Summer with Em – Chapter 17

By Julie D Cole

We sat down on the grassy bank to enjoy the view across the National Park that was lush and green. Frankie edged closer to me pointing out landmarks leaning so close that I could feel her breath on my cheek and her breast against my arm. I looked out following the direction of her outstretched arm and pointed finger. I daren’t move a muscle in case I sent out the wrong signal as much as I was attracted to her.

My lack of response seemed to disappoint Frankie who withdrew a little so I turned to face her and she smiled and her eyes locked on mine. I sighed and she asked if I was happy and comfortable sitting so close to her. I was caught in her deep blue eyes so I just nodded. I seemed incapable of speaking. Her eyes were beautifully hypnotic and seemed to be penetrating mine searching my mind. I guess I’d always avoided eye contact growing up in case people could work out what I was thinking and I was never sure.

‘Kimmie you are very pretty today that seems to be natural. Did you inherit it from your mother or your fathers side of the family?’

‘I guess more from my mother’s side that excites her because she likes to compare me with photo’s of her at the same age.’

‘Yes I remember Em showing me photo’s of the two of them and maybe we’ll ask her to get her album out later to look at her as well since you also seem like sisters. Maybe she has some photo’s of you growing up. I’d like to see if you’ve changed.’

My fears suddenly went into overdrive since I wondered if Frankie had her suspicions about me and in any case even if not she might soon find out. It wasn’t like all this was intentional on my part and I’d never arrived in Manchester aiming to dress and act as a girl. It just happened. It wasn’t as if I was deliberately leading her on or trying to mislead her but I’d found that dressing and behaving like this was exciting. It meant that I was treated differently and it felt so nice.

‘Kimmie did you know that Em and I met at college in Manchester and we shared a house with two other girls and then moved out to live together, just the two of us, for a while. I had boyfriends and also girlfriends sometimes but Em didn’t mind. Rebecca came and stayed over sometimes and slept with Em when she did. We got on well together and have stayed friends.’

‘So didn’t you have a steady relationship then?’

‘No not since I lived near Buxton when I was at school.’

‘Did you lose contact then? Were you in love with him?’

‘It never went that far but I was helping him because he was different and he was having a lot of trouble with his family. He became like a sister to me and he asked my advice on all sorts of things.’

‘Oh so what’s happened to him has he moved away?’

‘He’s gone. He was so special and it took me a long time to recover. He was bullied and worse than that his family didn’t seem to understand him or realize the pain he was going through.’

‘ Oh I’m so sorry so if he has gone from your life did you try to contact him or keep in touch? Will he come back do you think?’

‘Would that he could because he had so much to offer the world. So smart and so artistic and he excelled at most things and he loved music.’

‘So did that put you off men and influence your opinions about them?’

‘Well I decided to take my revenge on men because they’d bullied him and forced him to feel guilty and he withdrew into himself. I saw his personality change and tried to make him come to his senses but really I didn’t know the half of it. Please let’s not talk of sad things because we came out to have fun. You remind me of him in a way.‘

‘But he was a boy wasn’t he?’

‘Sometimes but with me he was Steph not Steve. He never liked Stephen but he did like Stephanie so we shortened it to Steph. He was happy when we were together but sad when he went home. He had beautiful eyes like yours.’

I wasn’t sure where the conversation was leading us but it was upsetting Frankie so I stood up and pulled her to her feet. She tried to hide her tears and pretended that a fly had flown into her eye and turned away. I offered her a tissue that she used to wipe her cheeks and pretended she’d got it.

We headed back down the hill to the car and I took her hand. She was quiet for most of the way down and I didn’t say anything to let her recover her normal self.

Once back at the car Frankie suggested we drive around Darley Dale and Buxton. She drove much more slowly than on the journey down from Manchester pointing out landmarks. She pulled up outside a small gift shop and suggested I look around whilst she ran a small errand.

I went inside and turned to look through the window and watched her walk across the road and through the gates of the village church and round the back. She was back about 20 minutes later and met me inside the shop as I was looking at some inexpensive necklaces and bracelets.

‘Are you ok Frankie you look upset.’

‘I’m fine I just visited mum and dad’s graves but what upset me was visiting Steph’s. She was just twenty-one when she decided she’d had enough. But what about me? I’m left behind.’

‘Frankie I’m so sorry are you OK to drive?’

‘I will be soon. Come on there is a tea shop a short walk away lets go and try some local cake and a pot of tea. I want to buy some flowers to put on the two graves and you can help me if you like.’

The tea certainly worked wonders and Frankie knew the owner that helped a lot as they reminisced. Frankie was seen as the local girl who made good. I was introduced as a close friend. We selected carrot cake and shared a slice with Frankie teasing me by feeding me rather than me using my own fork. At least she was back smiling.

Then as we left she purchased three bunches of flowers and she said her goodbye from her friend and we headed to the church. I was very nervous since graveyards reminded me of evil things and that one day it would be me buried and lost in one of these places and it always sent a cold shiver down my spine. I wasn’t exactly dressed for visiting grave sides and at Frankies request I carried the flowers.

Frankie directed me to her parents grave and then to her friend Stephs. We stopped at both whilst she prayed. Well more like she spoke to each of them in turn as she placed the flowers carefully. Perhaps they could hear her and perhaps not but it was comforting Frankie.

I read the epitaphs and the message on Stephs gravestone that was moving. ‘ In memory of a beautiful daughter and a wonderful son so dearly loved and misunderstood. Forgive us our sins.’

It was a shock and it made me think that I where my current joy of dressing and the happiness it was bringing me might end if I didn’t think carefully. Perhaps I had to stop and at least talk it over with Em because I didn’t want to risk hurting my mother and leading a life where I might be rejected. Frankie noticed the tears in my eyes and put her arm around me offering a tissue.

‘Sorry Kimmie I didn’t bring you here to upset you, I should have come alone.’

‘But it’s so sad and you told me he was like a sister and became a special friend. Was he a boy or a girl?’

‘He was both as it says a beautiful young woman and a wonderful young man. I fell in love with both. But he was so hurt by negative comments and bullying that whatever I said she felt out of place. I should have taken her away where people would only see the woman she became.’

‘So you didn’t mind that she was different?’

‘She wasn’t different at all she was just misunderstood.’

I was beginning to think that this visit to Darley Dale had a purpose and that Frankie knew more than she was prepared to let on. She took my arm and we headed back to her car.

‘Thank you for coming here with me today. It wasn’t my intention when we set out but you remind me so much of Steph that I wanted you to meet her.’