"My life isn't so much back to normal after all, because even though everybody knows, and everybody knows everybody knows, I still wound up doing something totally weird this morning."

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Part 5

 © 2008 by Jan S

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>>Wednesday, April 16th (night)

Marsha!!
Oh, Gawd, Mars!! My weird life just got worse again. I was getting back to the apartment and those two girls that visit their father saw me, Marsh! In that top from Lisa!

I went to dinner with them, and when I was getting out of the car just now Becky and Ann were coming out of the building to go. And Wendy had rolled down her window and kept yelling bye and stuff, and Lisa waved out the other side too, and I waved back, and they did it until the car got on the road, and I didn't even look around, because no one's in the front parking lot at night, but it's Wednesday, and when I looked around there they were on the walk.

I put on my hoodie real fast, but they were almost all the way up to the curb.

And Becky yelled, "Hey, Jesse. Long time no see!"

And I zipped up the hoodie real quick, and said, "Hey! Yeah, Father's House Friends, ya' know." And try to be like there is nothing special, but I knew they had seen me before I got the hoodie on, and from the back that top from Lisa is as much only girl as from the front.

Becky smiled real big and just walked up and pulled my zipper down, and then said, "Wow! That's a great top, Jesse."

And I don't answer, I just stammer some and pull the hoodie shut, and Becky says, "Don't be like that. Let us see," and tried to pull it apart.

Ann said, "Stop it, Becky! Jesse, it's all right really. We know you're a really sweet kid already. OK? Don't show us if you don't want to. But if you need someone to talk to, you can talk to us. We will be your friends, if you want us to, Jes. Really, I mean it."

And then Becky said, "Yeah, sorry. Look, we're back this weekend. What you doing?"

I said nothing so far, and she said, "Come down to Daddy's Sat. morning if you want. OK. We will talk."

I said, probably mumbled, "'K. If nothing comes up from my parental or whatever. Maybe."

Then Ann says, "We need to go, or our female parental unit will be worried because I haven't been driving very long. Come real early, about ten thirty or so, OK? And our father will be playing golf, so Sky or Jesse can come. OK? -- Really, trust us or try to. And Jesse, if you haven't told your father, you should unless you're pretty sure he will go ballistic. And if he does -- run to our Daddy's place for a while, he will try to help."

They said other stuff, that's not every word but that whole last talk was pretty right. So, Oh, Marsh, that all means they think I do this lots and want too!?!? Because that's why I should tell, and why Daddy would freak, right?

There was tons of stuff I wanted to ask you and tell you about tonight, about the earlier stuff when I was wearing that top, and the Youngers, but don't know if I can now.

So, Marsh, what? Now more people know about this thing!! But they didn't freak or start laughing fits. Do they sound OK? They aren't the only people that saw me in that top, but I see them a lot - they knew me before. But, well, Mars, do you think they might have thought I was a girl too, at first?

Because Ms Y asked me -- well, stuff about the way I do things.

Daddy had to go to the Dialysis center again tonight, and he's not back yet. Do you think I should tell him?

Ms Y said it would be just once more, and she would tell the girls she knows, and Lisa said they were going to tell their Mom after the next time too, she promised. And promised no more presents too.

So, I was thinking maybe the whole thing would be done, and now those other girls know. But I can just explain, right?

Ohhh boy. I always screw it up!! Huh?

Bye and Love ya',
Sky

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>>Wednesday, April 16th (night, about two hours later)

Daddy's still not home.

I've just been reading and stuff. (Being in the stupid classes means no homework at least.) And anyway, I'm not going to tell him about things tonight because he has all that about school and stuff, and the taxes and things lately.

But, Marsh, there's something else, and -- I don't know -- I like Ms Y, really -- I mean for someone's mom and all, she is OK -- but I've been thinking about something she said today and, Mars, I think it is weird for her to say it to me.

OK, she came to pick me up here. (I had to take a taxi back from the doctor's to get here in time.) So I had put on that top, you know, and I got some of your old shorts too, some red denim ones, and when she got here she told me to change the shorts and that I didn't have to wear the top thing if I didn't want, but we were suppose to hurry, you know, and I just got a pair of your old shorts, or pants, on -- the kind that are below the knee ones, but not to anywhere near the ankle?

