‘I jumped out of bed, going over to the port hole thingie and looked out. It was going to be another hot day and the sea looked calm and not sick making… a good omen!
 
Working Girl ~ Life Goes On! Final Chapter
 
By Susan Brown
 

 
 

Previously on Working Girl ~ Life Goes On!

I woke up early, expecting to be depressed and everything, but for some reason, I wasn’t. During the night I had had a metamorf..metermur…erm, a complete change in the way I felt about things. It must have been my talk with Patrick or something. I saw clearly that I had not been in charge of my destiny. I was like a ping pong ball, being pinged when I wanted to be ponged…I thought about that for a moment, thinking that it didn’t sound quite right, but I knew what I meant, I wasn’t going to be pushed around any more, The worm had turned!

And now, on with the story…

I jumped out of bed, going over to the port hole thingie and looked out. It was going to be another hot day and the sea looked calm and not sick making… a good omen!

Wondering, on the off chance, that Sheila was back, I went out of my room and over the plush carpet of the reception room to her boudoir. I knocked on the door and hearing no answer, I tentatively opened the door. The still made up bed told its own story…she had slept elsewhere; what a surprise!

The mood I was in, I couldn’t have cared less. If she wanted to bed the whole ships crew (a distinct possibility) it was up to her. I was standing on my own two feet now and I was going to be the mistress of my own fate.

I remembered from the ship’s guide book, that we were arriving in a port today. I couldn’t remember quite where it was, it had a name like fruit, orange…no, banana…nope, tangerine; that was it…Tangiers.

There were several tour buses to pick people up and I fancied going because the furthest abroad I had been when I was young was The Isle of White!

I went into the bathroom, took off my silky nightie and let it drop to the ground. In moments, I was under the hot jets and getting all nice and clean. I then washed my hair, which was getting quite long by now. After rinsing my locks, I used the conditioner, guaranteed to make my hair manageable and shiny, remembering to leave it on for a few minutes before washing it off. Ooh it felt soft and silky once I had dried it with the hair dryer.

Walking over to my closet, I had a problem, what to wear? I knew I had to be a bit careful as local custom and leering locals meant that I didn’t want to show much of my English rose type flesh; yes all right I had a few unwanted spots, but a girl can dream can’t she?

‘Right,’ I thought decisively, ‘let’s get going….Twenty minutes later, I had tried on most of my wardrobe and finished up wearing the things that I had first tried on.

Looking at myself in the mirror I quickly gave myself the once over. I didn’t have much time as the ship had now docked and I needed to hurry up or would miss the tour bus! It was a good job I wasn’t hungry so I didn’t need to fortify myself with cornflakes this morning.

Okay, back to the mirror. I saw a quite pretty girl with shoulder length blond hair, light makeup and sensible clothes. I had on a white, cheesecloth long sleeved blouse and matching gipsy style long skirt. Around my neck I had a colourful red and blue silk scarf. I wasn’t wearing any tights or stockings as it was too hot for that, just some low heeled strappy sandals which were comfortable and good to walk in. To finish, I had a sort of floppy straw hat which I hoped would keep the sun off my head a bit. All in all, I was pleased with the effect and thought I scrubbed up well. I was also pleased that I was able to do this without the help of Sheila!

I left the cabin and shut the door behind me, making sure it was securely locked; I didn’t want any more strange rose in teeth people visiting while I was out!

‘Ullo Miss, yer lookin very edible this mornin’,’

It was the little cheeky chappie himself, Arfer.

‘Hello there.’ I said brightly.

‘Are you goin’ art?’

‘Art?’

‘Yus art.’

‘Oh, out you mean; yes I’m going on the bus tour.’

‘Well be careful art there, it’s full of bleedin foreigners.’

‘Have they cut themselves?’

‘Wot?’

‘If they’re bleeding.’

‘Wot?’

‘Never mind; I’ll be careful.’

‘You goin’ wiv that Tim bloke?’

‘No, by myself, but with the tour guide and everyone else there, I’ll be okay.’

‘You be careful of those foreign blokes, they might get a bit leery and try to kidnap you and take you to a harem or somefink.’

‘I’ll try to avoid it but thanks for your concern.’

With that I left the little man and went down several corridors and flights of stairs until I got to the main dining room, where I met the other passengers who were also going on the tour.

There was a young woman there wearing a ships uniform, all buttons, bows and stripes, not my taste, but what do I know? She had a paper in her hand and she spoke in a monotime….metronom…flat voice.

