This is a gentle coming of age story tale about a young boys search the become the girl he knows he should have been, with the help of his two girl friends he becomes Susanna the girls teach him all about life as a girl.
Please note this is a gentle tale sentimental with some sexual content but where there is it any it is inferred sex NOT graphic sex and will be tagged as such.
I told the girls about tonight with Jill meeting us at the ‘Keys’ Shonali looked a bit worried and asked, “Don’t you think it’s a bit public for a very personal talk?”
No sooner had she said this than my phone rang looking at the display I saw it was Jill. “Hi, Jill” I answered chirpily, “Susanna I’ve been thinking the pub is the wrong place to talk so how would it be if I came to your place about six thirty – with a take-away then we can discuss it in private?”
I smiled and told her, “Shoni’s just said something similar so ok see you about six thirty and we’ll supply the wine!” She asked if any of us had any preference in takeaways. Smiling broadly I answered, “No preferences Jill we’ll eat anything then I told her exactly where we lived.” After this we said our goodbyes and hung up.
I told the girls what we had been talking about they both seemed happier about this as they said the subject was a bit personal to be discussed over a game of pool.
The lectures passed quickly the whole of the year were now working hard. The reality that the results could affect the rest of our lives had finally sunk in when you are 19 you tend to ignore the rest of your life!
As usual we retired to the pub the guys as usual whopped us at pool and as usual we grumbled saying, “Next time we’ll wear mini skirts and low cut tops!” (We have to use what ammunition we have in our armoury)
My whole thinking was different now I was comfortable as Susanna the hormones had as well as altering my body seemed to be altering my outlook on life.
As I now saw things very much from a girls point of view also I was much more tactile with people.
Where men always looked serious us girls have a more optimistic outlook on life – and I loved it.
Once home we took a shower and changed into something more comfortable I wore a ethnic print red play suit in cotton and rayon over a tan bra and what I call my ‘Bridget Jones” (my slightly larger panties I wore during my ‘periods’ – named after the one’s in the film).
Shonali wore deep purple harem pants and a loose fitting top. While Kelly had decided on a pair of loose jeans and sweatshirt so as you see we were all comfortable.
We set the table for four and made sure we had enough wine in the fridge then sat discussing where to go for our holidays.
I happened to mention that I still had a villa in the Canary Islands. “YOU WHAT” Kelly squealed, “SHIT! YOU have a villa? Shoni the god’s were smiling on us when we met Susie!”
I explained to them that my dad had bought it and now it was mine. I had never been there but I showed them a picture of it and to say they were excited was an understatement.
Shyly I asked, “shall we go over in the mid term break?” Kelly as usual the leader exclaimed, “SHALL WE! Oh yes, you bet - let’s do it”.
The doorbell rang ending the conversation - Jill had arrived. We let her in she was laden down with bags of food.
We helped her in and the first thing she said was, “Well this is the most palatial student accommodation I’ve ever seen! It’s fabulous and it’s just the three of you live here?”
“Yep” Kelly answered for the three of us. I asked, “Do you want to have a look round?” “Do I” she retorted, “You bet I do.”
We put the food in the warm oven and poured each of us a glass of wine Shoni commented, “By the way Jill if these two get bitchy it’s nothing personal it’s that time of the month for them!” Jill simply responded, “Oh” but the look she gave me said a lot more.
We did the grand tour I think the bathrooms really impressed her she asked, “If you don’t mind me asking but how do you girls afford a place like this?”
Shonali answered, “It’s down to Susie she was left it by her Dad” Kelly then butted in, “And he left her a villa in the Canary Islands”.
Quietly Jill commented, “You’re one lucky girl Susanna” I smiled wanly and replied, “Maybe - but I’d still rather have my family alive” I gave a little sniffle and instantly Shoni and Kelly were there for me.
Jill observed this and remarked, “You three are so close you have such a really bond.” Kelly answered thoughtfully, “We do, we really do I think we’d do anything for each other.” Shonali and I nodded in agreement at this. As I was a bit embarrassed the way the conversation was going so I chipped in, “Shall we eat I can hear Kelly’s stomach rumbling!” This started a round of denials by Kelly as Shoni and I ribbed her on her vocal stomach.
