I had been giving my situation a lot of thought, I had drifted into living and working almost full-time as a woman. My wife Sara had gone along with it without complaint but our situation was changing.
Our baby was almost due and Sara was getting everything organised for our new arrival and, except for the discomfort associated with being 81/2 months pregnant, was getting really excited and looking forward to our new arrival.
“Robin, the baby is due soon and I really think that I need my husband at the birth. I know the situation at school, but I really need you to go back to living as a man. The first few months of the baby’s life it will not make much difference, but once they start becoming aware of their surroundings you need to be there as their father. Around the birth and during your paternity leave when the health visitors will be coming around, you need to be a full-time man again. We can sort out what happens after that.”
“ I’ve been thinking the same, I was planning to have a word with Carol to see how best to handle it at school. Obviously I agree with you about being at the birth and immediately after. If you can live with it, after the birth I think I would like to see out the rest of the school year until July as I am now. I will see if I can transfer to another school where I am not known and continue my career as ‘Mr Campbell’ again. I think it will be less likely to cause any upset with the pupils than if I suddenly left without explanation.”
“ I feel rotten making you do this, I know how much you enjoy working at Abbey High.”
“You are not making me do this, this has all snowballed out of control. I know, and you know, that I enjoy dressing occasionally, but I don’t think that I want to live the rest of my life as a woman, this is a good time to stop and review my thoughts about my life.”
“Have a word with Carol to see what she can suggest, and remind her that in a couple of weeks or so that you will need time off work.”
I approached the Headmistress’s study with a great deal of nervousness, unsure of what my situation would be after talking to her.
“Thank’s for seeing me Carol, firstly let me remind you that the baby is almost due and I need the paternity leave to help Sara over the next few weeks, I trust that you have arranged cover for my lessons.”
“Of course, it’s not the best time, with all the preparations for exams in a couple of months, but we can manage.”
“ We have the Easter break coming up and that should tie in with my leave, so I should only miss a couple of weeks of lessons, and be back in time for the build-up to the exams.”
“ That sounds good to me. You have a worried look on your face is there something else you want to discuss?”
“This is a personal matter. Sara and I agree that for the good of the baby that I need to be a proper father, and that I need to stop dressing as a woman for the foreseeable future, which means that I need to go back to teaching as ‘Mr Campbell” again. I think that it will only create more confusion with the girls and the staff here, if I suddenly come in dressed as a man again. What I would like to do is to continue as I am until the summer break and then start again somewhere else where nobody knows anything about me.”
“ I will be sorry to see you leave as you are doing an excellent job here, but I understand your reasons. I know that there is no such thing s a typical family unit anymore, there are single-parent families, same-sex parents, and even some transgender parents, many of whom do a wonderful job raising their children, but I am a traditionalist and still think that having a mother and father in a stable relationship is best for a child.”
“Thank you Carol for being so understanding. I need to start looking for another job for the Autumn term, obviously I’ll look in the education supplements and professional magazines, but I would appreciate any help you can give me finding somewhere suitable.”
“ Leave it with me Robin, I’m sure that I can help. I’ll make a few phone calls and call in a few favours and I am sure that we’ll find somewhere appropriate. Now go back to your classes, you still have a lot of work to do here.”
Right on time Sara produced our baby, a beautiful little girl, who we had decided to call Isobel Katherine after our grandmothers. I was off work for a month ( including the 2 week Easter break ) and we soon settled into a shared routine of looking after Issy, the family name for her. By the end of the month I think Sara was glad to see me going back to work, leaving her to organise her day as it suited her without me fussing around Issy.
When I arrived back at school there was a message that Carol wanted to see me.
“Good news Robin, I’ve found you a vacancy with a school run by a friend of mine. It is a private boys’s school about a half-hour drive away. The headmaster would like to talk to you before any decision is reached, but I will be very surprised if you do not get the position. The even better news is that it is actually a promotion, to Head of English. I have really sung your praises so please do not let me down. I’ve written down the contact details, please get in touch with them and good luck.”