‘Right ladies and gentleman. I am ships officer Petrie but you can call me Sally. In a few moments, we will go down to the bus. Just a few pointers though. Morocco is a mainly Muslim country and I would ask you to respect the people and their religion. The main language is Arabic, but many people, especially in the ports and tourist areas speak a least some form of English. Tangier, also known as the White City, revolves around its brilliant import and export port and you are sure to see many millionaires' yachts where the Mediterranean and Atlantic Ocean meets. After looking around, we will be going on a journey into the Rif Mountains to visit a traditional Berber souk or market which gathers weekly. The souk is one of the typical features of rural life in Morocco. Here, agrarian people come from the neighbouring hills to sell their goods and buy what they will need for the coming week. As well as finding local merchants, you will find the craftsmen — fixing shoes or welding a tea pot. There are also hairdressers and the soothsayers or medicine-men. You will also find the blacksmiths and the local dentist practicing their trade without any of the modern amenities. A visit to the rural souk is truly a journey back in time. En route back to Tangier we will visit Asilah, the fortified Portuguese village 46 km south of Tangier on the Atlantic coast. I hope that you all enjoy the tour, so ladies and gentlemen, shall we go?’

I won’t go on about the tour, I really enjoyed it. I hooked up with a couple from Scunthorpe who sort of adopted me for the trip. I know I was all independent and everything now, but it was nice to be with others.

One thing worth mentioning, apart from the occasional bum pinch and leery looks from the local yokels, was when I was in the market with my new friends, I saw a sort of tent affair, off to the side. There were several words in foreign type languages on a board outside; one word said ‘Fortune Teller.’ For some reason I was drawn to it and on being prompted by Betty and Fred (my friends) I found myself going in to the gloomy slightly smoky interior.

It took my eyes a few moments to get used to the gloom but I saw someone dressed in flowing robes, her head was covered with a scarf so only her dark green eyes showed through. She was sitting behind a red cloth covered table.

‘Gobbledegook.’ she said.

‘Pardon?’

‘Oh, you are American?’

‘No English?’

‘Ahh Engleesh. You want fortune told?’

‘Erm, how much is it?’

‘10 Dirhams.’

‘Do you accept British money?’

‘Yes, that will be ten pounds.’

I thought that it was a bit steep, but for some reason, gave her the money anyway.

The 10 pound note disappeared into her robes like some sort of vanishing trick and she looked at me with piecing eyes.

‘Sit.’

I sat.

‘Hands.’

I put my hands on the table and she grabbed them turning them over so she could see my palms.

She looked at them carefully.

‘Hmm.’ she said.

‘Hmm? I said.

‘Yes, hmm.’

She studied them a few more minutes. I was pleased that my hands were clean as it would have been embarrassing if they had been a bit grubby.

‘Ha!’ she exclaimed suddenly, making me jump slightly.

‘Ha?’ I said.

‘Yes, ha! you have interestink lines.’

‘I do?’

‘You do. You are not what you seem; you have had pain in the past and this is affecting you now. You are on the cusp?’

‘Will it hurt?’

‘What?’

The cusp?’

‘You not understand? The cusp it is, is is, star sign two signs you are between star signs, understand?’

‘Not really.’

She looked at me then her eyes went up as she muttered something about, ‘stupid girl.’

‘I explain. you are torn between two signs, birth signs. you have two souls in you. You need to decide which soul be strongest. Make wrong decision very bad, make right decision, very good, okay?’

‘Okaaay.’ I said not really understanding what the hell she was going on about.

She let my hand go and I stood up.

‘One other thing…’

‘Yes,’ I said as I turned away.

‘You will meet a tall dark stranger.’

‘Oh, I’ve already done that.’

‘Oh,’ she said, appearing a bit deflated.

It was early evening when we arrived back on the ship. I said goodbye to my friends, promising to meet up with them again and I found my way, somewhat footsore to my cabin.

On opening the door, I saw that it had happened again; the place had more flowers in it than a florist. The smell was a bit overpowering and I opened the doors leading to the balcony to let the air clear a bit.

Every bunch had a card attached. I picked up the nearest and it said:

To Toni, you light up my day ~ an admirer.

I picked up some more and they all said the same thing.

‘So, the fun continues,’ I thought.

There was still no sign of Sheila and I wondered a bit if she was avoiding me or something. Anyway I went over to the phone.

‘Hello, is Batman and Robin there…sorry Mick and Dave…Hello Dave, it’s Toni here, it’s happened again, more flowers.’

‘Right Miss, touch nothing, we’ll be there in a mo.’

I put the phone down, swept some flowers off the bed. I laid down looking at the ceiling. My mind was in turmoil. You might be wondering if I had been thinking about Tim and I must admit, throughout the day, my mind had gone back to him again and again. I knew that I needed to move on.

What Patrick had said was true. I had lied to Tim in a way as I had not mentioned the fact that I had an optional extra between my legs. The fact that I had now decided to have it removed didn’t make it any easier as I should have told him before. Knowing that Tim had another girl, hurt me a lot, but I could do nothing about it. Toni, Mark 1 would have just curled up in a ball or put her head in the sand hoping someone would help her get out of the mess, but Toni Mark 2 was made of sterner stuff. I decided that I would move on.

