fridge and went and sat in the garden. I was feeling a bit more relaxed now. I had gone through a lot and I hoped that things might settle down a bit now. Not that I expected them to. Would things ever get back to what I would consider to be normal? Maybe someday but not soon!

The garden was lovely with a nice, quite large lawn, with a slight down slope leading to a pond. I smiled as I saw two mallard ducks waddle out from behind a hedge and then go for a swim. Well, it was hot now, so I didn’t blame them. The borders were a riot of colour and I was glad that Ivy’s husband Len looked after the garden. I wouldn’t know where to start, I would probably dig up flowers and leave the weeds.

After sitting there for a while, I reluctantly decided to continue with my studies.

I wasn’t really in the mood but realised that I would have to apply myself I was going to do well at the college. I only had five or six days to get ready.

I was now officially a student at the college and I already had my student ID card for me to wear when I went in on Monday. The college had quite an active social side which was now getting back to normal after Covid. I wasn’t sure how involved I would want to get with that side of things, being a bit on the shy side.

I accessed the college portal using my brand new username and password and got stuck in.

I was surprised to hear a knock on my door a bit later. Looking at my watch, I saw that I had been working for over two hours!

I got up and answered the door.

‘Hi Emma.’

‘Hannah!’

We did the kiss and cuddle thing and then went into the sitting room. She was wearing a short denim pinafore dress over a white t-shirt with tiny pink hearts. As usual, she was lovely. Mind you I’m biased.

‘Want to go down to the quay?’ she asked.

‘Sounds good, I’m getting a bit stir-crazy here.’

So that’s what we did. Hannah texted the twins and we agreed to meet on the quay in about forty minutes. It just gave me time to slap on a bit of makeup and put my sandals on.

Forty-three minutes later, not that I was counting, we were on the quay and the twins came up to us.

They were both wearing identical sky-blue short dresses. Even their trainers were identical!

We hugged and said our hello’s and then decided to be all sophisticated and go to the seafront restaurant around the corner from the quay, behind the beach and have a quick meal as it was that time of day.

The Lonesome Crab was the name of the restaurant and we sat outside. I looked at the menu which comprised a lot of things and chips.

I decided on a local delicacy, Cornish Pasty and chips.

‘I've never had a Cornish Pasty, I said.

They looked at me as if I had said something strange.

‘What never?’ asked Soph.

‘No.’

‘My God, you haven’t lived,’ said Steph, ‘it comes a very close second to cream scones.’

‘Oh, I've had those. That’s where you put the cream first and then the jam.’

They looked at me in horror.

‘What?’

‘Wash your mouth out young Emma,’ said Hannah, who was two weeks old than me.

‘Never, ever put jam on after the cream, it’s blasphemy,’ said Steph.

‘Don’t mind her, she’s a foreigner and doesn’t know any better,’ remarked Sophie dismissively.

I, of course, knew about the sticky, jam or cream first conundrum, it was always jam first in Cornwall, Grandma told me that years ago, but I did like winding them up!

Hannah was looking at me quizzically. I think she knew what I was doing.

‘Emma!’

‘What?’

‘Stop it.’

‘Stop what?’

‘You know full well what goes on first.’

‘Butter?’

We all giggled. I was enjoying myself!

I looked out to sea. The sun was going down and it reflected in the few clouds in the sky and on the glistening water. It was a beautiful sunset, with the glittering waves gently lapping up the shore. I was so pleased to be there with my new friends, having a great time.

Just after that our meals came and I must admit that the pasty was lovely and very filling. I didn’t need the chips, but I ate them anyway because I hate waste and I was a growing girl.

It was starting to get dark now and as we sat there watching the holidaymakers walk by, I could see what the attraction of this lovely place was to visitors.

As it grew darker, lights came on over the canopy where we were sitting and also all over the quay and the village behind. The whole area looked different from the daytime and almost magical in the twinkly lights dotted around.

I turned to the twins.

‘Can I ask a question.’

‘What?’ they both said in unison.

‘I know some parents dress up their little twins the same, but you don’t normally see twins dressed the same at your age, so why do you?’

‘Well…,’ said one of them.

‘Hang on, are you Steph or Soph?’

They looked at each other and giggled.

‘The one with the spot on her neck is Steph,’ said Hannah.

I looked and there it was.

A small spot.

‘Hmm,’ I said, thinking for a moment, ‘ You could be Steph, but you could be Soph.’

‘How come?’ said Hannah.

