Katherine Phillips
“Holy—” I said.
Joy continued, “Shit.”
What are the chances—
“Language, ladies!” Heather scolded us.
Being called a lady for the first time in my life was odd. But at this point, I didn't even think about it because Jesse sighted me.
“Kennedi!” he screamed as he ran in our direction. His voice made that half-deep half-screech sound that teen guys make. It was rare to see a guy of his size have that particular vocal mishap.
Unfortunately, I'd never gone through those changes. The doctors said it could happen if I kept taking my hormones though. I only brought the one pill to Joy's house but there were more at Rich's in my backpack.
When he made it over he slowed and caught his breath. He leaned on the van and Mark stared at him.
Mark was still someone I didn’t know very well and I didn’t know his rules when it came to people touching his vehicle. If he was anything like my uncle, he didn't want anyone touching his baby.
I stood there as he breathed heavily. “Hey, Jesse. You probably shou—”
“I'm so glad I caught you,” he interrupted.
Mark's face didn't change.
“W-we should talk over there,” I gestured at a bench close by. It was near enough to not look suspicious and —most importantly— was not near Mark's van.
“Oh, yeah,” he said. The pause he'd made after I said it made me think he was making some hidden calculations in his brain.
Jesse pushed himself off the van and the whole thing dipped.
Even having just met Joy's parents, I could see the anger boiling in Mark's eyes. That confirmed it, he was almost exactly like my uncle.
As Jesse and I moved away Mark grabbed a cloth from his cab and wiped down where Jesse had been.
Joy and the other girls' eyes were on me, which made me nervous.
Jesse sat down when we made it to the bench. I stayed standing.
“You gonna sit?” he asked.
I shook my head. “What's up?”
“Well, I thought—” he leaned back. “That you—” he scooted forward. “You're really not gonna sit down?”
Joy and I shared a look. I crossed my arms. “We're about to leave.”
Suddenly he stood up and was looming over me. My heart started pounding and I was having trouble catching my breath.
When I looked up at him, I saw his eyes. Fuck, why do they have to be so nice?
Then he smiled. “You know, I kind of miss the goth look.”
“W-what?”
He pulled his fingers down his cheeks. “The makeup?”
He had to remind me that I had makeup on. I closed my eyes and sighed. When I opened them back up he was even closer.
My body was betraying me and that warmth pushed itself through me.
No.
I stepped back. “W-what did you want?”
“So that's how it is?” he asked.
If he was referring to me wanting some space to think, that was exactly how it was. “If you're not going to tell me what you want then.” I turned to the van and took a step.
Jesse laid his hand on my shoulder and I turned to see if he had decided to tell me what he wanted. I was surprised when he slid an arm behind my back, leaned in, and kissed me.
It felt as if I were melting. He closed his eyes and mine automatically did the same. It was so intense.
Somehow I came to my senses and pushed him away. Why did he…
I walked away from him toward the van. There was a feeling in my gut that was unpleasant. I didn't want to be kissed. Not by him. I felt violated.
He tried the shoulder trick on me again. I spun around and screamed, “Don't touch me!”
Joy and Sam ran up beside me. Sam stepped in between Jesse and me while Joy took my hand. She led me to the van and we went inside.
The last thing I heard before Joy closed the door was Heather saying, “It's about time for you to leave.”
There was a rage building up inside of me that I'd never felt before. What gave him the right…? My composure slipped and I felt tears building up. No. I waved at my face hoping to dry my eyes. I won't cry over his stupid ass.
“It's okay, it'll be okay,” Joy cooed.
“Why did he—” My mouth couldn't finish the sentence. A guy had kissed me and I couldn't say it. What made it worse was that he had done it in front of my girlfriend and her parents. Mixed emotions flooded through me. Violation, humiliation, and the endorphin rush from being kissed.
Fuck.
I wanted to punch something, mainly his face. Instead, I kept fanning my eyes. It seemed to help.
Joy interlocked her fingers with mine. I know she was trying to help but being touched was not something I wanted at that moment.
She didn't complain when I pulled away from her. I could see Jesse outside walking back into the restaurant. I hoped I would never see that asshole again.
Lacy and Gina joined us in the car. Sam, Heather, and Mark were talking outside and I tried to make out what they were saying. I couldn't hear them though.
“Are you okay?” Gina asked.
All three of them were staring at me.
A guy had kissed me, of course, I wasn't okay! I shook my head.
