I decided when I went to bed that I would take it a day at a time. Here I am a 10th-grade high school girl, but I have been living as a girl for just over a month. I have been to a prom; took care of my Mom recuperating from a stay in the hospital; dated my second guy; am now staying with the Millers. I share a room with Dawn who has become my best friend and is like a sister. Biologically. I am still a guy and that is what my Dad insists that I be.

Slipping into a nice pair of panties and a nice outfit as a girl is so much more enjoyable than the cotton underwear of Carl’s and the limited possibilities of what to wear. Yes, it was nice sharing Dawn’s room, a dream come true for the average boy, more than liking it as Jeff; Jessie was enjoying being with her on several levels.

Still biologically being a boy, sensual emotions tested my body and my gaff on more than one occasion. Interestingly enough, new feelings and sensations were being around Dawn or Denise were giving me. It would be good to talk to Dr. Deb to learn some subtle differences. I felt some of them were those of friends and how girls develop stronger relationships. But I was also wondering about the possibility that I might be becoming a lesbian.

Dawn and Aunt Susan welcomed me back and I was comforted when Aunt Susan asked me to relax and plan to be staying with them through the end of the school year or as long as needed. I would continue to stay in Dawn’s room, but most of my clothes would be in the guest room closet and chest of drawers.

Susan, Dawn, and I were pretty good at sorting out our clothes as they went through the laundry. I was on big learning curves learning about delicates, colors, hanging clothes as they came out of the dryer, and more. That was in addition to makeup, skincare, and taking care of my hair. Aunt Susan and Dr. Deb even had me keeping track of my last period and when the next was expected.

I was learning many things like in many ways the next day, I had a good day; It was okay to be angry about some things happening or that I had little control over other feelings. That exploring who I am did not come with immediate answers.

I did like the idea of having a rather normal girl week ahead of me. I got an outfit out for the morning and something to change into for the ball game. I thought a simple ponytail sticking out the back of a baseball cap would be cute and new for me.

Wednesday, Danica, I, would meet Stephanie Johnson and learn more about my past… Like who Jasmine was, how did Stephanie fit into my life and know my past, and for the first time in years I had warm feelings and was anxious to know about my big sister Michele.

One of my big questions was about Dawn and Danica, should we be Sisters or Best Friends, in spirit we hopefully would be both, whether or not we lived together.

If I did not stay with the Millers, who would I live with, I thought too many moves could be a problem. A lot of people liked the Danica they see and know, but I suspect wouldn’t they like her if they really knew me? How far away would I need to move to find someone who would want a person like me? Would I have a choice in what happened to me?

Mom had given me two lessons on her sewing machine and Ms. Harkin said I learned well and enough that if I sewed the liner she would sew it into the skirt. Come Wednesday I had that skirt and the liner was done. Mrs. Harkin would get them done before the end of the week.

Stephanie Johnson found me as I was going to lunch and said we were going to lunch and take the next period as well. I was excited but more than a little scared and asked if Dawn could go with me. Stephanie checked with the office and that worked out for the three of us.

I didn’t think about it obligating Ms. Johnson to pay for our lunches if we did not have money. Ironically students may be carrying more cash than the teachers. Such was the case for Dawn and I had enough to pay for our own lunches. She told us, "For this visit, you can call me, Steph."

“Way before Danica was wearing a prom dress, I knew a four-year-old boy they called Jasmine when he was in a girly mood. It was Jeff’s brother Ray’s date to the prom. I was over at their house changing into my prom dress that Mrs. G was to alter for me. I was in his sister’s room when this little bundle of energy came running in Michelle’s room and he hugged my legs as I was pulling up a half-slip.” Michelle apologized and made Jeff apologize. But he was now on the bed not realizing he shouldn’t be there.”

Michelle told him he shouldn’t be in there and he began to cry. Mrs. G. was going to check my gown and make an alteration that the gown store had missed. Michelle helped me put the gown on over my head and he just commented that I was a pretty princess. Michelle suggested that even for an alteration, it would be good for me to use some light makeup. That is when he asked if Jasmine could have some.

Jasmine went and stood up on his make-up chair. I put on some of my lipstick and eye shadow and Michelle put on a little make-up and a young girl’s necklace. The three of us went to Mrs. G and she pinned my gown and commented to Jasmine, "It looks like you’ve been a nuisance."

Dawn was giggling and asking why I hadn’t told her. She didn’t believe me when I told her I did not remember. My brother had a lot of girlfriends but I don’t remember any of them before I was eight or much about my adopted sister Michelle.

I saw the expression on Steph's face when I called Michelle my adopted sister and when I said I didn’t know much about her. “Ms. Johnson, was she as nice as she looked?”

“I asked you to call me Steph, and yes Michelle was as beautiful as a person as she was beautiful as a girl. And Danica is right Ray, was the “Fonz” before they made ‘Happy Days’.

“Who was Fonz,” Dawn asked?

“Don’t worry, but it might be cute to know that Jasmine was even a flower girl for my cousin’s wedding, two weeks after prom. Jasmine went to a wedding when she was seven, but something happened shortly after that. All I know is that no one knew or would speak about what happened to Jeff, nor what happened to Michelle after she got married.”

