Summer with Em - Chapter 25

By Julie D Cole

I burst into tears and ran to the nearest bathroom across the entrance foyer. It didn’t matter that it was the female toilet I went into. I was past caring if anybody complained and who cares anyway. I seemed to be more and more emotional these days that coincided with arriving in Manchester.

Luckily there was nobody in the bathroom and I stopped and looked at myself in the large mirror with hardly able to control myself. It seemed a safe space for a while. It wasn’t as if women paraded about half dressed in their bathrooms waving their private parts about like had happened in the male bathrooms at school and college. Crude and disgusting behavior especially if quiet and polite boys like me entered who they viewed as queer. I’d learned to avoid the bully boys and hold on as long as possible to avoid lewd remarks and pushing and shoving.

I wet my fingers and cooled my eyes before entering the first cubicle and sat down with my head in my hands trying to stop the flow of tears.

My adventure in Manchester with Em had to come to an end and it would be best to head home as soon as possible back to the safety of my bedroom. I’d be embarrassed to show my face in the centre from now on and no doubt asked to leave. Which cruel person had thought such a thing never mind tell reporters.

Who knew the whole truth about me apart from Bec’s. I’d let Em talk me into this and mum had seemed OK about it and I’d been enjoying myself experiencing a different life and had been readily accepted. But hitting headlines on the BBC website of all places would cause me all sorts of problems when I returned to college. What would mums friends and colleagues say when news got around that she had a freak as a son?

It was a good ten minutes before I was able to calm right time and I took several deep breaths. My stomach was still churning over and I had a pain between my ribcage and my breasts were aching. I wished I could curl up and hide or even worse disappear forever.

I couldn’t face anybody anymore like this and what will Frankie say if she sees the headlines if I couldn’t get to her first. Even so she would feel I’d led her along and not told her when I’d had the chance. I was a coward. The newspaper was bad enough but at least it had limited circulation. Helen said that my photo and name were on a BBC news website. I had no chance to keep it quiet to choose my moment.

My head was spinning since whatever I did I knew it was disaster. If I returned to my male guise as I’d intended when I got home at the end of the summer I’d be labelled a queer, a tranny, a pervert and everything in between. Even my girlfriends at college might take two steps back. If I decided to carry on dressing like this it would be even more difficult because I’d be an outcast like many others.

I had to face up to the situation and see Bec’s to offer to leave immediately. I wished there was a tunnel directly to her office so I didn’t need to show my face to anybody. Should I stay here until the centre closed or try to climb out of a window even.

I heard someone enter the bathroom and then there was a knock on the door. It was Helens voice. She asked if I was alright and to come out so that she could help.

‘You can’t. Nobody can unless they can turn back the clock two weeks and start over or unless they can beam me home somehow without anybody seeing me.’

‘Come on Kim don’t get so upset. Nobody here is going to make any judgements. Bec’s has already told the few people who matter in confidence. As far as we are all concerned you are one of the girls. None of the guys know.’

‘But they will now. It’s guys who are cruel. I hate them. All of them. They don’t seem to have feelings. I’m not like them. I’ve never felt comfortable as far back as I can remember.’

‘Come on Kim let me see you. I’ll go with you to have a chat with Bec’s and maybe it would be best if I ran you home.’

‘What’s that going to solve? I can’t keep working here now. It would be best if I left altogether. ’

I unlocked the door and she hugged me. Then she helped my tidy up and look presentable. I had Panda bear eyes as my mascara had run but with Helens help most of it was cleaned from my cheeks.

‘Come on Kim it’s not the end of the world. You’re not the first transgender girl we’ve employed and you won’t be the last I assure you.’

‘But I’m not transgender. I just let Em encourage me to try some things on and it got out of hand.’

‘Well Kim to be perfectly honest you act and behave like any of the other girls here and you look so cute. As long as you respect others and don’t encroach on their privacy I can’t see how anybody can object if you are employed as a young woman and dress like one. What’s to be scared of? It’s not like you are doing it for sexual pleasure or to attack anybody is it?’

‘No it’s not like it’s me when I look in the mirror. It’s as if it’s somebody else taken over in my body and I’m lending it.’