‘Well, Steph could hide her spot with makeup and to make things even more complicated, Soph could add a spot with makeup.’

‘I hadn’t thought of that,’ said Hannah.

‘So who is really who?’ I asked the twins.

‘Clever isn’t she?’ said twin 1.

‘Too clever,’ replied twin 2.

‘I’m really Steph,’

‘Promise?’

‘Yes.’

‘So, answer my question, why do you dress the same?’

‘Because we like to drive people mad and we like it this way. You should see people’s faces when they see us side by side, it’s great fun.’

I looked at them closely and then nodded.

‘Well, I now know who is who, regardless of who has the neck spot.’

The twins looked at each other.

‘How?’ they said together.

‘You Steph have a mark on your iris that’s different from your sister's.’

I sat back, feeling smug.

‘Hang on, let me look,’ said Hannah.

The girls stared at Hannah, who was looking back and forth like someone watching a ball at a tennis match.

‘She’s right, Steph, you do have a mark on your iris. I never noticed that! Clever Emma!’

She gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

‘Get a room you two!’ laughed Sophie.

We all looked at each other and had a giggling fit.

We had another round of drinks, this time hot chocolate with cream, marshmallows and a sprinkle of chocolate, yummy!

There were still quite a few people about but it was getting quieter. We were the only ones now sitting outside the café. it was still warm, balmy almost.

‘Erm, Sophie,’

‘Mmm?’ she said as she licked some cream off her spoon.

‘You haven’t said anything about me being, erm, different.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well Hannah obviously knows about me and Steph and I have talked about it, but you haven’t said anything.’

‘About you?’

‘Yes,’

‘What is there to talk about?’

‘Well, you don’t mind?’

‘Don’t mind what Emma, spit it out?’

‘Well, the fact that I am officially a boy and have boy bits.’

She looked at me in shock, her eyes widened and her hand covered her mouth in horror.

‘No, never, you a boy? You can’t be a boy; you are too damned pretty; I would never have guessed.’

‘I am sort of. Although I never want to be and…’

She put her hand over mine and giggled.

‘I’m joking with you. I know that you are a girl. It’s obvious. If there’s a god, he or she made a big mistake with you, he gave you an outie instead of an innie and we’re not talking about your belly button here.’

‘So, you’re okay with me?’

‘Yes silly, of course I am. I think that you’re a nice, sweet girl who for some reason is attached at the hip and lips to Hannah, although how a girl can love another girl I could never understand, but each to their own.’

‘Do either of you have a boyfriend?’

‘Yes,’ said Stephanie, ‘I have Robert and Sophie has Harry.’

‘And they are twins too,’ added Hannah.

‘They can’t be.’ I said.

‘Yup,’ replied Hannah smugly.

‘Weird.’

‘Tell me about it. When they all go out together, you should see the reaction of people, they think that they are seeing double; it’s quite a laugh.’

We stayed there for a while longer and I got to know the twins a bit more. They were great company and I was pleased that I had found two more true friends. Eventually, we had to leave as the other girls had to get up early for college the next morning.

We stood outside the café. It was getting quite dark now and we started to say our goodbyes with hugs all around. It had been wonderful having such lovely people around me For some reason, I suddenly felt tears go down my face.

‘Oh honey,’ said Hannah, ‘why are you crying?’

‘I’m happy.’

‘You normally laugh when you’re happy,’ said Steph.

‘It’s just…just. I’m not used to it. You know the hugs and the laughs and the friendly faces. I’m used to being ignored, hated and not being wanted. It’s all a bit much. Damned hormones getting to me, I suppose.’

‘Don’t talk about hormones,’ said Sophie, ‘Sometimes, I want to throw things about and cry, well we all do that especially when things get on top of us and you’ve been through a lot lately.’

‘I suppose,’ I sniffed.

‘Right,’ said Steph, ‘better now?’

‘Mmm.’

‘Okay, we have to go, see you tomorrow probably.’

There were yet more hugs all around and the twins went one way to their home and we went the other.

Hannah held my hand as we went up the hill. She said nothing but she was there for me and that was all that mattered. There were fewer people about now and if the few people we saw thought it strange that two girls were holding hands, nothing was said. Maybe the world was changing for the better, but I wasn’t holding my breath.

It took a little while for me to get myself together. It didn’t seem to take much for me to get upset. I hoped, once my gender problems were sorted out, I wouldn’t be so fragile. Only time would tell. Being a girl and showing emotions was normal though. I suppose being brought up as a boy, any signs of weakness and that included crying, were seen to be bad and not the done thing. I suppose I had been conditioned into this mindset and it was hard to let go.