“When I saw Danica with Jeff at our Prom and the Mrs. G was supposedly her Aunt, I suspected that Danica just might be little Jeff, playing girl again. I told someone I knew Danica and asked how it happened she came to our prom. She told me it started with a Prom Dress; I knew it started before the Prom Dress.”

“So you are not surprised or turned off about me acting as Danica?”

“I was surprised, I hadn’t heard about you in years and nothing that indicated you were back as a girl. Was I turned off, not in the least? …Jasmine was so naturally a girl, and the girl at the prom was so naturally a young lady. I did not see any acting like a girl.”

I heard you were living at the Ford’s and also that you were living at home as a niece. I didn’t know which one was true, I called Michelle and she didn’t know either but she wanted me to say ‘Hello’ for her and tell you “she loves you very much.’” I got up and was going to run to the restroom to cry, but I didn’t get past Steph’s hug. She whispered, “Michelle wishes you could be in her arms.”

Time was up and we needed to head back to school and Ms. Johnson asked me if I would be alright. On the way back Steph asks, “What do you like most about being a girl?”

“Usually my first answer is looking like a girl, but I like the friends I have as a girl. Even crying is kind of nice when someone hugs you and allows you to cry and helps you to feel better.”

It was fun talking to Dawn, Denise, and Aunt Susan after school and that evening. Dawn heard I was going over Jeff’s Sunday to swim and possibly go out. She asked me, “Would you and Jeff be interested in a double date Friday night?”

“I thought I told you I was going out with Mitch and we are doubling with Denise and her date.”

“You are going out with two boys?”

“It seems that is what people want so I don’t take either one too seriously. I wanted to go out with you and a bunch of girls but…”

“Denise and I are planning to go to a movie Saturday night.”

“There’s a cute Junior Janelle, who has wanted to go out with me, what if I call her for Saturday?”

Dawn said, “I would need to talk with Denise before I say anything. You do know that Jan sees herself as a lesbian?”

I said, “I told her I didn’t think I was one, but I was supposed to date other people, so if she was open I would consider it.”

“I don’t know what my folks will have to say about that,” Dawn said.

I asked, “If they are letting you and Denise are going out, what do you think their objection would be?”

She said, “You have a point, but if my parents need to answer back to your parents it might make a difference.”

“What if I wore boy trunks over to Jeff’s or agreed I was a guy when I dated him?”

“Danica, I don’t want to argue. Honestly, if you were going to go out with a girl, I would like it to be me, but right now that is awkward for several reasons.”

“I am still interested in going out with Jan if she would ask me. I don’t know if it is Danica or Jeff, but I like to kiss a girl.”

We changed the subject and got talking about fashion. I was surprised as Dawn was talking about school clothes for the fall. She told me summer sales would begin shortly after July 4th and fall fashions would be showing up. Dawn took me on her favorite websites for clothing. Looking over her shoulder I found myself sniffing her hair and interested in what she said about me going out with her.

Dawn had a figure with her face; she was able to push different fashions over to it. It gave her an idea of different combinations for outfits that looked good on her. I was surprised that she had my face with three hairstyles and we again enjoyed working up outfits for me. Mom Ford checked on us and informed us it was time to get ready for bed. She asked me about my earlier call to my Mom and how she was doing.

I was fortunate to have someone like Aunt Susan/mom Ford being so supportive of me, especially my relationship with my Mom.

Dawn brought up the possibility of me going out with Janelle Saturday. Mom asked if that meant we might be double dating. “I imagine it might be a relief for Danica to be dating a girl. I do think dating three different people in one week could be a little much, but I am not saying no.”

“Can you two watch and take care of the girls tomorrow after school through to bedtime? Your Dad has a meeting in the city and we will stay for dinner and a show.”

I said yes right away, but I knew Dawn was already planning to see Zach after school. I asked what was I to expect Jaz and Cassie to do. Do they have chores, homework, change their clothes, etc.?

Aunt Susan said, "She would have some information written up for when I got home. The girls would be at the neighbors if they got home before me."

I got ready for bed and put on my pajamas and a robe to watch the news with Susan and Roberta.

They volunteered to tell me that if the meeting was over early enough they would go to dinner and the show as Susan and Roberta.

I had set out a plaid skirt, a short top that I knew Janelle liked on me, for the next morning. I can’t believe that I wait until I am tired to discover I still have make-up on and need to take care of my skin and brush my teeth. Carl would only need to jump into bed, but I have a minimum of 15 minutes in the bathroom, Dawn and I generally talk at least a half-hour. I had to text Denise, had two emails I needed to check and respond to. Luckily I was not big on texting Jeff and Mitch yet. Not only that but the morning starts earlier for a girl as well. Carl might not like it but Danica does get off on it.

Dawn was getting a ride from Zach, so I called over and got a ride with Jeff. He was not fully pleased as he knew Mitch was taking me out later, but it did give us a chance to talk about Sunday and confirm we would go to an early movie.

