Jenn came in, “You jerk, why are you still dressed? Now we are both in deep shit!”

“Jenn watch your language and why’s Hal dressed as a girl?” Mom’s not sure if she wants to yell or laugh, “Tell me young one whatever you are, how long have you been doing this? And Jenn, have you been behind this or just covering for him?”

Jenn began to tell Mom how it started and how she tried to get me out of it. Jenn even told how I’ve become a really good student at summer school. “Mom, he might be getting two A’s or at least one A and a B.” Mom wasn’t fazed about my grades.

“Jenn, please go get to bed and let me talk with your sister. By the way young lady, what is your name?” I still had my face in the pillow as Mom pulled me up to her and pulled me into a hug.

“You’re not angry with me Mom,” I asked? She hugged me, but something told me I was still in trouble. Mom waited me out, “My girl name was Cami.”

“Like Cameo huh? The answer to your question is angry doesn’t express it, I’m furious. But we need to talk and you don’t have to worry until your story is done and probably not until sometime tomorrow or the next day. I think you're more in need of a mother than for me to discipline you right now. And I don't think I'd trust myself disciplining you right now!”

“Mom, I can’t tell you.”

Mom asked, “Was that you who left the bath water in my tub? …Come on, I will run some fresh water for you and you need to take a bath and get dressed again before we can go and talk.”

“I can’t Mom, I’m too embarrassed.”

Mom says, “I’m not asking, I’m telling you what we are going to do. First, you need to get out of that dress and hang it properly. That’s a pretty dress and it looks new. Now get in my room and you’ll get your bath while I lay out some fresh clothes for you.” We walked into her room and she went in and started the water in the tub.

“Don’t push your luck with a false sense of humility,” Mom tells me.

“Mom, I didn’t mean to be Cami after the first time, but I couldn’t help myself. I knew it wouldn’t last and I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I didn’t expect being dressed as a girl felt so good. Being Cami kind of helps me to be a good student, and I feel good about myself.” Mom smiled as I hung up my dress.

“Mom, could you find out from Jenn where the solution is for removing these?” I indicated the breast forms I have on.

“They should be able to withstand the bath; now get in and do not take all night.” I look to her bed, she has out a skirt and blouse that she has placed over it. Mom goes back to her bedroom and changes her outfit.

I had cleansed my face before getting into the bath. Mom puts in some bubble bath with bath oil for my skin. I take off my bra and panties and then quickly slip into the water below the bubbles. I find myself relaxing and I am not feeling as nervous. Without thought I check my legs and underarms for hair, I’m sure Mom notices.

“So do you enjoy shaving your legs?” Mom asks.

“Shaving isn’t that much fun, but I like how it makes my legs feel, especially when air or a skirt moved across them.” My words caught in my throat as I realize what I’m saying and to whom I'm saying it. Usually, I have trouble visiting with my mother, but tonight under more stress it seems easier to talk with her.

“So Hal what changed at school? Miss Robbins saw your sister and told her whatever you’re doing is working for the better in class. How do you explain that?”

“I don’t know Mom. The school usually doesn’t hold my interest, but trying to help Roy and doing things with the girls got me to thinking. I now like trying harder to get my school work done. I even work hard to understand things better and make sure my homework is done properly. And when Miss Robbins and Tricia saw a little eye makeup I missed, I should have been embarrassed, but I wasn’t. They were nice about it and I relaxed saying it is just something silly. Taking part in school is all of a sudden important to me and I'm doing good… well.”

“Do you think they noticed signs of Cami after that?”

“I am sure they did, and I’m not sure what they thought. They just seemed happy for me and I appreciated that. Tricia and I worked on a class project together and that's when she discovered a little more.” I wanted to tell Mom more but had already said more than I intended.

“You think she found out a little more or you know she did?” Mom seems to suspect more.

“You always know more than I try to say. Well, Sandy brought over a dress of hers that I was to wear. She brought it over while I took a shower. But Sandy left and Tricia showed up for our project. I thought Tricia brought the dress and I started to say something before I found out Sandy had been here. Tricia told me about a message on the door and when I went to look; Tricia found the outfit. I broke down before I got my foot out of my mouth and I had to model it for her.”

Mom laughed, knowing I usually got away with my pranks, “You were caught, but seemingly your world didn’t come crashing in on you.”

“Tricia was just happy to learn what I was doing and like the other girls wanted to help me to be a better girl and she did.” Mom laughs some more and I begin to giggle.

“So Sal is out of your life and everyone is back to square one. Now you need to get back to being Hal right?”