But when I asked her why I had had to change, because I thought, being tight and shorter, they looked more like a girl than what I had on, but also something a boy might wear more than the other ones. She said (and she really said this Marsh! Just like this.), "Honey, you're box is a bit to big for those shorts."

And it took me a second to figure it out, but then I gulped real loud (I heard it loud anyway, maybe she did.), and I hid my head on my leg (because that was when I was tying my shoe), and she whispered "bulges." And I nodded fast, and wished she would shut up. And she said, "It's nothing to be ashamed of, Sky. There are ways to make it less noticeable."

Really Marsh. It's weird enough saying it to you, but with a grown up!

Mars, she had said before that that I was too old and too young to be comfortable talking about it with her -- you know, she knew it was a weird subject and all. But Marsha, do you think she might be weird or something that she looks there and then talks about it to me? Or what?

And more and more people are going to know, maybe?

I don't know. blhhhhhhhhhhhfff

Bye; Loves, Sis,
Sky

P.S.: But listen -- one thing that's kinda good from tonight -- something, maybe silly, but maybe you won't think so. I got a happy meal and they had real old prizes, leftovers, so random what you'd get, and I got Belle! And Wendy didn't get why I'd liked it because it just stood there, and I told them about the gender roles stuff and being a girl hero and all. So now she's going to stand by my 'puter full time, and since you did that paper I thought I'd tell you. I don't know why getting that kind of makes me happy even with stuff.

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>>Thursday, April 17th (early evening)

Hi, Marsh
I'm trying to do what you said with Ann and Becky, and just wait and see what they do. They were not like freaked or laughing really. That's what I thought would happen. I don't know something to blackmail them back with like with Lisa when she was weird. So wait. OK, that's what I'll do, and see Saturday.

I'm going to call Ms Y. after dinner and tell her we need to talk and all, like you said too.

OK, I just got back from the rec center, and it was OK, except some things Zack did.

I said he was in my fly fishing class, right? There are only eight kids in it, but Zack had a partner already. So I had this little kid, who was nice anyway, but really bad at it. Fact: I'm better than the whole class because we aren't really trying to do fly fishing yet and keep the line whipping around and stuff, but just casting at a hula-hoop, and I guess I've done that more than those guys at our old cabin.

But anyway, after the class Zack and I got to talk, and his partner dude who was on the bus when I rode it, was like: "Why are you taking cooking? Ugghh. That's So Gay!!!" So I had to tell him about having to eat what I made sometimes, and it was just a good thing to know, and he couldn't really answer that, but was still like only: "Well, whatever."

And then Zack is even saying things about the origami class, and he is only taking it because he got kicked out of dodge ball the second day and doesn't want his mom to find out. And he was saying other stuff too.

And I asked Zack if we could meet in Paragon City, but he's going to play CoV or WoW, and had lots to do offline this weekend.

But then when I was riding home I passed him waiting for his mom, and he called and asked if I wanted to hang at his house. I was like no -- busy (I don't know doing what), but still. Weird?

So, well. Oh, BTW, Daddy's thinking about selling the old cabin because we're way out here, and he can't sell the house because of the market and things. He doesn't want to because it was his Dad's forever and all that though. I hope we can keep it. Don't you? He's trying to find out about renting it more.

And I was the only boy, in the cooking class, as suspected, but nobody acted like they cared there. I didn't know any of the kids there, or think any even went to my school, but they were friendly and we made macaroons, all from scratch, we even had to grate the coconut and my table's were the very best! That's because I made everyone stir the batter extra, and everyone else was in a huge hurry to get theirs in the oven. Next week we're going to make a pie.

So, I'd hoped we would be learning about making sauces, you know, or Coq Au Vin like, fancy stuff (what is that? - sounds neat, huh?), or lasagna, maybe, and things, but it's going to be mostly baking, which I've done with you lots. But still it is fun, so I'm going to keep going.