Back at the kitchen we got the meals out of the oven and sat down Jill had brought a Chinese take away - and loads of it!
We sat down and started eating Jill finally got around to my ‘problem’ “Susanna I feel that your problem is starting to gnaw away at you am I right?”
I nodded miserably as Jill carried on, “Kelly, Shonali have you noticed this they both nodded then Shonali explained, “For some reason Susanna is paranoid that she will never become the woman she so clearly is. Kell and I tell her that there’s loads of time and not to rush things as everything will drop into place when the time’s right – but this doesn’t seem to relax her”
Jill nodded commenting, “I understand and thanks for your insight. Susanna can you explain your feelings?”
I thought for a while then words started spilling out of me it was like a dam had burst. Whether I made sense was another thing; “It’s just that I want to be the same as Kell and Shoni I love the way I look, the way I am now, the way I feel, even now when I am feeling bloated, cramps and tender boobs! I adore the new me. But when I think about surgery I get the feeling that for some reason......... Oh I don’t know I just feel strange it’s so hard to explain.”
I took a deep breath then tried to continue is a more objective vein, “I would give anything to have my own, my own er my own.........” I stumbled over the word. “I think the word you’re searching for is vagina” Jill quietly prompted me.
“Yes, yes I want one so badly but when I think about the surgery – I just don’t know” I wailed.
Jill looked at me and quietly said, “Please don’t take this the wrong way but are you sure Susanna’s for you?”
At first I was shocked then angry! Fiercely I answered; “YES! Susanna’s perfect for me this is what I’ve always wanted always known this is what I should be. If my head would let me I’d have the surgery tomorrow it’s just............... “ I tailed off and dissolved into floods of tears I was so confused.
This time three of them were around me holding and comforting me I heard Jill say quietly, “I’m sorry Susanna but I had to ask the question now what we have to do is to find out why you’re so resistant to having surgery!”
The Jill went off on a totally different track, “How’s your relationship with men?” Shonali broke in here saying, “Susanna and my brother are one hot item!’ “We’re not,” I protested feebly. “You are too” Kelly retorted.
“And does he know about you?” Jill asked quietly I answered, “Yes, yes he knows, he guessed”.
Jill was taken aback, “Guessed? How? You an attractive young woman how the hell did he guess?”
I gave a small smile saying, “Thanks for the compliment but he’s a doctor and he noticed the scar on my neck – the one that’s gone now.” Shoni butted in, “He’s like that notices everything!”
“And how does he feel about it Susanna?” Jill asked me. Somewhat embarrassed I mumbled, “He’s fine with it totally at ease”.
Jill smiled then asked, “And how do you feel?” I smiled happily at the thought of Gill and answered, “When I’m with him I feel safe, protected happy and comfortable time just fly’s by – it’s wonderful.”
Kelly butted in, “She’s got it bad Jill!” Jill nodded and commented with a smile, “It certainly sound’s that way.”
Jill then took hold of my hands and looking at me said, “Susanna; the girls are right take your time. What you are going through is to a great extent perfectly normal this is a big thing you are doing have faith in yourself and your friends. However to ease your anxieties I could recommend that we try hypnotism.” I thought about this as Jill continued, “Susanna remember you are so lucky because you have really good friends who will support you through thick and thin”.
I felt wretched and confused falteringly I managed to say, “I feel like I’m putting so much stress on my friends.”
Kelly butted in here, “Susanna that’s total crap and you know it we both love you and will support you this!” “Hear, hear” echoed Shonali.
Jill cocked her head to one side looking at me and said it’s up to you love but on reflection I would seriously think about hypnotism to ease your anxiety.”
I thought about this for a while and finally nodded my head, “Ok, I’ll try it, it may calm me down a bit but nothing heavy – please” I begged.
As an aside I mentioned that I had recently received my new passport with my new picture and name. But even though I had ticked female on the form I was still classed as a male I felt really bad about this.
