A week and a half after mum said I could be her "secret girl", she quietly shook me awake in the bedroom I shared with my younger brother Paul.
"Wake up sleepy, when Paul wakes up pretend you have a stomach ache and I'll keep you off of school. You must stay in bed until everyone is gone."
I had been pestering her as to when I could be her girl for days. She had told me if I kept asking she would get angry and it wouldn't happen. So I stopped asking and quietly preyed she would keep her promise.
Today was the day, I was going to be a girl!
Hiding my head under the cover and moaning that I felt sick did the trick. I heard my father leave for work, then my brothers leave for school. My older brother Terry saying that I was a lazy wimp before he left.
I could not contain my excitement as my mother entered the room.
"Can I be your girl now mum please, please!"
"Calm down, yes I have a treat for you. Get washed first."
I washed and brushed my teeth in record time and mum directed me into her room. On the bed there were a pair of white girls knickers. They had light lace around the openings and a small rose bud sewn onto the front. Next to it was a white vest in the same style.
"Come on, lets get my little girl dressed."
My stomach did flip flops as I stepped into the knickers. As they were drawn up my legs I thought I would burst . After the vest was on, I looked at myself in the mirror. I was a little disappointed, I still looked like a boy. The underwear felt so nice though.
My mum picked up on things, like they do.
"What’s wrong?"
“I like my knickers mum , but I'm still a boy.”
“Just wait, I told you it would be a surprise.”
She then dressed me in my school shorts, shirt and jumper.
My bottom lip quivered.
“Don’t worry love, mum’s promised you. You will be my little girl today.”
I put on my white patterned socks and brown sandals. My mum picked up a large shopping back and walked me out the door.
I had no idea where we were going, I just wanted to get home and be a girl. We walked to the top of the road and turned into Turkey Street. After a short walk we turned into the train station.
I asked mum where we were going, as she paid for our tickets.
“We’re going to Waltham Cross, shopping. Remember if anyone asks you, you are off school because you are sick.”
We only had a short wait for a train, when it arrived, mum headed for an empty compartment. The carriage had separate compartments with two bench seats opposite each other.
She slammed the door behind us and said.
“Quickly take your shorts, shirt and jumper off.”
As I was getting undressed she produced a blue sailor dress with white piping from the bag. I had just finished taking off my jumper. Mum helped me with the buttons of my shirt and dropped the dress over my head.
I had a dress on! I looked down and saw the dress came level with my knees. I felt mum pull the zip up, and the dress tightened around my chest.
My dress.
“We haven’t got time to waste, quickly turn around and I’ll put your wig on.”
As I turned she placed a blond curly wig on my head, and took a few moments to straighten it. Just then the train started to slow. Mum said quick take your shorts off. As I slipped them down my legs, I felt the dress brush my legs. I felt almost naked. The feeling of the air under my skirt was extraordinary.
I saw my reflection in the window, I was a girl! Finally I was now a real girl.
Mum hugged me. I must have had the biggest smile in the world. She stuffed my clothes into to bag and we stepped out of the carriage, mother and daughter. I felt the breeze ruffle the hem of my dress. I could not have been happier.
This was better than birthday’s, Christmas and summer holiday.
“Are you alright Debbie? We’re going shopping for another dress for you. Would you like that?”
“Yes please, you’re the best mummy in the world.”
And to Debbie, at that moment she was.
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When I was seven I thought about how my mum could take me out dressed as a girl without the neighbors seeing. This is what I dreamed up. Sadly it never happened .
Comments
Co-conspirators
I LOVE this mom! She's so into it, hiding their plan from family and neighbors, sneaking out with her kid on a school day to make sure she and her daughter has the best girl's day out ever! I hope they have a great day out shopping (mum and daughter having tea at Woolworths, the lunch counter lady gushing "She's adorable!", catching a matinee show of some movie they'd both enjoy at the Odeon; or whatever they do from here...). I'd love to read about it even if you have no definite childhood fantasy to base it on...
~hugs, Veronica
I also love those old fashioned British rail cars with the private compartments (In old movies they were always a good place to hide since they always had spies or assassins running up and down the corridors searching for you...). Modern commuter trains aren't nearly so cool...
"Government will only recognize 2 genders, male + female,
as assigned at birth-" (In his own words:)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1lugbpMKDU
You read my mind. The
You read my mind. The carriages I remember didn't have corridors just a door either side. So totally private. Over my life, I have changed into fem mode in multi story car parks, back seats etc. This was how I thought I'd do it as a youngster on a train.
It's the moment the trousers come off though, thats the point where I feel different.
Leeanna
British Rail compartments
My first visit to the UK was in 1965, By then, the passenger rail cars had a corridor along one side, with doors into the compartments and doors to each side at the ends of the cars. No compartment had doors directly to the platform. All of those style cars had been retired by then, at least on the trains I took. You could sometimes see some of them sitting in the rail yards, having been taken out of active service. I also saw them close up in the two railway museums, one in York and the other in London (in 1971 prior to it being combined with the one in York).
By the time of my last visit in 1980, even those cars weren't to be seen. The trains I took had an aisle down the middle and tables with seats facing along each side. No compartments, no privacy, and somewhat difficult to get into the seats if you were tall.
Hi these are the ones I
Hi these are the ones I remember going on.
https://citytransport.info/Album/P1350050a.jpg
https://citytransport.info/Album/P1340976a.jpg
The site says it was used on the Liverpool st line, that was the line I used.
MK1 Break suburban non-corridor it's called apparently.
Introduced in 1954, withdrawn by 1977
The one I traveled on were blue. BR colours.
Leeanna
I remember that......
Travelling from Woking to Guildford with my mum. The sound of the train with all those doors slamming. I have a picture of us taken in one of those little photo booths that used to be in train stations. A tiny black and white photo. Sadly, I wasn't a girl in any of them.
Cindy Jenkins
You and your mum look happy
You and your mum look happy though Cindy
Leeanna
Childhood.
I prefer not to dwell upon childhood memories, the recollections were bad enough.
Your innocence Beverly, in
Your innocence Beverly, in thinking telling your family that you were a girl would be ok, was turned against you. When I was 5 and got the reaction from my father, that that was the worse thing I had ever done, scared me enough to know never to mention it.
In reflection that may have saved me all the pain you endured.
You were put through the mangle by adults for doing something you had probably been told to do, tell the truth..
Big hug x
Leeanna
What a nice dream,
but for me, when I came home in a dress one day, my mother slapped me so hard it bloodied my mouth, and sent me crashing into a table, breaking three ribs, puncturing a lung and giving me a concussion. I would have loved to have been able to do what Debbie did. I just haven't been able to get over it enough to be able to rewrite my history.
Oh Holly, you poor soul! We
Oh Holly, you poor soul! We all look to our mother to love, protect and shield us. That must have been horrible, and affected your relationship with her.
Big hug to you in the past Holly x
Leeanna