I arranged to go over to see the headmaster, Charles Lawrenson, at Kirkby Priory School, the following Saturday when the school was quiet and most of the week-boarders had gone home for the weekend.
Fiona Jones had now settled in at Abbey High, and although Kirsty was keeping an eye on her, she had fitted in with other girls and was making her own way without Kirsty having to look after her all the time. Fiona really fell into the role of a girl, and was probably more ‘girly’ than many of the others, always clean and well presented with her hair in ribboned bunches. The only exception to that was that Kirsty had introduced her to hockey and she took to it like a duck to water, she was a naturally athletic and competitive player, and she, Kirsty, and Caroline became the backbone of the team and linked together well, encouraging the others to improve their game.
Although the hockey team had a mediocre start to the season, thanks to my coaching, and the talent and enthusiasm of Kirsty and Caroline they had shot up the league and reached the semi-final of the County Cup. They were doing really well it would be a shame to leave them, particularly as now Fiona gave them that extra bite in midfield, and if they did not win anything this season things were looking really hopeful for next year.
“ Good Morning Mr Lawrenson, i’m pleased to meet you, Carol Cummings has told me a lot about your school and your progressive teaching methods, I would really like to be a part of it, if you find me to be suitable.”
“Hello Mr Campbell, please call me Charles, and if you don’t mind I will call you Robin. Although we are more formal with the boys, the staff here are all part of a team and we work with Christian names, or forenames if you want to be PC. We’ll talk about our curriculum and teaching methods later, but first tell me a bit about yourself and why you are leaving Abbey High.”
I gave him a potted history of my education and qualifications, obviously missing out the year I had spent at as a pupil at Abbey High, I covered the previous posts I had after qualifying and my time teaching at Abbey High, concentrating on the improvement in academic standards in my classes, my friendly approach to the pupils, and the success of the hockey team under my coaching.
“ I’ve really enjoyed my time teaching at Abbey High, and I have a good relationship with the staff and pupils. however my personal circumstances have changed, my wife and I have just had our first child, and this has made me re-assess where I want to be. The Headmistress and the Head of English are both well established in their positions and will be there for several years to come. Also, if I am not being un-PC, I have been the only male teacher in the school since the early 1900s when women got the vote and took over many traditional men’s roles in WW1 when the menfolk went off to fight, it seems unlikely that I will have any promotion to a senior position.
After my experiences at the sharp end of classroom teaching I feel that I should be looking at my next career step and there won’t be an opening there for promotion for sometime. I feel that although I enjoy my role in class and that is where I feel I am comfortable, I relish a new challenge and feel that I have something to offer in terms of developing the curriculum and teaching methods as a head of department.”
“As you no doubt know Robin, for a fee-paying private boarding school we are quite progressive and although we cover the traditional subjects in much the same way as other schools we believe in challenging and encouraging our pupils rather than applying a rigid discipline. Does that meet your expectations?”
“Very much so. I have an excellent rapport with the pupils at Abbey High, because I treat them as intelligent girls eager to learn and know when to be strict and formal and when to be more flexible and encouraging. I believe that they have a lot of respect for the way I treat them and explain things to them at a level they understand.
The interview and discussion continued in a friendly manner for another 2 hours, at the end of which Charles told me that, subject to confirmation from the Governors, the position was mine if I still wanted it and that I should plan to start in September for the Autumn term.
Sara was delighted and wanted to celebrate, but obviously with a new baby we couldn’t go out, so we invited Mam and Carol round to our house for a meal which we ordered in from a caterer to save time and bother for Sara.
Mam and Carol got on really well, and the subject soon got round to my dressing as a female.
“Sarah don’t you mind your son dressing up, you must know that he has been working in skirts for the past few months and the girls have been treating him as just another one of the women teachers.” Carol asked my Mum.
