"... Why do they all want to make me a girl? ... Why do you? Why do they hate me? What was so bad about Jude?

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Part 12

 © 2008 by Jan S

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>>Friday, May 16th (morning)

Hi, Marsh
Sorry I didn't get to write you last night, it was because I have to write Daddy, and don't have much time before Lisa has to go to bed. And OK, I also get busy messing around with them like I can't alone too.

But Zack did it yesterday! But I think I got him to back off now. Before cooking even, he was out in front and came over to the bike rack and said that someone had seen me as a girl and even thought now that I was a girl, and I knew he meant that kid from fishing that was at the park last week, and he said that now he owned me and the next time he asked me over I'd better come and do what he said to do or he'd tell everyone, and I shoved him and said, "And what happens when your mother sees those pictures you sent me, stupid? Now just leave me alone!!"

And I thought he had understood, because he just stood there when I walked away. And I wasn't even worried about it much, Marsh, because he shut up so much.

Then he didn't show up for fishing, which I think he skips a lot these days anyway, but when I was coming back to Lisa's house he yelled out of his car, "Hey, Fairy Boy, take this!" And he stuck up his middle finger, you know, at me, and then shot it way up real hard as he went by, and then the car, that had his big brother driving, slammed on the brakes real hard, and I turned my bike around and went across some peoples' yards to get to the next block to get away. And I sent him an email saying again what I'd do with the pictures and saying I might tell the police and get him in jail, and that I'd give it to the people in Juvenile Hall too, and what he did was also gay to lots of people.

But he hasn't written back or anything, so maybe he is scared and going to leave me alone now? He doesn't know that I can get his letters because I told him he was blocked, but I think if he could think of something he'd send it, right? And he hasn't.

So last night I felt pretty good about it, and didn't even worry much, but now telling it has made me worry again and all. But I think he will shut up, right? And it does show that his whole family is like that, doesn't it? That his brother did that with the car and was going to chase me too? I wish I had kept the pictures for real.

OK, but anyway, that boy in the fishing class has decided that I am really a girl, like Zilch said. I don't know if he knew what I'd said to butthead, but he came over right at the beginning of the class and said he was sorry, and it was Zack, and he had just meant it as kidding, and he'd known I was a girl right at first, but I wore real boyish clothes but that that was just because it was a fishing class, he thought, and because Zack was confused and weird about it.

So I didn't tell him I wasn't. I thought of saying he must of seen my cousin or something, but I didn't. Because he was being real nice now, I guess. So, you know, not saying is like I said, "yes", huh? But maybe not quite.

And the thing is a lot of people at the rec center think I'm a girl too, I found out. Last Tuesday a teacher stopped me when I was going into the boy's room, and said it was the wrong door, and then Lisa pulled me into the girl's room, which wasn't very crowded, luckily. And the kid's I sit with at pottery think I am, I guess, because that Rock Dancing class is a girl's only class, and Lisa told me how girls were sometimes taking off tops, and sometimes shorts even, to change when I was in there before origami, which I'd seen, but it's noisy and they hurry, and I'd not thought of how they wouldn't do that in front of a boy even real fast.

And so now there are tons and tons of people who know me as a girl. And I don't know how I'm going to keep keeping it a secret anymore, Marsh. And a lot of them know me as Jesse, or Jessie I guess, and a lot know me as Sky, or as both too. And lots go to the Hall. What'll happen when I show up as a boy, Marsh??

Also Amanda knows about the whole thing because Lisa did tell her, and she's even seen me naked now. And Lisa telling did make me mad, and I almost told Amanda Lisa's secret for revenge, -- but wound up only saying that I babysit her, not the big one, I scared Lisa that I was going to tough, but I couldn't really. But Amada is really like the most cool about it of all; she was just like: "So what".

So that's all the drama out here, I guess, Marsh. You're all done, huh, and on the way back there. I guess you won't know how you did on the tests and things for a real long time either.

Connie's calling me for lunch, and I haven't got hardly anything on my computer classes done, and I have to get a unit of each finished.

What's going to happen when all this stuff blows up, Marsh? I was just real stupid to do this, wasn't I? I shouldn't have let them talk me into it.

Loves and Hugs,
Sky

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>>Friday, May 16th (afternoon)

Hi, Roger
Did you get home all right? I did. How many fish did you catch, and did you get some fly fishing?

Are Hailey and Adam still teasing you about us holding hands? I hope not, but they are real cute when they aren't being pest and all. Really.

I'm staying at a friend's because my Daddy is out of town, but the email is still the same.

Just thought I'd say, "Hi," and see if things were good.

Bye,
Sky

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>>Friday, May 16th (ten minutes later)

Heys, Roger
How are things? Did the fishing go well after I left?