There was a knock on the door. I got up from the bed and opened it.

‘Hello.’ I said, looking at Mick and Dave standing there in flowery shirts, Bermuda shorts and sun glasses perched on there heads.

‘Hello, Miss,’ said Dave as the duo walked or shall I say swaggered in.

They looked around, picked up the flowers, looked at the hand written cards, mumbled things in each others ears, took notes and then turned to me. Mick was the spokesman today.

‘Well Miss; it’s the same modus operandi as the previous incident.’

‘What?’

‘Sorry Miss?’

‘What do you mean, ‘modus whatsit?’

‘Oh modus operandi means erm means…Dave?’

‘Yes, what Mick was trying to say is that it’s the same as before.’

‘I know that. What are you going to do about it?’

‘Erm, well, Miss; enquiries are underway and searches are being made. We have questioned a suspect but have not been able to ascertain whether said suspect is in the frame.’

‘You mean the toad Davis?’

‘I think his name is Mr Davis, Miss.’

‘And what about the man who has been following me, the one in the dark suit?’

‘Enquiries are ongoing on that one Miss.’

‘So let’s get this straight; you know nothing, have found no one and you have no idea what you are doing.’

‘Not true Madam…I mean Miss; enquiries are at a delicate stage but we fully expect to apprehend the guilty party or parties, quite soon.’

There was another knock on the door.

I went over and answered it. It was Arfer.

‘Yes?’ I said.

‘Had a call, Miss; I needs to take some flours away.’

‘I take it you mean flowers; didn’t your mother teach you English?’

‘No Miss, I was a poor little orphan.’

‘Oh my God, I’m sorry!’

‘That’s all right Miss, it gets me lots of tips from old ladies who want ter mother me. Now do yer want me to take the flours?’

‘Yes please.’

He pulled in a trolley from the corridor and proceeded to put all the flowers in it. Meanwhile I continued my conversation with the deadly duo.

‘I don’t want to tell you your job, but I assume that you are going to check where these flowers came from; see Davis and check if his writing is the same as on the cards; look at CCTV cameras to see who is coming along the corridor and getting into my room and find out who the strange man in black is who is stalking me?’

‘Erm, yes Miss…all in hand.’

‘Don’t let me keep you.’

‘Sorry? Oh yes, come on Mick, lets go.’

They left, shortly followed by Arfer who was whistling ‘The Lambeth Walk.’ rather badly.

And so I was alone…no further on than when I got up this morning. I didn’t feel like going down to eat so I did the civilised thing and phoned down for a sandwich and a bottle of wine. I wondered what Sheila was up to; I hadn’t seen her all day…but knowing her, she was having a wonderful time…I wished I was.

There was a knock at the door and I opened it. My food had arrived!

The waitress pushed in a trolley. I must admit I was surprised. I’m not ageist or whatever it’s called, but this waitress looked about a hundred years old, was deaf, had bottle top glasses and sort of creaked as she walked.

‘Hello, Madam.’ she said with a voice that quavered.

‘It’s Miss.’ I said.

‘Sorry Madam, did you say something?’

‘IT’S MISS.’

‘What have you missed? Sorry, I can’t hear you, It’s my hearing aid; I think the battery is gone.’

‘JUST LEAVE THE FOOD HERE!’

‘Sea food? No you ordered a sandwich.’

‘LEAVE THE FOOD AND THE WINE HERE!’

‘The time? It’s eight o’clock, I think, my watch has small hands and with my eyes…’

I started to have a headache; you know the sort, starts behind the eyes and in no time your whole frontal lobes are under attack.

I motioned her out. I didn’t want the blood of a little old lady on my hands and anyway it’s a bugger to get off the carpet.

I gave her a pound coin and could see her wilt under the weight of it. Finally, with much clicking and clacking, she left me and I was once again on my own.

I looked at the sandwich and saw that it was ham and cheese. Taking a bite out of it, I picked up the wine and poured myself a glass. It was Merlot, red rich and full of grapeyness…you can see I’m a wine conisewer or whatever it’s called.

I sat on the sofa and relaxed. The wine tasted yummy and the sandwich was rather nice too. I decided to put my worries and love life on the back burner. Sheila was obviously out again and I wondered in passing whole her latest victim was. I drunk another glass and pondered on the inig..igni. ingm… the thing whatever it was that Sheila was. Why did she go after men the way she did. Was it a hobby? Did she have deep feelings of inadeqwhatever it is? I didn’t know. I took another bite of the sarny and drank deeply. Funny thing was, the wine was affecting me a bit. I found myself not quite there; you know, in the room but not of it…

I had profound thought, looking down at myself, my long white skirt and blouse, my toesies peeping out under the skirt, all red and loverly… I thought, I thought….’I dress therefore I am.’ and zonked out…

I woke up with a headache to end all headaches. If normal headaches were the equivalent of being in the third division of the football league, this was Premier League stuff. I had several builders banging away with pneumatic drills in my head and my tongue tasted like it was made of a particularly grainy sand paper. I hadn’t thought about opening my eyes as I knew that red hot pokers would be involved somewhere.