Joy's parents and Sam entered the car. I was suddenly happy that I hadn't tried to explain my feelings verbally.
Heather turned in her seat. “Honey, are you okay?”
Maybe because a grown-up had asked my reactions were amplified. I lost all composure and began ugly crying. Joy held out her arms and I went to her. She held me tight.
I hated him. His stupid face and his gorgeous eyes.
We were driving again and I didn't even remember the van starting. My whole world right then was Joy's arms and her comforting words.
Miles down the road and promises of things being better, I recovered enough to sit up straight in my seat.
My stomach was turning and I didn't know what to do about it. When the car pulled into a parking lot is when I grabbed Joy's hand.
“We are getting some ice cream. Okay?” Joy said.
I was confused but ice cream did sound good so I nodded.
The van pulled into an empty space and Mark turned it off. Everyone turned around to get a look at me. I was in the middle seat this time so I was on full display.
Sam was sitting next to me, which I probably should have realized sooner. If she hadn't intervened I didn't know what would have happened. I was grateful either way.
“You ready?” Joy asked.
After I nodded we all got out of the van. It was weird because everyone was being silent. Earlier, I was so busy crying that I hadn't heard them plot the whole ice cream thing.
Get your shit together, Walker.
Getting ice cream would help calm my nerves at least.
As soon as we got inside Joy asked, “Do you have a bathroom?”
The worker named ‘Allen’ gestured toward a door and Joy led me inside.
So much for those calmed nerves. I thought. Then I noticed the door had both male and female imprints on it.
As Joy closed the door behind us she locked it. That made me feel better. Privacy.
For the second time in one day, I was stuck staring at myself in the mirror with black streaks running down my cheeks.
Wearing makeup was beginning to feel like a really bad idea. Not like I felt it was a good idea but with how often I was crying, Joy was going to run out of the stuff.
“I'm sorry,” I said.
Joy began wiping down my face. “It's not your fault.”
It felt like my fault.
“He probably thinks he didn't do anything wrong,” she said.
We were talking about different things. I sniffled. “What?”
“Guys like that think they are entitled, and take advantage of girls all the time.”
I didn't know what to say. My main problem was that a guy had kissed me. The feminism of it all was lost on me.
She cleared her throat. “There is one thing I don't understand though.”
“What?”
She tucked the dangling strands of hair behind my ears. “Why did you go over to the bench with him?”
“You didn't see your dad?” I asked.
She shook her head.
“He was mad at Jesse for touching his van so I tried to move the conversation… elsewhere.”
“Dad doesn't like people touching his van. How did I miss that?” She sighed. “We need to get your makeup done fast, everyone is waiting for us.”
I nodded.
When she finished wiping down my face she started with a powder.
“I'm probably going to mess it up again,” I said.
She finished and put the powder away. “It's okay.” Then she pulled out the black stuff that kept getting everywhere.
Our bodies were close to touching. Oh, how I wanted her to close that gap. Her breath was so warm.
I closed my eyes for her and she did whatever she needed to. After she finished she had me look up to do the bottom part.
As she was putting that away she paused and dug through her bag. “Where is it?”
The question seemed rhetorical so I didn't answer.
“C'mon,” Joy said.
“What?” I asked.
She didn't respond.
Then I remembered I had stashed away the lipstick in my bag. I opened it up and pulled out the tube. “Looking for this?”
She glanced at me and then blinked a few times. “Where was it?”
“I put it in my bag. I didn't want to hand it back to you while your mom was at the mirror with us.” I said and handed it to her.
Her eyebrows went up. “That was actually a good idea.”
“I get those sometimes.”
She smiled at me but it was weak. When she popped the cap she bit her bottom lip. “Maybe next time I'll put some makeup in a bag for you.”
“Next time?” I said. I would have to be insane to ever do this again.
She shrugged. “Maybe the other girls don't have to be there when you stay the night again.”
That changed my frame of mind real quick. My friends have called me crazy before. I never believed them but who's to say they weren't right.
“Maybe.” was all I could come up with.
We caught each other's eyes for a moment. I would like to think that she was thinking about the exact same thing I was. Which was how insane all this happened to be.
When she ran her fingers down the side of my face I knew she was thinking of something else.
I shook my head and looked down. “Not now.” The situation with Jesse was too fresh in my brain. I hate him!
Joy lifted my chin up and nodded. She then proceeded to apply the lipstick. It took less than a minute.
