Sydney Moya

 ©2014

Chapter ten

“Morning Mum,” I said the next morning at breakfast.

“Morning dearie, what’s wrong, you look peaky,” said Mum, eyeing me worriedly.

“Insomnia, I couldn’t sleep for most of the night,” I said with a yawn.

“Probably that laptop of yours, you spend so much time each evening on it, it’s a wonder you can still sleep,” Mum responded.

I rolled my eyes.

She’d been having a go about me having a TV and being glued to my laptop while in bed for ages. As far as she was concerned it interfered with my sleeping habits. In her eyes bedrooms were for sleeping in only.

I called Claire and asked if I could drop in on her.

“Sure, how was your date? Claire queried.

“That’s what I want to talk about. You won’t believe what happened,” I replied.

“Ooh, sounds interesting. Do tell,” she replied.

“I can’t, I have to tell you in person sit tight and give me an hour,” I told her.

“An hour and counting,”

I fixed myself up and left to go to Claire’s. A cup of tea greeted me.

“Now tell me all about your date,” she said excitedly.

“You first, how was your sister?” I replied.

“That’s not the deal we made,” explained Claire.

That didn’t stop her from gushing about it.

“It was great to see her again, I didn’t realise how much I missed her until yesterday,” she went on.

“Was she happy to see you, did she recognise you?” I asked.

My pal nodded, “Yeah she did despite the hair she claimed she’d have known me anywhere and was quite pleased with how I look. Boy was she thrilled to see me.”

“Are you going to keep seeing each other?”

“‘Course though I had said we shouldn’t both of us need to be in each other’s lives. I can’t tell Julie I can’t keep seeing her when she wants it so much and to be honest I’ve missed her so much too,” answered Claire.

“What about your parents?” I queried.

“They don’t have to know. I just hope they don’t find out,” she answered before passing me her camera. There was a picture of her and another girl with a strong resemblance to her.

“That’s Julie,” she said proudly.

“She looks just like you,” I said warmly.

Claire smiled liking the comparison.

“Does she? Thanks,” she answered as she looked at the pic, a smile on her lips.

“Enough about me, tell me about your date,” said my friend with an inordinate amount of interest I thought.

“It wasn’t a date,” I corrected.

“You’re not convincing anyone so drop the pretence,” replied Claire with a smirk.

I had to smile back.

“It looks I’m the only one labouring under that delusion,” I answered as I thought of Mum, Claire’s words and Richie’s kiss.

“What do you mean?” Claire asked.

“Richie kissed me last night and said he loves me,” I told her.

Claire was gobsmacked, “Really, OMG Charlene! Do you feel the same?” she exclaimed.

“I like Richie but not that way,” I replied in a worried voice.

Claire gave me a sympathetic look.

“Are you scared of liking him or you just don’t know?” she asked.

“Frankly, I don’t know,” I said with a sigh.

“Okay spill, what’s on your mind?”

I took a sip of tea.

“Part of me says I should be flattered that a guy can feel like that for me but then I think maybe Richie thinks I’ve had my op or he’s bi. And then I worry if I’m ready for a full scale relationship,” I told my friend, “especially if I don’t know what if feel about the guy, I’m just so confused.”

We sat in silence for a while, drinking copious amounts of tea, until Claire asked,

“What did you tell him?”

“That it wouldn’t work but he insists it will. I think he’s crazy about me and he came on really strong Claire. I was too overwhelmed to say anything except to tell him I needed some space,” I responded, my voice sounding distressed.

“Will he give you your space?” replied Claire gently.

I nodded, “Yes but I don’t know for how long that’ll be. I don’t think I can go to work tomorrow, what’ll I say to him?” I replied morosely.

“Charlene,” said Claire gently, “you don’t love this guy but you’re fond of him and I think you’re scared to lose your only friend at work if you turn him down. You’ve come to depend on him because he treats you normally and that’s what you don’t want to lose. Unfortunately he’s fallen for you in the process. Tell him you don’t feel the same, it’s the only thing you can do,” she advised.

***

“What’s the matter dear?” Mum asked me at dinner.

“Your mind’s elsewhere,” commented Dad as he looked at my plate, the food had barely been touched. I was so lost in thought about in Richie and what Claire had said that eating was the last thing on my mind,

“Sorry, I was just thinking about work, that’s all,” I told my parents before giving my meal a bit more attention so as to get them off my back. Dad seemed satisfied with my answer but Mum gave me that look mothers always have when something’s bothering their child but the child won’t tell. I avoided meeting her eyes which confirmed I was hiding something.

Maybe it’s my fault. I probably led Richie on. Wasn’t I the one who told herself she wanted a relationship with a guy? Maybe I sent the wrong signals and admit it you know what some guys are like if a girl shows even the friendliest interest.

Yes I probably sent the wrong signals- I smiled and said yes to the West End thingy and countless other things- yes he probably thought I had the hot’s for him, after all I omitted to say otherwise.

Gosh what a mess, I thought as I lay in bed.

I went to work the next morning not knowing how I’d handle Richie when I saw him. I had told myself I didn’t want a romantic relationship with him and had a mental picture of myself telling him it wouldn’t work.

“I can’t go out with you,” I whispered to myself the entire morning.

Finally I went to his office and asked him to lunch, my mind made up.

“Richie I can’t go out with you, I’m not in love with you,” I said to Richie from out of the blue.

We were in the midst of lunch and discussing a client’s needs. There seemed to be no other way of letting him know than for me to just get it off my chest. It sounds harsh I know but I said it in my gentlest tone.

Richie froze in mid-sentence, looking shattered and my heart swelled with pity for him.

“I like you as a friend,” I added.

“Oh,” he replied in a whisper, “I understand,” he added quietly, regaining control.

I hated myself for a moment for putting him through this.

“I’d better get back, I’ve got work to do thanks for the meal,” he said before standing and leaving the restaurant.

I didn’t know what to say or do.

We hardly talked to each other for the rest of the week and when we did it was only because it had something to do with work. Part of me knew it was Richie’s way of getting over me. It probably hurt him a lot to see me so I respected his tacit wish for me to keep clear from him. Yet another part of me regretted what my words had to our previously easy going friendship.

Still it was a surprise when Mr Smith called us all and announced that Richie had tendered his resignation. He was leaving to do VSO work in Sierra Leone. Needless to say the entire office was taken aback, it was so out of the blue and Richie was pretty good at his job and definitely had a bright future. He had all the reasons to stay on; he was young, talented and well thought of. The pay was great and the job challenging.

So you can imagine what a shock it was to hear he was going to Sierra Leone. Was it my fault? I asked myself almost as soon as the news was broken. Had I hurt him so much that he felt it necessary to go all the way to Africa?

To be continued.