Through the pickaxe noise in my head, I heard the sound of someone in the distance. It was a familiar voice…

‘Toni, wake up you silly cow!’

Yes, it was Sheila, using her normal bedside manner with the sick.

I opened my gummy eyes and squinted in the light. Now, me being me, I thought that I would wake up in some nice starchy hospital with all my relatives around me, looking anxious and ringing there hands…you know stuff like that. I would be in a pristine white hospital bed, wearing at worst a hospital gown and at best, a nice silky nightie. One of my loving carers would be wiping my fevered brow and the doctor would be beaming at the end of the bed, saying how wonderful I was doing and stuff like that.

Now, you know what I’m going to say, so to stop the suffering I will come straight out with it. Scrub the above…it didn’t happen like that.

My eyes creaked open like a less than well oiled crypt. I blinked twice and groaned slightly with the glare and then I noticed that I was sitting on a chair facing three other chairs. I noted immediately, that one of the chairs was occupied by Sheila. She had her hands behind her and her legs were tied up. I wondered fleetingly if I was taking part in some sort of bondage thingie…then I saw that the other two chairs were occupied by Mick and Dave. Both of the police forces finest were out cold and snoring. Sheila, of course was awake and somewhat vocal.

‘It’s about bloody time; I thought you was going to sleep forever!’

‘What…what…what happened?’ I said through dry and cracked lips.

‘I don’t know. I was just getting back to our cabin, when I felt a thump on the back of my head and I woke up here, trussed up like a chicken.’

‘Who did it?’

‘No idea. It was a man though, because he came in and fed me a few times. I didn’t see his face as he had on a ski mask and wouldn’t say anything. The second time he came in, he gave me a drink and it knocked me out. When I woke up, these two cretins were here and so were you.’

My head had started to clear as the labourers had obviously knocked off for the night so I could think a bit more clearly.

‘I wondered a bit where you were. I thought that you were making your way through the crew, so to speak.’

‘I was I had only got to B though, when I thought about you. I was worried so I left Brian and came back to the cabin. I wonder if I’ll ever get to Z.’

‘Z?’

‘Yes Z, Zorba, one of the cooks, nice eyes, not sure about the moustache though.’

‘How can you think of men at a time like this?’

‘It keeps my mind occupied.’

With that we fell silent for a minute. I was thinking of men too, well a man actually…Tim and though I had only known him for a little while, I desperately wanted to get more intimately acquainted with his various body parts. Then I remembered HER with her high rise eyebrows and disgustingly clear skin and shuddered. I had no chance there. I was still a man, well boy I suppose with all the dangly bits to prove it. Tim would run a mile into the arms of HER rather than give me a kiss and cuddle.

I sighed and then looked up as I could hear a sort of stereophonic sounds coming from our intrepid policemen. After some synchronised groaning, they woke up gradually. It was painful to watch as they gradually winced and groaned their way to full wakeupness.

‘What’s going on here?’ said Mick, through swollen lips.

‘I want my Mum,’ said a rather anal Dave. I wondered if he had an octopus complex… no that’s not right; I shook my head and it rattled.

Anyway they both gradually woke up to the fact that they were tied up with nowhere to go.

‘What’s happened?’ said a confused Mick.

‘Well,’ said Sheila, ‘you appear to have been nabbed like us; so what happened to you?’

‘We were in our room, sampling some beer that a nice man gave us to try and I don’t remember anything else.’

‘Where did he give you the beer?’

‘Outside our room; funny that he seemed to be waiting for us. He said that the ship had its own brewery and was asking passengers for their opinion on the newest beer.’

‘And you didn’t think that was strange?’

‘Not really, Dave said he was thirsty and anyone who wanted to give him a beer was okay by him.’

Dave, who was still a bit cross eyed and out of it, didn’t say much, just grimaced and shook slightly.

I looked about the room; it was obviously some sort of storage area. There were brooms, buckets and things dotted about. We must have been a fair way down in the ship, because you could hear the throbbing of the engines quite clearly and it was quite warm.

‘Have you tried shouting for help?’ I said to Sheila.

‘Yes but when the man came in he laughed, saying that I could scream as much as I liked, no one would hear me down here.’

I tested the ropes and could tell that they had been tied by someone who had their rope badge from the scouts.

We fell silent then. No one had anything to say. Sheila looked deflated and the boys dejected. Me; I was where I normally was, up to my neck in poo with nowhere to go.