I'm back home fine, and now I'm staying at a friend's while my father is gone. But I can still get email and stuff.

Are Hailey and Adam OK too? Your sibs are real cute when they aren't bugging people.

Just saying hi.

Cya,
Sky

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>>Friday, May 16th (five minutes later)

Hi,
You doing OK and get back OK?

Just thought I'd write and say hello.

Did you ever get anything fly fishing?

Well, write back if you want to.

Bye, Roge
Sky

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>>Friday, May 16th (five minutes later)

aarrg, Marsha
I wrote to Roger and it bounced back. Maybe I just mixed up his address or something, but I mean that means that no one in the world has that address, right? It is real weird, and I thought it was some l33t thing I couldn't figure out, but he gave me a fake I think!!!!

I tried three ways, but none worked, so he just made up something I bet.

aaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhh!!!! Are all boys such complete JERKS, Marsha???

OK, /rant
bye
Sky

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>>Friday, May 16th (night)

Hi, Daddy
OK, I got one unit of every class done today, but that was all. Is that OK? Lisa and the others keep having plans for me and things to do, but I worked as long as I could really, Daddy.

Today they wanted me to go to their tennis lessons with them, and I did. It was at the country club, and Ms Younger and I played a little, while they had their lesson. We ate at the club because Connie gets off at three-thirty on Fridays and doesn't come back until Monday. I'm going to see if I can stay and work on the classes instead of go to their soccer games, but I'm going to go to horse back riding with them tomorrow afternoon. Ms Younger had to take me to get a pair of boots, and I told her to take it out of future babysitting money, OK? I got some cowboy boots, nothing real fancy, but I have to have something with big heals where they go.

And yes I did go to see Dr. Ross this morning, I didn't forget at all. Ms Younger drove me after taking the others to school. I told her I could take the bus, but she was going to the hospital this morning anyway, and I took the bus back. Also, I haven't forgotten about the other doctor too on Monday. Do you think he might say I can swim now?

OK, Daddy, Lisa and Wendy are watching "Ratatouille", and we're going to spend the night in the den, or playroom, like we do when I'm babysitting even though Ms Younger is here.

So I guess you are at the hospital by now. Is everything going alright?

Lots and Lots of Love, and I miss you still,
Sky

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>>Saturday, May 17th (morning)

Hi, Mike,
Long time no hear. I guess you've been busy messing around with your buds, Hegel and Kant and those peeps, huh? :)

Better than getting drunk and falling off buildings like lots of peeps in college. Marsh's going to a big party before heading back there too. Do you have one? I hope you guys don't do that stuff, OK?

You're going to be a counselor at your old nerd camp, huh? Sounds a whole lot better than Marsha's internship thing to me. Has she told you about it? Did we really decide she wasn't a Martian??

I'd never thought about that being why she was so mad about the scholarship thing. I thought it was just about money. But that it was something she could brag about makes sense too. And, yeah, it is supposed to be something all boys would want to do to some people too.

OK, but, Michael, do you remember when I was little? I know you called me sissy and stuff sometimes. But, listen, it's not like that, I'm not accusing, OK. It's just some things about way back then I don't remember, and some things I do, and I want to figure out some of it. Can you tell me what I was like?

Really, Michael, I know we fought and I got mad at you, but you know I really always thought you were a really nice big brother, and I was always afraid to ever say that. But it's really true; I'm not buttering you up or anything. I liked you really, and I still do.

I guess you will be at our mother's house until it's time to go to the camp. I wish I were going this year, but February, when it was time to apply, had lots going on. I'll write you there, but make sure she doesn't know, OK? I don't think that would work is all.

I Love you, butthead,
Sky

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>>Saturday, May 17th (morning)

Hi, Mar
Oh, I guess packing would take a couple of days, and the parties are just a coincidence for all of you. Yeah, right.

So Lisa and them are all at soccer, and I didn't want to go. That's because I saw Zack there the last time, and I just don't want to do that again, but I said it was because I want to get some more of the computer classes done, and I should do that too, but Daddy is real set that I'm going to do seventh grade over no matter what, but I still want to see if I can change it.

So about how Amanda got to see me naked. No, she didn't sneak in and peek.

After I got back on Thursday, I wrote a note to that jerkass, and then I felt better. I did, really. And while I was writing, all of them had come back. There were Amanda and two little boys that I'd never seen but live next door and are both on Wendy's soccer team, or one is, but the other was here too.

So after I wrote the letter, I changed in to a my blue and yellow babydoll and some yellow shorts, just because around here that's more like what I'm expected to wear than the boy clothes I wore to the rec center, you know? And then I went out back where they were, and all five of them were skinny dipping, and Wendy and the boys were having a super soaker fight.