He would not have been so happy if he knew my text message was from Janelle. She had seen Dawn and knew which outfit I had on, so she asked if that meant yes for a date. I texted back saying, “Yes if Saturday night was okay.” It was cute as Jan was excited about dating me, but was trying to be discreet she passed by me at my locker or in homeroom at least three times. It was not until after the third class that she actually walked with me to my next class.

Jan knew from Jeff I was a boy wanting to be a girl. She knew Jeff desired I could not physically change if I wanted to dress like a girl. Janelle liked my wanting to be a girl and as long as I saw myself as a woman; the physical change was desired by her but not essential. She stopped and visited at lunch. She wanted a kiss but settled for a generic hug which Dawn and friends were more comfortable with.

She did cause me to get warm and damp. I wondered if Carl was excited by a girl or was it me as Danica. It made me think about who I am or was becoming. Carl asked fewer questions than Danica. I was pretty sure my moms and doctors would be happy that I realize this is going to take some time to figure out. What they might not be so happy about is I was still going on three dates in three days.

Dawn and I were two of a handful of students finishing up sewing projects. One by one as we finished we were allowed to go and change into our new creations. When I came out sporting my yellow skirt, Ms. Harkin took the liberty to show that I did my skirt with a lining. And she invited the others to come to look to see and feel the difference.

I was a bit embarrassed, I felt like a mannequin on display. Quite a few hands rubbed up against my legs as well as feeling the skirt and fabric. One girl jokingly said she wouldn’t mind getting into that skirt, and a few friends said, “Yes that would be fun.” She gave me a note on my way out inviting me to call her.

During the last class, I was called to the office as a reminder that I was to watch Carrie and Jasmine after school. I was given a note excusing me 15 minutes early so I could get to their school and walk to my sister's home. Cassie was the first to see me.

Now, this is something a normal sister does, I thought, as we walked home. Jasmine suggested we do something special like baking cookies.

I knew how to make chocolate cookies if we had the ingredients. So we changed our clothes and the girls helped me to find what we needed.

We made up a double batch, with me doing much of the work. The first batch baked up a little faster than I expected but gladly they were not too burnt. As were unloaded the second batch of baked cookies I gave the order that we couldn’t eat any until the kitchen was clean and back as it was.

Next, they wanted to read and I wanted a breather than to get out the ingredients for supper. So we compromised and polished fingernails; ) Cassie thought it was a very good decision. Jasmine had wanted to do her own, which she did until she liked Cassie’s better.

I did take a lesson from those helping to girlify me. After removing the first polish, I helped to get her nails into shape and then helped Jasmine do her easiest hand. She already knew how, but either wanted to use too much or brush too much. She was very pleased when the hand she did look as nice as the one I did.

I had them sit in the kitchen and be still long enough for the polish to dry hard. During that time I got out the ingredients for dinner. We then went for a walk to a park three blocks away.

Cassie wanted me to push her on the swing and the merry-go-round that was until a little boy showed up. Then she wanted to be as big and tough as he was. Jasmine wanted a swinging contest with me and she played to win. Having worn a skirt I decided to allow her to win that contest as well as jumping off the swing.

When we got back Dawn was now home, and as I started dinner, Jasmine shared what we did. When she asked who won the swinging contest, Jasmine humorously said, “She wore a skirt to a playground. Dah, who do you think won? Cassie came back from washing her hands and showing how pretty her nails still looked.

Dawn giggled, “I didn’t realize I was training you to be such a good big sister. You do need to learn to wear shorts more and to relax and have fun. With that, she tied an apron on herself and me as we worked together in getting supper ready.

Jasmine set the table and when Cassie asked to help, Dawn told her to put the napkins on and to make sure the salt, pepper, and catsup were on the table.

Mom and Dad Miller called to check in on us, and give us the phone number of the hotel and their room number. Cassie and Jaz both got to talk to their Ma.

While I wondered aloud who she was going to dinner with? Dawn shared, Mom, said, “Dad had gotten back early from work so I suspect that means she was able to go out with Roberta.”

Dawn told me when her sisters were out of the room, “My father has lost another ten pounds and it is a bit spooky how nicely Mom can make him look like a woman?”

“Does it spook you that I look like a woman, but I am really a man?”

“I see you as Danica and, strangely, you could be otherwise, but I have seen you. But even if you are naked, I still usually see Danica. The interesting part is I see a love that I didn’t really recognize if it was there before; maybe except for my mother.”
“Dawn, what do you mean?”

“I am beginning to know a love that it’s more of a relationship than possession, there’s a sexual component, but I don’t need sex to enjoy it, it includes friendship and love but it defies my defining it. I suspect what I am saying is a cop-out but…”

“I don’t think it is a cop-out at all, but since I have been learning it from you and your mom. I did think you knew what it is. You are right, your Mom both has it and brings it out in other people.” Unexpectedly, I think that included your father.

Once done in the kitchen, we turned our attention to Cassie and Jasmine, Dawn got them to take baths or showers and then a storm rolled in and Cassie was really scared and Jasmine was not happily sleeping with her in the room. I changed quickly, having cleaned off my make-up and took care of my skin. I pulled off my comforter and pillow and went to the girls’ room. Cassie was very pleased as she rushed and hugged me wiping her tears on my shoulder. Even Jasmine was happy I was there.

