‘So Carol,’ said Nan, nibbling on a slice of toast, oozing with butter, ‘how do you like being a girl?’


We Shall Fight On The Beaches...

Chapter 7

By Susan Brown

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I apologise for not posting more on this story for a long time. Problems at home have forced me to cut down a lot on my writing. I hope to be able to publish more chapters on a regular basis.
Thanks for your patience.

Previously...

‘I think that you aren’t dressed as a girl to hide the fact that you are a boy?’

I looked at her and I could feel my face go red.

‘H...h...how did you know?’

‘Your mum and I always wondered why you were so much unlike other boys we knew. You never acted like a boy and were always so kind and gentle. You loved your sister and played with her like you were a girl yourself. Are you a girl or boy?’

Straight to the point, that was my Nan for you.

‘Girl,’ I whispered as I looked down and plucked at the hem of my nightdress. I didn’t want to see her expression just in case she was horrified at what I had just said.

She put her finger under my chin and lifted my face.

‘Well, it seems that I have a granddaughter instead of a grandson. We have both lost so much but it’s nice that we have each other. Things might be hard for a while, but together we’ll make it through and if that means that I have to be sort of a Mum to those girls upstairs, all the better. I approve of big families, don’t you?’

And now the story continues…

When I awoke the next morning, for a moment, I wasn’t sure where I was and then I remembered.
I had someone’s feet next to my nose, which was a bit disconcerting, to say the least. I sat up in bed and looked around. I vaguely remembered the room. It was one of Nan’s spare bedrooms and the one that I used to stay in when visiting the cottage with my mum and sister.

At the other end of the bed, her head just showing above the pristine white sheet, lay Helen. Her hair was getting a bit longer now and it looked like we could do something with it to make it look a bit more girlie. Having to wear a hat all the time was a bit of a drag. I felt a bit sad as the last time I was in this bed “top and tail” was with my sister. I missed her and Mum so much.

Quietly, I got up and nearly trod on Alison, who was sleeping on the floor on cushions. Shivering, as I was only wearing a thin cotton nightdress, I grabbed some clothes that I had laid on the chair the previous night before tumbling into bed and crept out of the bedroom and went into the bathroom.

Hitching up my nightdress, I sat on the toilet to do my stuff. As I sat there, I mused about what had happened to me and what the future would bring. The future didn’t look all that bright to me. The world had gone mad and the Nazis ruled much of the world whilst the rest looked on and did nothing.

Then I smiled, at least I had my nan and all my new friends who I now considered to be my sisters. A lot had happened in a short space of time and at least I was no longer alone.

I washed my hands and face and then decided to get dressed. Pulling the net curtain aside, I glanced through the window, It looked quite nice outside and maybe fairly warm for a change. I hated the wet weather. Autumn was approaching and I wondered what the weather would be like in Cornwall. It rarely snowed though but it did get rather wet! Mum had told me about the terrible storms around the Cornish coast and the many shipwrecks. It all sounded rather dramatic. Ah well, it couldn't be worse than dreary London’s weather and dreadful smog.

I got my head out of the clouds and then got dressed.

I had a white blouse that did up at the back and had a Peter Pan collar. I pulled it on over my head and then did up the top two buttons at the back, then I pulled up my knickers and slipped on the silky black slip and my navy skirt, the last clean one that I had. After pulling on my long socks, I decided that I would have to ask Nan if I could do my laundry, the others were in dire straights too!

My hair was clean and getting a bit longer, like Helen’s and I could just about get away without wearing a hat, which was nice. Although short, I could always blame my shorter hair cut was due to nits if anyone asked! I brushed into a resemblance of a girls style and couldn't wait for it to get longer. I fancied plaits like a few of the other girls had.

After pulling the toilet chain and wincing a bit as pipes rattled as the cistern refilled, I went downstairs. I could smell cooking bacon coming from the kitchen and I followed my nose. Nan was there at the cooker turning yummy things over in the enormous frying pan.

I went over to her and gave her a hug. She jumped slightly, nearly making a sausage leap out of the frying pan.

‘Oh Carol, don’t give me a shock like that.’

‘Sorry Nan.’

She turned off the gas and then gave me a lovely hug and a kiss on the top of my head.

‘Never mind. Did you sleep alright?’

‘Yes thanks, I didn't think that I've slept better since all this horrid stuff began.’

‘I know, it's hard for everyone...,’ she looked up, ‘I think that I can hear people stirring.’

A herd of elephants were apparently tramping about above us and shortly after came the sound of rushing feet coming down the stairs.

