Life goes on and major changes occurr for me. The struggle to find my place begins.

After I was at my freind Jenifers residence we began to talk. I told her what had transpired over the last few months at home. I also mentioned to her my plan for my eventual escape and how I ended up on my cross country trek. Our conversation picked up a fair bit.

She asked me" what are your plans? Do you have any?"

I replied. " off hand I have no idea, however I do need to escape from here"

Jennifer stated." she could help me be myself."

I simply nodded my head in agreement. Seeing how I had arrived there kinda more like a girl than anything androgynous.

She asked me if I wanted some sinner. I nodded my head.

After Dinner I went and had a long hot bubble bath. I needed this as my bones were aching and I needed to think. When I emerged from the tub , I asked Jenn if I could borrow some shorts or a nightgown to relax in. She nodded and went to her room and found one. It was light pink and had a picture of a robin on it. I have one similar to that today. I really began to feel remorse for what I did. However, I knew I had to do what I needed to do or else I would have ended up dead at my own hands. I also had to reconsider where and what my purpose was going to be. I also had to reevaluate my strategy in case they came looking for me. For some reason I knew they wouldn't. I went to sleep on the couch.

The next morning I went to the kitchen and talked with Jenn. I asked her what she meant by assisting me. She kindly mentioned to me.

Jenn " I can help you if you really need to figure a way to get out of here and start new"

My reply was " how?"
Jenn Said " I can redo your hair and get you some clothes, as I know you have not that much." I nodded my head.

Jenn also mentioned that I would need to get my ears pierced and get some makeup and clothes at the mall. I was not quite exactly how I was going to manage that trick work out as I only had a few clothes to wear and they seriously needed a wash. Jenn measured me from head to toe and then left. The only clothes I had were not nearly enuff to get me through a week.

A few hours later, Jenn arrived at home with 4 bags of clothes, makeup and jewlery. She told me to strip and then go to the bathroom and shave my body clean. I did. I had a really stunned look on my face as I went. I was scared and seriously pondered my choice to leave and start new. I also knew in the back of my mind I made the right choice, I think!.

90 minutes later I was clean and smelling pretty. Seeing how I did not need that much padding for my chest as I had alsready a size A breast, Jenn assisted me with a bra and told me to try on the panties she got for me. I did with much hesitation. Three hours later I found myself absolutely gorgeous. My skirt was knee length (grey) and a light pink top. My hair was below my shoulders (auburn). I found myself staring at my reflection. Jenn broke my interlude by saying "lets go". I was stunned and shocked at this. So I asked her where. Her smile said it all ...."shopping". I was extremely nervous, scared and a bit excited. I managed to hold my composure as we left for the Woolco store in the mall ( now Wal-Mart).

I really had my doubts as to my course here. My plans! My future! What life could I possible hold? I am small town girl, Yes I considered myself a girl at this point. As we walked in the store which was enormous, we headed for the intimates section. I told her "Jenn, I cannot afford this stuff?" She replied "do not worry about it, you can pay me back sometime". I was shocked when we left as I had 4 new bras, three skirts, 3 matching tops and heels, highest was 3 inches. I peffered my 2 inch heels tho which were black and had CZ studs on the straps. ( my favorite, I still wear them today. I also have a pair that have real diamonds on the strps). Two Hours later we arrived back at her apartment. and I unloaded my clothes. I eventually tried all my clothes on and settled on my grey/black aline skirt(mini) and light grey tank top(cut off at the navel). We went out for dinner that night. I also made notes as to what it cost so I could reimburse Jenn later.

I guess at this point I should mention to you the reader a bit about my freind Jennifer, well she was 5'8 approximately 150 and athletic, she went to school in the city. She was in grade 11. And at 17 was also working as a waitress in a coffee shop. I had met her at a 4H meet. Over the years she became my source of inspitation and remained freinds until she passed away in 2000.

We eventually went out and met some of her freinds. Abby was 5'4 and quite shy, Marrissa was 5'9 and very talkitive and loud. There were a few guys there which I assumed were the girls boyfreinds. Allan was seated with Marrissa, and kent was with Abby. Unbeknownst to me that night would be the start of something new. We were eventually joined by a few other of Jenn's male highschool freinds. Tim was 6'2 and very muscular. Adam was the complete opposite of Tim, he was 5'7 and skinny ( not nerd skinny) just nice looking in his jeans. I fo0und out that both played on the football team and were senors and well I knew that Adam started to look at me with interest. After all the intorductions were made and some small talk exchanged. We went out and walked to the park, which was a quarter mile away. the girls paired off with there boyfreinds and I was stuck talking with Adam and Tim. I was very nervous and somewhat skittish at this point. I knew Adam started to chat with me. Not paying much attention to what was going on. He slipped his arm arround my waist and we started to walk a fare distance away from the rest of them. I wondered where Tim had disapeared to and Adam told me that he decided that a "fifth wheel" was not needed here and he left.

Adam started a conversation with me bt asking me." where I was from? How did I know Jenn? Did I go to school in the city? How old was I? How long was I going to stay in the city?"

I answered very quietly " I said a few hours drive south of the city," "I met her at 4H meet", I was out of school right now as I was only 15 years old" I also told him I was not sure how long I was going to stay here in the city"
He asked me why the bruises? I told him I fell. I did not realize that I was still bruised on my stomache and shoulder. That was from the last beating my dad gave me. I do not heal well from injuries.

Anyhow our conversaton was light and I began to warm up to him in a big way. He eventually put his arm arround me and we kissed. my first real kiss from a nice guy, However my thoughts were conflicting. Do I tell him? Do I submit to him like I have done before? D I feel the need to be loved? Thos questions I would never have answered becuase the next few minutes things changed as I was lowered to the grass and was kissed quite harshly and then I was punched and then my hell began again. I submitted to his advances and I took him into my mouth when he stripped to his underwear. He called me a slut, whore and a freak. Somehow I guess he must have figured things out for himself and knew what and who I was. He abused me that night in the park and raped me just like my father and brother had. I realized that this was going to me my path from now on. Or at least til it either killed me or I killed myslef over this. I began my life as a tennage prostitute. I guessed that life does go on and well ,life for me will go on, just not the way I had envisioned for my self as major changes occured that night. The scars will remain and I have changed. The better or worse, my future would only tell me that if I survived it, that is............

To Be Continued

Please leave comments or points to improve on. Thanks.

** Of interest the park is Patricia Park. The store was located at the north end of the city. Jenn lived four locks from there. Woolco was the anchor store to the mall here in the city and eventually was changed over in the mid nineteen eighties.