Dawn came to the door and she was changed into a robe. I went to the door and we talked. I suggested that she grab a comforter and pillow and that we camp out in the girls’ room. Dawn said “That would have to do, but I wanted some time just for us. Being there for a little sister can be fun. Ask Cassie if we can braid her hair, as I will be right back.”

Dawn asked Cassie if it would be okay to teach Danica how to braid her hair. Cassie was happy to be fussed over. Dawn first brushed and then combed out Cassie’s hair which was halfway down her shoulder blades. She grouped the hair and began to braid and then had me take over.

It was fun and Dawn helped me to keep the order of the braids, but even on the second try, it wandered here and there. It was better but no way near picture-perfect.

I undid the damage I had done and brushed out her hair one last time. Dawn made it look simple. Cassie was in my arms as Dawn turned her attention to Jasmine. She was brushing her hair and pinning in some curls, she spritzed Jasmine’s hair as she pinned it up for the night. Giving Jaz a big hug and kiss and setting her on a pillow and tucking her in next to her on the floor.

“Shush, look at Cassie, then set her down gently and give her a kiss goodnight.” I did as she said and it was like putting a little cherub down to sleep.

I lay down, fluttered my eyes at Dawn, “Big Sis is you going to give me a hug and goodnight kiss too?” Dawn looked to Jaz and the Cas and gently glided down to me.

I closed my eyes as I felt the warmth of her breath and then her lips gently come on mine. One hand was gently touching my side as I was engulfed in her presence. It wasn’t a long kiss, but it was warm, moist, and filled with passion; in my mind, it would last forever.

I knew I kissed back because I felt my tongue return and my parted lips become cool. “Thanks, Sis, I love you too.” She lay down and I scooted my head under her shoulder and down upon her. I don’t know when the power came back on, but I know Susan and Roberta were at the door to the girls’ room.

Dawn got up to greet them as I rolled over and snuggled with Cassie. Mom thought it was cute enough for a picture. A copy was sent to my computer. I was up early getting ready for school and having a cup of tea with Ma Miller. She showed me a picture of her two cast members from the show they saw and another woman whom it took a while for me to recognize. I do say Susan does an excellent job of helping Roberta to dress up and go out.

I was not sure if I was in awe of how Roberta looked or was just concreting my desire to be Danica. The next day went fast, but I spent over an hour journaling thought, events, and feeling from the previous day. I spent another hour looking through outfits and daydreaming of my dates coming up.

Friday, I had permission to miss school as my Dad wanted my help to take Mom to her regular appointment. I spent the morning helping her to clean up and get ready for her appointment. But as the morning ended and she needed to she wanted to brush my hair.

At first, I was sitting next to her in her bed, and sometimes I became her little girl who fell asleep next to her. A little after 1:00 p.m. she woke me and we were ready to leave by 1:45 for her appointment.

The doctors were happy to see her doing so well, and Mom said she had some good medicine today. They dropped me off at the Ford’s, and as much as I was looking forward to my date with Mitch it was hard to say good-bye to Mom.

It is something: what good therapy, a change of clothes, and make-up can be for a girl. As I got ready for my date my spirit rose with putting on my bra and sliding up my panty, changing my blouse three times, and my skirt twice. I checked out Dawn and she was preparing for Zach. I was working to be as lushes as she was. Neither Zach nor Mitch would suffer from neglect.

Mitch had played a tournament game at one and I was dancing with a winner going into the state semi-finals on Monday. He could have stayed out all night, but Dad and Mom extended my curfew only to midnight. Several others commented that I was being a good influence on Mitch saying he was a step or two quicker and his bat had more life.

I thought I was doing well to limit myself to pulling him closer to my body. I could feel he was as excited as me, but it was only his maleness that was showing to be hard. It took me a good fifteen minutes straightening up my make-up and hair. I told him when we get to the house he had to do with one kiss. He did, and it was really good and really long. Dad Miller said it must have lasted five minutes. I know Dawn and Zach were nice enough to go around the block one more time, slowly.

There was a message from Dr. Deb asking how Carl was doing? My response was he was lacking nourishment and attention, but I was doing fine.

My biggest quandary was how a gal coming off such a date could get excited about going out with another girl. All I needed was to think of her strong smile and being in a dark theater with her, it wasn’t very hard. But I would be lying if I said it didn’t concern me. I was just a healthy teenager who refused to think of it all at the moment.

I was changed and ready for my date with Janelle, and sat down and waited with Dawn as she was getting ready for her date with Denise. Dawn and Denise wanted to know which movie or theater we were going to, as they planned to go to another.

I called Jan and she suggested a change of plans and that was to go to Sportcraft and be more active in our date.

She shared there was a special event for children of military people overseas. She said they called her as one girl had her mom go overseas and there was a boy who saw himself as a girl, but very few were comfortable with him.

Janelle would be little Beth’s big sister and I would have the boy who called himself Jamie as a girl. Sportcraft had a pro shop that I took Jamie to get a golfing skirt, top, and visor. We used some light make-up and brushed her hair to make his evening more enjoyable.