Nan looked at me and smiled.

‘I nearly forgot just how noisy children can be,’

‘They must have smelt the bacon and sausages.’

‘It's a good job that the farms around here keep us well stocked with food, I think that we might need it!’

The kids suddenly appeared, still in their night clothes, chattering away nineteen to the dozen.

‘QUIET!’ shouted Nan in her best school ma'am voice.

The room became very quiet.

‘I don't have many rules in this house, but one of them is that you have to be washed and dressed before breakfast, so hop off and get yourself ready, you have fifteen minutes. Don't worry, the food will be in the oven keeping warm.’

The others looked a bit guilty as they raced back upstairs to get into the bathroom first. It was a luxury for me to be sitting at the table tucking into the grub while the others were desperately getting washed and dressed so they could feed their hungry faces.

I was feeling rather smug as I was already washed and dressed. Nans rules hadn't changed since my mum was knee high to a grasshopper.

Nan sat opposite me eating her breakfast while I ate mine. We sort of ignored the noise coming from the above.

‘So Carol,’ said Nan, nibbling on a slice of toast, oozing with butter, ‘we haven't had that much chance to talk alone. How do you like being a girl?’

I looked at her, sort of puzzled.

‘I’ve always been a girl,’

‘How long have you known that you are a girl then?’

‘Ever since I can remember. I never thought that I was a boy and couldn't understand why I had to dress like one. It's not just the clothes, it's who I feel inside. I have never liked doing boy things; rough and tumble and playing cowboys and Indians, you know stuff like that. I much preferred to play with girls, if they would let me. They didn't always though. Some of them thought that I was a sissy boy and that hurt because I just wanted to be one of them.’

‘It's not going to be easy you know. One day your voice will break and you will start growing into a man whether you like it or not.’

My eyes started to smart. It was the one thing that I was dreading. Turning into a man would be awful. I just didn't t want it to happen.

She smiled and patted my hand.

‘Don't worry Carol, there are things that I think we can do. When I was head teacher at the school, we had two children who had similar problems to you. Our local doctor looked after them and referred them to a clinic in London. After some therapy, it was decided to treat them as girls and they were given a new medication called Premarin. The girls still live in the village and are accepted as girls. With all the problems that the country is facing a boy changing to a girl is not exactly a big concern. Stay here for a minute.’

I munched on a slice of toast simply dripping with golden butter and wondered where Nan had gone.

As I waited I thought about what Nan had told me. It was a bit of an eye opener. I started to feel a bit better, I hadn't heard of anyone being like me, thinking that I might be some sort of freak. Now, it seemed that my condition, if that is what it’s called, may not be so unusual after all and I might be able to do something about it. I wondered if the other girls that lived in the village were happy and looked like real girls and not just boys dressed as girls. I would hate that I was sure that they would too.

Just then Nan came in; she had her hand behind her back. I looked at her enquiringly.

She brought her hand out and there she was.

‘Jemima!’ I cried.

I took hold of the little doll that had been my constant companion when I was little. She used to belong to Mum when she was a little girl and I had found it when playing in one of the bedrooms the last time I had been there with my mum and sister. She had long blond hair and was wearing a little yellow dress that had seen better days but I didn’t care. I had my Jemima back!

I hugged her tight. I might be getting a bit old for dolls, but I couldn’t care less and if the others laughed at me. That was their problem, not mine.

My thoughts were interrupted by Claire and Alison as they walked into the room followed by a still quiet and somewhat shy looking Helen, who had on a pretty dress, white with tiny pink flowers on. I didn’t mention the fact that she looked very pretty as I didn't think that she would like that!

Soon after, Glad and Ethel, the twins came in. I still wasn’t sure who was who as they looked like to peas in a pod.
I had Jemima on my lap and the others, rather than laugh at me, all thought that she was sweet. In fact Glad, Ethel and Claire all had small dollies in their cases and Helen, red as a beetroot said that his teddy Charlie was in her case too! Only Alison said that she was too old for dolls, but I could see that she was envious of us all for still keeping ours.

Soon we were all sat around the table, a bit squashed as there were so many of us, but we managed somehow. I had my second helping of sausages, bacon and eggs. I had a lot of catching up to do, food wise. I was as thin as a rake and always hungry. Come to think of it, we were all a bit weedy looking. That’s what war rations do for you. Nan wasn’t thin though, which confirmed my thoughts that the war hadn't had such an effect down here in deepest Cornwall.