As Joy was packing up I watched myself in the mirror. I still couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't me in there.
“Lemme see that,” she asked as she reached for my bag. “I'll put the lipstick back in there, for after we eat.”
She handed the purse to me. “You ready?” As she took my hand.
I nodded and kept close to her as we left. I hoped her parents didn't think something weird was going on.
Everyone was standing in front of the array of ice creams with little sample spoons in hand. As each of them finished their sample they put the spoon in a small container.
“Hey,” Joy said, getting everyone's attention.
Gina ran up to me and took my other hand. “Kennedi, come and try some of these.” She gave a small tug and I took a step with her indicating that it was okay. Joy let go and Gina and I walked to the counter.
There were so many flavors that I didn't know which one to choose. I did have a craving though. “Do you have anything with bananas?”
Allen scanned the flavors in front of him. “No…” He scratched his head. “We do have bananas for a split though.”
That sounded good. “One of those?” I asked and glanced at Heather.
She nodded at me.
When I turned back Allen said, “One banana split coming up.”
He smiled at me which made me uncomfortable. It wasn't his fault though. I still felt like shit. Needless to say, I didn't return the favor.
He took it in stride and didn't miss a beat as he made my dessert.
It had been a long time since my family went out for ice cream. My stepdad James didn't have a sweet tooth so we never went out. Mom bought the stuff in a tub but it would often melt and then refreeze because the freezer in the garage sometimes died. It didn't taste the same after that so it stayed there never to be eaten.
“Do you have cheesecake?” Sam asked.
I visualized Sam drooling over a slice of cheesecake, like one of those cartoon dogs whose tongue pops out when spotting a pretty girl. I laughed and everyone turned to look at me. It wasn't that funny but her expression from earlier —in the bathroom— was burnt into my brain.
It was as if my sudden mood change had opened a door for everyone because they seemed to relax.
Allen said, “No...”
“Do you have cheesecake ice cream?”
Allen laughed. “I was actually going to say we have strawberry cheesecake ice cream.”
“No plain?”
He shook his head.
“Just vanilla ice cream then.” Sam looked so defeated. It made me feel sorry for her.
Gina ended up dragging me back and forth in front of the freezers as she looked at flavors.
Then it hit me. A girl I barely knew was holding my hand in front of my girlfriend. I took a quick moment to catch a look at Joy. She smiled at me. It was half-hearted, almost somber.
I wanted to make her happy but my mind was reeling from all of the firsts I was having. It would probably take me a long time to recover from this much excitement in my life.
I enjoyed my secluded gaming life. The most excitement I usually saw was strategically avoiding Rich's sister's friends. Even then they were pranking us rather than trying to actually hurt us.
Vic's monitoring attempt on her phone line was the first time we'd ever tried anything like that. I hoped it went well. Anything we could do to get an upper hand on those guys would help us a lot. There were only a few months left till they graduated so I was actually looking forward to being a Junior in August.
Tanisha, Rich's sister, had a vendetta against us which I didn't fully understand. Rich would always explain it in a way that never made sense. I hoped it had nothing to do with me but the way he talked in circles made me think it was all my fault somehow.
Gina let go of my hand and leaned against the glass with both palms against it. Her breath made puffs of fog as she exhaled. “I want to try that one!”
There was another person behind the counter, her name tag said Tiffany. Allen was still busy making my split.
“Here you go,” Tiffany said as she handed Gina a small spoon with a sample.
I took that opportunity to stand next to Joy again. She immediately took my hand.
When I looked at Heather and Mark they were silently examining the flavors away from us. They were also holding hands and whispering to each other. I wondered what they were talking about. I’d found that older people tended to have a favorite that they went for nearly every time.
My mom would always get Orange Sherbert, while my dad would only get chocolate chip.
Bringing back old memories of my dad was a double-edged sword. On one side I missed him terribly and on the other side were all the really great things we did together.
Joy wiggled her finger reminding me of our little game in the car.
It made me turn to her.
This time, she gave me a more affectionate smile. It was pleasant and made me feel good.
“Are you going to get anything?” I asked.
She shook her head.
The container Allen brought out for my dessert was pretty big. “You can have some of mine.”
There was no doubt that I could finish it but I didn’t want to seem like a pig. It would be out of character if I did.
Character.
