A knight on a black horse was riding past the tower in which I was imprisoned.

Through the small window in the tower's side I shouted, "Sir! I say good knight!"

The knight kept riding.

I shouted again, "Oh good knight sir! Please help me!"

The knight stopped and looked around for a moment. He looked towards the tower, pointed at himself and said, "Are you addressing me?"

Annoyed, I yelled through the window, "Do you see any other bloody knights around?"

Frowning, the knight said, "No need to be rude."

Through the window I said, "Please Sir Knight. Please rescue me from this tower."

The knight said, "No. Sorry." He started to ride off.

Angry I shouted, "What do you mean, 'no'?"

The knight gave me an odd look and said, "I mean no. Sorry. But I only rescue fair maidens."

"What the bloody hell!?" I screamed at the knight. "Please good sir. I need rescue from this tower."

Shaking his head, the knight said, "Sorry. You're not a fair maiden. It's kind of a rule you see." The knight started to ride off.

"Please good sir!" I said worriedly. "Can't you rescue me on your break?"

The knight shook his head. Again he said, "No. Sorry. You're not a maiden."

"Pretend!" I exclaimed through the window. "Pretend I'm a maiden."

The knight looked blankly at me. He said, "You're not a maiden."

I shouted angrily, "That's what pretend means, you bloody twit!"

The knight frowned and said, "You're a rude person."

"Wait!" I said through the window. I reached down and picked up a handful of the straw that lined the tower's floor. I put the straw on my head and adjusted it to resemble long blonde hair. I put my face in the widow again, raised my voice an octave and said, "I'm a fair maiden locked in this tower. Please rescue me!"

The knight squinted at me. After a moment he said, "No. You're not. You're that fellow I was just talking to."

"I'm a fair maiden!" I said in a falsetto, desperation setting in. "See my blonde hair?" I batted my lashes at him as some of the straw fell from my head and through the window.

Riding up to the window, the knight said, "I'm not as dumb as I look! See here! Any maidens I rescue I must ask for their hand in marriage."

"Do they have to accept?" I ask.

"No," the knight said flatly.

"Right, then," I said. "Rescue me, propose, I decline and we're both on our way."

The knight thought this over for a few moments. He said, "You'll turn me down?"

"Of course," I said.

"Right," said the knight as he dismounted his horse. "Stand clear."

I lay on the bed as I watched the knight disrobe. The finery that accompanies the wealth of a rich knight surrounded us.

The knight said, "I thought you said you'd decline?"

Shrugging, I said, "I lied."