Jamie asked if we, Jan and I, were more than friends because we held hands and the way we looked at each other. Jan said, “Yes, we are good friends but I have special feelings for Dani.”

Jamie asked, “Then why haven’t you two kissed each other? It doesn’t have to be gross but I’ve seen dates kiss each other on the cheek or a nice pat of affection.

“Well, some people don’t like girls showing affection to one another.”

“Well they didn’t care about their military’s kids, but you did. I guess if a gay soldier took a bullet for someone else they would second guess the motives. Beth and I both think you deserve to be happy.”

We looked at Beth, “Please don’t tell anyone but my Mom likes women too. I wish she and you felt free to smile and be happy more.”

“Thanks, Beth that is very sweet of you.”

“I don’t understand why I am to accept my Dad’s girlfriend, and she’s pretty selfish, but I am to be worried about my Mom’s influence on me.”

“The Chaplain says my Mom is good, and she believes in serving her country. I cried and asked him why God didn’t love her. He hugged me and said God did love my Mom; it’s just some people don’t believe God is any more loving than they are.”

“Beth, we believe in God like your Chaplain friend.”

“Can God help us win a stuffed bear?” There was a game that four of us played against six others and it took four games to get two medium stuffed animals and two happy children. Jamie was happy saying he looked girl enough to enjoy walking around with it.

The truth was I had two boys ask me if her parents let her date. I suggested before they asked they might see if she would go on a ride with either one.

I did remind them I would be watching and different from her parents I am here. One did get the nerve to ask Jamie to go on the Ferris wheel to which she said yes. With a big smile and a wink to me, he kissed the boy on the cheek to say thanks.

It was too soon and his mom and her aunt were there to pick them up. Jan took me on the rollercoaster and this time no little boy got sick on me, as when I was here with Jeff. We left there and met Denise and Dawn at the Tower of Pizza. Two bunches of guys thought it was a shame that we were alone on a Saturday night.

“How can you say the four of us are alone if we are together? I suspect you think you’re better than any of the other three with me...”

“Well, would you rather kiss one of them or one of us guys?”

“Even if your lips are as warm, moist, and luscious, I rather kiss someone I know I care for.”

“Well if we sat with you and visited for a while would that be enough?”

“Would you be willing to put on some lipstick?”

“I would possibly say yes but you would probably like to see a guy in a skirt?”

“Not unless you have the legs for it and they are shaved?”

Two of them took us up on it and sat down with us. I handed them a new tube of lipstick and they both went through with it. They ordered pizza and we had more to drink. We enjoyed watching them gulp down their drinks and get refills. They had almost finished their refills when the Pizza showed up.

We each took a piece but only nibbled. Denise and Jan went to the women’s room; Dawn and I stayed to keep track of our guy. Pete mentioned the need to do something. I brought up the idea of the kiss and what it might lead to.

I asked Pete how he was enjoying the pizza with the taste of berry lipstick. I pushed over the lipstick saying it needed to be renewed. Pete and his friend both reloaded to our delight. “Now if you need to use your napkin we suggest you pat your lips gently and not wiping hard.”

Denise and Jan were back and smiling as they noticed our two guys with their lips refreshed. We kept them talking until Pete was ready to burst. “Excuse me, I’ll be back in a moment.”

“Do you need to have an escort to the lady's room? If not we suggest you use the guys’ room together, then we can take care of things.” Pete’s friend went with him and they were back quickly, turning the smiling faces of others. They were smiling as they sat back down.

“So what do you think of girls just enjoying the night together?”

“We’re here enjoying the experience with you; so what do you think?”

“You joined in our experience and it looks like you enjoyed it and didn’t die.” I went over to the guys, kissed John on the cheek, and Pete a kiss on the lips. Dawn followed suit but just the opposite. Denise and Janelle stood up to the two guys and gave each a nice kiss on the lips.

We picked up our ticket and left a tip, Janelle had also left a phone number. People smiled and a few even clapped. As we pulled away John and Pete were seated again, laughing and shaking their heads.

Janelle asked me what I wanted to do; I suggested we go up to the Rock as I hadn’t had any time with her. We found a well-lit spot and I leaned over and kissed her. When she leaned over and kissed me and brought a hand over between my legs. We finished our warm tender kiss and she asked, “What do you think?”

“It feels really good to be with you, but I have gone as far as I am comfortable.” Janelle smiled, I was sure she too was very pleased. When we got back to the Ford’s she stopped and wasn’t sure what to do.

I spoke, “Aren’t you at least going to walk me to the door and kiss me? You are welcome in for a bit but I am due in, in ten minutes.”

Janelle asked me to hold there, until she got around, opened the door, and kissed me. I took hold of her hand and the door and began to pull her in, “I’m bringing in my date.”

Mom Ford came in carrying Cassie along with Robert. I introduced Janelle and Cassie said Janelle was just another girl. I hugged Jan and said she’s special. Jan said thanks, whispering, and kissing my ear.