At last, we reach home and Hannah and I had an extended goodbye at her gate, which cheered me up a lot. She had asked me into her cottage for a drink or something, but I was tired and a bit achy down below, so we reluctantly parted.

That night, in bed I sort of reviewed the day. It had been great and it was so nice to have time with my new friends. My feelings for Hannah were growing day by day and I hoped that things would get even better in the future.

The things that were worrying me now were my health and how well I would get on at my new college. It wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t worried about something!

I was pleased that I was now able to go private with my health problems. I felt slightly guilty that I was jumping the queue regarding treatment, but, thanks to my wonderful Grandma, I would take advantage of my good fortune. I had enough problems of my own for me to take on the problems of the world too!

I settled down in bed and tried to sleep, but I found sleep difficult. I had lots going on around my head including my health concerns and what the future might bring. So much had happened to me in a short space of time. as I lay awake staring at the ceiling I could hear a few creaks and bangs. It was an old cottage and I should expect to hear things at night. I had the window of my bedroom open and that didn’t help, but it was quite warm and humid that night. I could hear a cat making noises in the distance and an owl that seemed just outside. I smiled as I remembered waking up to having Hannah cuddling me. That was so nice and I missed having her beside me.

Eventually, I must have drifted off and unfortunately, I had that dream again, almost the same as the previous one. I suddenly woke up in a sweat and I must admit that I sobbed for a few minutes. Those nightmares were beginning to get me down. I got up and took off my damp nightie and changed into dry shortie pyjamas and then went back to bed, only to get up again to shut the window, as I was shivering now. Then I took a sip of water from the glass on my bedside table and then tried to go back to sleep.

Eventually, I did fall asleep and thankfully had no more nightmares.

I was very tired as I awoke the next day to the sound of a hoover coming from downstairs.

I stretched and yawned, reluctant to get out of my warm bed. Then I became more awake as it got through to me.

A hoover.

It was Wednesday.

Ivy my cleaning lady!

I shot out of bed opened my bedroom door and the vacuum-type noises were getting louder. I shut the door again, went into the en-suite bathroom and hastily got myself going.

After completing my morning ablutions or whatever they are called, I went back into the bedroom to get dressed.

I put on a clean bra and panties and slipped on the sundress that I had worn the day before. I would change it a bit later when I had the time. No makeup, she would have to take me as I was. I brushed my hair and pulled out the knots. I would have to go to a salon soon, I had seen tidier birds’ nests!

A record-breaking fifteen minutes later, I was downstairs. The hoover had stopped its racket by then. I found Ivy in the sitting room, dusting.

‘Hello Ivy.’ I said.

‘Woken up at last? Can’t understand why you youngsters can’t get up in the mornings. Half the day’s gone and here’s me wanting to hoover upstairs and I find you in bed snoring and…’

‘I don’t snore!’

‘Yes you do, I’ve heard quieter freight trains. Anyway, enough of that. You want me to make your breakfast?’

‘No’ I’ll be fine.’

‘Right, out of my way then. If you’re making tea, I’ll have one and so will Len, he’s doing some pruning or something out front. I’ll have one spoon of sugar and he’ll have three.’

‘I thought you said that you will make the tea when you’re here?’

‘Don’t be cheeky!’ she said with a twinkle in her eye, ‘now be off with you and don’t forget the biscuits.’

I smiled as I went into the kitchen, I liked Ivy!

I made the tea and went outside with a mug for Len with a small plate of biscuits.

It was warm outside with wall-to-wall sunshine. I wondered when I would get the famed sudden Cornish downpours.

He was over to the side by the hedge, which, funnily enough, was actually a stone wall. I had no idea why they called it a hedge rather than a wall, but the Cornish have strange ways…

He was facing the hedge and cutting down some brambles. Well, I think they were brambles. I have no idea, being the opposite of green-fingered. A cloud of smoke was rising from his head, it looked weird.

‘Hello,’ I said, ‘here’s some tea.’

He jumped slightly at my voice and turned around.

‘You gave me a right fright there,’ he said.

He had one of those e-cigarettes in his hand. Hence the smoke. He put down his tool thingie on the grass. I had no idea what it was called but it looked sharp and a little bit lethal in the wrong hands.

I glanced at his e-cigarette and wrinkled my nose

He saw what I was looking at.

