Summer With Em - Chapter 42

By Julie D Cole

On the way back to Frankies apartment she asked me why dad hadn’t questioned why we had not switched on the video link during the Skype call and seen how I looked all grown up. He had already told me that he had a poor internet connection since their town was in the hills and signals were weak so I’d used this as an excuse advising him to switch it off.

I didn’t need to let him see how much I’d changed over the net anyway and I was honest and told him that I preferred to do that face to face.

‘But you do realize that your voice still gives you away don’t you?’

‘When I talk I try my best to use my deeper voice sometimes but it is more comfortable if I talk like this. It’s not too girly is it? Do you think he noticed?’

‘If he did then he was being polite. Maybe he just assumes you are gay and that’s why he said nothing. He didn’t let on did he?’

‘No but he knows about you and maybe because I introduced you as my girlfriend it threw him off scent. Do you think mum has said something?’

‘No or she would have warned you I’m sure.’

‘I suppose so and I also think she’d have told Em.’

‘You seem very confident so it’s a face to face as we planned. I will be right by your side in case he flips.’

‘Thanks. I love you. It’s really appreciated but I admit I’m still scared. He might have changed a lot and he has had a new life in Italy with his girlfriend. She might hate me whether I’m Kim or Kimmie. She might think I’m chasing him for something like money or a share of his business.’

‘So my opinion. You are worrying too much. Just take it step by step. We don’t need anything and I can pay for the wedding and I already own this place and my car and everything you see. My job is secure and the business has done well. I don’t even need my grandfathers money. Not that I’ve even considered it. I only deal with him for mums sake.’

‘Yes for a woman in a mans world you’ve done well this last few years. You’ve got a team of men working for you.’

‘It wasn’t difficult they aren’t as committed as young women when they enter the job market. By the time they wake up it will be too late.’

‘I’m so proud of you. I’m just starting out and I still have to finish college.’
‘Yes I have a few years on you for sure so just let me help you. I could even arrange a job for you so you could finish college in a sandwich course and gear your final education towards a career.’

‘Everything is moving so fast. It does sound good though.’

‘Anyway, back to the subject in hand. So you can go there full of happy memories of him and just see how he is going on and how much he has changed. I suspect you fear his rejection but remember that you had years of no contact. So, you already had his rejection in my opinion and what more can he do? You have the higher moral ground here so just see how he’s turned out. Don’t let him judge you. Feel confident as the new you.’

‘But I need his support if I am going to get an appointment.’

‘Not necessarily but of course its quicker and easier if he does accept you and co-operate. Keep focused. You are doing this to let him see he had a daughter not a son. If he can’t see how happy you are then I’ll be very surprised. Compare yourself now to the person I first met. If we have to find another way or hang in for a while longer so be it. I’m not going anywhere and we can still get married. There is no law preventing us.’

That conversation meant so much to me. I felt so much stronger and calmer. I wanted dad to accept me and to see what life he had been living that kept him away so long. But on my terms not his and I had to consider both mum and now Frankie. I missed him but when we do meet I decided to follow Frankies advice. I wasn’t going to be embarrassed or humiliated.

I was soon counting the days to our trip and I had a wall chart where I crossed each day off like I used to do when Christmas was coming. Work was so much fun and I had friends around me that I never had in London. We had a few nights out and I was getting invited out and I was proud to introduce Frankie as my fiance. She didn’t insist to dominate my time and said I was much more confident.

Bec’s and Em came along sometimes and their relationship was now out in the open that was good for both of them. As departure day got closer I was planning what I should take with me to wear when I met dad and then his family. I didn’t want to wear any of the male clothes I’d arrived in to Manchester so spent time looking for more modern and slightly more androgynous alternatives. I only really needed one outfit for the outward and return journeys.

In between I aimed to wear shorts and vests or cotton tops during the day to enjoy the sunshine. I packed bra/pantie sets for each day and lightweight tennis shoes as well as a pair of mules and a pair of heels in case we went out anywhere special. I could also use my travel shoes if necessary, that were unisex. Frankie helped me select 2 lightweight dresses and a long skirt to give me options. I guess nothing was bulky or heavy so my case was only half full at best.

‘You do realize that if customs stop you then you’ll be asked why you have a case full of ladies clothes don’t you?’

‘I won’t get stopped will I? We are all in Europe so why check cases?’

‘They might think you’ve taken somebody else’s from the carousel. It happens.’

‘Well I’ll be through passport control by then won’t I. I’m not packing clothes that I won’t wear.’

‘Let me put a few things of mine on top and we’ll just say these are my clothes if you’re stopped.’

‘No it’s fine. I was thinking maybe I take a few gifts for dad and his family. Nothing special but that’s what visitors do isn’t it?’

‘Sometimes I suppose. Do you know enough about his family to take the appropriate gifts?’

‘Not really. He’s got a partner and his parents are still alive. That’s as much as I know.’

‘No problem then. What you don’t know about you don’t need to worry about.’

In the end I decided that I would pack some small gifts just in case. (I wondered where that phrase came from.)