Look I g2g, but I still want to ask you about stuff from yesterday, so laters tonight. 'K? Daddy's going to be home tonight, finally. There's this tuna noodle thing in "Quick & Easy" we like, I'm gonna make. And Macaroons for dessert too that I brought home.

Whole Lotta,
Sky.

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>>Thursday, April 17th (night)

Marsha!
Daddy is so nice! I don't know how you could have got all mad at him -- OK, not about that.

But anyway, tonight he brought me a frog. It's really just kind of dumpy and globby and stuff, but funny and cute. He said it was for me starting to become a champion fly fisher, and not getting to go fishing last time, and he had wanted a fish, but nobody sells stuffed fish -- 'cept the fish market, and those are way smelly - and who would want to hug a fish anyway. Then he said, "Humm, but who would want to hug a frog? Well they are famous for getting lots of kisses, so tastes must vary."

And I asked him if he wasn't mad at me and he said no. It had just been about business stuff and things. And he thought I had just meant mad about school too. But I asked him about what I had had on last Monday. But he said (just like this, Marsh!), "What? Why would that upset me, Judey? You're my kid, and what you wear won't upset me, ever! -- well, if you were wearing rags or a barrel, I'd be very upset, unless it was just because it was a new fashion. And I'd appreciate it if you would stay decent." Just exactly that.

And I think I never told you, but on Monday, remember the day I got kicked out of school and Daddy had made me tea? And then when he came to my room, I was holding Berry Badger and I had Kocobo sitting next to the keyboard, (I'm being nice to them, Mars, and taking care of them. Promise.) And, also, -- OK -- I had on one of your old nightgowns, I think it was the one like Samantha's or Kirsten's, your American Girl Dolls. I don't know why. I just felt like it that night. You said I could, right?

But I thought he was all freaked by that, but sooo not all all!!!

And he said that he has known Ms Younger for forever, over twelve years, and that she is unusual, but not creepy or weird or something, and that he knew that the kids thought I was a girl and that she had, because she told him, but that that was something he wanted me to bring up, which I finally had. And I told him about the girls knowing really too. And he thought that was funny, sort of, and he just said for me to get it straightened out. So I'm going to tomorrow afternoon. And after, I might stay there Saturday if they want me because he told me Ms Y is going somewhere again.

And too, Marsh, he said that it wasn't like lying when I took Wendy into the bathroom really because I hadn't done it to peek at girls or something, and it wasn't like there was anything to see anyway (because people all really use stalls), and if that was the most comfortable place to go that wasn't lying because sometimes, used to, those places were called comfort rooms (and even that commode came from a word meaning comfort.). But just that everyone in the world didn't need to know all my private stuff. (But, Marsh, you're a girl, do you think that is right? I guess Ms Y does.)

Anyway, we had a really long talk, some about what he's going to say to the teachers tomorrow too, but lots of it wasn't about real stuff either. And he even said I wasn't so big that I couldn't sit in his lap, at least until his legs went to sleep or to ask for a hug, when there was real worrying to be done.

OK, I just think he is nice is all.

So are you too though.

Loves,
Sky

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Friday, April 18th (late afternoon)

Heys to you too, Mike
I'll get that stuff in the mail tomorrow. I was too late getting home today. I found it all, 'cept the Amy Winehouse CD and one of the Coldplay ones. I got all the 'puter stuff though.

I don't think Dad would mind sending all that stuff to you at all. But I won't talk to him about it if you don't want.

Yeah, so I missed the whole tourny. Duh!! I never even heard of Memphis before, so Kansas is OK with me. But we still got the pros, right?

Hey, did you wipe all your CoH guys? I've been playing, and wondered if I could get some influence, but they are gone. No big thing though.

g2g - talk later. 'K?

OH - I'm taking a fly fishing class near hear. Only had one so far though, but it'll be cool to do that, huh?

You liking college and all?

Cya,
Jude

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>>Friday, April 18th (afternoon, an hour later)

Hi,
Well that's done, Marsh. I called Ms Y. and told her I wanted to talk to her, and she said that the kids told her they knew I was a boy, and she had confessed to them too. Just like that, all of that is over!