‘ Come on this is getting a bit too heavy for me let’s go see Bec’s. My advice is that you ride this out and try to stay calm. Things are rarely as bad as they seem at first.’

She held my hand and led me across reception to Bec’s office. The girls behind the desk tried to avoid looking me in the eye and I looked at my feet so that I didn’t give them chance.

Bec’s was just finishing a call and she beckoned us to sit down. She seemed a bit agitated. Helen closed the door for privacy. As Bec’s turned and put her phone down she said something under her breath loud enough for us to hear ‘Stupid Bitch.’

Helen asked what was wrong.

‘It was the Area Manager, you met her once remember?’

‘What has she said to make you so angry?’

‘She called to say how angry she was about the bad publicity and how I ought to vet staff properly before employing them. Stupid woman.’

‘But you do vet people and send everything to Head Office.’

‘Yes I know but she is so far up her own rear end she can’t hear anything. Anyway to make matters worse she tried to give me her views on morals and behavior of people and what to look for when interviewing staff. She is coming up to officially reprimand me.’

I sat quietly through the exchanges dumfounded. All this trouble because of me.’

Bec’s reached out and took my hand. ‘Don’t worry Kim she went too far this time she’ll be gone by the end of the week just watch.’

‘How?’

‘I recorded the whole conversation and her references to not employing gays, lesbians, transgenders and the like. I said that was her personal opinion not Company policy and that she needed to realise what she was saying was not politically correct. ’

Helen spoke because I was still too upset. ‘So the point that is missed here is that a member of staff probably saved a members life. Is she mad?’

‘You know my views. She is out of her league and just a small minded and self- opinionated woman who gives the organisation a bad name. Anyway I told her that I am bisexual and we are a broad church like most organisations. She accused me of blasphemy and her church has strong views about what’s right and what’s wrong. That’s when I ended the call. I’d had enough.’

I finally had the strength to speak and said to Bec’s that I had decided to leave because I had caused so much offence and embarrassed everybody. To be fair she would have none of it.

‘But I am not transgender. Who told them such a lie.’

‘I asked the staff here and nobody admits to saying anything to reporters. I think they just got your name and maybe the BBC used their powers and connections to check your details with head office and drew their own conclusions. Somebody may have seen my interview notes.’

‘So did you say I was transgender?’

‘No if you recall I interviewed you in boy mode and when I saw you dressed like this I had no problems with how you chose to present and just added that. It’s my decision as long as precautions were taken.’

We chatted a while and I felt better. Bec’s had ful confidence in me and Helen agreed with her. They decided Helen should tke me back to the apartment and return the next day but I should expect some attempts to contact me directly but to stay strong and just say ‘no comment.’

‘I’ll try but I’m not a politician.’

On the way home I tried to call Frankie but her phone was switched off so I left a voice mail to contact me when she could. It was rare for her to be switched off.

I took a shower after Helen dropped me off and made myself a pot of tea checking my i-phone for any more news reports. I was still on the BBC news site but nothing more anywhere else other than the report of the incident. So the guy was an ex-mayor and a prominent figure in the area.

I sent a couple of text messages to Frankie but still no response. I hoped she wasn’t angry with me that would be the final nail. I never intended to hurt anybody.

I opened my i-pad up to get a better view of the information and my photo had been taken at the centre by a photographer. It was a good shot and in normal circumstances I’d have been impressed.

I started my research about the poor guy I’d helped rescue George Wilkinson. He didn’t seem such a nice guy since he’d cause a lot of anger whilst in office. Now I began to understand the significance of the headline.

The Gay Pride marches had started in Manchester back in 1985 after a lot of pressure and George Wilkinson had fought hard to stop them right through until 2003 saying it would bring trouble to the region and attract the wrong sort of people. The fight had continued even after the Manchester Pride Organisation was formed and he was still arguing that all gays should be banned and the Canal Street area closed down over the next 10 years until he eventually resigned from the Council.

I’d saved a man who hated gay people but I wasn’t gay or transgender. Or was I. Now I was confused because I was beginning to feel more comfortable like this and I was a lot more confident in myself.

There was a ding on my i-phone with a message from Frankie. ‘Sorry I have been dealing with an urgent matter. I’m at Manchester General Hospital but I’ll call you when I can.’