Smiling Jill then told me about the Gender Recognition Panel, which is the only government department that can change my sex on official documents but there are certain rules before they will change the birth sex of a person.
However as it is a panel there is a certain amount of leeway in the interpretation of the rules and if a good case can be made it may be possible to get them to act faster.
After I had digested this she said, “If you want I’ll talk to Doctor Kendrick and discuss the matter with him?”
I nodded and answered, “Yes please I’d like that”.
However she warned me that now was not the time to do this, as the panel do like the person to be living in their correct sex for at least a year - better two years.
I thought about it and asked, “So I’m going to have to get my head around this surgery if I want them to help me?”
Jill said very thoughtfully, “Not necessarily though SRS surgery is clearly a statement intent but as I said there is a certain amount of leeway the panel can use so don’t despair”
It was about eleven when Jill left I did feel better and a bit more relaxed Kelly yawned and said to the room in general, “Bed?” we all agreed and headed to the bathrooms to get ready for bed.
After I’d finished in the bathroom I went into my bedroom and found the two of them snuggled in my bed Shoni looked at me with those wonderful big brown eyes and whispered, “Err we thought you might appreciate some company”.
Did I! The smile on my face must have said how much I appreciated the thought I scrambled into bed and snuggled up to my two friends as blissfully happy as I could be.
The next morning when I woke up Shonali was already up and about she stuck her head into the room and shouted, “Come on you two we’ve not long”.
Now! Not long for a girl means about an hour or so but for a guy it means about 10 minutes! We girls are high maintenance!
So Kelly and I rocketed out of bed a bathroom each showered, cleaned (down there) moisturised hair brushed and dressed ready for uni the usual uniform for lectures thick tights and either a short skirt or tunic style dress heels and large slouch bag. Winter parka scarf and woollen hat with a bit of toast in hand we were ready for uni – it took us just over the hour.
At lunch Jill phoned up telling me that a hypnotherapist would be at my next appointment later this month she asked me how I felt. Of course I whinged about the bloating and tender boobs.
I could hear the smile as she asked, “Why do you put yourself through this Susanna?”
I didn’t even hesitate it just came out, “I’m a girl, girls have these every month it wouldn’t be right not to have them to me it’s part of being female!”
I think the smile was still there when she replied, “Tell me about it!”
The week at Uni was going well we put in a lot of work. It was great living together as we could bounce things off one another. Wednesday was quiz night at the Feathers I still saw Rob and still liked him.
But to be honest my mind was on Gill. I discussed this with the girls and their advice to me was a bit brutal “Suzie you’re still a free agent up to now there are no ties play the field girl enjoy being treat like only a girl can – and don’t worry”.
That night Gill phoned me it was great to hear his voice we must have talked for an hour (nearer two Kelly informed me) but when I was speaking to him time simply flew by.
My boobies were coming along nicely. I think that since they budded they hadn’t stopped growing now the ‘chicken fillets’ were a bit uncomfortable. Another thing to ask the girls about so I took a deep breath and asked, “Err this may sound daft - but can you get smaller ‘chicken fillets’?”
Shoni asked, “Why” so I had to tell them, “Well these are a bit uncomfortable now my bra seems so full.”
“Let’s have a look” Kelly ordered! This was one thing I couldn’t quite get over as we were living together nothing is really off limits! We have all seen each other’s bodies now I was quite comfortable with them seeing my boy bits or as I called it my boy clittie!
I slipped off my bra and Kelly measured me. We, or rather they had a discussion and decided that I was very close to being a ‘B’ cup and suggested that the next time we went shopping get some thin gel fillers that would boost where I was lacking.
Most men never realise the tricks girls get up to, to make the right impression -me included but with my two trainers I was certainly learning quickly.
Friday night, usually our clubbing night but we had decided to concentrate on our course work, which we did somewhat half-heartedly. Finally Kelly threw the book she was reading to one side and exclaimed; “Bollocks to this! Let’s hit the town girls!” She got no argument from Shoni and I we flew to our bedrooms to get ready.
