The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2894 by Angharad Copyright© 2016 Angharad

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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
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Back at the ranch and well into a lecture on evolution, I was interrupted by a question. “Professor, given the sometimes clear stages of evolution, could it not be a possible indicator of Intelligent Design?”

“If it was, I’d sack the designer for inefficiency.” The problem is I never know if I’m being set up or if the individual actually believes in what they’re saying. “Given that most new species don’t survive for very long, it would seem to suggest that it isn’t any proof whatsoever for Intelligent Design or equally dumb ideas.

“The most important stage in evolution was the development of the complex cell from which nearly everything else arose. This seems to have arisen by the combining of two or more bacteria to form a more complex single cell than any one of the constituents were capable of forming on their own. It gave rise to the formation of mitochondria, which may have started out as a separate individual and to the development of green plants which evolved the use of chloroplasts, which were originally blue green algae. Without this single-most important stage, we wouldn’t be air breathing creatures as there wouldn’t be enough oxygen in the atmosphere to sustain us.

“The vast majority of animals become extinct in a relatively short time, usually because they become too specialised and therefore unable to adapt quickly enough to changing environments. When the change is huge and sudden we can be left with mass extinctions. We think five of these have happened on this planet since life really got going.

“The most famous is the extinction of the dinosaurs which is thought to have occurred after a planetoid strike in the Gulf of Mexico causing the equivalent of a nuclear winter which the dinosaurs were unable to cope with for the most part. However, they didn’t become entirely extinct as some of the survivors evolved into birds.”

“What about the Loch Ness monster? Isn’t it some of plesiosaur?”

“There is no Loch Ness monster, plesiosaur or anything else, it’s a myth compounded by various hoaxes including the famous 1933 photograph. If the famous photo were that of a plesiosaur, then its head and neck would not have been lifted as much as in the photo—the story suggests it was a toy submarine that was modified to look like a monster. Given the amount of time and money spent on the wild goose chases looking for the monster and that nothing has ever been demonstrated to come near to showing the existence of some large animal, I consider this matter closed.”

“Couldn’t something have evolved from a plesiosaur?”

“Not in the ten thousand years it has been a lake, for the previous twenty thousand years it was solid ice. Evolution takes long periods. Species do form differences especially in isolated populations if given long enough, which was what set Darwin off originally trying to explain the differences in the beak sizes of Galapagos finches. Closer to home we have the St Kilda wren which is different to the Hebridean wrens, which in turn are subspecies of the Eurasian wren. The St Kilda wren is slightly larger than the Eurasian wrens seen on the mainland of Britain.”

“If a wren can change in ten thousand years why not Nessie?” was called from the auditorium.

“It’s on its way to differentiating, it’s currently a subspecies which means it could mate with ordinary wrens. To become a separate species, could take hundreds of thousands of years.”

“About the same time it will take you to grow up,” said a female voice aimed at the questioner.”

An hour later I was completely knackered. The class had gone well the hecklers or questioners made me think a bit but also made it more interesting. I don’t mind genuine questions because sometimes they reflect something I hadn’t thought of before or perhaps something which I feel unsure about as well. Clearly the question on Intelligent Design was a wind up—light the blue touch paper and watch the fireworks. I didn’t really react very much putting it into the same category as Loch Ness monsters was pretty apt as neither exist except as hoaxes, wishful thinking or misinterpreted sightings—sometimes deliberate.

“You look tired,” observed my secretary producing a cup of tea.

“I’ll be okay once I drink this,” I said after thanking her for the reviving liquid.

“Hard lecture?”

“No more so than usual though sometimes I wonder why I bother trying to educate people who think they know everything anyway and spend half the time trying to prove it and signally failing.”

“So experience and a proper education win every time,” she smiled.

“Mostly.”

“What? They get the better of our esteemed Prof of living things?”

“I’m not Tom Agnew, I’m human, okay?”

“It’s funny, he said you were twice the teacher he ever was and he describes you as his angel.”

“When was that?”

“When you were off.”

I looked at her questioningly.

“He called by to check everything was all right and I guess I caught him during a reflective moment. He’s really proud of you, you know?”

“I’m only as good as my support team,” I said and sipped my tea.

“Yeah, behind every great woman is her secretary.”

“If I ever get to be great, I’ll let you know.”

She chuckled, “I’ll hold you to that.”

“Feel free.”

“So, Lady C, how are you going to get seventy five kids into that there mean machine and isn’t it time you went to find out?”

“James is collecting the girls in the people carrier.”

“I’d love to have servants.”

“He isn’t a servant, his mother is Lady Beck. He’s a freelance investigator and protection contractor; ex special services and so on.”

“Any good?”

“I think so and so does Pa in law.”

“So the great and the good are agreed then?”

“Depending upon which of us is which?”

“Well you’re the good one so he must be the great one.”

“In terms of ego, that’s probably about right, but deservedly so. He’s good at what he does and knows it. He’s also well respected by lots of people in the top echelons, so must be doing something right.”

“Just like his daughter in law.” The bitch laughed when she saw me blush. “You don’t do compliments, do you?”

“I was brought up to believe pride was a sin. I’ve been trying to live it down ever since.”

“Cathy, you are brilliant at what you do, especially presentation. If your namesake had got you to speak on behalf of staying in the EU, he’d have walked any subsequent vote.”

“Please don’t tell him—as a paid up Guardian reader, I’d never live it down.”

We did another half an hour’s work and I signed a pile of letters which Diane would put in the post tonight, including the purchase of three new microscopes at two thousand pounds apiece. I’m tempted to put a notice up in the labs saying that anyone breaking anything bigger than a test tube will be held responsible for replacing it—except they’d plead poverty every time. How did they break two microscopes?