“ It’s up to him and Sara, he will always be my son, whether he wears skirts, trousers or whatever. I enjoyed the time over Christmas when the three of us went out a few times together, but I know that was not reality. Now that they have Isobel, I agree with them that it is best to lead a normal life, whatever normal is nowadays.”
I agreed with Carol that I would stay until the end of term after the exams, and so as not to rock the boat would continue as ‘Miss Campbell’, after which I would be hanging up my skirts - except on a few special occasions like the annual class reunions.
The girls were all working hard, particularly those sitting externally-assessed exams at the end of term, but the more junior classes had a less demanding timetable. Although Kirsty Caroline and Fiona were only 14, they were playing in the school hockey first team with girls 2 years older and between them were the star performers. I managed to find time to give them the extra coaching they needed, particularly how to deal with bigger stronger opposition by using their speed and agility. One big thing I would definitely miss about leaving Abbey High and my life as a female teacher was running around on the hockey pitch wearing my games skirt with my hair in a ponytail.
With their natural talent, and the experience of the older girls, they scraped through with a narrow win into the final of the County Cup. There was a buzz of excitement around the school at the thought of repeating our one major success of those many years ago. however it was not to be, that year anyway. Despite leading for most of the match, they were hit with two late goals to lose, but lose with honour and pride at how much they had improved this year.
With a heavy heart and some regrets, I left at the end of term, with tears from some of the girls, and some from me too, but I did promise to keep in touch with Kirsty and Fiona to make sure that Fiona did not face any major difficulties with her new life.
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2 Years later
I had settled into life at Kirkby Priory School and established myself with both the pupils and other staff. As Head of department I was kept busy and didn’t have time to do any sports coaching, which was just as well, as their big sport was Rugby which wasn’t exactly my favourite. I occasionally went to watch the hockey matches at Abbey High, just standing on the touchlines as a spectator. Sometimes, if I had noticed any particular faults in their play, or where they had not made the best of opportunities I had a word with Kirsty afterwards, who passed things on to the others as if she was the coach.
As I had thought, as Kirsty, Fiona and Caroline matured they turned into exceptional players and the team went on to win the league and cup double to follow on from the success of my year in the team. Fiona was blossoming as she was now getting treated for her gender dysphoria, and the hormones were kicking in, she was turning into a smart attractive young woman and I was glad of the part I had played in letting her live her life as the girl she had always felt herself to be.
At home, Issy was now running around and was a bundle of cuteness and energy and all my spare time was spent with Sara and her. I no longer dressed in women’s clothes on a regular basis, although if Issy was at her grandmother’s it was known to happen. We felt that until Issy was old enough to understand she would not see me dressed. The only time I went out in public was for the annual class reunion with the girls. They were delighted with the way the hockey team had improved, but slightly jealous that they had not only matched our achievements but had bettered them by winning the league by a record margin. Sara and I met up with Maggie Thomas many times, she became a good friend and kept my secret to herself, and, as Issy’s godmother, she filled in as a babysitter when grandparents were not available.
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8 Years later
Issy had developed as a bright, lively girl and it was soon time for her to go to senior school. I went round to see Carol Cummings, who was still headmistress, to arrange to enrol her into Abbey High the following year. She was delighted that I wanted to carry on from being a pupil and teacher to being a parent of a girl at the school. She told that many of the girls I had been in class with, or on the hockey team with, or who attended the reunions, had their own children at school now.
“You know Robin, as a former ‘Pupil of the Year’ and as a former teacher here that you should be eligible for a substantial reduction in the fees, perhaps even a full scholarship for Isobel. Obviously I will need to get approval, but I can’t see any problems, how does that sound.”
“That would help a lot, but even if it doesn’t work out I would still like Issy to attend here, it did an awful lot for me and many of the other girls I meet at the reunions, and I would like her to have the same opportunities.”
“That brings me nicely onto another matter. I will be retiring next year and the Governors are about to start looking for my replacement. I hear that you have done really well at Kirkby and are in line for promotion to Deputy Head of School. Do you think you could give that up to return here to take over from me?”
