My journey down the rabbit hole began on Thanks Giving dinner with my girlfriend's family. The fact that my name is Emily is the least weird part of my relationship with Natalie. We're both students on the verge of graduating from college with job prospects lined up. We met each other at a Lesbian bar, of all places, in the college town. The first thing I noticed about Natalie aside from her long blond hair, blue eyes, slender physique, and feminine face was her confidence, aggressive style of dating, and lustful desire for me. It was quite a change of pace from my previous failed relationships that went cold rather quickly. However, I soon discovered there were many sides to Natalie I didn't anticipate.

The Harris family were well-to-do suburban conservative small business owners not too far from the college. Aside from Natalie, they also had another straight daughter named Stephanie already married with a baby. I couldn't help but notice the parents dotted on Stephanie and the baby during most of the time I was in the house. Without them saying a word, I felt a little awkward in comparison. Eventually, the parents did take some time to make small talk with me and were as polite as could be even if they had no enthusiasm for me.

"Emily, we have a room prepared for you in Natalie's old bedroom," Mrs. Harris offered.

"Thanks," I said awkwardly. The parents assumed Stephanie and her husband would sleep together along with the baby in her old room. Fortunately, I didn't have to enter into a discussion as to whether I would be sleeping with Natalie in the same room. More on that in a moment.

"We're really happy you decided to stay with us. I think your presence brings a lot of stability to Natalie's life," Mrs. Harris added.

"That's what I'm here for," I said dryly.

The parents saw me as an unofficial shrink to Natalie and only because I majored in psychology. In truth, nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to witness and endure. For the parents, Natalie's condition was more pressing than the fact that she was gay. At the table, the parents took the center of the table so they could interact and question their children on either wing.

"You ready to go hunting tomorrow?" Mr. Harris asked Natalie.

"Absolutely," she smiled enthusiastically.

Natalie was a bit of a tomboy when she wanted to in stark contrast to her sister, Stephanie. She was the boy her father never had. Still, it raised the interesting question of what I would be doing with Natalie not around. Probably go shopping with Mrs. Harris and be subjected to a lengthy interrogation.

At the table, Natalie wore a ski jacket, jeans, tennis shoes, and a ballcap. She was full of contradictions often wearing masculine clothing but also keeping a very feminine appearance. It took me some time to figure out why that was. "No hats at the dinner table," Mrs. Harris scolded her.

Mr. Harris led the table in grace and then everyone dug in. Natalie used her left hand to eat and drink, a detail I didn't appreciate until a few months into our relationship. Instead of drinking wine, Natalie favored a glass of whiskey, the same as her father. They proceeded to go back-and-forth discussing football, car mechanics, and guns.

"How long will you be out hunting?" Mrs. Harris asked her husband.

"Probably be back by afternoon," he shrugged.

"Emily, would you like to go shopping with me?" Mr. Harris asked me.

"I would love to," I lied.

The baby decided it was his time to make a fuss. Immediately, everyone but Natalie and I went over to him to get him calmed down. Natalie eyed the baby with apprehension wanting nothing to do with him. "Let's give them some air," Mr. Harris said to Natalie and me inviting us down to the basement level.

---

In the basement were a bedroom, bathroom, living room with a TV, couch, and ping-pong table. There was also a bar in the corner. "Ever played ping-pong, Emily?" Mr. Harris asked.

"Once or twice," I replied. "Don't mind me. You, two, play."

"Alright then," Mr. Harris said giving himself a drink. Natalie also got the same and the two clinked glasses. "Winner takes a shot," he said to his daughter.

"By the end of this, Emily will be able to beat us," Natalie joked.

"That's the idea," Mr. Harris smiled.

I watched as father and daughter went against each other competitively with lightning-fast serves, spins, and other techniques as if they had played for years. Natalie continued to play with her left hand as she did. It was a rather surreal scene seeing them holler or curse depending on whether they won or lost a round. After a few games and a few shots by each of them, they finally invited me to play.

Natalie was chivalrous, playing easy on me. She would do this when it came to all sorts of things she happened to be better at, video games, for example. At first, I found it cute but then realized Natalie had taken up the masculine persona. It was simply not polite for the "man" to kick the woman's ass. Not only had she adopted this way of thinking, but she also felt the need to prove herself physically. Underneath her clothes, Natalie was very fit for a woman but not muscular like a body-builder.

Despite being obviously intoxicated and holding back, Natalie was able to defeat me fairly easily as expected. She drank another shot in accordance with the rules. "Alright, one more," Natalie said.

"I think you've had enough," I told her.

There was an awkward silence between us. "I think the woman has spoken," Mr. Harris joked.

Natalie smirked and then started chuckling. "Sure," she relented.

The comment would have been odd under any other circumstance. We were all in on the insanity that was Natalie. "So, any issues with you getting up early?" Mr. Harris asked Natalie.

"No, I got it covered," Natalie said although I noticed a very slight anxiousness in her voice.

"Well, alright then. If there are any issues at all, I understand," he said.

"I got this," Natalie assured him.

"I'm going to go back upstairs. You kids have fun," Mr. Harris said leaving the room.

Once he was gone, Natalie went over to me. "Thank God he's gone," she said giving me a kiss. "You want to take a shower together?"

"Cool it, we're at your parents' place," I rebuffed her.

"So?" she asked nonchalantly.

"We could get caught plus it's just weird," I told her. "Look, I'll make it up to you once we get back."

"You promise?" she asked needily.

"Yeah," I nodded.

One thing I noticed about Natalie and me early on is that we would never suffer Lesbian bed death. Natalie was always wanting to be affectionate and sexual with me all the time. That was not to say she was sexually adventurous. There were plenty of things Natalie refused to do that did frustrate me. But it was clear that between us, she was the more aggressive one. So much so that I could leverage cooperation and favors from her with the prospect of sex later.

She kissed me a bit more and then appeared apologetic. "Sorry for beating you. It's just when I'm in the zone, I can't...," she said.

"No need to apologize. You're better than me," I told her.

"Okay," Natalie said satisfied.

It was often the case that Natalie treated me with kid gloves as if I would explode at any moment in an emotional outburst. It was that typical condescension I would find from men that wanted to date me. While it was offensive, my curiosity about Natalie's condition kept me from being irate about it.

"I'm going to get some sleep," I said finally.

"You know, I would take you with me hunting but I know how you feel about the whole thing. And I want to spend some time with my dad and brother-in-law. You know how it is," she said.

"It's fine," I assured her.

"Fine as in...," she eyed me suspiciously.

"It's fine," I told her sincerely.

"Cool. I'll be in the basement if you need me," she said letting me go.

---

That night, I had weird dreams, woke up, and couldn't get back to sleep. I went down to the basement and found Natalie on the couch watching a soap opera on TV alone. She was wearing pink pajamas and slippers. As I came closer, she showed me the pink ring on her left hand. "Got it," I told her and sat down on the couch with her.

"I can't sleep," I admitted.

"I can relate," she said dryly.

Natalie had a condition where she never slept unless she was knocked unconscious or under anesthesia. When everyone else would be asleep, she would stay awake studying, watching TV, or go out clubbing into the early morning. I never saw her sleep ever. It also had no effect on her. She would remain alert, focused, and calm all day without needing caffeine. It was one of the reasons why she aced all her classes. In a way, I considered her unique mental state to be the next leap in human evolution, but she had no interest in making herself a celebrity test subject.

Instead, she was fully engrossed in a soap opera show making sure to watch every season. I glanced at the TV not caring for the hetero-normative plotlines. Natalie never watched any LGBT shows. She eyed me a little uncomfortably as the male and female characters made out on screen. "Care to tell me what's going on?" I asked conversationally referring to the show.

"As if you care," she replied back.

In truth, I didn't but I was hoping to break the ice with her a bit more. This Natalie was cold-as-ice and only saw me as a roommate. She had no problem bitching me out for every little thing. A positive aspect of Natalie never sleeping was she was always extremely tidy. It also meant she had high standards for me as well. So, when it came to cleaning, cooking, traveling, studying, bills, etc, she would tear into me fiercely.

As we continued to watch, there were actually two Lesbian characters about to talk about their feelings and whatnot. Natalie took the remote and fast-forwarded through their scenes as if those two characters didn't exist. "You ready for the big hunt?" I asked.

"I have everything ready," she said pointing to a stack of clothes, boots, and hunting gear.

"Looks like I'll be shopping with your mom. You want anything?" I asked.

"I sent you a text of everything I want," she said.

I looked at my phone and sure enough, the text was there. "Too bad you can't be in two places at once," I remarked.

"Instead, there are two of me in one place," she said bitterly.

"I'm sorry," I said lamely.

'No, you're not. You use it to your advantage, and I don't blame you for it. You have a lover and someone you can shop with all day and all night," Natalie said.

"It hasn't been entirely easy," I reminded her.

"I can't help that," she said.

"So, who's your favorite guy on the show?" I asked still watching her soap opera.

"That one: He's got this confident mystery about him," she pointed out.

I could tell that Natalie was a bit flustered when she saw this character make out with a woman on the show. If I hadn't been in the room, she might have wanted to touch herself during these scenes. Eventually, Natalie finished her show and went on to watch a number of pre-recorded shows on fashion, celebrities, and reality TV. I was hopelessly bored and ended up falling asleep on the couch.

---

Early morning, Natalie woke me up still wearing the pink ring on her hand. She was already in her hunting clothes. "If you're still sleepy, you should go to my bedroom," she told me.

"Right," I nodded.

"When I come back, we can play a board game or something," she suggested half-heartedly.

"Sure," I agreed.

"This wasn't my idea, you know," she reminded me.

"I'm totally cool with it. You should have some face-time with your dad," I assured her.

"I mean, the whole killing animals thing," Natalie clarified.

"You're on record," I assured her.

"I wouldn't say anything that could embarrass us in front of my mom," Natalie advised.

"I won't. I promise," I said realizing her apprehension with me.

"Okay," she said doubtfully and then left to find her dad upstairs.

---

At the mall, I made a point to get all the items on Natalie's list. In addition, Mrs. Harris wanted to buy a bunch of items for both of us even if it wasn't necessary. "Are you, two, into perfume? Like, is it necessary?" she asked.

"Natalie likes it," I said, it was half-true.

"It's always been difficult to do Christmas shopping for Natalie. She's of two minds about everything," Mrs. Harris remarked.

"Don't I know it," I smiled politely.

"How are you handling it? Is it stressful?" she asked sympathetically.

"In the beginning, I didn't know what was going on. But now, I think I've got it under control," I said.

"With Natalie, we never knew if she would end up with a boy or girl. She's dated both, of course, but nothing serious. I just want you to know we're okay with all this," she said.

"I appreciate that," I said noticing it wasn't a full endorsement.

"In fact, it might be best if Natalie didn't have kids knowing her condition," Mrs. Harris said.

"There is always adoption," I nodded.

"Right...right," she nodded but seemed apprehensive of the notion of Natalie ever being a parent. "But it's also okay if you don't want to have kids at all. Many couples have very fulfilling lives without children. Since Stephanie and Natalie have left the house, we've had a lot of time for ourselves."

"It is something to think about," I dodged.

Mrs. Harris went through the baby section making me slightly irritable. I had always argued to anyone that cared that just because I was gay didn't mean I couldn't have kids. However, all of that changed once I met Natalie. Now, I didn't know what I wanted to do.

---

Once I got back to the Harris' residence, I kept my distance from Stephanie, her husband, and the baby. They also didn't seem too keen on me being too close to their kid. I assumed it was due to the fact they didn't know me very well. Once Natalie and her father came back, there was a big group photo where I was "elected" to be the photographer. Then, Stephanie and her crew left after some tearful goodbyes. I noticed that the pink ring was back on Natalie's finger. I checked my watch and it made sense.

What followed was a polite game of Pictionary. Natalie and I easily defeated the parents. For one, Natalie had an encyclopedic memory of how I draw things and was naturally quick-witted. "So, now that the others are gone, how are you, two? Anything we can do to help?" Mr. Harris asked.

The parents were of the opinion that gay relationships were extremely fragile always on the verge of collapse. "We're good," I said politely.

"Couldn't be better," Natalie seconded.

"I hope you two aren't facing any backlash or anything," Mrs. Harris said concernedly.

"We keep our relationship very private," Natalie said, code for me to keep my mouth shut.

"Great, and that's how it should be," Mr. Harris agreed. "I mean, it's no one's business but your own."

"Yeah, we're going to skip the next pride march," I said sarcastically.

Natalie gave me an icy look. "Not that we have gone before," she clarified.

That wasn't entirely true. I did take Natalie to a pride march only for her to freak out when she saw male couples holding hands and then wanting to leave. She also complained the Lesbian couples were fat, ugly, and looked like men. So, after that, I decided never again. "We just want you two to know that we support you and want the best for you both," Mrs. Harris said.

"That means a lot to us," I said with false sincerity.

---

On the drive back home, Natalie was wearing her blue ring and couldn't stop talking about the hunt. "I blasted the fuck out of that bird. You should have been there," she said as she drove.

"You know how I feel about hunting," I reminded her.

"Well, what else am I supposed to talk about?" she wondered.

"How about the fact that I was on my best behavior even though I wanted to scream on multiple occasions?" I pointed out.

"Yeah, you did good," she said condescendingly. "And when we get back to the apartment, I want to show you my appreciation."

"What about what I want to do to you?" I asked forcing the issue.

"Like what?" she asked.

"Like I'm the one that fucks you with a strap-on," I suggested.

"No, fuck no," she immediately rejected.

"Or fingering," I added.

"Nope," she replied.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Why do you even want to do it? All you have to do is lay down, let me do my thing, and relax," she said.

"I don't like playing the submissive role every single time," I told her off.

"But why?" she asked confused.

"Look, you're in a relationship with a Lesbian, not a straight woman, alright. There is a difference. I'm not so different than you," I told her.

"Yeah, right," she scoffed. "Look, if you want submissive, just wait a couple of hours."

"Natalie won't have sex with me. She doesn't even like me. You know this, Nate," I pointed out.

"Well, get her to change," she suggested. She proceeded to play metal on the CD player to shut me up until we got back.

---

Natalie had a unique mental condition where she had dual personalities, one male and one female. The personalities would shift roughly every eight hours. When I started dating Natalie, it was her masculine Nate personality that was in control. Nate gave me plenty of attention, was courteous, and doing all the right things to get into my pants. When we finally did have sex, Nate was a beast. He was aggressive, fast, and overwhelming always taking the dominant role. Unlike a lot of other Lesbians I knew, he was really into strap-on sex. Of course, he would rub up against me and eat me out as well. The only issue was that he never wanted to be penetrated.

At first, I just assumed Nate was just a tomboy but it became quite clear he was a man in a woman's body. The reason I never caught on was his physical appearance was always feminine even if his choice of clothes were not. He never cut his hair short, bound his breasts, or let himself get harrier than appropriate. On our dates, he even wore female make-up. And that's where the other personality came into play.

Natalie, the female personality, was stereotypically feminine but also straight. She had no interest in me as a romantic partner and saw my relationship with Nate as if he was a separate individual. Nate and Natalie had a symbiotic relationship where they would work together to achieve their goals. Nate got to keep his sexuality and Natalie her gender. So, here I am, with one personality sexually attracted to me the same way a man would a woman and a second personality that is completely indifferent to me. What kept me in this relationship, beyond my interest in psychology, was the naive hope that maybe I could form a meaningful bond with both personalities.

As soon as we got back to our apartment, Nate was in a hurry for us to take our clothes off and get busy. He kissed me aggressively and stripped me down. It was not something I had ever experienced with my former girlfriends. No, Nate was about getting us both off as quickly as possible and with good reason. The clock was ticking. As soon as he was undressed, he pressed on my clit exactly the right way and got me moist. In truth, I had been thinking about sex the entire time we drove back to the apartment. It didn't take him long to get me ready. He then expertly used his index and middle finger to penetrate me deep and quick.

Nate was a student of Lesbian porn and liked to try out various techniques on me. He would twist and turn his fingers inside me while rotating his thumb around my clit. He was really good at it. Just as I was about to cum, he placed his lips on me. I shrieked as I felt my first orgasm of the day. Nate really liked it when I was vocal. Nate withdrew from me and looked at his watch. It was a measure of pride for him to get me off as quickly as possible. I could never fake an orgasm, he knew me too well, and I had no interest in deceiving him.

"Nice," he smiled looking at his watch.

"Alright, my turn," I said as I recovered from his onslaught.

"It's okay, you don't have to," Nate said dismissively.

This was the part about Nate that pissed me off. He saw me as a doll to be played with and didn't overly appreciate feminine pleasure. For him, being on the bottom meant vulnerability and submissiveness. Even when I did oral sex on him, he wouldn't moan or say a word. If not for his sexual appetite for me, it would have been discouraging. "Fine, I'll use this," I said taking out a small vibrator the size of my thumb.

I went over to the drawer to get it and then came back. Nate was already out of the bed and gave me a distant stare. "Shit," I realized.

"It's okay," Natalie said realizing the awkwardness of the situation. "I'm going to take a shower," she said entering the bathroom. Her tone indicated I would not be welcome to join her, so I decided to shower in the other bathroom in the apartment.

Nate and I had been generally careful not to allow the personality shift to occur during sex. The shift, itself, was not dramatic. Nate would just shut his eyes for a brief moment and then wake up as Natalie and vice-versa. It would be over and done within a few seconds. When one of them was in control, the other would dream what was happening. It made me feel weird and a little guilty that Natalie would always be dreaming of Nate and me having sex.

After we had showered separately, Natalie put on her pajamas and activated her computer. She would often record video messages giving instructions to Nate. While the two would dream while the other was in control, Nate and Natalie never communicated directly with each other physically. They always required video or audio recordings to talk to each other. The video and audio messages were also password-protected to ensure I never saw them.

"Sorry about the timing. We thought we could make it," I said awkwardly.

"No need to apologize. These things happen," she said dismissively.

"Okay, do you need anything?" I asked.

"Just a little privacy," she said.

I took the hint and left the room. You might be thinking I would put my ear to the door to find out what she was saying to her male ego but no such luck. Nate and Natalie both learned sign language early on and used them in their videos to each other. No doubt, Natalie was chewing Nate out for what had happened. Tired and demoralized, I went to sleep in the other bedroom.

---

The next morning, I awoke late and found Nate and his best friend, Josh, playing video games. They were both wearing jeans and hoodies, drinking beer, and just hanging out. They had already made a mess of the living room. It was always a surreal experience for Natalie to chew me out for not cleaning up Nate's messes. I have to admit that every time Josh came over, it made me jealous. Nate swore up and down he had no interest in men, but it seemed obvious that Josh was smitten with him from their childhood years. Josh was keenly aware of Nate's condition and I did have a fear that perhaps Josh and Natalie would get together. Supposedly, Nate and Natalie had made a deal that this would never happen...but still.

Nate and Josh were pretty decent at killing Nazis in Call of Duty. Occasionally, when Nate would stay up, he would play video games all night long. I couldn't hope to be at their level of skill and had no interest in doing so. "You guys need anything?" I asked politely.

"I could use a beer, please," Josh requested.

I handed him one from the fridge and then handed one to Nate as well knowing he would eventually ask for one. "Shit, out of power," Nate realized. "Do we have any batteries?"

"No," I checked the drawers.

"Let's go get some," Nate said to Josh.

"You going to be using the car long?" I asked slightly concerned.

"Nah, we'll walk," Nate said getting up.

Nate and Josh would often go on long walks around the neighborhood. No doubt they discussed sports, video games, movies, cars, and how to appropriately bang me. I couldn't help but feel jealous of their friendship and fearful it was something more. One time we got into a fight when Nate casually suggested I get pregnant with Josh's sperm donation.

---

That night, Natalie and I worked to make dinner and then ate together at the table. "So, Josh was here," I brought up.

"I know," she said dismissively.

"He's a really good friend to Nate," I remarked.

"Your insecurities are showing," she noted. "You worried about Nate?"

"Should I be?" I asked.

"Nate has never kissed or held hands with a man. I think you're good," Natalie replied.

"What about you? Do you like Josh?" I questioned.

"It wouldn't matter if I did," she evaded.

"Why is that? Don't you want to fall in love someday?" I asked.

"If you were a boy, wouldn't you want to look like one? Nate and I have made peace with our situation a long time ago," she said.

"So, you're going to be like a nun?" I asked.

"I can take of myself," she said vaguely.

"I want to help you, help you both," I said sincerely.

"I know you do, but I am just not...interested in you or any woman, for that matter. You don't have the shape and form that interests me. To tell you the truth, every time you and Nate have sex, it's like a nightmare for me. A nightmare I can't wake up from," she said.

I sat there positively stumped. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. We both knew this would happen eventually. I find fulfillment in other areas of life: school, career, hobbies, and someday, I'm going to wake up to find myself a mother. I don't need romance to be happy," she said.

I felt bad for her, I really did. With each passing month, I was with Nate, she seemed more-and-more bitter. "I think that's bullshit," I said finally.

She gave me a surprised look. "It can't be helped," she said.

"I think I have an idea."