And I'm still babysitting tomorrow too and staying the night even because all of them decided it didn't make any difference to how good I was at sitting. So we're still friends! And Ms Y said that she and the girls had asked way too much of me. But I don't think it was really all that much, really. But they're all going to trust each other not to get too mad now.

OK, so now I just got to wait 'til Daddy gets home and see what happened at the school today, right?

Bye;
Skye

P.S.: Yeah, I'd probably wind up getting the package alone because they go to an office in a different building if they're too big for the mailbox, but Daddy might have seen the slip. (It's not all the way to the post office, just the office for the apartments, and they do that stuff for us.) If he's there I'll pretend it's just the college shirt, but what is it really?

Mike wrote again, and I got to send a bunch of stuff to him, so I got to go there tomorrow too. He's not over being mad at us, is he, Marsh? Do you want me to send stuff to you?

P.P.S.: OH, yeah. About me going into the lady's and all. That was one of the things I was gonna ask you about on Wednesday. Well, OK, Ms Y and I had picked up the kids at their serious dance thing, and it was a car pool with four other girls.

And some stuff happened on the drive that was kind of weird to me too, because the girls just kind of poke at each other - said things like: "Well wearing a training bra doesn't make fat look like boobs," (and you know these were all in just their leotards and weren't fat but some can look better in those, I guess. ). And then this one girl that had talked about always wearing a training bra, and kind of got called fat, started on about how people wear their clothes, and that was about me, about having boxers stick out at top of my capris, like a boy. And some of the girls were on my side about that. And then they said other stuff about that girl when she left.

And it seemed even meaner than boys, unless the boys are trying to be real mean, you know? And how they made it so it was hard to get mad out loud, because it was never right at someone? And about how boys would have yelled, maybe, or just wanted to, and the girls just went on? So is that just dancer types, or rich girls, because I saw their houses, and even though Daddy say that money buys a lot more house here then in Maryland, still, or is it always like that with all girls??

But -- OK -- then we were just going to get take out and take it to their house. And in the drive-thru Wendy had to go bad. And I was by the door, and she asked me to go with her. And I was like: "Come on!" (because they all know, you know?) And Ms Y even said it would be OK for her to go by herself because it was right by the door, but Wendy said she needed help with her leotards because they were too tight (and she had wanted to just take them off in the car because of that, so it was true, not part of a trick.) And then she didn't want Lisa to go either, because Lisa teases about helping or wants lots as payback, Wendy said, and Ms Y. said, "Take her please, Sky, before this is a big fight. It won't be a problem."

So, I was shocked and all but did. And Lisa was acting like it was nothing, but I think it was hard for her to. I mean I even said I didn't know how leotards work, because who knew the neck stretched like that, but it didn't work, because Wendy knew how, but just need help doing it.

And why, Marsh, do they all know it's a problem but do that?

Only Wendy seems like it isn't a trick, because she just seemed real embarrassed and said she forgot when I reminded her I didn't go in there. But it was too late to change it then, because she was squirming.

Then in there there was a line, but we got to go to the front because Wendy was obviously in a huge hurry by then. And Lisa came in and yelled (right into the stall) that we were eating there, and told one of the line ladies that said she had cute sisters that only the little one was her sister not the cute one. And Wendy yelled that her sister looked like an orangutan (and that was right while I was hearing her pee splash, Marsh.)

And when I was helping Wendy get back into her leotard, I got a babysitting offer right through the door (I didn't take it because we don't know them, of course.). And then when I was going (yes, I remembered to sit down - barely in time. :-P ), this teenager talked to me about my name while she was going too.

And, Mars, is that like that always too?? I mean even little boys don't do that stuff. At school they talk in the bathrooms because it's away from teachers, but stand way away from the stalls and things to, and not ever in the stalls or to someone in there. Unless it's harassing or saying things gross. So that was what I had been meaning to ask about on that night.

OK.

Love you,
Skye

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>>Saturday, April 19th (morning)

Hi, Marsh,
No, it's not all straightened out at all.

Daddy said the school people said it was because I was withdrawn and anxious in class and wanted stuff from my psychiatrists and stuff.