I must have fallen asleep for a while, as I jumped slightly at the sound of the door being opened.

Looking up, a man came into the room; he was dressed in black and was tall. Was this the tall dark stranger the fortune teller was talking about?

He closed the door behind him and walked up in front of me. He had a bottle and some glasses in his hands.

So, Toni or is it Tony with a y…we meet at last.’

As far as I was concerned there was no one else in the room, just me and him. I looked at his eyes, I couldn’t see his face as it was covered by a mask.

‘It’s Toni with an i;’

‘First you must be thirsty. I’m a kind person at heart and don’t want to see you all suffer so I have brought you some wine to drink. I like being civilised and so drink up, while you can. Don’t worry, it’s not poison. I could have done that a thousand times but didn’t.’

He poured some wine in a glass and held it to my lips. I was parched and so I gulped almost without thinking. He repeated this with the others and then set the glasses and bottle on a table in the corner.

‘What do you want?’

‘Revenge.’

‘What for. I haven’t done anything to you?’

‘You have.’

‘What? I don’t know you.’

‘No, you don’t but you do know a very dear friend of mine.’

‘Who?’

‘A friend that you got put in prison.’

‘My ex step father?’

‘No… your ex boss, Roger. We are lovers and you got him put away.’

I was shocked, I didn’t expect that.

‘I...I thought he liked women.’

‘He does, to use and abuse, but he prefers me and you put him away and you are going to pay for that.’

My heart chilled at the finality of his voice.

‘W…what do you mean?’

‘I enjoyed playing games with you, sending you the flowers, it’s so easy to bribe the crew on ships, they don’t get paid well and any ‘extras’ are always welcome. The silent phone calls too. It was nice to see you get wound up, and then there was that fool Davis, making him believe that you actually wanted him…all games that I loved playing. Switching your bottle of wine for one that had been laced was easy using that old myopic bat of a waitress, the rest you know.’

‘No I don’t, you still haven’t said what you are going to do with us.’

My head felt woolly again. I looked at the others and noticed that they were asleep. I shook my head to keep it clear.

‘That’s easy; the wine had a little extra in it just to send you to sleep. I’m not cruel. I don’t want to see you suffer; just knowing that you are dead is enough for me. Just outside this door is a tradesman’s lift. It leads to a deck used by the crew, but only occasionally. By chance, there is a gate in the railings and a sheer drop into the sea. Outside this door, I have a trolley. I will load you all on there, tying you on nice and securely. Then I will cover you up, just on the off chance that you might be seen. A few minutes later, you will have a little swim, straight down, of course and shortly after, you will be a nice meal for any passing fish.’

He took off his mask and I saw his face. I had never seen him before and as my eyes grew heavy I realised that I would never see him or anyone else again…

I could hear voices and a lot of noise, some screaming, a bump and then nothing…

I woke up gradually. I wasn’t in any pain, no headache or anything just an awareness that I was either in heaven or in bed. Judging by the fact that I could smell that hospital smell and someone had just dropped a bedpan somewhere nearby I realised it was the latter rather than the former.

I cracked an eye open and swivelled it about the room. As I didn’t have any mind numbing pain from opening one eye, I took a chance and opened the other. I was in a hospital room, one with port holes, so I was still on the ship. I looked to my left and saw Sheila sitting there in a dressing gown. She was reading a magazine.

‘Hello,’ I said rather weakly.

She looked at me.

‘So you’re awake. About time you lazy sod. I’ve been up and about for ages.’

‘What happened?’

‘I…erm, someone else is going to explain…look, I have to get back to my room, there’s a dishy doctor that I’m cultivating, see you later.’

She left in a hurry and I was a bit puzzled by what she said.

I shut my eyes for a moment and opened them as a nurse walked in.

‘Hello, dear, how are you feeling?’

‘Okay, thanks.’

‘That’s good, let me just take your vitals.’

She stuck a themom..themeter…glass stick in my mouth and then grabbed my wrist, looking at her watch.

‘Okay, you should live for a while longer.’

‘What happened?’

‘When dear?’

‘To me?’

‘Oh, don’t worry your pretty little head about that; see you later.’

I said, ‘but,’ to a closing door.

I was left by myself then for a while. I could hear people going up and down the corridor but nobody came in.

Looking down, I could see that I was wearing one of those hospital gowns, white, shapeless and not very flattering. I wondered what the doctors and nurses thought about my gender thingie but then shrugged. The things that I had been through made it seem a bit inconseqwhatever.’

I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to see Tim standing at the bottom of the bed.

‘Tim!

‘Hello, Toni, how are you feeling?’

‘Okay, but what are you doing here?’

‘Don’t you want me here?’

‘Of course I do, but after the other night…’

‘Oh forget that. I just hope that you are okay.’