“Wrong Mom, I hurt Sal and there was more than I knew. His friends thought he's gay. If they find out I’m a boy; they’ll think he’s gay for sure. Worse, Cami fell in love with him. He could have had me, Mom and he didn’t. I know he won’t trust me, and I don’t know what to do. But I owe him, this isn't his fault.”

“Well unless Cami or Sal leave town tonight you might just need to be Cami all this weekend. I am not excited about that idea, but I understand what you are saying.”

“I suspect you’ve seen that outfit I got out for you. We should go and have a mother/daughter time. But I need to tell Jenn she is not grounded this weekend. I suspect, she is still talking to her boyfriend.”

Mom chose a very pretty blouse and it fitted me well. The skirt is very nice, it goes down to mid-calf; definitely a more formal skirt. I undid three buttons along the side, forming a slit a little up pass my knees. Then I go to my room to put on two-inch heels that go well with the outfit, put on a bracelet and grab a purse.

“I kind of straightened things out with Jenn for now,” Mom says. “So now it will be you, girls, worrying what's going to happen. And when I am going to hold the two of you responsible.” Mom’s giggles, and somehow it is at our expense. “That is a nice choice on the shoes. Did you buy or borrow the cute purse? Jenn told me, you already have a good sense of fashion. It looks to be true.”

Mom watches me get into the car and she takes us to Monaco’s the next town over. It’s a nice night spot and we will have at least two hours to visit. Mom asks what kind of things we did as girls. We talk about my painting cars with Roy and about Summer school including my project with Tricia. Our conversation moves along well and I'm relaxed as Cami.

Then Mom shares with a note of concern, “Jenn says, you and Sal kissed, even before tonight. So you have affections for him. How does it feel kissing and dating another boy?”

I grew apprehensive, I tried to say something but not everything. “I agreed just to do it for Jenn and her friends if they could make me look like a real girl. I felt safe knowing they wouldn’t be able to do that. They proved me wrong and even used my girl singing voice against me. I didn’t expect wearing girl clothes would feel so good. It's like a rainbow of colors went off and I enjoy all that I wear, and the subtle fragrances girls have. I like being wrapped up in them.”

They look and feel nice to a guy, but as a girl it kind of engulfed me. Those feelings aren’t there just when another girl is around. When I did something with Sal the colors and fragrance helped me to enjoy our time together. I liked that, so when he asked about another time I said yes without thinking. He’s a really nice boy and I made a passable girl. I thought it would be safe. When he first kissed me goodnight, I felt something that I knew I shouldn’t. That was when I agreed to see him again.”

“I’m sorry Mom but it felt good and I feel like I'm Cami. I know it sounds sick, but inside it felt good and alright. I was sure being Cami wouldn’t last, so I didn’t stop it. I’m sorry.”

“Cami,” Mom says, and I know she is being nice, “relax we are just talking and I am not angry with you. Are you upset with yourself because you shouldn’t have done it or are you sorry because you like it?”

I thought a moment, “I’m afraid both, I was being someone I wasn’t and Sal didn’t know it. I worried that it meant I'm gay or one of those people who gets off on looking like a girl. I’m not a homosexual Mom but I don’t know why I enjoy this so much.” I well up with tears and Mom moves closer to me and reaches to hold my hand. It feels like we're mother and daughter. I am kind of happy that I got caught if only to have we have this moment.

Mom’s acceptance, in some ways makes things even harder. I think it would have been easier if she just said “No!” and got angry with me. But she’s being nice and listening to me. “Mom, I look like a pretty girl, and we’re out in public talking, doesn’t that upset you?” Mom hugs me again and I feel warm and good in her arms.

“Things are a lot different than what I thought I would be coming home too. But something deep down tells me I need to be a mother first and let you know that I love you. Whether it’s right or not we will have time later to talk about.”

As the hug lets up I sense someone else is there and as we look up there is a woman standing near our table. As we both look up, Mom says, “Hello Karen, thanks for coming. Karen, I would like to introduce Cami and my son Hal. I am not sure but Cami is the name my mother, her grandmother wanted for my second daughter.” There’s a pause. “My Mom thought I looked like one of her Cameo pins, thus she came up with the suggestion of Cami for my second daughter. When our son was born, James named him Halsey.”

“Cami, Karen is a good friend and she is also a Psychiatrist, Dr. Karen Davenport. I asked if she could meet us here.” Karen has a pleasant demeanor and I smile back as she sits down with us.