And you know I couldn't swim, but I sat on the side and talked to Amanda and Lisa while they bobbed around, and Wendy first tried to get me to go in, and then the boys did, but I told them I couldn't 'til June. But sitting there, being the only one outside with clothes on made me a big target for all three of them and they all sprayed my top with their squirt guns at the same time. That didn't matter that much though, I mean it was just in fun, and I took off the top, because that's not like a big deal to me because I'm a boy, right? But I didn't tell them of course. And I got a gun, and Lisa and Amanda helped me retaliate, but then my shorts were the big target, and even Lisa, "accidentally" hit them sometimes, and they were soon soaked enough that the flowers on my panties showed through.

But I wasn't about to take them off, of course. Then the au pair for the boys came through the back gate, and she just waved to Connie through the window, and they left, and then Amanda said, it would be all right if I took off the wet shorts because she knew all about everything.

Of course, I acted like I had no idea what she meant, but her mom works with people with gender dysphoria, she said. So maybe her mom works with Kaezee's shrink or something, because Kaezee had told me that word, and she has a shrink that specializes in just that. But Amanda said she had known about people like me, because she thinks that is what I am, since she was real, real little and even knew some, and that she had a good friend that her mom had helped, but whose whole family had moved last summer so she could transition, that means start living as a girl, when she started sixth grade, and Lisa was the only other person around here that had ever seen her as a her.

I told her that I didn't think I was that kind of person really, and she shrugged and said that's what her mom was all about, helping people learn, not telling them.

So after a while and all that, and seeing them and Wendy like that, I decided to take off those shorts, which were really clingy and sticky, and I had taped myself, because sitting on the grass in shorts it seemed like a good idea. And you know, I know I didn't really look like a girl, Marsha, but I almost did, because it is clear, water-proof tape, and I had used extra because I was in a hurry, and I had Lisa pretend she needed something by the window where Connie was looking out, and she said she couldn't tell from over there at all, and I just stayed on the backside of the pool, and it was like I really was a girl for awhile, unless I thought about it.

And then I paid Wendy back for shooting me again, big time, because I didn't need to worry about getting wet anymore. And when I went inside, I went with a towel wrapped around me, and I put on that old trapeze dress of yours with the three inch stripes of all different colors that are all sewn together. You remember it. It is way too small, but it comes a couple of inches below my butt and, except that I can't get the top button fastened, it would make a real cute top for like with pedal pushers or bike shorts. And that was all (I mean all. :-) ) I wore all that night, and all the tape. It would be nice to be able to have that look right too, you know it?

OK, I messed up and I'm not going to get any of the courses' work done now.

Have fun tonight! But, Mars, don't drink or anything like that, OK? Please.

Loves and Hugs, Lots and Lots,
Sky

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>>Saturday, May 17th (evening)

Daddy,
I don't know what Dr. Philips wants to talk about really. I mean, I guess I do maybe, but not for sure. He's probably the father of that boy, Zack, that I went to his house once, remember? And I guess we've had some trouble but, Daddy, I didn't want to. He just got mad at me about some thing, and I tried to get him to leave me alone, and then, I guess, I threatened to do some things if he didn't. OK? But that is all, really. And I really wouldn't have done those things, really. But I wanted him to just let up is all. That's all. I guess I could explain it better in person, maybe.

But if you think we should all get together when you get back, that would be OK, I guess. I mean, I don't know what he's saying I did, but I didn't do anything at all really. Is Dr. Philips real mad at me? Or what?

OK, the other report, I tried to get some work done, even though it's Saturday, this morning, but Marsha and Michael had both written to me, and so I didn't because it is real hard to get a chance to use the computer because of sharing it. But I'd meant to.

And I did go horseback riding today, but not for very long, and I don't think I'm going to get sore really. Lisa and Wendy are real good, and both can jump pretty high stuff, but just in the ring, and I went on a trail with them but we couldn't jump out there or even trot at all. And tonight we're watching "Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade," to get ready for the new one, and they've already seen the other two this month too.

And my plans for tomorrow are to go to have breakfast at the place that has the quartet thing again, and then to go to play tennis and go swimming with all the Youngers at the country club -- I mean I'll just watch the swimming. I had to go get a swimsuit too today, Daddy, even though it is just to watch in, OK? But I got it at Tar-jay; it's not expensive, OK? And I'll use tons and tons of sun block; I won't forget; I promise.

So is everything going alright with you, and with the stuff at the hospital? I can't wait 'til your back!

You're not mad about the Zack stuff, are you? Because I don't think I deserve it.