Nan busied about, feeding the five thousand and there wasn’t much chatter as we all had our mouths full. Soon enough though we had finished and proceeded to wash the whole lot down with tea from a huge pot.
Once the breakfast things had been washed up and put away, Nan had us sit around the table again as we discussed what we were to do now.

‘You all have been through so much to get here and seen things that children should never see. I won't insult you by treating you as too young to know what’s best for you, but we need to talk about the future and what we should do.’
‘Thanks for letting us stay, Miss Rogers’ said Claire and we all nodded in agreement.

‘That’s alright dear, you are most welcome, but don’t call me Miss Rogers; if you like you can call me Auntie Vi.’

‘Vi?’ enquired Ethel.

‘Short for Vivian. You will obviously have to go out and about and if anyone asks you are my nieces, back from London when you were bombed out. Quite handy if you haven't got any papers.’

‘Papers?’ I asked.

‘Yes, proof of identity. Have any of you got some?’

Ethel and Glad piped up together, ‘yes we have.’

‘Helen?’ asked Nan.

Helen just went red in the face and shook her head. We would have to tell Nan about Helen…

‘I…I…I’m a boy really,’ she blurted out.

Nan looked surprised.

‘Are you dear, Well, perhaps you and I can have a little chat later? Don’t worry, you look very nice and I wouldn’t think that you were a boy looking like you do. We have to do things that we hate doing sometimes but never mind, we’ll all get through this, I am sure.’

Helen looked a little better after that. It was nice that she had the support of all of us.

There was a knock on the front door, making some of us jump.

Nan got up.

‘Stay here and be quiet girls.’

She left the room, closing the door behind her.

We all looked at each other. I could see the fear in their faces. Would it always be like this, fear of being found out, captured and then who knows what? Just the knock on the door and I felt like a quivering wreck. I had been living on my nerves for so long now, I didn’t think that I would ever truly relax.

We struggled to hear what the mumbled voices were saying and then the door of the kitchen opened and in walked Nan, followed by the policeman who directed us to Nan’s cottage the evening before!

He seemed larger than the last time I saw him. He was a little bit portly and had ruddy cheeks. He looked as old as Nan if not a bit older. He had his helmet in his hand and his hair was grey at the temples.

‘Well,’ he said, ‘what a lot of kids you have here Vi.’

‘Sit down Stanley and I’ll get you a cuppa. I think that we need a fresh pot.’

He sat down with a sigh and said, ‘I could do with a brew Vi, I’ve been up most of the night. My Madge won't recognise me when I get home, she hasn’t seen much of me what with these double duties an’ all.’

We all had another cuppa and it didn’t take much persuading for us to have some home made cherry cake that suddenly appeared on the table. Look, we were all growing girls and needed feeding up!

Things were quiet for a short while. The cake was delish!

‘Right,’ said PC Stanley, ‘I’m not a detective and my detecting skills are not on the level as some of the coppers in Truro but when a whole parcel of kids with luggage turn up in the village all of a sudden like late in the evening and ask for directions, I get to kind of wonder whats going on. So erm, whats going on?’

He looked around expectantly. I looked at Nan and raised my eyebrows. It must be a close relation thing, similar to some twins, as she knew what I was thinking.

‘You can trust Stanley, he hates the Germans as much as we do. His two boys were killed by the Nazi’s.’

Claire told him our story and we all piped in with our bits. Even Helen explained that he was a boy but had to dress as a girl and that didn’t faze Stanley, he just smiled and said, ‘Brave kid.’

‘So,’ he said as we finished, ‘you were involved in the train thing. Good job you weren't nearer the front, a couple of Germans were killed and the soldiers scoured the countryside looking for people to murder. Good job they didn’t know the area. The place is honeycombed with mines. The problem with the train being blown up is that it makes the enemy more aware of us so we have to lay low for a while and try not to draw attention to ourselves. That includes you lot.’

‘How do we do that?’ asked Glad.

He thought for a moment.

‘Well, you need to fit in. The story will go around that you are relatives of Vi here and that you have been sent here because you have lost your parents. As far as papers go. I will need all your names, dates and place of birth and I’ll arrange things.’

‘How?’ asked the ever inquisitive Alison.

‘Never mind, what you don’t know, you can’t tell.’

He dug out a dog eared notebook from his pocket and a pencil which he licked the end of for some reason.

‘Let me have your details girls.’

We did as he asked and I was pleased that Helen remembered her girl's name. She would have been in trouble had she said Albert for her identity papers!