‘Don’t tell Ivy that I’ve been smoking this, she doesn’t like it. She thinks it’s a filthy habit like smoking, but a man needs his pleasures.’

‘I won’t tell.’ I replied smiling, everyone to their own poison.

I handed him the mug and offered him a biscuit.

‘Hobnobs, I like those,’

He promptly dunked it in the tea like an expert and before it disintegrated popped most of it in his mouth.

‘Hmm, nice. So you’re Emma are you.’

‘Yes.’

‘You look a lot like your Grandma. Same nose and eyes. I can always tell.’

‘Tell what?’

‘Relations. It’s all about the nose, ears and eyes.’

‘Right,’ I replied uncertainly.

‘Can’t see your ears under that hair, but I bet there’re similar to your Grandma. Mind you, she had lots of relations from around here. You and I are probably related somewhere in the past. Lots of in-breading in these parts, but I won’t say any more.’

‘Thanks for looking after the garden.’ I said, subtly changing the subject.

‘I love gardening. It’s in me blood. Dad was a gardener, and so was my Uncle Charlie. Don’t know about Grandad, he ran away to sea to get away from me Grandma. Don’t blame him really, she was a shocker was Grandma.’

‘Erm, okay, I’ll leave you to it.’ I said.

‘Thanks for the tea and biscuits.’

‘Any time,’ I replied, moving away.

I thought right then that Len was all right in small doses!

I went back inside and into the kitchen. I had wanted to go for a run, but wouldn’t go while Ivy and Len were around. Maybe later when things quietened down a bit.

From the banging I was hearing from upstairs, I could hear that Ivy was in full swing so I left her to it.

I was quite hungry, so I decided to go mad and have cornflakes for once and remembered that I was running low on milk.

Later, I would pop down to the village to get some provisions.

I quickly finished my breakfast and washed up the crockery.

After that, I grabbed my laptop and tried to do some studying. It was hard going, what with the hoover upstairs and Len, who, at that moment, decided to mow the lawn, swearing every few minutes when it decided to stop.

Eventually, I managed to block out the noise by having my AirPods in and playing some music loudly.

Sometime later, I was deep in my studies when I had a tap on my shoulder. I nearly jumped out of my skin.

I looked up and there was Ivy.

I took out my AirPods.

‘Time for another cuppa,’ she said, ‘then Len and me ‘ll have to go. Want one?’

‘Yes please,’ I said.

I stretched, rubbed my eyes and shut the laptop down. I hadn’t realised how the time had flown past. I was like that. I got immersed in what I was doing and time just goes by.

She handed me a mug and sat down opposite me.

‘Doesn’t Len want tea?’

‘No, he’ll be going down the pub soon. He wants to fill his belly with beer, not tea.’

She took a sip of her drink and looked at me.

‘Settling in all right?’

‘Yes thanks, everyone being so nice.’

‘Not everyone’s nice. I could tell you stories that would shock you, but I don’t gossip. Mind you, Mabel Crabtree, you ought to stay clear of her. She’s a right one with the gossip. I wouldn’t mind but her husband left her for the post lady. Moved to Penzance they did and they run a café together in sin.’

She took another sip.

‘Then there’s Bob Walker. He got caught speeding after having three too many in the pub. Him a travelling salesman too. Bloody idiot, lost his job and on benefits now, him with a pregnant wife and two kids.’

I looked at her. I think that I had got the measure of her and decided not to tell her too much about me and my circumstances. But then I remembered.

‘Erm, Ivy?’

‘Yes m’dear?’

‘When I last saw you, you said something strange.’

‘Did I?’

‘Yes, you said that I could never be a boy in a million years. What did you mean?’

She looked at me with a rather embarrassed look on her face.

‘There’s my big mouth. I shouldn’t have said anything.’

She stopped for a moment and then continued.

‘I was tidying up your bedroom. I picked up a paper and for some stupid reason, I read it. I shouldn’t have done it. What’s private is private, as far as I’m concerned. The paper mentioned something about a change of name from Christopher to Emma and the fact that you’re a trans whatsit. I read the Daily Mail newspaper so I know all about boys and girls wanting to swap sex. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t give a damn about what people want to be. I say it’s their choice. My old uncle was gay. He always said that he was as bent as a diesel-driven doughnut and he was proud of it. It didn’t make him popular where he lived, but he didn’t give a damn. In them days, being a homo sapien was illegal and he went to prison a couple of times, but he couldn’t or wouldn’t change his ways. In the end, he went abroad somewhere to a place that accepted him for what he was. I miss him. He was always kind and gentle and he used to give me sweets when I was a kid.’