“That would be amazing Carol, I never thought about it as I am still the only male teacher you have ever had here, and didn’t consider that the board would ever appoint a man as Head.”
“That is why I brought this up after you just talked about the ‘other’ girls at your reunions. Do you think that you could consider being ‘Headmistress’? You do make a very attractive and passable woman and if you and Sara think that you could cope with being ‘Ms Campbell’ full-time for a few years it will be a great opportunity for you. As I said, a lot of the women at the reunions have their children here now, and they know you as a woman. None of the pupils you taught and who knew you as both ‘Mr Campbell’ and ‘Miss Campbell’ are here anymore, and most of those remembered you as ‘Miss Campbell’ anyway. If you can cope with it, I am sure there will be no problems at the school.
“I don’t know what to say Carol, you’ve taken me by surprise. I’ve put all that dressing behind me, at least in public, I don’t know how Sara will react and how we will deal with Issy, but I will have a think about it and let you know.”
As soon as I got home I sat Sara down for a serious discussion.
“You know that I have been offered the Deputy Headship at Kirkby and that would be a great opportunity for me, well I’ve just unofficially been offered the headship at Abbey High when Carol retires next year. That is the really good news, but the not-so-good news is that the post would be as Headmistress, they have never had a male Head and Carol thinks they will want to keep it that way. The big ethos in the school is that girls should be given all the opportunities that boys have, and that it would go against that principle to appoint a man in charge.
That would be a big problem for you too Sara as it would mean living full-time in public as effectively a female couple, either as sisters or being seen as a lesbian couple, but nowadays that sort of thing is tolerated, if not accepted. We would be living in the Head’s Lodge in the school grounds. so we would be moving from here to the other side of the town where I am not so well known. do you think you could live with that or should I just stay at Kirkby? The other big thing to consider is how Issy would react to suddenly losing her father and having two mothers.”
“I don’t think it would be a problem for Issy. A few weeks ago she came across some photos of you dressed up for your reunions and wanted to know who the pretty lady was. She recognised you somehow and keeps asking whether she could meet you sometime, as a woman, I think she is quite taken with the idea of you in a dress. In some ways I would prefer the prestige of being the wife of the Deputy Head, and maybe someday the Head, at Kirkby Priory School, however I know how much Abbey High is in your blood, and how much it would mean to you to be the Head there. As long as you are still there as my husband when I need you, I think I could live with the scandal and gossip of being the partner of the Headmistress. It’s up to you, whichever you prefer, but don’t underestimate the difficult challenges you will face if you choose Abbey High.”
“ Let’s sleep on it Sara and talk again tomorrow, it’s a massive decision and there is no need to rush into it.”
“ Robin, when I first got to really know you it was as a girl, when we met in the shop when you were out with Josie, and I helped you to adjust and fit in at Abbey High. For almost a year you were living as a girl and we were hanging around together, and since we became partners and husband and wife you have often dressed in skirts. I know you almost as well as a female as I do as a male. When you were teaching at Abbey High and dressing as a woman you fitted in really well and came across as quite natural, you only really stopped so as not to confuse Issy. If Issy can accept you as a woman, and I believe she will, I am happy to accept how you want to live your life. Let me have a word with her in the morning to make sure, then you can get dressed and we can all go out for the day together to see how she interacts with you.”
Later that morning, fully dressed and made-up, I was introduced to Issy. When she first saw me her eyes were like saucers and all teary and glazed. She ran over and hugged me as tight as she ever had.
“ Oh I love you like that Daddy, or should I call you Mummy, you are so pretty. Why have I never seen you like this before? Mummy says we are all going out together for the day, it will be good fun to all be girls together for a change.”
We did have a fun day, walking in the park feeding the ducks and swans, going to Issy’s favourite burger restaurant for lunch, shopping for some new dresses, underclothes and make-up for me, and a new skirt and some tops for Issy. After I got accustomed to being out in public again as a woman, it was just a normal pleasant relaxing day. We arrived home tired but happy, the day couldn’t have gone better with Issy.