‘Right,’ said Stanley.’ That should do it; now, I’m off home. The wife will give me grief if I don’t turn up for me breakfast. See you soon girls. Vi, can I have a word?’

Nan and Stanley left the room and we could hear their voices outside but couldn’t catch what they were saying, despite Ethel having her ear pressed against the door.

The door opened suddenly and Ethel fell over making us all laugh, including Nan.

‘That’s what happens when you eves-drop.’ she said smiling.

After that, it got a bit boring. Until we had the relevant papers, we daren't go out.

Nan told us that the papers should be ready the next day and we just had to twiddle our fingers until then. It did give us the opportunity of finding out how things were in Polperro and Nan proceeded to tell us as we all sat in the living room nursing the inevitable cup of tea.

‘In a way, we have been lucky down here and haven't had the same amount of horrors happening in other places like the big cities and towns. There is a German presence here and I regret to say that some people that I thought were loyal Britains have thrown in with the enemy. Some of the county councillors including the mayor have gone over to the other side. The police force are in an awkward position because they have to uphold the rule of the law. The law is now effectively German. Outwardly they are cooperating but, behind the scenes and unofficially, they are with us. The same is the case with the other services like the fire brigade and coast guard. There are a few policeman that I wouldn't trust and I will tip you the wink about them. You can trust Stanley though. Unless you know for sure, don't trust anyone.

‘Now that you're here, we have to decide what to do with you. Schools are out at the moment due to the changes but eventually, they will start again. Unfortunately, I think that they will be run on a curriculum set by Berlin. They will try to mould children into a warped image of what they consider to be good Arian models. Anyone who is Jewish or other religions that they abhor will be rounded up and put into concentration camps. We have a few Jewish families here and they are in hiding in the mines. Also, we hear that they do not like people who are disabled or mentally sick, they too will be targeted and those people who fall under that category will be sent away to God knows where. All those at risk are also at the mines.

‘I don't want to go to any school that the Germans run,’ said Ethel hotly.

‘I just want to fight Germans.’ said Helen in a quiet voice.

We all nodded at that.

‘But you are just children,’ said Nan with an exasperated tone of voice.

‘Children that have lost everyone and everything,’ I said.

‘I want my country back,’ said Claire.

Nan looked at all of us in turn in a way that I imagined she looked at the kids in her class that were stretching her patience and then she just sort of sagged.

‘You are right of course. I cannot expect you to do things that I wouldn't do myself. I want to fight and help in any way I can to rid us of these pests just like you. Perhaps one day you may have a normal childhood, but until then...well we’ll see.

The next few days we kept inside, not daring to go out. We were bored, but at least we were relatively safe. Nan went out regularly to meet with people and get in supplies for her now extend family. It turned out that troops were expected to arrive in the area quite soon and billet in the nearest town, Liskeard. Luckily, it appeared that villages like Polperro were not considered very important, which was strange as it had a harbour and therefore open to boats coming in and out. Polperro had, in its checkered past, strong links with smuggling. There were various caves and hidden landing places where contraband and people could be landed. All we could think of was that the Germans were not organised enough to think of these things and it sort of confirmed our suspicions that they were stretched too thinly to do much about it. If and when they got themselves more organised, that we be a different matter.

Helen was happier once she had a heart to heart talk with Nan. I didn't know what was said, but after their little chat, Helen seemed more at peace with her situation and no longer kept saying that she was really a boy.

One morning, Stanley, the policeman came to the cottage and handed us our identification cards. It had my old address in Ashmore Road and my new address in Polperro, backdated to before the Nazis invaded. It looked genuine as far as I could tell. All the others had cards similar to mine with their old addresses and new address listed too.

I, of course, wanted to go out and explore. I tried to coax the others to come with me, but they weren't bothered as it was raining that fine drizzly and they just wanted to hang around the cheerful fire in the living room and eat some of Nan’s fruit cake.

I put on my coat and hat, hugged Nan who told me to be careful and then let myself out. The harbour looked just I remembered it when I had visited it last. Boats of all shapes and sizes were bobbing up and down on the gentle swell. The swell wasn't so gentle out of the harbour, where the waves were high and it looked like we were in for another spell of bad weather. No mind, I was glad to get out into the fresh air. Mind you, the breeze seemed to whip up my skirt a bit, so I had to be careful not to show my knickers. This was a problem that boys never have!
There were a few people about and I nodded and said hello to most of them. I noted the lack of men and older boys around but I knew the reason for that and I wondered what it was like to live in the mine shafts of the old tin mines. It couldn't have been that comfortable.

