'Lifes a Bitch'

by Julie D Cole

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‘Life’s a bitch’ — Chapter 6
By Julie D Cole

‘Sorry madam we are closed. I’m just locking up and I’m waiting for a friend.’

‘OK if you don’t want the business.’

‘Michael is that you? What’s going on?’

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This is a continuation of the preparation Michael had to make in order to take on the moonlighting assignment intended for Vanessa but intercepted by Michael after he lost his promotion anf his job to her.

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‘Hi Greg. Yes it’s me and I feel so embarrassed. it’s not as strange as it might appear. There is a reason for turning up like this. I hope that you will hear my explanation.’

‘Well Michael I’ve got to say that you certainly surprised me. I never took you for a cross dresser though I must say I really thought you were a customer. You don’t look out of place dressed like that.’

‘Thanks but I lost my job this morning and one thing led to another and when I awoke this morning I was extremely happy. I was supposed to have been promoted and I lost my job. Kicked out and that lazy bitch Vanessa Reddich has been put in charge of my group. You know who I mean don’t you?’

‘Yes I know the rude arrogant piece of meat. I had a few run ins with her and she rejected some of my invoices. I’m owed about a grand because of her incompetence. She is the most disorganised person I’ve ever met in this business. She changes her mind more than most women change their knickers.’

‘Well I don’t have to worry that you will tell her about why I called you then.’

‘I’ve no reason to talk to her at all and if I did it would only to put the words to these two fingers. I’d like to stick them right up her…..nostrils. Well I’d prefer to use somebody elses fingers and stick them where the sun don’t shine.’

‘You don’t mind helping me get some revenge on her then?’

It depends what sort of revenge you have in mind. Nothing too mild I hope.’

I explained the events leading up to my dressing in Amys clothes and he laughed when I told him about breaking the heel of my shoe.’

‘What can I do to help you? If I can then I will. I don’t have any rat poison or anything to make her constipated for a month though.’

‘I just need a favour. I’m taking on this assignment that she was supposed to do in Hong Kong and I already got some cash up front. I look set to double it or accept a 5% commission of any receipts from publicising the article about this guy who lives in Hong Kong and who has made a fortune out of the fashion business. He’s only my age and he’s already a millionaire.’

‘What’s the favour you need. I’m just a back street Illustrator & Graphics designer as you know. Just a one man band scratching a living to pay off a mortgage and the stupid rent for this place. I could have done with the grand last week when some debt collectors came knocking. They threatened to knock my block off.’

‘Well I’ve got Vanessas security card and some business cards. I need a copy of the security card but with a photo on it as my ID in Hong Kong since I can’t use my passport and take vanessas place.’

‘Well you’ve obviously given this some thought. Are you sure you can pass yourself as her. Won’t they know her?’

‘no it’s not like she was first choice. She seems to be on the register and I think they got let down at the last minute. I’ve a good mind to make a real balls of the assignment and drop her so far in the shit it comes up to her eyes.’

‘Uggh. Well I wish you luck. Can I see the cards. I assume it’s like the ones I normally supply. I can add a photo if I make it bigger. Do you need to get back into your Company with it or is it just for show?’

‘I never thought of that but I’m tempted to use it to place some evidence around the place so she has to explain the moonlighting.’

‘As long as you don’t get caught for breaking and entering. Let’s have a look at you and I’ll get my camera. I just locked it away in the night safe. Sit under the light.’

‘Is that OK? Do you think it will work?’

‘If you don’t mind me saying the photo won’t look brilliant. Normally customers would take a visit to the hairdressers, especially the female customers. Yours is a bit straggly round the edges and it is a bit striking. We can pop next door if you like and see Wayne. He might give you a quick blow job. Sorry not literally, I meant a quick style and wash and a blow. Do you want to chance it or are you too nervous in case he suspects.’

‘well if you think it’s important I will but nothing too permenant I hope as I have to look half normal at least after I get back to the apartment.’

‘Come on Wayne is OK. He’s a good mate and in fact he is a bit effeminate so he will know what to do.’

‘He was pleased to see us. Just like a puppy dog as soon as he saw Greg. He looked me up and down and did ask Greg if we were doing it. Stupid boy!’

There were a few customers in the shop and two assistants looking after them so I was whisked off to a chair where Wayne played around with my hair looking at different options. He fluffed it, flttened it screwed it into a ball and finally decided I was better to keep the length and cut it so that it was more layered so it naturally fell into shape when I tossed my head.’

When he’d finished Greg just lifted his eyebrows and looked over his glasses. ‘Looking good. I think that’ll do the trick. How much wayne?’

‘On the house. Just buy me some nibbles and a few tapas later and share some wine with me.’

‘how about Michael. Do you mind if he joins us.’

‘She is welcome I suppose but better if Emily joins us then to make up a four.’

‘wait I can’t go out dressed like this. I need to get back home really and confirm my plans.’

‘Come on dear we won’t bite you. It is your obligation anyway since I styled your hair. Don’t worry about being the star attraction. I’ll just get changed before I meet you down there. You won’t get a look in darling.’

So that was sorted and we went to Gregs shop to sort out the badges and the business cards. The photos turned out well so I was given a memory stick with them loaded as well as a few prints. I thought I might leave one framed for Amy together with a note. That would surprise her.

Greg locked up and we headed back down the High Street and turned off to find the Tapas bar where we were supposed to meet Wayne and Emily. It was a converted shop where the doors opened at the front to allow tables to spill onto the street. What a great idea. A bar behind us and lots of choices of wine and various selections at reasonable prices on the ‘daily specials’ board.

Greg held my chair whilst I sat down and winked at me. What would you like to drink Vanessa dear. Your usual bottle of red and some pigs trotters or is it large snails tonight straight from the garden.’

‘Ugh. We settled for the house wine and some nibbly things to wait for the others. It was starting to get busy since a lot of shops and offices were closing. Much better to take snacks in town and wait for the rush of traffic and the underground to quieten.

We must have waited 30 minutes before we heard Waynes voice and we turned to see he was dressed in drag ready for his night out. He was so over the top. He made everybody laugh and the place became noisy and it was difficult to hear ourselves speak. We found a corner of the bar and I sat on a stool next to Emily. Greg stood behind us trying to keep at arms length from Wayne and 3 of his drag friends who had now arrived. The music was loud and the wine was flowing. I don’t recall how many glasses I’d had by 8-30 pm when I looked at my watch. We’d eaten a few tapas so I was worried in case I was ill later. I never drink much.

The other problem was I needed the rest room. Fortunately Emily offered to take me and stand guard. My first trip of many that night and the last time my eyes were able to focus properly. I Wayne had done a great job and so it was assumed I was on the straight side of the bar rather than with Wayne & Co on the He/She side.

Greg was more worse for wear than me by the time we all poured into taxis to go to a Bar where Wayne was due to sing later with his backing group who seemed just as drunk as they showed everything they had and more climbing into their cab.

I guess I preferred to be on the straight side rather than be seen as a drag queen. After all this was just a bit of fun wasn’t it?.

To be continued………