“I can’t call you both Mummy, I’ll call you Mam, the same as you call my Granny, that way you will know who I am talking too. I loved today out with you and Mummy, can you not be my Mam all the time?
“ We’ll talk again tomorrow pet, it’s time for your bed, but I am sure you will see me again. I think that you should call me Auntie Robin, rather than Mam, it might be better.”
That was the moment that decided it. Sara and I had a long chat and decided that I should accept the position of headmistress at Abbey High. The school had played a significant part in my life and it had a strong attraction for me. Sara again emphasised that she could live with me presenting as a woman, as long as I was a man in the bedroom and at other times when she needed me to be.
I went in to see Carol Cummings the following day, fully in female mode, and told her that I would be interested, if the governors could accept me.
“I’ve been talking to a few friends about your situation. As far as your official records are concerned, you can get them all changed to show you as a female, you don’t have to have a physical transition if you don’t want to. For legal child-protection reasons I think the Governors have to be aware about you, but there is no reason for anyone else to know, not even the other staff. Obviously you will have to have an official interview, but with my recommendation that will be a formality. You are a former pupil, indeed our first ‘pupil of the year’, you have been a successful teacher here, both academically and with the sports teams, you have done really well and been offered a Deputy Headship at your current school, you will be an asset to Abbey High.
The start of the Autumn term saw me start in my new role. Over the summer I had my gender re-registered, and let my hair grow out so that I no longer needed a wig, we had moved into the Head’s Lodge, and Sara and Issy were introduced to everyone as my Sister and Niece, whether people believed it or not.
The staff all started a week before the pupils so that we could get to know each other and plan lessons. I was pleasantly surprised find that I already knew two of the teaching staff. Fiona Jones had gone on to university after her transition to study art and design and that was her speciality subject although most of our teachers taught several subjects at the more junior level. Kirsty Scott had had a successful time playing hockey at County level while at university and had attended training camps with the national team, although not managing an appearance. She was to teach history and run the sports department with help from Fiona. The pair of them were delighted to see me again and promised to do their best to help me settle in to my new role.
The next week the girls started back at school and at the first morning assembly I introduced myself to them and gave a little pep talk.
“Good morning girls, welcome to the new year at Abbey High, particularly those who are here for the first time. I hope you will find that you can talk to each other, or to any of your teachers, or even to myself, if you have any problems. One of the most important lessons that I would like you all to learn and take away with you when you leave sometime in the future is that if you help each other, you will get the help returned when you have need of it. I first came here as a pupil acting as a Good Samaritan to help a girl I knew who was having a really bad time from some bullies, and was quickly accepted. I made some friends that I still have, including the mothers of some of you, that were pupils here with me, and some of your teachers. You will hopefully learn a lot of academic things here to help you in your future careers, but please also use your time at Abbey High to learn things that will help you in your personal life too. Be like the Good Samaritan and help each other and you will all be better people for doing it. That’s all girls, now off to your lessons and I hope we all have a successful year. My new life was just beginning
Comments
Thanks
Thanks for giving us this great story
* sniff* sob*
Oh Gill, you have really moved me with this wonderful story.
Do you remember Robin Williams in " Dead Poets society"?
Well this story has moved me as much.. I'm all up for climbing on the desks and saying " Oh Captain my Captain"
Robin is s wonderful person, Sara is a very understanding and fine wife, and Izzy sounds just do wonderful...but it is the ex pupils.. especially Fiona, working there that had me genuinely in tears....
Tis the good that we do that will be remembered, to misquote Shakespeare.
Oh Gill, thank you so much, I haven't had s good " happy cry" since New Year's Eve when we watched " While You were sleeping" (ok, buts my favourite Christmas movie .)
Love Lucy xxx
"Lately it occurs to me..
what a long strange trip its been."
Excellent
An excellent story well told!
Glenda Ericsson