Then I started to wonder what I could do about the German invasion.I hoped that I and my new family (I now considered all of the girls to be family now) would be able to help with the war effort. I may not be big and strong, but I could hold a gun, if necessary, and do my bit.

Could I shoot a German? I had qualms about that. If it was between him and me, I hoped that I would do my duty. But I was against war and fighting and that would go against all that I believed. Would I be able to shelve my beliefs for the common good? What if the soldier was British in a German uniform...

I couldn't continue to think about that, it was just too upsetting.

Walking through the narrow lanes lined with small, brightly painted cottages, I smiled as I remembered the last time I did this with Mum and my sister. They were such happy times and I remembered trying to eat half an enormous Cornish pasty sitting down by the harbour and not being able to finish it. I was somehow able to have an ice cream cornet afterwards though; funny that.

My smile left me when I realised that I would never have an experience like that with my mum and sister again. I brushed away those dark thoughts. I would try not to dwell on the past and look forward to a future when I could at least find some sort of happiness.

The wind was rising and the rain grew steadily worse and so I turned back to the cottage where I knew I would be welcome. Maybe those greedy girls had left me a slice of cake!

One evening, a few days later, we were sitting around the cheerful fire with mugs of Ovaltine and slices of Nan’s delicious fruit cake. Outside there was a howling storm and the wind and torrential rain rattled the windows. For all that, we were toasty warm.

Claire was playing with the radio, trying to get some music on. She twiddled with the knob for ages and then suddenly we heard a voice that we all recognised as Richard Dimbleby.

‘Turn it up Claire,’ asked Nan.

‘...sorry that we have not been able to give you more updates lately. We have had trouble finding secure locations to transmit. We cannot be on air for long because we do not want the enemy to track our location. The situation as far as we know is as follows. Apart from a few pockets of resistance, Germany now has full control of Great Britain and large parts of Ireland.

‘An occupational government is now in place and being run from what was The War Office in Whitehall. Downing Street was almost completely destroyed in one of the last bombings which killed most of the cabinet including our leader Mr Churchill. The houses of Parliament have been blown up by the Germans who believe that it was a symbol of our power. Also, Nelson’s Column and Admiralty Arch have also been destroyed, presumably for similar reasons. Reinhard Heydrich, an SS- Obergruppenführer, has been placed in charge of the occupation and has been styled under the title of Protector. He and his extensive staff have taken over Buckingham Palace. Heydrich was recently a Deputy Protector of Bohemia and Moravia and is noted for his brutish thuggery and war crimes. Oswald Mosley, of the hated Black Shirts, has been freed from prison and is his deputy.
Little information is coming out from Aberdeen and Newcastle Upon Tyne, the cities atom bombed. What we do know is that many of the survivors are very sick. We pray for them.’

He paused for a moment and then continued.

‘Men and boys over the age of 14 are being rounded up and forced to enlist in the German forces. Women are being given work in the war machine such as in munitions and aircraft factories, tank and ship construction and also nursing, working on farms and the fire brigade. If the pattern from other occupied countries is duplicated, some women might be enlisted along with our men. Girls under 16 are being excluded from this work at the moment and schools are reopening to what the `Nazi's call “re-educate” our children, whatever that is supposed to mean. We fear that it may be some form of coercive indoctrination. We recommend that all children be kept in hiding, whatever their age, wherever possible, but if caught, they should go quietly as there have been incidents of extreme cruelty and even death for those who do not comply.

‘As far as we are aware, we have a number of aircraft still useable and they and their crews are based, we believe, somewhere in Norway; as is what remains of our navy. Norway is, at the moment officially neutral, but has some sympathy with our plight. How long they can hold out against the increasing dominance of the German forces, we do not know, but we hope that it can continue for as long as possible.

‘I am pleased to announce that The Royal Family have arrived safely to Canada. It is hoped that Canada might be able to help us in our hour of need and we understand that they are busy building forces necessary to protect themselves against an increasingly aggressive German presence in the Atlantic. The United States of America is still not willing to enter the war, citing their parlous economic situation, rioting on the streets and lack of political will as the reason. We can only hope that they come to their senses and realise that the Nazis are a threat to the world, including America.

‘I will sign off now but stay close to your wireless for further information. Stay strong and remember that we will never give in. God bless you all.’

Claire switched off the radio and we all sat in silence for a few moments. We no longer felt in any way snug and cosy in the little cottage by the harbour in Polperro.

To be continued.

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie...thanks! ~Sue