And Daddy said that they should have waited to get the letters and talked to him and not made him wait four days first. And he thinks it is really because I did so well in school last year, because in three weeks all the kids have to take these state tests, and it is to see if the school teaches right, and if my scores don't go up enough from last year it will look bad for the school. Even though there are about a hundred and fifty other kid's. At least, he said, he thinks that is what the school is thinking. They just don't want me on the books right now, and in that other class I'm not. And the teacher's I have now know this is the reason too, and that I don't need the special stuff at all.

The other bad thing is it's hard to get out once I'm in, and that until I've been there six months they won't take me out at all, and then it will be into simpler classes than I used to take, which was the worse part.

But he is going to go downtown and talk to the main office people on Tuesday still. That's all he really said. He is real, real POed too. I could tell by how he talked real slow and soft.

OK, so don't know, OK.

Anyway, after that we tried to not worry, and he wouldn't let me use the computer, but said it was "us night," and we went to that not so bad sushi place and came home and watched TV together. (He just doesn't get "One Tree Hill", and never, never watch "House" with him! We wound up watching two parts of that real old TV version of "Pride and Prejudice" again.)

So that is still F'ed up, I guess.

Well, I'm going to work on my other problem, and go see Ann and Becky and explain stuff, then I babysit tonight.

bye,
Skye

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Sunday, April 20th (afternoon)

Hey again, Mike.

Hey, I'm thinking about starting piano again.

Do you think it would work to put our piano in a really small room? You know, where you'd barely be able to walk around it. Or would that mess up the sound too much?

Anyway, figured you were the best one to ask. Dad and I have to talk about it more, but I think it'll be OK.

The other choice would be to have it right up next to the wall, and I know that's not the greatest.

So, sees ya,
Jude

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Sunday, April 20th (afternoon, an hour and a half later)

Hi, Marsha
Well, guess what. My life isn't so much back to normal after all, because even though everybody knows, and everybody knows everybody knows, I still wound up doing something totally weird this morning.

But to keep it all in order, it was like this: I baby sat the kids last night, and that went like regular, OK? They really didn't act any different. Like when Ms Y. came out from getting dressed, we were making cookies (I brought some coconut (but the pre-shredded kind though) and macadamias, and we were making macaroons.) and she said something about getting burned cooking like that, and I hadn't even noticed but they hadn't got dressed after their baths and only Lisa had on only panties, and I was embarrassed because of that, but they were just still treating me the same, even though I'm a boy, and it isn't trying to trap me now.

So we made cookies, we had pizza for dinner, we watched a movie, and we played around on the piano so that was something new, I guess.

I'd never been in their living room, and it's huge, Marsh, and they have a piano like our old one only the real size right in there house! Not just a baby grand. ('Cept theirs is white, and I like black and shiny better. That's what a piano should be, you know?) And Ms Y said I could play it if I wanted; she was still there because this was when they had just got back from horseback riding, and I had go there real early.

Oh, and they ride English too. I had thought everyone out here would ride western, you know? But it was when Lisa was showing me her riding trophies, which was why we where in that room, that I saw the piano. And I messed around on it and played "Belle", sorta, you know from "Beauty and the Beast", because I could remember parts, and because Wendy had told me as soon as she saw me that that was the movie we were going to watch because we had talked about it at McD's.

BTW: I'm going to ask Daddy if I can start taking piano again too. Lisa said she wished she could play like me, (and I could hardly remember the song and wasn't doing good.), and I said it just takes practice (all wise and stuff), and her Mom said, "No, Sky, Lisa doesn't want to learn to play. She just wants to be able to play. They are very different things." (I thought it was funny.)

Ms Y. played then. And she is real good. And she said that was because her mother was a sweet, kind lady that forced her to do things that would be nice later in life. Not like their mother, who's a mean, wicked witch that lets her children do what they want. And I thought that was funny too, and Lisa and Wendy were just totally confused, I think. See why I like her?

Why do you think our mother made me stop taking piano? She let you and Michael practice, and liked it that he was so good.

So then the movie and all that stuff, but nothing important, just chatting and messing around.

Ok, so I got to get to it, I guess, because the main thing is about what I did this morning.