‘Yes, I’m fine I just want to get out of here.’

‘I spoke to the doctor…he was a bit preoccupied with your friend, Sheila, but I managed to get out of him that you can go back to your cabin after lunch.’

‘How long have I been here?’

‘About 36 hours. They wanted to flush out the drugs.’

‘Oh, I’m okay then?’

‘Yes, fighting fit.’

‘What happened to that man?’

‘Man?’

‘Yes, Roger’s boyfriend; he didn’t say his name.’

‘Mark Havers is his name. He’s in the brig and will be handed over to the authorities when we get back to England.’

‘How come you know so much?’

He looked embarrassed as he sat down by the bed.

‘Well, I have confession to make.’

‘What?’

‘Well, your Uncle was concerned about you and hired me to watch out for you.’

I was shocked and just blurted out, ‘You’re a private dick!’

‘I prefer the term security consultant and that is my job with your uncles company.’

‘But…but, I don’t understand.’

‘’Let me explain. After the trial, your uncle felt that you needed to get away and he arranged for this cruise with you and Sheila. He was concerned though that because of the publicity of the case and the fact that trouble seems to follow you around, you needed to be watched. I took on the job, together with my colleague, Samantha.’

‘The snooty bitch?’

He laughed.

‘Yes, she does do a nice line in snooty bitches.’

‘So you and she?’

‘What?’

‘You’re not?’

‘Good God no; she’s married with three kids.’

‘Oh.’

‘Anyway, to continue, we have been keeping an eye on you and watching those bumbling policemen as they tried to sort things out with no success. We noticed that you were being watched by someone and Samantha kept a close eye on him. We found out early on that he was bribing the crew and once the flowers started arriving we knew that he was responsible. We didn’t have a strong case though, so we kept him on a long leash and waited for him to do something that we could nail him on. We bugged his phone so we knew the silent phone calls were coming from his cabin. Also, with the captains’ permission, we were able to trace and record some ship to shore phone calls he made to Maidstone Prison.’

‘That’s where Roger is!’

‘That’s right. Anyway to cut a long story short, we needed as much evidence as possible to put Havers away for a long time, so we left it as long as possible before nabbing him.’

‘But we could have been killed!’

Tim looked unhappy at that.

‘Yes, sorry, that’s my fault. When we listened in to the conversations between Mark and Roger, Roger just said that he wanted you to be scared out of your wits. I think that Mark had decided for himself to do away with you and any other witnesses.’

‘How did you know how to find us?’

‘Samantha followed him after we realised that you wasn’t in your cabin. When she saw where he was going, she came for me and we came down with security staff and caught him in the act.’

‘Well I’m glad you did. I didn’t fancy being fish food!’

We were quiet for a minute. I wanted to say something but I didn’t know how to say it.

I gulped and in the spirit of the new forceful me I squeaked it out.

‘Tim.’

‘Is your voice okay, you sound funny?’

I coughed.

‘Sorry, look Tim…erm, as my Uncle employed you, does that mean that this has just been a job to you?’

He looked at me.

‘No it was more than that.’

‘How much more.’

‘I…I think I love you.’

You could have hit me over the head with a cricket bat and I don’t think I would have noticed. Then my deep dark secret welled up and grabbed me by the throat. I remembered what Patrick told me about lying to Tim. I had to tell him, even though it may mean the end of everything.

‘Tim...you don’t realty know me.’

‘I know you enough to realise that you are very important to me. You are sweet, lovely, funny and I want to get up close and personal with you.’

I went a bit gooey inside at that, but I had to hold firm.

‘Look Tim, I can’t keep the secret from you. You really don’t know all about me.’

‘What do you mean?’

I gulped, took a sip of tepid water from a plastic cup and then turned back to him.

‘I…I…I’m not a real girl.’

I could feel my eyes watering as I said those words. I didn’t look at him, I couldn’t.

‘What do you mean? Of course you are.’

‘I’m not, I am a boy; I have boy bits.’

‘So?’

I looked up and through my tears I could see him smiling.

‘You knew?’

‘Yes, your uncle thought that it was only fair and right that I should know, just in case there were any problems.’

‘But…but does that mean…’

He held my hand.

‘It doesn’t matter what’s between your legs, I love Toni the person. If you want to keep the boy bits or if you don’t; it doesn’t matter, I love you.’

I looked into his eyes and saw the passion and love in there.

‘I…I want to be a real girl, as much as I can.’

‘Okay, that will be lovely…we can explore your new body…together.’

‘Can I explore yours?’

‘I’m sure that can be arranged.’

The next day, I was out of the clutches of the doctor and nurse and back in my own cabin. I did a lot of sighing and gazing sightlessly out of the windows.

‘Oh for Gods’ sake, will you stop wheezing like that, the windows are getting condensation on them!’

