Summer With Em - Chapter 22

By Julie D Cole

As I swiped the screen on my phone to end the call it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It was like I was being given a complete free reign to stay as I was and continue to explore this other side of me. Nobody so far had seemed to be critical or embarrassed. Only me I suppose.

I felt like I wanted to go to the balcony and scream or better still to go back downstairs and run around the quadrangle jumping with joy and shouting ‘Yes…Yes….Yes’ pumping the air like a crazy football supporter whose team had just scored a vital goal.

I wondered what dad would have made of this were he still around. But so what for now at least ‘C’est la Vie.’

Then I heard the door open as Em and Bec’s returned arm in arm. They didn’t separate even though I was there and they sat together on the sofa and asked how my call with mum had gone. I was bubbling with joy and sat on the edge of my chair as I explained how positive and supportive mum had been.

Em stood up letting go of Bec’s and came across to give me a great big hug. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and falling onto her shoulders. Bec’s brought a tissue and joined the hug. It was only a phone call but Em had been right. Both her and mum must surely have colluded.

Bec’s spoke out as we settled back into our seats. ‘Kim let me just say how lucky you are to have so much support from your mum and Em. So many people in your situation aren’t so lucky that leads to all sorts of problems and often there are no winners at all.’

‘But I’m only experimenting Bec’s. It’s not like I want to stay permanently like this. I’m still a boy underneath these clothes and I can never imagine I’d be able to retain these features as I matured. Don’t you think most boys go through this phase as their body develops. I’m just behind most of the guys I know.’

‘Well if I may say you are leaving it a bit late if you are expecting to fill out and to start shaving and all. Most boys start at 14 or so and by your age they are full of testosterone and they are like hairy gorillas.’

‘Do you think I have something wrong with me?’

‘Not necessarily but maybe it’s time to ask the question to a professional. I know a few people but really you need to register with a local GP or see your own if you are going home at all.’

‘I don’t want to.’

Em piped up. ‘What do you mean you don’t want to?’

‘Well maybe at the end of the summer but can’t I just stay like this. I can’t imagine I’d feel comfortable with you all dressed as myself.’

‘Kim maybe this is yourself. We ought to discuss with your mum.’

‘Yes. She wants to come up this week sometime to see me. Do you think that’s OK?’

‘Of course I’m sure it can be arranged.’
‘But you are short of space.’

‘Well for a couple of nights we can find a solution I’m sure.’

‘How about I stay with Frankie since she has offered?’

‘Oh so you’ve soon changed your tune. What’s happened.’

‘Well I’m sure she had no ulterior motif for inviting me. We’ve only just met and she insn’t over Steph yet.’

‘But when you house share there is no privacy. Especially between girlfriends. Are you sure you could maintain the distance and keep your secret. You know how smart she is and she may already have drawn her own conclusions.’

‘Well maybe the best thing is if I come straight with her now mum knows. It’s not like she had an issue with Stephs sexuality.’

‘In all honesty that’s what Bec’s and I would have suggested if you’d asked our advice. I’m sure Frankie will react positively.’

‘I hope so since I really like her. She is so smart and easy to talk to.’

‘What if she were to want to take matters a little further? She isn’t backward in coming forward if a girl takes her eye and she does seem smitten by you.’

‘I don’t know but anyway it may never happen. Mum might not be able to get time off and it may be inconvenient for Frankie.’

‘So when do you intend to come clean? You’ve missed your chance today.’

‘’ I’m not sure. I wondered about meeting her for a coffee or something after work on Tuesday or Wednesday since she wanted to meet. I don’t think I should tell her over the phone tonight.’

‘No I agree you’d be better face to face. So have you thought about getting to work and back. It’s a bus ride or a 20 minute walk.’

‘I was thinking about walking since the weather is nice at the moment. Why?’

‘Well it’s an early start and you have to be there by 7am. Would you like me to drop you off?’

‘It’s not necessary Em thanks. I don’t expect to be chauffeured everywhere and you’ve all been overly kind.’

‘Yes but remember you don’t have the experience of growing up as female and learning to avoid eye contacts or deal with touchy feely men who might rub against you.’

‘Why would they do that? I never did anything like that at home and I travelled public transport a lot.’

‘Yes but I can’t be their all the time to steer you and this will be your first day out there on your own. Then there is work and you might come across some prejudice even though Bec’s has made it clear you are to be treated as one of the girls.’

‘Em please. I’m not expecting any problems and I’m not a freak. I’m really excited to get this chance and I’ve already seen that I’m treated differently and I like it. I can’t believe it when I see myself in a mirror or a shop window. I want to stop and check myself out. I owe this all to you.’

Bec’s chipped in. ‘Em don’t scare her, it’s a safe area with plenty of people about even at 6-30 am. It’s not a difficult route even if she takes the bus that is virtually door to door from the stop downstairs.’