“I planned to stop being Cami tonight but I think you’re here because I have planned to stop being Cami the last four weeks. And I didn’t plan on Mom finding me like this. Do you have any potions, chants or magic words to help me quit doing this do you?”

“I suspect you are smart enough to know that won’t happen. Is it okay if I call you Cami for now or would you prefer Hal?” Dr. Davenport asks. She's warm and how she talks helps me to relax.

“I would like the easiest way out of what I got myself into,” says Cami. But I'm not sure I mean it.

“Karen, from what her sister says, Cami has been showing a new personality and has emotionally developed an attachment and feelings with a boy named Sal. While Hal says he wants to be quit dressing as Cami he doesn’t follow through. And if I understood it right, Cami’s now afraid she hurt Sal. And that he will be hurt more if others think he fell for a boy in a dress.”

Karen spoke up, “Cami is your Mom correct about your personality, your feelings and what has happened between you and this Sal? How many times have you seen him?”

I could feel me getting in deeper into what I did not want to acknowledge, “Probably, but I didn’t mean to, it just felt nice to be Cami. I wouldn’t mind being there for Sal, but I don’t think he will trust me. I wouldn’t even mind being in love with him, but I know the feelings can’t be real. …I’m afraid to tell you what happened. I don’t want you or Mom to think I am really like that.”

“If you were old enough and if you were really a girl do you think you and Sal might have made out tonight,” Dr. Karen asks? I should be embarrassed at a question like that.

I closed my eyes as the statement sent images and feelings through me. I see me give into Sal and I feel him enter my body between my legs. The feelings mounted as I remember Dr. Karen’s question. I look up to her, as I say, “I am afraid I would have, the idea felt good.”

She smiles, “Do you mean you just imagined him with you making love?”

“It was not like we finished. I don’t even know what it would really feel like, but I guess so.” Mom presses my hand, and I feel safe and I'm hoping that she is not angry with me.

Dr. Karen Davenport says, “Cami/Hal you are a remarkable person and I think we have shared enough that I would like to meet with you sometime in the near future. I don’t want to tell you what to do about Cami. I don’t want you to get hurt and I hear your desire to help Sal if you can. He is in a predicament not of his making.”

“My experience is that healthy people tend to discount what you have gone through and how you feel. It feels very real to you for a reason. I want you to know I hear and feel for you and I hope we can work together.”

I could hear Cami down inside of me, ‘She knows I am real.’ I hope I can accept me as well. ‘Look I am having a mother-daughter time.’ “Mom, could we have a piece of pie or something before we go home?”

We got pie and water refills and left sometime after 2:00 a.m.

This time home I get undress and take care of my makeup and hair by myself.

I fell asleep by 3:00 and got up before 9:00 a.m. I actually woke earlier and tried going back to sleep but I thought too much as Cami and Hal to get back to sleep.

I am sure Mom’s not actually comfortable with all that happened, but she’s very supportive. She suggests I work around the house with Jenn and to do so as Cami. Mom answers a call from Sal, but she, not me, talks with him. All I knew is that she asks him to call back when he cools down and thinks about whatever they talked about.

I work in the house until 2:00 pm. and then change into some shorts and an ordinary T-styled blouse to rake the back lawn and do some edging. The Brandts next door see me, but I’m not sure if they recognize me.

The lawn is finished and I finish taking a shower by 4:00 pm. I dress casually for Cami as I walk out to find Mom and Jenn. Jenn is to be going out with Chuck. I'm happy that I had not wrecked things for Jenn. Mom’s talks on the phone. When she hangs up the phone she tells me Sal will be coming over in about five minutes.

Panic begins to set in, "Mom why did you invite him here?” I’m angry.

“You said you don’t want him to get hurt any more than he already feels. I told him you want to help him if you could. He’s not sure who you are, but I told him you want to be his friend. That you are younger than the others. I am not sure if you are ready to answer about who you are, but I thought that’s up to you.” Mom says, “I’ll be supportive as long as he won’t get violent toward you.”

I thought quickly that I could be supportive of him. I knew Mom wouldn’t leave us alone. I knew it's silly that I still have feelings for Sal and want to know if he has feelings for me. I go to my room to check my makeup. I dress into something casual but prettier, I didn’t get dressed up like I might have if Mom weren't there but I want to be presentable as Cami.

The doorbell rings and I knew Sal was here so I composed myself and make my way toward the door. I had not expected Sandy, Rod, and Chuck to come at the same time. My Mom’s expression shows neither had she. Mom calls for Jenn and if five of them left immediately maybe my visit with Sal could be salvaged...

To be continued…