I excused ourselves and we went down alone to the family room. We were on the loveseat for a short time. We kissed, and I place her hand back between my legs, “I like the feel but please no further.” She was pleased and as she shared successfully fought the urge to go farther.

She was gone and I was going to my room when mom called me to the kitchen. It had already been a long night with Cassie not feeling well and her two big girls out on dates. She told me Dawn was in our room with Denise.

I can’t say I wasn’t jealous but I didn’t worry about things when I was downstairs with Jan. I asked about Cassie. Ma said she was waiting for Aunt Myrt to call back. It wasn’t ten minutes before Myrt called back and it was decided to bring Cassie to the hospital. I went with mom and Dad and Dawn stayed with Jasmine.

Myrt checked Cassie and called Dr. Deb in for surgery. They took out Cassie’s appendix. Mom wanted to stay with Cassie, but she didn’t want us both to stay. I laughed and shared I did not have a driver’s license, so either she was going or we were both staying.

I could have talked about my night all evening if I wasn’t listening to someone else. But Ma had been worried since 8:00 and at 4:30 fell asleep after Cassie did again. All I needed to do was to stay there and assure Cassie we were with her if she got restless. Mom woke each time and she would check her daughter over and fall to sleep saying a prayer and thanking me.

Dr./Aunt Myrt was back in at 7:00 a.m. checking on Susan as well as Cassie. She asked me what I thought and I smiled, “I am impressed with what it takes to be a good mom. If you could guarantee I could be a mom the decision would be over.” Aunt Myrt came over and gave me a warm hug. “You are growing young lady; I agree with your Mom whatever you decide you are special.”

“She usually says whatever after she calls me a special young lady?” Dr. Myrt affirmed she knew that. Telling me it was hard to think about both possibilities when Danica is visibly there. There was another hug and she held me as I cried a little. “Thanks for Cassie, I love her and Jasmine, but she has a special place in my heart.”

“Susan said that was why she brought you; Dawn is a bit closer to Jaz.”

It was 8:00 a.m. when Dad, Dawn, and Jaz all arrived at the hospital. Mom was fully awake and Cassie was still groggy and falling back to sleep. Dr. Deb came and took Jaz, Dawn and I went to the cafeteria for breakfast. All of us except for Dad went home after breakfast. I would have fallen asleep in the car, but Dawn and I were talking about our dates and time with the guys. Lol.

Dawn pushed me in the shower, helped me dry off and take care of my skin, and got me to bed. She didn’t intend to sleep with me, but I guess I was a little possessive.

I wouldn’t fall or stay asleep until she too fell asleep. I guess she was up at noon but I slept until she woke me at 2:30.

“Do you want to call off your time with Jeff?” She even offered to call over for me. "If you are going swimming you will need to shave before you go.”

To a regular girl, by now that might be a chore, but to me a boy/girl it was a joy. It was like shaving away a sign of me being a boy and make-up was confirming I am a girl. I paused and reminded myself both were matters of appearance and I would always be something more, something deeper: Danica/Carl.

I put on a two-piece swimsuit and then my while jeans short shorts with a red no sleeve top buttoned part way and then tied in the front. Then I walked three houses over to Jeff’s house. I noticed I had a little more modesty as a girl, just walking down the street a few houses.

Jeff greeted me at the door but his mom was there soon to welcome me, or remind Jeff I wasn’t to be in his room with the door closed. “Remember she’s not Ryan or Derrick.” Indeed, I wasn’t Ryan was a big lineman and Derrick would be a fullback or linebacker at college this fall. They were both as big or bigger than Jeff.

I knew as a date they were as or more likely competition as far as Jeff’s interests went as Melanie who he was known to be dating. We had a good time, but for someone coming off a long night, I was hoping for more conversation and a relationship. I was pleased that he was interested and between his strong arms and oh-so-nice kisses there wasn’t much to complain about.

We went inside and he asked if it was okay that we were downstairs and not disturbed. His mother with a reminder to be respectful said yes. I enjoyed the close quarters and his passion, but again and again, he wanted more.

I had on my loose gaff and Jeff enjoyed being behind me and hold his arms around me and feeling me and getting me excited, but in the end, he wanted to be aroused himself and to get in me. Like with Jan, but more often I needed to say no only so far.

Going out for a bite to eat and to the movies was a lot better as Jeff knew he was with a boy, but his public image of being a regular guy was being cemented. Being Danica, I might be interested in guys, but it wasn’t going to be just fulfilling the guy’s image as I was feeling with Jeff.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not so pure, part of me wanted Jeff in me, or me showing him a good time for some of my own enjoyment. But I knew I wasn’t ready and that if Jeff had me I wanted more out of the friendship.

I was more interested in getting home to find out about Cassie and to talk with Dawn, though I knew she wasn’t completely happy with me. I too was awkward with her.

Cassie would be coming home tomorrow and I had to wait to talk to Dawn as she was in the shower. Mom Ford needed to take me aside and explain that Dawn was having her period. As such she wanted a bit more privacy about some things.

Dawn was neat enough to give me a warm hug and share things that weren’t so much about her period. “I am having trouble being your sister, best friend, and you dating and my affection for you.”