Hair loose around my shoulders make up slightly dramatic just right for clubbing pink eye shadow deep black eyeliner, false eye lashes and black mascara. Lipstick a glossy deep red the dress I chose was a black with lace around the bodice and hem line the dress was in a wraparound style with ties at the hip to create a gathered effect scoop neck and sleeveless. The fabric of the dress finished about 3” above my knee, but the lace on the hem just brushed the tops of my knees.
I had a black push up bra (no need for any boosters for my boobs, so for tonight they were ALL mine) satin thong, nude tights and black patent 4”gladiatior style shoes. As it was February a short white padded jacket. I was ready in record time and just after nine thirty we left heading for --------- well we weren’t quite sure. As we left to get a taxi we were trying to decide we had narrowed it down to two places ‘Tiger Tiger’ or ‘New York New York’ both great places for a night out but in the end we decided on ‘New York New York’.
This is a brilliant place right in the centre of Manchester’s gay Village it attracted all sorts of people and loads of Hen Parties. The staff are so friendly it was a great venue and I will admit we all felt really safe there as trouble makers are dealt with very quickly.
When we got there it was quite full, but from past experience it was going to get fuller! We managed to get some seats near a hen night from of all places – Leeds!!! Being with two Leeds girls we were soon part of the group dancing, and having a great time.
I loved this acceptance talking about the available ‘talent’ with other girls keeping and eye out for the ‘dog’s’ that were going to hit on a party of girls all this for me now was second nature.
Shoni tapped me on the shoulder and leaning close whispered, (well shouted because the music was loud) “Isn’t that the guy you met on the train? And look at the hunks he’s with!”
I looked around just at the wrong moment because he was scanning the place and his eyes locked onto mine – shit! This is just what I didn’t need another guy!
Shoni said, “He’s coming over and so are his mates god the fair one’s fit” then Kelly noticed and said, “Well, well your knight in shining armour from the train - and look at the talent with him.”
This was the first time I had seen Kelly like this - she was very close to drooling mind you the three of them were uber fit!
If I thought Kelly was drooling well the blond one was getting both barrels of Shonali’s wonderful big doe like eyes! She was giving the guy the eye – literally.
They came to where we were sat and looking me straight in the eyes said, “Hi remember me?”
I was busy searching my memory banks and as a time waster while I remembered his name I fluttered my eye’s at him (what was I doing!!!!) and answered, “Of course I do we met when I was going to see these two” gesturing to my friends who were enjoying the attentions of Brett was that his name? No Brad that was his name thank god I’d remembered.
They managed to squeeze in beside us then started chatting us up Kelly and Shonali were (I could say panting and drooling but I’ll settle with ‘very interested’) mind you I was getting warm as they were hunky.
In an attempt to find out more about him I was chatting away happily. We finished our drinks Kelly asked me, “Are you going to the Loo? I stood up and said to Brad, “Excuse us for a moment” as the three of us headed for the ladies. Once inside Kelly turned to me and asked, “Susie please don’t blow him out I’m begging you Clive is so hunky so fit!” I was a bit taken aback when Shonali butted in “and John’s really fit”.
How could I refuse my two best friends so I answered them, “I wasn’t going to in fact I’m getting a bit warm myself Brad’s a bit fit too!”
The both hugged me squealing, “You’re the best Susie let’s get back to them before the hen party girls get to them”.
With that we touched up our make up a waft of perfume and we were back to give the guy’s their due they waited until we got back before asking us if we wanted a drink. So I went up to the bar with Brad (just to make sure the drinks weren’t messed with).
As we stood at the bar he asked me, “I thought you were going to call me?” A bit embarrassed I answered, “Well I was but it’s our final year at Uni and we’ve been busy in fact we were studying tonight – but got fed up you know how it is.”
He smiled at me and my tummy churned replying, “Yep I remember and it’s the last year of Uni that you suddenly understand that this decides the rest of your life!” “Exactly” I exclaimed.
He smiled again and I felt myself going all gooey. Quietly he said I’m glad you decided to come out tonight I’ve thought a lot about you hoping you’d call.
I was quiet about this statement it could be a chat up line or he could mean it I was quiet and excited it seemed he fancied me.