Wendy wanted to go out for breakfast again like the last time. I guess they do it a lot on Sundays. But Ms Y. told her that I hadn't brought the right kind of clothes for it because we hadn't set it up ahead of time, because it would take at least a nice shirt and slacks to go to the place Wendy was thinking of, and they had to feed me before taking me home too.

And Wendy said, "Even if Sky is a boy, she could just borrow a skirt. Couldn't you, Sky? Say you wouldn't mind, please. It's real neat, with cellos and stuff and drinks with strawberries in them, and lots of things."

(Marsh, she did say that! I don't know why that 'she' jumped out at me. She didn't say it loud or anything.)

And Lisa wanted to go too and said they could go by the apartment, but I didn't want to do that because Daddy might've still been asleep, you know?

Then Ms. Y told them to go away, and she sat down and asked me what I thought. And I just shrugged because I was weirded they were still like it wasn't a thing, you know what I mean?

And she said it is a place that is very nice. And they would LET me come as a girl if I wanted to, or we could go with me as a boy next time. And, Marsh, because she put it like that - you know it wasn't about tricking someone or not embarrassing them because of a mistake, or them wanting me to even - it just seemed like a really nice thing to be able to do. And when I said, "'K, if you really want me to," she said, "NO!! Sky, you're a very sweet person and very nice, but not this time. What is the answer for YOU."

So I did, Marsh.. And I gotta tell about Ann and Becky yesterday because that was part of it too, but in a minute, OK?

The kids were real, real, real happy about it, and not laughing or teasing at all. And then we had to find me clothes. And to make a long story short I wore a real long white dress, to the ankle almost - skirt, I mean, because I had a green blouse on, that had long bits at the bottom to make a bow/belt sort of, and I could have tied it higher to show my tum if it wasn't so nice a place.

I almost wore a shorter blue dress, but the only shoes that would work were some green sandals that were just barely long enough and just barely nice enough for this place. -- And Ms Y had got me some things from the dance store, when getting Wendy a new leotard, that boy dancers wear (Embarrassing!), but when I just wore some of Lisa's underwear things that was better for the bulges, at least in a skirt, because Ms Y had me sit down and push the dress down a little like might actually happen, to test. (But I haven't checked in some shorts yet.)

So it really was nice. With a chamber music quartette, and scones that were real good, and - I don't know - I guess garden party-ee. You know? And I liked it being nice like that, Marsh. Marsh, I felt silly the whole time, sort of, but not 'cuz it was a joke like. Just excited and stuff -- not like on a rollercoaster excited though, -- it's hard to say, Mars. Like getting out of the car and running after a long car ride excited, sort of. You know?

So, is it OK? Really? What do you think?

But anyway about the yesterday with Ann and Becky things -- I told them about Ms Y. and the kids thinking I was a girl, and then not wanting to make each other mad like. And they got all that, I think.

And I asked if they thought I was a girl at first too.

And that was because of something that Ms Y had told me on Wednesday too. She had told me to watch the way the girls at the ballet class tied shoes, and then had got me and the girls to look at our finger nails and me to push a hair out of my face at dinner. And she said I did that the way most girls do it in our country not the way most boys do it. (But she said some of each kind do do it the other way.) It was like not making a karate fist to look at the nails, but at the back of the hand; and using fingertips on the hair, not palm down; and bringing the knee up and not putting your foot on the other knee.

And she said lots of things like that was why it was they had made mistakes maybe, or I had change without knowing when she asked me to pretend. And I can't remember how I did those things before, so I asked those other girls.

But Ann and Becky's father had already got the whole low down (age, school grades, sex, shoe size maybe, they said.) from Daddy, so they didn't really know what they would have thought. And we talked about all that, for a long time, and about lots of things.

OK. Zack just called and asked me to bring out my bubble-ater, Marsh. I want to tell you more about it and stuff though. 'K? (At least I didn't say 'BRB' when I got the phone, huh?) And this is already way long, right? Laters, but Daddy wants to go out to eat and do grocery stuff tonight, so tomorrow, I guess.

Love ya' lots,
Skye

P.S.: Marsh, I'm not a perv, am I?

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