“I know Sis, I don’t know what is going through your head, but I know we need to talk. You and your family have been very gracious and special to me and this place has become like a home to me, but I don’t think it should be 24/7. It is especially hard on you and mom putting…”

“But where would you go; you can’t go back home on your Dad’s terms? It’s hard and you are way too special to me that you do something unacceptable. I don’t know, but whatever it takes you to need to be here?”

“What if whatever destroys our relationship?

You said we need to talk, something has us both tense. I know I was jealous that you were with Denise, even though I was with Jan. If I dated you and then stop what’s it going to be like in the same room?”

“I felt guilty for enjoying my time with Denise, but I was possessive about you especially with Jan. I was glad you two were downstairs, I’d been more upset if you were in my room.”

“That’s it, we are family, but we are not. When we got home from the hospital it was like you had a third little sister, who made you lay down with me until I fell asleep. You got over it and would have called Jeff for me, but I know you didn’t like how I treated you.”

“You used to worry about a little sister; you were a good big sister to her like you were a good daughter caring for your Mom. But you are not used to having a girl’s heart. Yes, I was annoyed with you because we are the same age, but in many ways, you are like a little girl, when I want my best friend who’s my age. It is like I found a lost puppy, but what can I do?”

“Can you put up with this puppy till school is out, then they can find a place or the humane society for me?” We hugged and we cried. We continued to talk and cry until Mom came in with Cassie. Cassie went to her sister Dawn and asked: “Are you two crying because of me?”

Mom asked why we had been crying but she wasn’t expecting a truthful answer while Cassie was there. Shortly after she took Cassie back out she came back and we talked. She like Dawn wasn’t saying there was no problem, but she wasn’t hearing anything about me leaving with no place to go.

After dinner, I emailed Dr. Deb and she and Dr. Myrt wanted to see me Friday morning at their office. Dr. Myrt had talked to Susan and I knew I would be getting a visit before I went to bed.

Wednesday came quickly and Dawn and I were having a difficult time with everyone saying “See you when school starts.” No one was really thinking about being back in school, just off on vacation. Zach did arrange a double date with them for Friday or Saturday night with his friend Rick. We were set to go to a driving range and then play a round of miniature golf.

Thursday, I called Peddlers’ Village to ask if they were still looking for teenage girls to work there for the summer. I thought I might have a temporary solution to my problems. It would have worked, but because of my age, I would need to share a two-bedroom apartment with three other girls, and be strictly ruled by a House Mom.

Thursday, I went to visit my Mom and when I shared how distraught I was over circumstances, Mom informed me that Dad had waited for such a time to force me to my senses. I ran from the house and called ma Miller to tell her I was walking home.

My 3:00 p.m. when she picked me up, I was a broken-hearted, basket case. I was determined I was not going back as Carl and dismayed that nothing was working out. Mom had sent Dawn to give me a ride and the support and room I needed. Dawn stopped at her mom’s beautician and insisted I go in with her.

Sharon, I have a best friend who has been feeling blue and I was wondering if you had time to give her a facial? Sharon came overlooked at me, “You are already a very pretty young lady and I do not claim a facial is a cure-all, but I think you will enjoy it.”

“Many girls don’t take care of their face and skin as well as Dawn, and I suspect you have been under her care only a few months. I think you will be surprised about the glow we can bring out.”

Sharon had me sit in a chair that she set all the way back. Dawn you time it just right as I will have time to give her a good facial massage and get the mask on before my next customer comes.

She lightly used a cream on my whole face and neck and I felt the tension give way to her touch.
She was applying the mask and putting pads or cucumber slices over my eyes I wasn’t quite sure what. She whispered, “You can go back to sleep if you promise to leave your face and neck alone.”

The eye coverings were removed and I was awaking as she began to peel off my mask. This part might hurt just a little as I set it to shape your eyebrows a little. I felt very little, but I guess she and Dawn noticed a nice change as I could tell they were pleased.

Sharon sat me up but had me turned away from the mirrors. “Would it be okay if I brushed and shaped your hair before I let you go?” I agreed and she set to her final task. She gave my lips a coat of lip gloss and turned me to the mirror.

I felt great and my face was glowing but apart from the lip-gloss I could tell what make-up she used and I asked. “Dawn told me you have been told by more than one cosmetician you don’t need much make-up and that you are naturally beautiful. This is what they were talking about. You have nothing on except the lip-gloss. A light make-up with sun protection is all that I think you need.”

“But there are plenty of girls more beautiful than I am such as Dawn.”

“You or others might judge some more beautiful, I don’t worry about measuring one woman against others. But you are beautiful and I think right now you are as beautiful as you can be with or without make-up.” Here is a little satchel of products to try. Have a nice day and I hope to see you back someday.” She indicated everything was taken care of. I checked my purse, pulled out fifteen dollars giving it to her asking her please to take it as my thanks. I was pleased that she did. I hugged Dawn as we walked out quietly.

I do not know if Dawn did it on her own or at her mom’s suggestion or with her help. I do know her mom was proud of her and happy for me. My mood and the mood of the house were light and cheerful at dinner and after.