That gave me an idea. I was going about the whole thing the wrong way. I played a ton of role-playing games. D&D was the main one but you had to really dig deep and think of yourself as that character. So I wondered if I could do that as Kennedi.
There were a lot of things I needed to think through like a backstory, her personality likes and dislikes. Admittedly a lot of that stuff was pretty clear. She is definitely shy, her parents are well off, but maybe she adored horses or something like that. Her taste in music was excellent and maybe her clothing would refl—
“You okay?” Joy asked.
I grinned. “Come with me!” She needed to know about this so I led her to a booth.
We sat down and I pondered how I was going to explain it. I whispered, “So, you know how my friends play a lot of D&D?”
Her eyes squinted a little and then she nodded. On our first date, I told her about it and explained how similar it was to our drama class. Which is where I met her.
“I was thinking. What if I treated Kennedi like a character I could build on?” I said.
Joy seemed to think about it. “Why?”
“It would help separate her from me and might make things a little less personal. That way I can try new things and it won’t be me, it'll be Kennedi, ” I explained.
When she didn’t respond I squeezed her hand.
She shrugged.
It felt like a good plan to me. I wondered why she was so apprehensive. “Is it a bad idea?”
“No, just don’t, like, go crazy with it,” she said.
I pressed my lips together. “That’s why I’m going to make up a history for her and everything.” Then I had an idea. “You could help me with it.”
“Maybe…” she said.
That was practically a yes. “She could like horses or something like th—”
Gina strolled over. “What are you two whispering about?”
There was a moment when Joy’s eyes met mine. I didn't know what to say to her.
“Tell you later,” Joy said.
There was something that I was curious about. “Joy?”
“Yeah?” she asked.
I leaned back. “Why didn't Jane want to come last night?” Jane was one of the kids I actually liked at school. She was as pretty as Joy too. When she smiled.
“I told you why,” she said.
“No, you just said—”
“Hey guys,” Lacy interrupted.
Lacy always seemed to interrupt at the wrong moment. I ignored her. “You said she doesn't like guys.”
“No.” She released my hand. “I said she had a bad experience with a guy.” Then she crossed her arms. “Like you had with Jesse but worse.”
Hearing his name out loud, physically hurt. It was strange. I'd never felt that sensation before. My eyes began tearing up. What's wrong with me?
“Oh, no no I'm not mad.” Joy took my hand again.
Jane had something worse happen to her than— I couldn't complete the thought. The very idea would make me relive the experience again. I'd had enough trouble with memories from my dad spilling out. At least I had practice at holding things in.
There was suddenly a napkin pushed into my hand.
“Remember, dab don't wipe,” Gina said.
I would not cry again. Be a man, Walker! When I looked down and saw a blouse and my boobs I knew that mind frame wasn't going to work.
It didn't happen to you. It happened to Kennedi. I thought. For some reason that worked and I calmed down a little. Enough to dab at the corner of my eyes with the napkin.
Joy squeezed my hand and I looked at her. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so harsh,” she said.
There was a reason why this was affecting me so much but I couldn't figure out why. It was just a kiss.
I hate him!
My eyes betrayed me and threatened to drop water down my cheeks. So I repositioned the napkin and dried my eyes again.
The girls had sympathetic looks on their faces. They probably think I'm a wuss. “I'm s-sorry.”
“It'll be okay,” Gina said.
My nose was stopping up and I needed to blow it so I used the napkin. Joy let go of my hand so I could properly clean up. “It's just… I keep crying. Shouldn't a guy be stronger than this?” I whispered the last part.
“It's your hormones,” Lacy said.
She was right but I didn't want to be so emotional. Suddenly I was self-conscious. “I keep forgetting about my voice too.”
“No, you've been doing good with that,” Gina said.
Lacy and Gina joined Joy and me at the table.
Joy squeezed my hand. “You even started talking like us a little.”
“It's like you're a natural,” Lacy said.
None of what they were saying was making me feel better. In the outfit, I was wearing there was literally no room for a male ego. Why can't I be born normal?
Lacy and Gina put their hands on top of mine. Joy joined them and said, “We're here to help if you need us.”
These girls had a way of making me feel so welcome. My chest tightened and I found myself wanting to hug them.
My guy friends were so standoffish. I didn't know if they even wanted me around half the time. It was like night and day between the two groups.
Sam and Joy's parents grabbed a couple of trays and walked toward us.
“Ice cream,” I said and pointed.
The girls looked and made room for Sam. The booth wasn't exactly big enough for all of us so Heather and Mark took a table next to ours.
Sam set down her tray which had our desserts on it. I kept mentioning them as desserts but there really wasn't a word for after breakfast sweets was there? Usually, breakfast had something sweet in it. At least that's how it was at our house. All our cereal was sugary. It came in bags rather than the boxes you saw on TV. We always got the cheap off-brand alternatives.
When Sam sat down she handed me my split. It was as big as it looked. “You can have some if you want,” I told Joy.
“Oh, don't bother Hunny, she won't eat that stuff,” Heather said.
Joy crossed her arms. “It hurts my teeth!”
“Sensitive teeth?” I asked as I glanced between Joy and her parents.
Mark nodded. “Been that way forever, even when she was a baby.”
“You can have part of the banana that's not touching the ice cream,” I suggested. There was a cherry on top but I wasn't sure I wanted to share that. Besides, it was on top of the ice cream.
She didn't respond. I hated when my parents decided to tell my friends about my faults.
I changed the conversation. “What did you get?” I asked Lacy.
“Rocky road,” she said between mouthfuls. It surprised me that she was already eating.
Gina looked at me. “I got strawberry with berries in it.” Weirdly, that fit her.
Even though Joy didn't want any of my food I grabbed a new napkin and cut off the ends of my bananas and set them aside. I didn't dare say a word about it either.
As I was eating I did see one of them disappear, which made me feel good. I didn't want her to miss out. Besides, she was the one who mentioned getting dessert in the first place.
“So, Kennedi, do you and your parents go to church?” Heather asked.
Oh, no.
“Not really, my dad reads the Bible a lot though,” I said. My family attended church when I was younger but we'd stopped going after my dad died.
I begged and pleaded with God to bring my dad back. I would cry myself to sleep wishing to see him one last time. Because my prayers were always unanswered, I stopped believing. It didn't help that I'd already been asking for him to make me normal for years before that.
When I told my mom I didn't want to go anymore she didn't argue. It was one of the first times in my life that I'd made a big decision and I felt more grown-up having made it. Of course, I was only twelve at the time so I didn't let it go to my head.
My stepdad was the person that read the ‘good book’, as he called it, during his free time. He also read other books as well but nothing fantasy like I read.
That reminded me. “Are we still going to the Plaza?”
“That depends if you still want to go,” Heather replied.
Everyone's eyes were on me. I wasn't going to let Jesse ruin the Misfits' good time. “So long as I can go to the bookstore, I'm okay to go.”
“Are you sure?” she asked.
Am I sure? I definitely wasn't. Honestly, I just wanted everyone to be happy, and if we didn't go, I knew I would be disappointing all the girls. “Yeah.”
“Okay…” she said. Her voice drifted off.
The mood shifted a little but I didn't mind because it gave me time to eat. Having learned from my pancake mistake earlier, I took small bites. Joy kept sneaking the banana ends until they were gone.
Lacy was the first to finish. With how she was eating I was surprised that she wasn't done earlier.
Sam was just as careful with her ice cream as she was with her pizza last night. She held the little cup close to her mouth with every bite.
Gina, however, was eating even slower than Sam. She would take a spoonful and slush it around in her mouth. It was weird watching her so I looked away.
By the time I was finished Gina was the only one left eating.
Is ice cream eating? More like slurping. I laughed a little at my internal joke.
I'd love to say that I was full but I wasn't. I wouldn't hesitate to eat Gina's if she had leftovers.
My side started itching but as I went to scratch it, I found Joy's hand there. I leaned on her shoulder and took in the quiet.
“Kennedi?” Heather asked. “Can you come with me?”
Endorphins flooded my body. I sat up. “S-sure.”
Joy and Sam got up so I could get out of the booth. Heather led me into the bathroom.
If last time was weird this time was a Stephen King book. I was wracking my brain to remember if I might have given away I was male.
She closed the door and locked it behind us.
My heart was beating out of my chest.
“Honey, are you okay?” she asked.
I wasn't sure if I should be honest with her or not.
When I didn't answer right away Heather asked, “Can you tell me what happened with Jesse?”
The truth was, I wasn't okay and I didn't have time to process any of it. I did need to tell her something though. “H-he ki—”
“Kissed you?”
I nodded.
“And you didn't want him to?”
She was spot on so I nodded again.
“I'm so sorry…” She started shaking. “I was right there and I couldn't help you.”
There was no way she could have made it over there in time. “It's okay.”
“No, it's not okay! Don't think that, don't ever think that. It's not okay what he did to you.”
That was something we could both agree to. I didn't want to cry again and when my eyelids started filling up Heather ran and grabbed a wad of toilet paper for me.
While dabbing at my eyes I said, “I'm sorr—”
“No need to be sorry, you didn't do anything wrong,” she said.
My body did that little half hiccup causing my chest to jump a little.
She put a hand on my shoulder. “Are you really sure you don't want to go home? No one will be mad at you if you want to go.”
“I don't want to ruin it for them,” I said.
Heather's face softened. “Sweetie, the mall will always be there. Don't worry about that.”
“I—”
“You know what, why don't you fix your makeup, and then when you're done you can decide. I'll be outside with the others.” Heather unlocked the door and left me alone.
I stood there staring at myself in the mirror. Heather didn't seem like she was lying. In fact, she seemed sincere. I didn't want Joy to think less of me. Then my mind drifted to their pleading faces just before Jesse k—
The fact that I didn't want to think about it said something. Maybe I should go? Leaving meant that I would get to go back to Rich’s house and away from all this madness. My friends picked on me but it was mostly in good fun. It was never good to be the smallest. I could easily beat them at video games so I at least had the upper hand in that arena.
Out of nowhere, Alyx's words echoed in my head. “Walker's even prettier than you are!” She was talking to Joy when she said it but it felt like she was directing it at me.
My arms went up and I shifted my hips like Alyx had shown me. I snapped trying to mimic the dance that Lacy, Gina, and I had performed.
The skirt tickled as it brushed the top of my thighs. Because I was wearing such a revealing blouse I could actually see my boobs jiggle with every swing.
I was expecting to feel repulsed but instead, felt energized. Dancing felt so good. I didn't dance as a guy. My mom used to turn the stereo up and spin and sway to Madonna and Michael Jackson. She would reach out a hand so I could join her but I always refused. She never looked disappointed when I didn't join her, she would just keep going. The smile on her face would never falter.
My clothes were form-fitting and I was beginning to love that about them. They were tight but didn't feel like they were strangling me. I was happy that I wasn't wearing that binder anymore. It hurt so bad, yet the bra did the same thing but in a much less restrictive way.
As I checked the mirror again the girl in there looked happy. I was never happy unless I was lost in some video game living someone else's life. I wondered how she could look so content. I wanted what the girl in there had.
She is you. I thought.
The girl in the mirror's smile slipped and she stopped dancing. I moved closer to my reflection. That's not me, I'm a boy.
The thought of Jesse looming over me filled my mind. His blue eyes sparkled and he slowly leaned ov—
“I hate you!” I closed my eyes and tried to think of something else. The scenario I'd mentioned to Joy about acting like I was Kennedi came to the forefront of my mind.
My eyes opened and I said, “Hi Kennedi. I'm Walker.” I reached a hand out toward the mirror.
Our hands bobbed up and down. “Hi, Walker.”
No, that's not right.
“Hi, Walker.” This time it was in a song-songy voice.
There was so much I needed to learn about being a girl if I was going to pull it off. From then on I was going to watch the girls like a hawk and mimic their voices and movements.
That was the moment when Walker and Kennedi became separate people. Even if I couldn't have what Kennedi had I could at least fake it.
I slipped the lipstick out of my bag and fixed my lips. I did my best to be careful but went out of bounds on my upper lip. Shit, first time out as Kennedi and you mess up your lips.
Panic was my first instinct but then I remembered there was toilet paper in my hand. I did my best to fix it and got it right eventually.
“Should we go to the plaza?” I asked.
There was a chance that I was going to be able to wear new clothes and since it was Kennedi wearing them I didn't have anything to worry about.
Clothes for Kennedi and a book for me. I couldn't afford to buy clothes but wearing them would be enough.
My hand went to the door handle and I paused. Are you sure about this? I ignored the self-doubt and thought about the clothes. The decision had been made. I would go to the mall with the girls.
Everyone was standing when I got out there.
“Well?” Heather asked.
I joined them. “I wanna go to the mall.”
Heather's eyebrows went up.
Before she could ask I said, “I'm sure.”
“Well, if that's okay with everyone else?” She paused and looked at the girls. When there was no response she said, “Then let's go.”
***