I didn’t correct her when she talked about homo sapiens, It was too much like hard work!

‘So,’ she continued, ‘what I’m trying to say is that if you are a boy then my husband is a horse. Mind you, he eats like one!’

We both laughed.

‘Always stand up for yourself. You don’t ever need to apologise for being you, a pretty young girl. Now, enough of this nonsense, I have to go now, I have things to do. See you on Friday.’

‘Goodbye Ivy, see you Friday.’

Soon I was on my own again. I hoped that Ivy wouldn’t spread around who and what I was. Eventually, it would be common knowledge and I wasn’t stupid enough not to realise that there would be some people that objected to me. I shrugged. There was no point in worrying about the future as I had enough on my plate with the present!

I looked outside. It wasn’t quite as warm as yesterday, but warm enough with just a few fine weather clouds scuttling gently across the sky. I decided that I would go out for a run. It was getting to be a bit of a habit and I secretly was beginning to enjoy it. Something to do with endorphins, I think!

I changed into my sports bra, running singlet, shorts and trainers and was soon going up the lane to the coastal path. There was a small stream by the side of the lane, presumably heading down towards the coast that I hadn’t noticed before, probably because it was almost dry.

I thought that I might explore that at some other time but I was in exercise mode and I continued on up the lane.

I decided to turn left instead of right at the top and was soon running along the well-worn path. To my right, down below was the village with the harbour and all those boats in the distance. It was slightly blowier up there and I was going against the wind, but at least the wind would be behind me on the way back.

I think my run went a bit easier than last time, despite the breeze and I was enjoying it. I looked out to sea and in the distance, on the horizon, I saw a thin bank of clouds.

‘Nothing to worry about’, I thought as I carried on.

There was no one about and that was good as I was a bit self-conscious about others seeing me in running gear. The old, old story about whether I passed as a girl…

The path went into some woods and that was nice as there was no wind in there and there was some shelter from the sun, I looked at my watch and noticed, with some surprise that I had been running for about a mile and a half and I didn’t feel that tired but I was getting a bit sweaty or as we girls say, I was glowing. However, I didn’t want to overextend myself as I hadn’t run that much in the past six months and so I turned around and made my way back. I would gradually increase my distance over the next few weeks and see how I felt then.

I came out of the woods and glanced over to the sea. Those clouds were much nearer now and they looked quite dark. I could see flashes of lightning followed shortly after by the noise of thunder. I noticed, on the horizon, where the sea meets the sky, I could no longer tell the difference and it was somewhat hazy. Now I might not be a weather forecaster, but even I thought that it looked like we were in for a bit of a storm. I had timed my run
Perfectly - not!

I increased my pace, helped by the breeze that was now coming from behind me. My lungs began to suffer a bit.

What seemed like moments later, I felt the drip of rain. The sun had long gone by now and it was getting rather dark. I was going to get seriously wet soon. I saw a flash of lightning nearly overhead heard the rumble of thunder immediately after and had visions of my going up in a puff of smoke. The wind had increased to almost gale force by now and was pushing into my back fast enough for me to be nearly pushed over. Out here on the exposed hills above the cliff, there was no shelter. I just had to keep going as the rain suddenly pelted down and in seconds, soaked me to the skin.

Eventually after what seemed like hours but was probably only minutes, I saw, through the rain, the path that led to my lane.

‘Not long now,’ I thought almost desperately.

Just then, the rain seemed to ease slightly and the lightning and thunder moved on. The wind was still high though and I would be glad to get home and out of my wet things.

I had reached my lane and was having dreams about a nice hot shower when I glanced over to the stream. There was now a lot more water and it was flowing down quite quickly. It was amazing how much water there was and I wondered if the banks had ever been breached.

I ran around the corner and there was my cottage. I sighed with relief as I let myself in and immediately created a puddle in the hallway. After taking my trainers off, I went upstairs, stripped off my sodden clothes and thankfully had a nice hot shower.

I felt much better after my shower. Coming back into my bedroom, I looked out of my window and saw that it was once again, nice and sunny and the seagulls were flying about as if nothing had happened. Typical, if I had left my run for a bit later in the day I wouldn’t have gotten soaked. At least I had gotten my exercise out of the way and I could feel righteously smug about it!

As I thought about what to wear, I twisted my earrings. I had kept my piercings clean with saline solution as per instructions and they were healing nicely.