Bec’s reference to me as her and she felt bit strange but I’d have to get used to that I supposed. She wasn’t due to start work at 9am and it wouldn’t be appropriate for her to give me a lift even if we started at the same time. I felt I needed to be careful not to refer to her as Bec’s and I didn’t want colleagues to find out she had all but moved in with Em.

I decided to prepare for work the following day because of the early start and I also needed a shower before bed after being out all day. So I left Em and Bec’s in the lounge to enjoy some private time together. My uniform outfit was already ironed and I packed it in the sports bag that Em loaned me. I decided to travel to work in jeans and a top and to change in the locker room. I had my own storage locker big enough to keep a few things.

I was getting behind schedule since I had to call Frankie before bed so I quickly removed my make-up and showered. I’d already picked up some sun on my arms and legs so I applied some lotion once I was dry. I popped on a short nightdress and dressing gown that Em had gifted me and sat and applied some night cream on my face. I didn’t seem to look any less feminine without make-up and the low cut nightdress meant my boobies were partly exposed. I wasn’t in the least bit embarrassed to look like I did. Neither was I feeling any guilt or worried about being interrupted should Em or Bec’s visit. I intended to make myself a milky drink to sip whilst I talked with Frankie and a WhatsApp message came through to jolly me up.
Em and Becs were snuggled together on the sofa when I went through to the kitchenette. I offered them a drink but both politely declined. They weren’t quite finished whatever they were doing so I hurried as quickly as I could.

Em reminded me to take my tablets before I went back to my bedroom and I settled into bed to call Frankie. I took a sip before I started and she responded immediately saying ‘Hello Girlfriend how are you.’

We’d only been apart less than 2 hours but nevertheless I answered politely and she insisted on a video call so she could see me. She was also ready for bed since she had an early start although she opted for a deep blue silk pyjama set that suited her. She commented on my boobies and I felt myself blushing with embarrassment.

‘Did you call your mum yet t let her know you got home safe after being out with a crazy driver today?’

‘Yes I called her but I felt safe with you. I didn’t think you were crazy. Just a bit fast on the open roads. Faster than me anyway but then I only get to drive moms car occasionally. It’s not as powerful as yours.’

‘Maybe I’ll let you have a drive sometime if you like.’
‘Really. I’d like that.’

‘We could do lots of things together if you like whilst you are up here. Maybe you won’t want to go home at the end of the summer if you play your cards right. You never know. ’

‘Mmm maybe we’ll have to see.’

‘Well you’ve no boyfriend or girlfriend to worry about have you?’

‘No nobody would have me.’

‘Poor you. All alone. We’ll have to resolve that. I’m going to be here for you anyway. I hope we can become good friends. I’m not attached and since the loss of Steph I’ve become a bit of a recluse. Luckily Em and Bec’s helped me through the darkest days. I owe them.’

‘You all seem to be good friends.’

‘Yes we are and I like the rest of our group of friends too. As you could see on Friday night we support each other and we like to have a good time. We’ve been friends for quite a while now.’

‘Yes I’ve been lucky to be included. But luckier still today to be spoiled by you. It doesn’t seem right. I’ve been brought up to pay my corner and not take generosity for granted.’

‘Well I was brought up to treat people kindly and be giving, so I have enjoyed treating you and you helped me more than you could know. I needed to go back and face some demons that have troubled me and now I’ve met you I’ve realised that as one door closes another opens.’

‘What do you mean? ‘

‘That’s for another day let’s keep this light please. I want to reflect on our day with a happy feeling inside. I hope we can do it again.’

‘What go back to Darley Dale.?

‘Not necessarily. I meant to spend time with you and to take you places.’

‘Yes I’d like that too but it’s difficult for me. I can’t get too involved with anybody right now. I don’t think you would like me really and I don’t want either of us to get hurt.’

‘Don’t be so negative Kimmie. It’s not like I’m asking you to marry me or anything. Why wouldn’t I like you.’

‘Well I’d rather discuss this face to face if you don’t mind. Not over the phone. I need time to think. Everything is moving so fast since I arrived in Manchester. Will you forgive me? ’

‘Nothing to forgive. Do you mean for being negative or keeping me at a distance? I’m not going to give up on you. Whatever is troubling you can be worked out I’m sure.’

‘Thanks but for now I’m scared.’

‘Scared of falling in love.’

‘Perhaps or scared of the consequences of my selfishness.’

‘Well until you tell me more I can’t understand your concerns. How about we meet Tuesday evening and I’ll take you to dinner somewhere quiet?’

OK that would be nice. Shall we talk tomorrow. I’d like an early night so I’m fresh tomorrow for work.’

‘No problem Kimmie. Sleep well and relax.’

‘Thnks Frankie for being so understanding. Night.’