I looked at Sheila, who was painting her toe nails with the concentration of Michelangelo doing his stuff on the Sistine Chapel ceiling.

‘Jealous?’

‘Of course not. I have several men hanging on my every word. Love is over rated though.’

‘No it’s not. Tim is lovely, sweet and has a gorgeous bottom.’

‘Men will always let you down, Love em, leave em and go onto the next one…that’s what I say.’

‘You can say what you like, Sheila…I’m happy with the way I am and once I have an innie instead of an outie, I’m going to make my Tim the happiest person alive.’

‘Oh please, I feel sick. Look I’ve told you, you can’t just go to a supermarket and get the op done. You need to see a gaggle of psychiatrists take enough pills to sink this ship, get hormonal and moody and a pain to live with. Then, if and when you have the operation, you have to stick things in you that are unpleasant at the least and bloody painful at the most. You want to go through that, just for love?’

‘Yes…and for me.’

‘I can’t take any more of this; I’m going for a walk, coming?’

‘I’ll be out later.’

‘Okay, I’ll meet you at the bar.’

Sheila left me to my thoughts. Did I really want to go through all that? I hadn’t been a girl all that long, though I suppose there must have been something in my background lurking away, waiting to come out at the right moment, otherwise, why did it feel so right?

I stood up and went over to the mirror. After touching up my makeup and brushing my hair, I considered changing. The yellow strappy sun dress that I was wearing looked okay though, so I left the cabin and walked out into the sunshine. Looking out to sea, there was no land in sight, just the wide blue Med. We were heading towards Greece, and I just fancied myself sitting next to the sea, a glass of wine in my hand and my eyes gazing lovingly into Tim’s eyes.

Sighing, I wondered along the deck, smiling and nodding people as I went.

‘Cooey!’

I knew that voice and as I turned, I saw Ronnie and Derek walking up to me.

‘Hello boys!’

‘Toni, you look lovely dear, doesn’t she Ronnie?’

‘Mmm, edible, shame you’re not a boy though.’

‘Ronnie, don’t be a tease.’

‘Just joking, love. Well Toni, how are you after your awful ordeal?’

‘Great thanks, just glad it’s all over.’

‘I was just saying to Derek that we think you should be the first to know.’

‘Know what?’

They both said it together.

‘We are getting married.’

‘To each other?’

‘Of course silly,’ said Derek looking at Ronnie and smiling.

‘When?’

‘As soon as we get back to England. We want you as a bride’s maid.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes, as long as you don’t mind wearing a leather dress, it’s going to be biker themed.’

‘That sounds erm…nice.’

‘It will be. Anyway speak to you later; we are going for a sauna bath.’

‘OK, bye boys.’

I was thinking what sort of dress I was letting myself in for when I bumped into something soft, squelchy and smelly.

I stepped back and gasped as I saw that it was the hated Davis and he was holding a red rose in his hand.

‘Oh it’s you.’ I said, none too kindly.

He looked me up and down…correct that, leered me up and down. He had on an orange tee shirt and long green baggy shorts, he clashed with himself and you couldn’t miss him if you tried.

‘Oh it’s you.’

‘Yes, well it was, last time I looked in the mirror. Look, I’m not interested; I told you before.’

‘What?’

‘I said I’m not interested in your or your cheesy rose.’

He looked at the rose with a puzzled frown on his pock marked face.

‘Oh,’ he said smiling, showing his yellowed and miss-shaped teeth, ‘this isn’t for you, I have found someone who loves me?’

‘You have…I mean are you sure?’

‘Yes,’ he said looking over my shoulder, ‘here she is now.’

I turned around to see a woman coming toward us. She was old, ancient really. She creaked as she walked and had thick pebble glasses on. I recognised her, though she was out of uniform, it was the waitress who came to my cabin the other night!

Without another word to me, Davis went past and up to the woman, giving her the rose. She smiled, sniffed at it, sneezed, picked up her dentures from the floor and took his arm. They walked slowly back down the deck arm in arm, oblivious to anyone else.

I just shook my head and hoped that they would be happy. I couldn’t help thinking that the waitress could have done better.

I had agreed to meet Sheila at the bar and assumed that it would be the one we normally used. I walked in and there was Patrick.

‘Hello, Miss, would you like a screwdriver?’

‘No thanks Patrick and call me Toni, please. Can I have an orange and lemonade? I’m trying to keep a clear head.’

‘Very wise?’

He got my drink. It was quite busy in the bar and it was few minutes before I could speak to him again.

‘Thanks Patrick for being so nice the other night.’

‘Don’t mention it, all part of the service. Did you manage to sort things out?’

‘Yes thanks; I told Tim all about me and he’s cool.’

‘And the young lady you found in his room?’

‘Just a colleague.’

‘So, alls well that ends well.’