Lotta, Lotta Love,
Sky

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>>Sunday, May 18th (evening)

Hi, Marsh
These people are just always busy, I think.

And I had my period yesterday.

Made you look!! Huh? Well, see I went to the horseback riding place and after there lesson I was going to go on a trail with them, and first I had to show the instructor lady how well I could do, and it's been like two years since we stopped those lessons, right? But I did OK. Except for one problem. I had on these real tight jeans and was using just one of my dancer straps, and when I tried to post -- well, having things down there and going up and down isn't too good, Marsh. So I said I needed to go to the bathroom and didn't feel well.

Then Ms Y. came with me and I told her it hurt to do that as best as I could without saying it, and she said to let them go and gave me a maxi-pad to use, and of course I knew what it was, but she was right it made one big bulge and squeezed everything but it didn't look like what it was at least. And I don't think the boys knew what that bulge was but one of the older girls asked me if it was my first period and talked a lot about them, and thought I wasn't talking back just because I felt bad. So now I've had a period, huh? Hehe. Do you think I need to do that on the 18th every month now?

And today we went to Chez Amy's for breakfast again, and I was going to wear my high heels, but it made Lisa even more jealous than I thought it would (but she did try to hide it, but I could tell) so I changed to flats. I did wear hose for the very first time though!! Well, first time outside.

We were going to go swimming today to, but we played tennis first, and after about ten minutes it started to pour and I never even got to put on my new suit at all!!!

OK, I still need to write Daddy and Lisa has a bedtime tonight because of school tomorrow. Are you at our mother's yet?

Bye,

Loves and hugs,
Sky

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>>Sunday, May 18th (evening)

Hi, Daddy
I'm glad you're not mad at me, but you sound like you're only waiting to know more and then think you will be. But if you know the truth, you want be, I don't think. OK? Really.

I'm glad your hospital things are going so well, I hope you'll be done by Tuesday. Yeah, I'm serious when I say I mess you, not just trying to make you feel good. What would I want to do something like that for anyway, Daddy?

The breakfast was real, real nice. I started to tell you what I wore, but I bet if I did you would just say something about money or being silly, right? So I'm not going to.

And I went the country club too, and about ten minutes after we got there there was a deluge. I mean it, the clouds opened, and it just kept coming and coming. We barely got on the court, and we couldn't swim either, and I never even got to wear my new suit. Ms Younger let us hang at the pavilion for a while though, and we played ping pong and things like that.

You know what, Daddy -- I don't know if I'm supposed to say this -- but I guess you know that Kaezee sees a psychiatrist, right? Well it is Dr. Ross she sees. And did you know that she specializes in gender problems, Daddy? Is that why she's mine too? I mean, I had her along time before any of the girl's clothes stuff started. Just wondering?

I don't know if you know it, but Marsha and Michael both left their colleges today. I hope they will be OK there.

You didn't expect me to work on the computer courses today, did you? Lisa and Ms Younger sort of had the day filled, so I couldn't, but I can next weekend, if that will help. When I met with Miss Storm tonight, she said I was doing very well on the Math things, and that she was going to skip a lot of the Science stuff she'd planed, because I knew it already.

Oh, I did get finished with "Pride and Prejudice" too; Darcy and Lizzie got married -- oopps spoiler. Sorry. :-) I didn't want it to end, you know? But I wanted them to hurry up and be happy too.

And I started "Emma", and I already know what the lesson you want me to learn is, and that is just mean!! I just thought you and Ms Younger might be good friends, and that is all; it wouldn't be so bad if you did start liking each other either though, would it?

I'll write you tomorrow, Daddy. Night.

Miss you lots, and with lots of love and hugs,
Sky

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Monday, May 19th (very, very early morning)

Daddy --- Dad,
Well, I figured it out. I got it. Kaezee's shrink, Ann and Becky's aunt, Lisa's best friend's mother, my shrink. All the same!! A gender specialist.

Everyone that's been nice, Daddy. Was all just a plot thing, right? All.

But why, Daddy? Why did you come out here just to make me into a girl!!

I hadn't started that stuff until after. Not til after!! When I had already been seeing her, so why?

I thought you loved me? Why do you hate Jude so much? Why does everyone? Was it mama too?

And Marsh helped -- that's only why she wanted me to write.

A set up.

OK, I love you, Daddy. But why????

But I'm not gonna stay here at their house anymore. It was all a set up. And they did it most!!!!

But why did you do it?? And so many know now, Daddy.

bye
Still love,
Sky

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Monday, May 19th (five minutes later)

Marsha,
Did they have you working for them too?? It was all just a giant trick. Why do they all want to make me a girl? I don't get it, Marsha. Why do you? Why do they hate me? What was so bad about Jude?

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