We introduced the guy’s to the girls in the hen party and they were included in the general conversation getting torn to pieces in a good-natured way. (You know how girls are when they get together) some of the younger ones were obviously interested in our guys (where did the ‘our’ come from?) Which made us try even harder – and succeed as we were soon on the dance floor with them shaking out booty and other bits.
I was watching Kelly and Shoni and they were giving the big come on to Clive and John, then I realised I was doing the same thing to Brad I was really getting to like his company!
The next time we went to the Loo Kelly said to me, “Susie, you’re giving Brad the big come on girl!” I snorted, “Listen who’s talking, you’re practically drooling!” “I am not!” she protested half-heartedly then she added as an afterthought, “Well maybe a little bit of drool.”
We had a good laugh at that and were still laughing as we left the toilets. It was late now and the place was winding down I personally didn’t want to call it a night but thankfully John said I’m going to have to go soon I’ve a football game tomorrow (soccer).
This gave us a reason to go so we said that we had better be going too so we all stood up. We said our goodbyes to the hen girls – well those that were still something like sober.
Then we left arm in arm with the guys heading to the taxi rank. The taxi rank was busy so as we stood I huddled into Brad.
As I looked up at him he kissed me! For a second I was frozen then I started responding and I mean really, really responding eye’s closed in bliss rubbing myself up against him, pressing my body to his arms around his neck not worrying that his hands cradled my now very feminine butt!
Breathless I broke away he looked tenderly at me and as he stroked my face he said, “I’ve been thinking about kissing you since that day on the train.” “Don’t be silly” I responded, “We only sat together for what? An hour?”
He gave a crooked smile still stroking my face he said, “I’d really like to see you again Susanna” much to my surprise I replied, “I’d like that too” (what was happening to me?)
Eagerly he said “what about tomorrow?” “Err I don’t know what we have planned” I said as I looked at Shonali who was just coming up for air after a long kiss with Clive she looked the only way to describe her is smouldering to me she oozed sex from every pore.
Clive was whispering to her she looked at me and asked, “Fancy going to a footie match tomorrow afternoon?” I shrugged and looking at Brad asked, “Will you be there?” “You bet” he answered.
“I play in the Sunday league along with Clive. John plays on Saturday’s” he nodded towards John and Kelly who were busy playing tonsil table tennis.
I looked at Shonali who was looking at me with a pleading look in her eyes as if she was afraid I’d say no – no chance of that!
I was definitely going to see Brad again not trusting myself to speak I nodded the grin that broke out on Shoni’s face spoke volumes.
As we kissed again I said to him, “You realise that with me come my friends you get three girls for the price of one!”
After we had kissed again he looked tenderly and whispered, “That’s some deal three gorgeous girls at one time.”
I nudged him in the ribs and told him, “Don’t get ideas mister” smiling that crooked smile he simply said, “As if I would!” Then I kissed him!
It was our turn for the taxi as I got in I said, “I’ll phone you and arrange things in the morning ok?”
And with that the cab drove off.
Comments
Hypnotism? Scarey!
You never now what a hypnotist will find prodding around the detritus of our minds - like one of those television programs where an 'expert' goes through your home 'de-cluttering".
Rhona McCloud
Interesting that Jill
Interesting that Jill recommended and used a hypnotist on Susana to help calm her fears. My Dad was a Registered Hypnotherapist and also taught it in college.
He could never get me under, and when I asked him about it, he said it because you are my child and sometimes it will not work because you are fighting it.
He explained two things to me about hypnotism. a) you cannot be hypnotized if you do not want to be. b) You can not be made to do anything you would not normally do if not hypnotized.
Pretty much he said if the person's "moral compass" was set correctly it could not be altered just by being hypnotized.
Exactly!
Thanks Janice
This is why she is using hypnotism to calm her anxieties which I think is a valid reason as they are not trying to mess with what you call her "moral compass" - I love that term it describes the issues beautifully.
In all my stories I incorporate facets of my own experiences and at one stage very early on in my transition to calm my anxieties I used a hypnotherapist and it worked very well.
Christina