‘Yes, I suppose so.’

‘Good, well, perhaps we’ll speak again. There’s a cocktail that you might like, it’s called A Long Slow Screw Up The Wall.’*

‘Sounds interesting; I’ll bring my boyfriend in later, perhaps we could try it together.’

Patrick just smiled and carried on working. There was no sign of Sheila, so I finished my drink and I made my way down to the Olympic sized swimming pool.

I sat down in one of the few deck chairs that didn’t have German towels on and just sucked up the atmosphere. I was just nodding off in the sunshine when I heard a sort of slurping noise, cracking open one eye I saw, with distaste, the young boy who had mentioned my uneven boobletts the other day. With one hand he was licking a cornet and with the other, exploring the upper reaches of his nose. I marvelled at how ambid..abidex…adidex…how he managed that, when he opened his mouth.

‘Your lumps are straight.’

I looked down and indeed, my lumps were correctly positioned.

‘Why?’

‘Why are your lumps straight?’

‘Because they are.’

‘Why?’

I looked at the boy, wondering whether homicide was justifiable when, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed someone looking at me furtively. It was the tall man in a dark suit.

I was up out of the chair like a scalded puddy cat. I kept my eyes on him as I rushed towards him. The hairs on the back of my head were marching with precision up my scalp and despite the heat of the sun; I had gone decidedly goose bumpy.

He tried to fall back into the gloom of an archway but I had him.

As I got closer, I could see his black suit, white shirt and speckly grey tie. His mouth was curled into a grimace. A light sprinkling of sweat lay across his furrowed brow and he looked more than a little uncomfortable.

I skidded to a stop in front of him. He was a head taller than me, but I couldn’t give a damn about that. I had been through enough on this cruise to last a lifetime and I was not a happy bunny.

‘Right, what’s all this about. Why are you stalking me and looking all sinister. Everywhere I look, you are there, staring at me, then when I look back you’re gone, off to do something nasty to some little old lady or pinching sweets from tiny tots?’

‘Erm.’ he said.

‘Erm, isn’t good enough. Erm gets you nowhere. If all you can say is erm, I’ll call those two stupid policemen who are hiding behind the deck chairs over here and you can explain yourself to them.’

‘S…s…sorry, Miss.’

‘Not good enough. Mick, Dave, stop pretending to hide and come over here.’

In seconds the dynamic duo was by my side. I winced slightly at the Bermuda shorts, but I stayed on track.

‘Right, explain in clear English what the fu….flipping hell you are up to?’

He looked at me, then Mick and Dave and sighed.

‘I’m the ship’s photographer. I take candid shots of the passengers and then at the end of the cruise give them an album.’

‘You’re a photographer?’

‘Yes.’

‘You take pictures?’

‘That’s my job.’

‘You’re not some nasty sex fiend after my body?’

‘N…no Miss, the captain wouldn’t like it.’

‘Ah, where is your camera then?’

He picked up a bag from behind him and there it was; an industrial strength digital camera with lots of lens thingies.

I was at a bit of a loss what to say. I felt a bit foolish making a scene like that.

‘Right….well…don’t do it again,’

I turned decisively on my heal, proud of my command of the situation and walked away…straight into the swimming pool.

I went to the bottom flailing a bit. I could swim like a fish…a dead fish and I wondered fleetingly if I would see my life flash before me prior to drowning.

Then I suddenly felt strong hands grab me from behind and I went up like someone in a lift (that’s elevator for my American friends, though why it’s called an elevator I don’t know.) Anyway I was back on dry land in a jiffy. I didn’t need mouth to mouth and that was a pity, because the lifeguard was a bit dishy.

I said thanks, feeling a bit self concho…consciiu…embarrassed. Sheila rushed up to me.

‘Are you okay?

‘Yes, yes…I did it…erm on purpose, for a laugh.’

‘It didn’t look like it.’

‘Never mind that, where have you been?’

‘Oh the Captain has been showing me his port holes and steering wheel.’

I looked at her in awe.

‘You’ve hit the jackpot!’

She looked smug.

‘Yes, and he’s single.’

‘Jammy cow,’

‘Well, yes I suppose I am. I have to go now; he wants to show me his etchings.’

With that she was off.

I went back to my deck chair and sat down. I was still dripping a bit and I should have gone to change, but I needed a rest after my brief drowning incident in the pool.

Ignoring stares as best I could, I closed my eyes and sighed with relaxation. I was just drifting off to sleapybyes (is that a word? it should be, if it isn’t) when I heard a familiar sucking and slurping noise.

I opened my eyes and there he was again, licking his ice cream and trying to get his index finger as far up his nose as possible.

‘What?’ I said.

‘Why?’

‘Why what?’

‘Why are your bumps floating in the swimming pool?’

The End

* Thanks for the Cocktail idea, Karen J!

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