I got more nervous as our departure date became closer. I was apprehensive but excited at the same time. The only time I’d been overseas was on a school trip 3 years before to Germany and we went by coach. This was to be my first flight and first time to Italy even though I am half Italian and can understand the language because of dad. I doubted I could hold a conversation but at least I might understand what my grandparents were saying when we would finally meet.

I hardly slept the night before our flight despite Frankie doing her best to comfort me. We had an early flight and a taxi booked for 6am for the relatively short journey to the airport. We showered and had a coffee and a biscuit whilst waiting for the taxi. Frankie helped with the binding for my chest and inspected my pony-tail that I wore lower down my head. I insisted to wear a baseball cap for the journey to hide most of my hair but even without make-up I didn’t look very masculine. Frankie said that was because I’d had my eyebrows thinned by one of the girls at work.

My travel outfit consisted of lightweight skinny jeans and a tee shirt and lightweight zipper jacket. I was flat enough because of the binding on my chest to hide my ever developing bust that had got used to wearing a bra. I removed my earrings and inserted small studs. I’d removed the nail polish from my fingers but left my toenails as they were. They looked in good condition and I was wearing unisex sneakers. I didn’t expect to have to expose my nails en-route.

I packed two small crossbody bags and a cosmetic bag in the top of my case and packed my laptop and i-pad in a new canvas crossbody laptop bag that Frankie bought me. It had small pockets for hand lotion and wipes and my sun glasses and a small pack of travel tissues. Frankie said there would be no problem at Amsterdam apart from the need to show our tickets and passports for the onward flight.

When we checked in the girl behind the desk opened my passport and looked me up and down. I could tell that she noticed I had changed a bit but nevertheless she carried on checking in our luggage before issuing out tickets. Frankie had selected Business Class and reserved two seats together to avoid anybody sitting with us. I had the window seat that was exciting.

We had priority passes so we passed through passport control without any problem other than it felt like my boobies were trying to escape. I adjusted the binding as best I could without drawing attention. I thought that was it but then we had the next challenge that was the bag security.

We were in a short line and I just had time to remove the moisturiser and placed it in a plastic bag provided then my laptop and i-pad putting them all in a tray with my laptop bag and watched them disappear into the x-ray machine.

I was directed towards what appeared to be two glass cabinets on Starship Enterprise and wondered if we were going to be beamed on board. No such luck. Frankie said were personnel x-ray machines they’d installed for added security.

‘Breath in Kimmie. I hope you are tucked in below because they can see everything with these X rays.’

‘No surely not. Oh my God.’

‘I’m just teasing don’t worry they are looking for objects not our genitalia. I don’t know what turns them on when they get home. They must see all sorts.’

As I stepped out I was pointed towards a mature woman with a large wand with a ring on the end of it. Frankie was giggling as she entered the cubicle. ‘That is to measure your size so don’t panic.’ The lady gave Frankie a look of disapproval and it must have annoyed her a bit.

‘This way miss. We just need to check with the wand as the machines are playing up. Take no notice of your friend we are here to do a job. Can you take your shoes off please and you do know that you should have removed your belt don’t you?. Please put them on the conveyor belt to go through the machine with the trays.’

So there I was with my painted toe nails fully exposed standing on a mat whilst a lady ran the wand up and down and around my body waiting for some warning or other, I now realised that I’d been directed to the womens side and men were being directed to the right cubicle with a male inspector. I felt safer and at least I didn’t blush even though the wand was within millimetres of my body parts. It was immediate panic over. Good job they didn’t check my passport or I’d have felt more embarrassed with the male inspector.

Frankie followed me to where our trays were ejected and was still smiling as we carried our trays to a table area and repacked our bags. ‘So you can’t pass as male anymore? How cute is that. Wasted my time with the binding. Do you want to take it off.’

‘I’d love to it’s not very comfortable so do you think it’s safe?’

‘Well we’re through now so are you happy to travel like that or should we buy you a bra to travel in?’

‘I’ll be OK I think.’

Let’s see when we do a bathroom check.’

‘I can’t go that side to the ladies bathroom. I’m dressed as Kim.’

‘Why not you just saw what happened. Come on.’

It was quiet so I sighed with relief. I entered a cubicle and removed my jacket and top. Frankie followed me in and removed the safety pins so the binding dropped loose. I felt the benefit immediately. Frankie touched them and stooped to blow on them. Then she kissed them gently. I shuddered but held her back.

‘Frankie be careful. We’ll be reported.’

‘OK come on I have an idea. Let me buy you a comfort bra set to travel in. It goes under a tee shirt so it will be hardly noticeable. It might hide your nipples in case you get a bit excited.’

Trust Frankie for heading directly to a Victoria Secret type shop displaying bikinis and brightly colored underwear of all types. She giggled as we searched for something suitable. The assistant must have thought we were stupid. I let Frankie choose and she insisted to purchase a set of three comfort bras in white.

I went into a small changing area. It did feel a lot more comfortable. It was much better that being constrained with binding.

‘Come on now Kimmie let’s go to the make-up counter and treat ourselves to pass a bit of time. There will be some offers on if we are lucky.’