By Sydney Moya

 ©2013

Chapter Seven

I had Dad’s silent but clear acceptance Mum’s and Jo’s full support. All of them knew my decision and respected it. Wills on the other hand remained against me being a woman and our relationship turned frigid.

We didn’t talk to each other anymore, if he appeared at home I usually left and found somewhere else to go or something else to do that did not involve being around. I didn’t venture to his house but couldn’t maintain my avoidance of Rhys since he was so irresistible and I loved him so much.

Jo and I remained excellent friends and if Wills disapproved he never said. I had the whole family on my side except Wills and I didn’t care or least began persuading myself to that effect. Naturally our mother was concerned about this but could not talk to either of us since we were so set in our beliefs. I had always looked up to my brother but now my view of him had been dimmed, he’d let me down and kicked me when I needed him.

I could never forget his harsh words to me. I wondered what makes men feel threatened by transsexual women.

Is it because they harbour hidden desires to be female too and resent them for accepting theirs or do we make them vulnerable since their world view of masculine superiority is slapped in the face by us telling them being a guy isn’t as wonderful as they make out to be.

I will never understand it. Wills had known me forever, he knew I’d been feminine from day one, he’d been worried about my serious drinking problem but he’d never disliked me for it. Now you could feel the contempt he had for me because I was a woman. I hadn’t changed in character, I was still the same person on the inside only I was happier, stable and a teetotaller and he didn’t like that because it came packaged in a dress, long hair, lipstick and high heels. He wanted me to get help and I got it yet he hated the results.

What a hypocrite! I told myself.

Mum was at my side when I had my boob job nine months into my transition. She was holding my hand and was the first person I saw when I woke up. My recovery was uncomfortable to say the least but Mum was there with compresses and gentle reassurances which only strengthened our bond.

“I know you’re sore but I’ll take you shopping for those low cut tops girls your age seem to love so much,” she told me one night a few days after my return from the clinic as she tended to me.

The pain was worth it though as I was really pleased with my bust after I recovered. I was now a 38C and I felt super gorgeous and proud of myself. I didn’t have to put up with the prosthetics anymore which was a relief as they’d made me feel like a fake. I’d longed to have a normal bust for years and I couldn’t wait for summer so I could wear revealing tops!

Having seen the light, my mother treated me more like her daughter than ever before. On one outing together with Jo and Rhys she referred to me as her daughter when she met old acquaintances. It’s funny what gender does to peoples thinking, now that she saw me as a girl she was assigning me more housework, I realised I was doing the cooking more frequently, along with the dishes and some of the vacuuming on weekends. Mum became loathe to let me handle big loads, when she wanted to get a large box with old things downstairs she called Wills over to help Dad lug it downstairs.

Wills came over, did it and said nothing, the next time the kitchen sink wouldn’t drain and some bathroom tiles where coming unstuck she called on Will once more.

“Can’t Charlie do it?” he asked exasperatedly.

“William,” said Mum quietly.

Wills came over and did the DIY job for her though he muttered something about me being unable to do it because, “Charlie’s long nails would get damaged I suppose,” in a voice loud enough for me to overhear.

I kept my cool and ignored him knowing he was baiting me. Afterwards I told Mum, “If you want something fixed around here don’t call Wills over just tell and I’ll get somebody to do it,”

“Charlene you can’t waste money like that,” my mother replied.

“Mum I heard him he’s itching for a row with me. I don’t want that. Besides it’s my money I’ll be wasting but it’ll give me peace of mind knowing Wills won’t have a leg to stand on,” I replied.

Mum sighed; she hated seeing her children in bad books with one another.

“Don’t worry Mum he’ll come around soon,” I told her gently.

“I hope so,” she murmured.

Wills and I were still not talking and my words were just wishful thinking judging by the way he looked at me after my op though he said nothing.

“The way he looks at me, so disparagingly,” I explained to Claire.

“He sounds like my brother except he threatened to beat me up when I told him I wasn’t a guy,” replied Claire, “you’re so lucky your mum understands how you feel, mine wouldn’t listen to me,” she added.

“Do you miss your family?” I asked.

“Sometimes but they made it abundantly clear I was unwelcome if I wasn’t a woman. It doesn’t matter anymore, I’ve had a great nine months and I’m very happy now,” she replied calmly.

I admired her; she was so independent at 20.

“If you met them in the street what would you do?” I asked her.

“Ignore them I guess. As far as their concerned Claire McCaskill doesn’t exist and I’m not their son,” she replied.

“Um Claire when is your birthday?” I asked getting an idea.

“Next month, why’d you wanna know?” she answered.

“You’re my friend, I wanna get you a pressie that’s all,” I replied with a smile.

I knew Clare was on a tight budget and she was saving for implants. Besides liking her I felt a bit sad that she had such a family while mine was behind me (well most of them anyway).

Did I mention that after I got my implants I seemed more comfortable with the idea of actually going out with a real live guy? I knew I was attractive just from the way men I didn’t know looked at me in restaurants, shops and in the streets.

Richie my colleague looked at me in a rather less friendly and more man to woman way which I liked as it validated my womanhood in a great way though I didn’t want this new dynamic to alter our purely platonic relationship.

I don’t know how I would have handled a bloke’s real interest but the fact that they were looking did wonders for my ego.

“I know this sounds silly but I do want a relationship with a guy preferably someone I’ve never known. Where do I meet hot, eligible men then? Clubbing’s not my scene, I hate pubs and every guy see in a restaurant is with another woman. Now I hear you asking, what will you do with a man when your body’s a W-I-P? Fair point, but that aside I would like a boyfriend, someone to share life with, to worry about and share all the joys and sorrows life throws and a waiting a year seems a daunting prospect,” I wrote in my journal one night.

“Charlene you shouldn’t have!” Claire exclaimed when I sprung my surprise on her, a gift certificate for a cosmetic procedure of her choice.

“Do you want the boobs or not?” I replied with a smile whereupon Claire threw her arms around me.

“Thank you so much!” she said emotionally.

“Happy birthday Claire but there’s more. You’re invited to dinner at my place tonight,” I said when we pulled apart.

“I don’t know what to say,” she added, still stunned.

“What about yes I’d love to,” I teased.

“Yes I’d love to. Your family won’t mind right?”

“It was Mum’s suggestion actually and I liked it. You can’t have your 21st all alone,” I told her gently.

“You’re such a great friend,” answered Claire, looking close to tears.

Mum had made Claire a wonderful cake while I’d cooked a splendid dinner for her if I do say so myself! Pete and Myra also pitched up and Claire a nice time. Even though she was doing well without her family and behaved like she didn’t miss them, deep down I knew she would have been particularly lonely that night, her first birthday without her family.

To be continued.