By Julie D Cole

Back at the hotel we showered and snuggled up in bed together. It had been a great day and we were just happy to relax and chat about my feelings and any regrets about leaving London. It was a no brainer really and in truth since I didn’t like the changes that had been taking place as the population expanded in such a short space of time. School had been a problem for me with threats and bullying rife with so many different cultures now resident.

Frankie reminded me that dad had moved there from Italy and he had done ok for himself and met mum but it had been a struggle for them, especially after I was born and his family couldn’t help out since they had their own restaurant business to run in Italy. I’d asked mum why we didn’t move there but I never got a straight answer. Em didn’t know either. I spoke a little bit of Italian thanks to dad but I had forgotten most of what I learned.

I told Frankie that I owed her a lot for taking me under her wing and people in Manchester seemed a lot more friendly. I didn’t want to go back to college after the holidays even in Manchester. I felt more mature and I had some decisions to make and I hoped she would help me. It had been a relief to visit without any disagreements with mum and I’d avoided meeting with neighbors or fellow students from school and college. It was a relief.

Now all of a sudden I wanted to share so much with Frankie about my memories of dad that were happy ones. It was as if a door behind which all my early year memories had been unlocked. Maybe I’d shut out everything and had resented the fact that he’d left me without any explanation. Maybe I hadn’t been the boy he wanted to grow up with ambition to play football for Italy. As a teenager he’d played football for Lazio or was it Roma? Frankie wouldn’t let me dismiss talking about my father. She wanted to know as much about him as possible before we met him and she was introduced. Sadly I was young when he left so I didn’t have much to tell her and he and mum had been so busy that I didn’t have many stories to tell.

Frankie kept me as positive as she could tickling me from time to time. We giggled and eventually changed the subject chatting about some of the things that had happened through the day and some of the stares from passers-by that we’d had to put up with when we held hands and kissed from time to time. Frankie said it was just envy and lots of girls were walking about hand in hand or arm in arm. She had wanted to stick out her tongue or better still give them a middle finger.

We were awake early so we showered and packed before going to the Executive lounge for breakfast. It was much better than going downstairs to the restaurant to eat since the buffet items were fresh and we had more privacy without any risk of others listening to our chatter.

We checked out and took a taxi to the railway station so that we were in good time to catch our train back to Manchester. The station was busy and filled with overseas visitors and weekenders returning home. Luckily we had seats reserved in a low price ‘weekend first’ carriage with a table and a trolley service for drinks and snacks. Even a free wi-fi service that was helpful.

It was a beautiful morning and I was happy to look out of the window at the countryside whilst Frankie was sending messages on her phone. She was sorting some things out with her mum related to her grandfather. When she was finished she told me that he was being a pain so Frankie had agreed that her mum should take a break at home and leave the care-worker cum housekeeper they’d hired.

Frankie was laughing when she explained what was happening and that her grandfather was angry and sulking because he thought that the care worker was too bossy and he wanted her mum on hand because he was scared to be left alone with the care worker. What he didn’t like was that he was gay and quite muscular so he daren’t complain. He was doing as he was told otherwise if he didn’t make an effort to get out of bed he’d be lifted out, undressed and carried naked to the bath or the shower then dried and dressed and made to sit in the lounge doing a series of exercises from time to time that he hated.

When we got back into Manchester Em was at the railway station to meet us from the train. It was agreed that I’d go to her place whilst Frankie went to meet her mum and grandfather. She intended to drive her mum home and collect me later. It gave me chance to chat with Em and I wanted us to spend some time together because so much had already happened in my life since she’d invited me to stay with her.

We hugged for a while and we then locked arms and headed to the car park to find her car. She told me how much I’d changed and how confident and happy I’d become. She insisted to take a photo of me with the busy station as a backdrop and then she showed it to me. I did look completely feminine with a fresh application of make-up that I’d applied en-route. A bit difficult on a fast train in the UK even though they are designed to travel at high speed. Then she flicked through her phone files and produced the photo she;d taken when I first arrived to Manchester.

‘See the change in you. We’ve found the real Kim. I’m so glad you accepted my invite. Your mum must be so proud. Did you have a good time?’

‘Just perfect thanks. I was really nervous about going home but nobody saw me as far as I know. I suppose I kept my head down most of the time and avoided eye contact. Well certainly whilst I was close to home.’

‘Your mum told me how much she enjoyed being with you as a daughter and she regrets not dealing with your problems when you were young. She has failed you miserably in her opinion and she has lost out too. It’s as if she has been punished,’

‘But why she always looked after me. I love her so much.’

‘She always wanted a daughter and she has realized one slipped through her fingers in front of her eyes.’

‘But I never dressed or behaved like this until I came to Manchester. I was in a state of confusion because I wasn’t like other boys and it was hard. I was approached by other boys several times and one actually pressed me against my locker and kissed me. I was shocked and not at all attracted to him. He was bigger than me but then most boys at school were.’

‘So did you report him? Did you tell your mum?’

‘No I was in shock and he threatened me. He tried to say it was a bet but I didn’t believe him. Eventually he left our school that was a big relief.’

‘Your mum knew something was wrong so I suggested she let me talk to you. Then we had the idea of you getting away for a while during your summer break.’

‘You saw something in me that nobody else saw. Why? Mum, dad, teachers, school colleagues just saw me as a problem child who had not developed properly who might be gay. I was lost and I was living a miserable life.’

‘Yes your mum and I chatted a lot about your lack of development and because I mentioned I have friends in the LBGT community who had similar problems growing up your mum took up my offer to look after you through the summer and find you a job.’

‘So you both had a plan before I arrived?’

‘Not exactly. However as soon as I saw you at the station I saw how much you’d changed. I could see a niece rather than a nephew and you were not much younger than me and looking quite grown up.’

‘Are you saying I’m effeminate?’

‘No more like feminine.’

.But I was dressed as a boy.’

‘Lots of girls do. Didn’t you ever get mistaken for a girl or questioned when you entered the Mens bathrooms?’

‘I got some strange looks I suppose but I used to hurry into a stall in the bathroom. I hated using the urinals. I was small so men would look down over my shoulder.’

‘Did you ever have problems at the toilet? I everything in working order?’

‘I usually sit. It’s easier.’

‘But mens bathroom are awful aren’t they? Are there enough stalls?’

‘Yes they are awful and sometimes just one stall.’

‘So how do you manage now dressed like this?’

‘I hold on or I use the Ladies Bathroom like I do at work.’

‘So you seem very comfortable now as a young woman. Are you happier?’

‘It’s like I suddenly woke up from a nightmare. I love life in Manchester and I am so happy living with Frankie. She is so kind to me and accepts me as I am.’

‘Yes you’ve helped her a lot too. It’s not easy when someone close commits suicide and you feel you could have prevented it by stepping in.’

‘She has some problems with her grandfather but it looks like her mum has realized she has to be firm with him and stand up to his bullying ways. He’ll soon learn now.’

‘So have you thought about what you will say to your father when you meet? Your mum is a little worried. She thought about going with you but that’s nor sensible.’

‘I’m going to let dad see me like this. I just have to take care through the airports and dress appropriately since I have a male passport.’

‘So you’re travelling in drag then?’

‘Yes I will have to deepen my voice do you think?’

‘Just a bit. You’ve quickly adapted so you can probably switch back.’

‘Frankie thinks I might need some strapping since my breasts have expanded a bit.’

‘Yes a good idea. It seems ages when I took you to be measured for your first bra, Are you comfortable without one?’

‘To be honest I don’t know. It seems so natural now.’

‘What do you want to do now?’

‘I want to find some flights and then message dad.’

‘Are you going to Skype him? He’ll see a daughter.’
‘I’m going to switch off the video and tell him we have a poor signal. I prefer to meet him whilst in my travel clothes and tell him before he sees me. It’s better for Frankie too.’

We both went onto sites to find flight deals and Em bet me to it. Return flights to Rome via Amsterdam for £300 each.’

When Frankie arrived to collect me she agreed so I skyped dad and we set everything up. Frankie booked them on her credit card. Then she organised a hire car and dad said he’d fix the hotel and give us the details. He was looking forward to meeting my girlfriend.

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