I put on my bra, a strappy white top and a navy blue pleated skirt. I wondered when I would be able to wear shorts, crops or jeans. Having delicate bits down below hindered me slightly. Still, I loved skirts and dresses, so it wasn’t a real problem! My outfit went well with my white trainers, not the ones that I wear for running which were still in the porch dripping wet!

I was feeling hungry now and wanted some lunch. I had a look in the fridge and it was looking a bit bare. I decided that I would take a trip to the shops and get some supplies. I went upstairs and trowelled on some makeup.

Nah, only joking, just the usual light, almost invisible, natural look. After all, I had nice skin, why not show it off? Was I getting a bit vain and above myself? I hoped not. I was beginning to realise that I was lucky enough to be fairly pretty and I liked to make the most of what nice features I had.

Ten minutes later, I was finished and I liked what I saw, the natural girl next door look with a subtle grey eye shadow, a hint of blush and nice full pink lips. I toyed with the idea of lip gloss. Hannah had shown me the joys of lip gloss on our sleepover. I had some nice colours, but I felt that it was a bit much for a daytime look, so I stuck with my trusty tried and tested coral pink lipstick that matched my nails.

Soon I was downstairs and out of the door.

As I walked down to the village, I said hello to several people, some looked like tourists and others local. You get to know the look. Anyway, the lane was still a bit damp from the rain but was drying quickly.

I still marvelled at the fact that I could walk around as a girl without having a second look from anyone. To think, I had spent sixteen years of my life hiding the real me. I felt a bit sad about all the missed years. I would have loved to have been closer to my sister, as a girl, instead of being, as far as she was concerned, an ignored and unwanted brother.

‘Enough of the negative thoughts, I’m lucky that I can be me now.’ I thought, cheering myself up.

I reached the harbour and went up the short street that led to the shops. I went into Harriet’s, the shop I visited on first coming to Porthlowen.

The shop sold everything you could think of including some groceries, lots of hardware and gardening equipment and the essential bucket and spade and holiday-type items. It would have been cheaper to go to a Supermarket, but I would have had to have the hassle of catching a bus into Penzance for that.

The shop was busy and a young girl was screaming at her mother that she had to have a large hideous inflatable green crocodile.

I shuddered,

Anyway, I took a basket and picked some milk, bread and butter. Then I saw a few bags of sweets and a couple of bars of chocolate that looked nice and a six-pack of cola. Finally, a grabbed a plastic bottle of what it said was freshly squeezed orange juice so that I could pretend that I was eating and drinking healthily. I didn’t bother with salad stuff as I wasn’t a rabbit.

I took my purchases to the counter and added an outrageously priced carrier bag to carry my shopping and paid for my things.

Leaving the shop, I smelt chips. There should be a government health warning regarding chip smells that wafted all over the place. Almost in a daze, I found myself in the fish and chip shop and I was soon sitting on a bench overlooking the harbour eating my chips from a polystyrene tray and using a wooden fork.

I had to be watchful as the ever-present seagulls would have grabbed my chips if I wasn’t careful.

‘Ullo love, what yer doin.’

I looked up and two boys were leering at me. They looked about my age or maybe a bit older.

This was all I needed!

‘Eating my chips,’ I replied.

I didn’t like the look of them. I didn’t think they were local by the accent.

‘Fancy goin ter a party later then?’ said Neanderthal 1.

‘No thanks.’ I replied, eyeing the area for an escape route if needed.

‘It’ll be a right laugh,’ said N2.

I was feeling very uncomfortable then. Although there were plenty of people about, no one was looking at us or paying any attention.

‘No thanks. I’m busy later with my boyfriend.’

I thought that it wouldn’t be prudent to mention that I had a girlfriend.

‘So where’s yer boyfriend darlin’ gone out wiv anuver bird? Come on, you know it’ll be great, plenty of music an’ drinks, an yer can dance wiv me,’ said N1 with a grin, showing misshapen and slightly dirty teeth.

I looked up at the spotty youths. They could have been friends with my brother, they were his type.

N1 sat next to me and I didn’t like the smell. I wasn’t into B.O. N2 came up close in front of me. I felt very vulnerable. I wish that I had pepper spray and it was a pity that tasers are illegal in the UK for the public to carry. This one had ginger hair and freckles on his face and a few acne spots. Not a pretty sight.

‘Look, leave me alone I just want to eat my chips. Anyway, my boyfriend will be back soon and… ’

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue