Chapter 8 Not so Fast

Everything happened in a blur. Joy grabbed my t-shirt to help pull it off. I was pretty sure it was stuck but I wiggled and it came loose. My pants being baggy didn’t have any problem slipping off. When it came to taking off my underwear I only hesitated for a few seconds. My first instinct was to put my clothes behind the door but Joy stopped me and stuffed them behind the toilet. Her eyes became big as she noticed my nakedness and the binder still wrapped around my torso. Down went the zipper of the binder and then she stashed it away with the rest.

I was not comfortable with Joy’s mom seeing me naked so I covered up.

Without a second thought, Joy’s hands darted under her nightgown to her back and something snapped. She pulled the straps of her bra through the sleeves of her gown, slipped them around her arms, and then yanked the bra out. After that, she quickly pulled her panties off.

I put my arms up and Joy pulled the bra around my chest. As she snapped it into palace she scraped my skin with her fingernail but I bit my tongue and muffled the scream I had pent up. The panties I put on slow so I didn’t cause the pain to flare. I had to make sure everything was tucked in.

Joy watched me carefully.

My heart was beating a hundred miles a minute but for some reason, I wasn’t having a problem breathing. Thank you lungs for actually working.

Joy motioned for me to wash my face so I did that. It helped keep me calm and covered up the tears that started to inch down my face.

I could hear the door open over the running water. “Mom?” Joy asked.

“Is everything okay?” her mom asked.

The door squeaked. “Yeah, Kennedi is just washing up before bed.” Joy said.

“Are you sure? I heard yelling.” Joy’s mom said.

“Oh, we were just practicing Kennedi’s drama club lines. Were we too loud?”

I rinsed my face and when I came up I got a look in the mirror.

Joy’s mom was peering into the room as if she was looking for something. “Yeah…”

“Sorry, we’ll be quieter.” Joy handed me a towel and I wiped my face off.

Right after I was finished Gina was suddenly in the doorway next to Joy’s mom. “Here’s your nightgown Kennedi,” she said and handed it to Joy, then, in turn, handed it to me.

“Well, as long as you’re okay.” Joy’s mom said. She took one last look in the bathroom and then gave the bedroom a once-over.

Joy and I drifted into the bedroom following her mom. Nope, no guys here mom, just us girls. I almost laughed at the thought but stifled it.

Eventually, Joy’s mom seemed satisfied that her search came up fruitless and said, “You girls should get some sleep. We’re going to take you all to breakfast tomorrow.”

“Ooo, where are we going?” Gina asked.

About that time the nerves in my hands jump-started and the soft fabric of the nightgown reminded me that I was nearly naked. I immediately put it on.

Mrs.— actually I didn't know Joy's last name or her first name for that matter. Though I did remember her dad telling us their names but for the life of me, I couldn't remember. Joy's mom walked to the bedroom entrance and opened the door. “We're going to the Golden Corral.”

I was still hungry and my stomach growled. Eating was one of my guilty pleasures that I usually indulged in wholeheartedly. I'd only had a couple of pizza slices and my body was definitely feeling a lack of sustenance.

“Yes!” Gina screeched and ran over to Lacy. They gave each other a high five.

I found their enthusiasm contagious but wondered if they were over the hurtful things Alyx had said. I wasn't so I assumed they weren't either.

Joy nodded at her mom.

With one last look, Joy’s mom walked out the door.

My eyes locked onto Joy and her's locked on to me. Then we suddenly burst into laughter. She put an arm around my waist and put her head on my shoulder. It caused the bra to tighten and I hissed.

She let go. “Are you okay?” she asked.

I bounced around on my tippy toes. “I think you scratched me.”

“Where?” She lifted my arms up and down checking for injuries.

When I could catch my breath I pointed to my side. “Under here, when we put on the bra.”

“Lift it up and let me see?” she asked.

Up went the nightgown. I wasn't sure if it was a good thing that I felt more comfortable in my underwear here than when my sister helped with my binder.

When I lifted the bra I couldn't see it but the girls in the room made little hissing noises.

Curiosity got the better of me and I rushed to the bathroom. A small red scrape trailed down my armpit. When I slid the bra back down I was careful to not agitate the wound.

I let go of the nightgown and it fell down my body. I watched in the mirror as it fell and I was having a hard time seeing the boy in there. Was there a boy in there anymore? The two obvious breasts making lumps under the fabric dispelled any illusion that I could be perceived as a boy. I did wonder about something though.

When I made my way out of the bathroom I did what I'd been avoiding doing all night. I looked at the other girl’s boobs. I had the third biggest breasts in the room.

Of course, Sam had the biggest, and Joy's came after her. Gina didn't have much at all up there but that wasn't all that surprising because she was Chinese or Japanese. I couldn't tell which. Lacy was right behind me when it came to sizes.

The awkwardness of it all was nearly unbear—

“Walker?” Joy said.

Our gazes met.

“You okay?” she asked.

As a reflex, my shoulders shrugged. “Why?”

“You have that look on your face,” she said.

My sigh came out deep. “What look?”

“The one you have just before you get really sad,” she said.

I wasn't aware of any look that I might have. Then again I avoided mirrors most of the time. Gonna have to ask mom about it. I thought.

“You still gonna go home?” Gina asked. She and Lacy had decided to sit on the bed at the moment.

Staying here was a really bad idea. “Yeah.”

Gina was disappointed but life was like that sometimes.

As I was headed into the bathroom Lacy said, “Wait! I gotta go real quick.”

A few more minutes in a nightgown wouldn’t kill me so I gestured ahead of me and she darted past.

“I really want you to come to breakfast with us tomorrow,” Gina said.

The audacity. The insanity. The embarrassment. That was not going to happen. “Gina…”

Sam had relinquished her post at the door. I now understood why she and Joy were so protective of these girls.

“You going to call your ride?” Joy asked.

I nodded and joined the girls on the bed. A quick dial of Rich’s phone number and it rang. And rang. No answer. Rich had an answering machine so I figured I had probably just dialed the wrong number.

When I tried again I got the same result.

Shit.

“Uhm,” I said and dialed again. I rang and rang.

Gina leaned over so I could see her. “Everything okay?”

Nothing was okay with this night. “No, they're not answering.”

“Oh,” she said.

After calling at least four more times I was on the verge of panicking when a “Finished!” came from behind me. It’s okay Walker, you just need to swap into your clothes and try again.

Of course, my instincts were to scream but I kept calm, hung up the phone, and walked into the bathroom.

***
It's gonna be okay. I told myself. How could it possibly get any wor—

When I stepped on the little placemat in front of the toilet it squished and my stocks became soaking wet.

Crap.

Without hesitation, I moved away and took the stocks off. When I went to lift the mat a stench permeated from it. It smelled like poop.

I opened the lid and it wasn't overflowing or anything. It was only when I pulled my clothes out from behind the toilet that I lost it.

“Lacy!” I screamed as I came out of the bathroom.

Everyone's eyes were on me.

“Did you clog up the toilet!” I'd meant for it to be a question but even to me I sounded like I was accusing her of it. No one else has been in there; it had to have been her.

Lacy's eyes went wide. “Ye-yes,” she mumbled.

“Joy.” The way I said it was quiet but there was so much emotion in it Joy jumped up and ran into the restroom.

I could hear her come out but I never took my eyes off Lacy.

Joy walked in front of my vision. In her hands was my binder, soaking wet. It also smelled like shit.

Normally—even in my sister's case—I would melt under the gaze of a girl looking sad. But not this time. I was so enraged that I couldn't say anything at all. So I went into Joy's closet and closed the door.

***
The darkness wasn't exactly soothing but it at least took a part of the world away. The less of it the better.

I could hear Joy and Lacy having a discussion that I purposefully ignored by plugging my ears.

It was another aspect of the world that was removed. It was almost comforting until the door opened and light beamed onto my face.

It was Joy.

My hands instinctively came out of my ears. “Please Joy, just don't,” I said before she could speak.

Instead of saying something she closed the door and sat next to me. Then she leaned, what I assumed was her head, on my shoulder.
I'd sat down in the corner as far away from the girls I could get. I knew that Joy was trying to comfort me but our breakup was still fresh in my mind. Which only served to make me even angrier.

My body quivered in pure rage much like when I thought about my father.

Joy didn’t move. She stayed where she was. Somewhere deep in my subconscious, I knew that she didn’t cause the toilet to flood but I knew that I was here because of her. Still, I couldn't stay mad at her, she didn’t get my clothes soaked in shit.
The anger seeped away to frustration and I eventually started crying. Around that time Joy encircled my waist with her arms and I lost it.

No way to my friend’s house. No clothes. No girlfriend. I hated my life.

The years of masculinity that was drilled into my head crept out. What the fuck is wrong with you? I told myself. You're here, alone, with four pretty girls. Get your shit together.

I hugged Joy back and put my head on her shoulder. She pulled me closer and my head moved to her chest.

My crying had stopped and I just sat there while we held each other. This was what I wanted from a girlfriend. Someone to feel close to. Someone who didn't find the real me utterly disgusting.

If there was anything I'd learned that night. It would be to never share the information about my anatomy so freely with anyone again.

***
We couldn't stay like that forever. Well, I could but Joy couldn't. I tried to hold on but didn't want to be overly creepy so I let go. She pulled away. I'd never felt so comfortable in the dark before. Or ever, really.

Joy left me in there but turned the light on as she was going.

It gave me a chance to really look at the clothes in there.

There was a vast array of colors around me. It was so different from the simple closet I had at home. It smelled better too. More flowery.
My closet was a shallow thing that opened with sliding doors. It felt like an afterthought rather than something planned out.

Joy's on the other hand, was huge. The shoes are what drew my immediate attention. I scooted over to them and picked one up. It was a red high heel. The material was seemingly plastic and glossy. I didn't dare smell it. Even I thought that was gross. I tried to put it on but my foot was too big.

As I was placing it back on the shelf the door opened giving me a minor heart attack.

Joy and the other girls were standing there staring at me. Sam reached a hand out toward me and I hesitated. I wasn't sure I was ready to get up and face the world yet. After I took a deep breath and let it out. I took her hand and she pulled me up.

“Lacy,” Joy said.

The girls sort of spread out and Lacy stood alone. “I’m sorry,” she said. Remnants of my anger lit up and it must have shown on my face because Lacy said, “I put them in the washer.”

So leaving is out. In a way, I was happy I couldn't get a hold of Vic and them. Not because I wanted to stay but because I didn't want to explain why they didn't need to come to pick me up.

“You can't put the binder in the dryer,” I warned. We'd done that once before and the first one shrunk. Mom had to make me a new one.

“Kay,” Lacy said and then glanced behind her shoulder.

My brain was trying to do the calculations of how long I’d been in the closet. To double-check I glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was a little past midnight. I could suddenly feel my consciousness ebbing like the low tide.

Staying the night with these girls won't be bad. I told myself. My friend Vic was still afraid of girls. He never outgrew it from middle school. I grew up with two sisters so I was desensitized.

I still hadn't told Vic or my other friends about being intersex. It wasn't that I didn't trust them. I was just scared to tell them. Especially with how afraid Vic was of girls. I had to fight my mom, tooth and nail, just to stay out. After she found out about my anatomy she treated me as if I were one of my sisters.

“Is he just gonna stand there like that?” Gina asked Lacy.

Once I realized she was talking about me I snapped out of my thoughts. “Sorry,” I said. “I was thinking.”

“Just stay the night with us and then you can go home with your friends in the morning. Your clothes should be dry by then.” Joy said.

My arms were stiff from the prolonged hug so I stretched them out. “I don't want you to get in trouble,” I said.

“Or, you could go to Golden Corral with us tomorrow,” Gina said in this half-begging half-joking voice. She closed in on me with a bright smile on her face.

My mind couldn't fully comprehend the implications of such a thing. It was probably because it was so late.

Sam cleared her throat causing everyone to look at her. “Gina,” she warned.

Gina backed away.

“Where do we sleeeep?” I asked with a yawn.

“Oh, look,” Joy said.

Sam and Joy walked over to her bed and pulled the bottom portion of it out, revealing another bed.

That was great and all but there were like five of us. The bed under her bed was smaller than the queen-size bed.

“Usually Sam, Alyx, and I sleep in the big bed and Lacy and Gina sleep on the bottom one.” Joy said.

I put my hand up and opened my mouth to ask where I was supposed to sleep but thought better of it. I didn't want to fight anymore.

“Since Alyx is gone…” Joy said.

“He can sleep with us,” Sam said.

That answered that question.

I tucked my hair behind one of my ears. “What time does your mom like to have breakfast?” I asked. My friends were supposed to pick me up at like eight-thirty so I wasn’t too worried about the times overlapping.

“Like, seven,” Joy said.

Oh no, oh no. “Why so early?” I asked in a panic.

“Mom only likes the one in Anaheim,” Joy said.

My heart started beating in my ears. That was an hour drive. I had to get ahold of my friends. I ran over to the bed and had to climb over the small pullout to get to the phone. I called Rich's number again.

It rang and rang. No one picked up just like before. “Dangit!”

“What's wrong?” Sam asked.

I dialed again and let it ring. “They aren't supposed to pick me up till like eight-thirty.”

“Why so late? Were you going to make her breakfast?” Lacy asked and giggled.

Cooking breakfast wasn't really in my wheelhouse. Hell, cooking wasn't a skill I ever really focused on. I once forgot about the water while making ramen. It boiled off and left the pan with this weird metallic smell. So I technically burnt water. It wasn’t exactly my finest moment, it was however a feat I boasted about to my friends. We're weird like that.

“Maybe,” I replied. I was slow to respond and most of the girls smiled. Joy didn't react.

The phone continued ringing until I hung up and tried again.

Lacy and Gina sat on the pullout. Joy and Sam sat on the big bed.

“We barely got to do anything fun,” Gina said.

Joy turned around. “We could always have another sleepover next week?”

“I can't,” Lacy said.

Getting through to my friends was proving to be much harder than it was—

Shit.

Probably because of all the girl’s clothes trama I'd forgotten that Vic was going to test out tapping the phone to spy on Rich's older sister.

They must have fucked it up. “Shit!”

“Still can’t get ahold of them?” Sam asked.

I hung up the phone. “No, I just remembered why they aren't answering.”

“Someone on the phone?” Joy asked.

It was going to take them at least an hour to get everything installed so I turned and fell backward onto the bed. “Something like that.”
Vic was the most technologically inclined out of all my friends. I mostly played video games and only learned enough to keep my rig going.

Suddenly I missed my computer. I could have been playing Gemst—

“He's doing it again,” Gina said.

I turned to her. “Doing what?”

“You zone out and don't respond,” Lacy said.

“What did you ask?” I said.

Lacy slapped my leg. “I said, ‘something like what?’”

“Top Secret,” I replied. If they messed up I wasn't sure how long it would take to fix. They might actually give up if they couldn't figure it out.

Vic said that he was going to study up on it. He was usually pretty good at this type of thing. If they didn't fall asleep right away I could probably get ahold of them or at least leave a message. I just had to stay up long enough for them to fix the problem so I could get through.

Rich's sister Jaclyn was a sadistic bitch. She was the main cause of why we were picked on so much at school.

My friends were attempting to splice the line to her room so Rich could listen in on her conversations. At least then we could have some warning instead of the ambushes Jaclyn's friends pulled.

Since the line to the home number was down it meant something had gone horribly wrong. I hoped they could fix it, otherwise, I was screwed.

***