I had read through some of Dawn’s magazine and visited on chat and the phone. I took an early shower, shampooing, and conditioning my hair. I had a nice summer nightgown, but it begged me to wear a robe.

I was up early though I had planned to sleep in, Susan was up and Dawn was soon to follow. Dawn sat on my lap part of the time, fortunately, unfortunately, we were both in sister mode. We were choosing to enjoy the morning. I had a 9:00 a.m. appointment and dress casually I like that I was still a pretty feminine girl.

I got to see Dr. Deb and a nurse for my preliminaries and then I visited with both doctors. I did not know it, but both moms had already visited with Dr. Myrt. I openly said, “While it is not what I want, I need to be out of the Miller’s home. It is going to hurt my relationship with my best friend and a family I love to stay there.

The closest group facility gear for working with me as a girl with an opening was in New Haven, Connecticut, the next closest was Michigan but Dr. Myrt was not recommending either.

I said, “What I need is for a family, a couple, or someone like Dr. Deb who can talk with me and be like a parent or big sister and listen like a friend. I am not trouble nor looking for it. I can cook and do my part and I would keep Dr. Stanz and you.

I would rather stay in this area; I have started to make friends and my life in Middlesex. I have shown I can do it.” Things weren’t coming easy and my tears were just below the surface.”

“Well we have looked and looked and apart from Dr. Deb, we don’t know any other big sister candidates. Unfortunately, Dr. Deb is one of your doctors, and as a doctor couldn’t have you like family and patient too.”

“No disrespect, because I know Dr. Deb has done much of the research and she has shared that with you, but if I had a choice she would adopt me as her big sister and I would commit to becoming a woman.

I know Dr. Myrt doesn’t see her sister, but she can do most things for her nieces. …I don’t expect you, Dr. Deb, to adopt me, you’re good, but I am sure I would be more trouble than a single woman would want and I am just not that important.”

Dr. Myrt spoke up, “I guess it is hard for you to know how much people love you. It is me who rightfully is making this to be a most difficult decision. Dr. Deb could only decide this once and if it flopped she would be leaving herself to a lot of risks even if we could get others needed to accept it.”

“Dr. Deb thinks you really are a girl that what appears to be latent development as a male is, in fact, your female body needing help to be strong enough to develop healthily. She has suggested you be given a large enough dose of female hormones to encourage your body to increase its normal production to a healthy level.”

“Ordinarily you are too young to receive such dosages to change your body from male to female, but if I accept her research and its conclusions, I only have a short window to help you go from an unhealthy female to support your body to heal and develop as a healthy female.”

“She has already made a decision to wear I need to take her off your case if you agree. Her decision would limit where she could go to meet her requirements as a surgeon as well as her being an OB/GYN practitioner. What I need to assess properly is if you want and have the discipline and maturity to follow through with your committing to her.”

“If you say yes, she will need to take off her cloak and put away her identity as a doctor where you are concerned. This would not be a temporary fix but a long term, lasting reality. She would technically adopt you as a guardian and sister. You would not be Danica Greene but soon Danica Walters. Do you think, more importantly, would you accept becoming her sister and she as your legal guardian?” …While I would like your response, I would require you to confirm your decision Monday and again Wednesday when it would become fully binding and irrevocable. The reality is that it would be more binding to Dr. Walters. If you change decisions about being female or part of Deb’s family the courts would favor your decisions and hold her accountable for lasting consequences to her.”

“You make my answer of yes to pray sound problematic, instead of wonderful as it sounds to me! How come you offer it if you think and make it sound so bad?”

“Danica, it is the only healthy solution I think we have, but as a physician for me not to be upfront about its difficulties and consequences would be seen medically and legally irresponsible. …If there is a young doctor who is capable to make this work I believe it is Deb. And if there is a fourteen-year-old person mature enough to handle all the changes you are going through and to do so with someone raising you as a teenage sister it is you.”

“Watching you be a caring daughter to your mother and a caring sister to Cassie has confirmed the reality of the special young lady we have seen develop these past two months.

I have talked to your two moms and I would like to call them to share what is being suggested and agreed to. It will require your mother and father’s agreement as well as that of the court.”

Dr. Myrt sent Deb out and told her to leave as my moms’ were invited back in. It was emotional for both of them; Mom spoke, “The doctor told us it wouldn’t get to this. The doctor and Carl’s Dad both said I should have locked the doors when he came to visit. That Carl was at a vulnerable time and he was ripe for in intervention.”

“Danica loves you and was there for you… Let’s stop that what I am recommending that you allow Dr. Walter’s to adopt her as a Sister and be her Guardian. It has become stressful for Danica to be with her best friend, as her sister and as a family fearing she’s going to be lost as well as wrestling with many identity issues…”

It appears that Carl’s latent male development may because he’s a female; testosterone medication has suppressed her development to a dangerous point.” Mom stopped things and agreed to Deborah Walters being my sister and mom and dad would become an aunt and uncle.

Deb was called back she took me for the day though I was to be back to the Miller’s for most of the weekend.

To Be Continued...

Thoughts and comments are appreciated.