Bridges 37

Chapter 37

While I’ve been busying myself with studying and catching up on a whole lot of the stuff that I’ve missed since I’ve been off. I’ve still been missing Cass even though we talk nights on the phone and we do other things it’s me just feeling…we just got together I mean really together and it’s like it’s so not been enough really.

I want my girl with me at nights to cuddle up with and do all the newly-wed couple stuff together.

But life’s pretty bound and determined to keep me busy now that I’ve stepped up and sort of declared that I actually want one. First is my therapist, I’ve just gotten a new one and she’s a military contracted therapist for us vets. I’m getting my case shifted from the base shrink to her because she’s in town.

Next in going to the hospital and getting my times lined up for both physio checks and working with the occupational therapy offices there to get me ready for my return to the workforce.

That’s today plus I have an afternoon appointment with the head of nursing for the department and the head of the ER who’ll be my boss there or if I’m in day surgery which could be pretty easily since I’m rated as an OR nurse.

Which will likely have me getting used to things there with the tour of the hospital.

And that might be interesting since I was brought in there with the whole PTSD thing with Brandon.

And I guess like most women I’ve been lying in bed going over my mental lists and all the options of the stuff that I need to do and how I should go about doing it. Like how to dress for the stuff at the hospital? Office ready for the meetings or scrubs?

And what will my new therapist think of either? I know I shouldn’t care but I’m a girl and of course there’s part of me that’s always going to care.

Ugh….have I mentioned before that I think that I live inside my head to much?

I roll over for a few minutes and smell Cass’s pillow and ache inside a little for missing her and then I roll out of bed and go through my early morning rituals. I can smell the coffee going and am glad my perk has an alarm of it and I’m feeling better by the time that I’ve got my teeth brushed and popped my meds, mones and vitamins.

Tim Horton’s home kit coffee smells fill the kitchen as I grab a calcium chew and a quick pre-run energy bite. Whole grain bread and peanut butter that I press some granola into and do a folded over single slice sandwich and I eat a banana while having my first cup of coffee then I go and change into my running gear adding a wind breaker and ball cap plus splash pants to everything since it’s snowing and raining both here right now and then grab my running pack and head out pulling the hood up over my ball cap.

Yes I’m a runner and I need the endorphins, actually it’s a whole lot of stuff…no headphones I like hearing the world around me. I’m not part of the tune it out generation I guess I don’t live or die by my phone either.

It’s wonderfully crappy out it’s that wet yet fluffy snow and just enough of a temperature thing that there’s a little bit of fog and the rain is that just passed mountain drizzle. My hiking boots I’m wearing have studs on them for winter we are close enough to the ocean and the mountains that there are times when it just get cool enough to get slick so in the winter for all it’s lasts here I wear these while running.

It’s still on the edge of dawn too, mornings like this I have the road usually to myself save the odd police car and logging trucks headed off to pick up their loads. Today it’s just me and I run all the way out to the big hill and stop only long enough to have some water and eat my folded over sandwich and then head back and run past my and Brandon’s place. The horses wicker to me from the pole barns outside but don’t run and chase me like they usually do not in this weather.

Still the whinnies are familiar sounds and have that warmth to them like a friendly hey Sam.

I run all the way to the gas station and get a coffee and talk to the bus drivers there a little and buy a bag of apples while I’m there. Slowly, I’m slowly getting to know these sort of neighbours here getting out and meeting the people around here. It’s actually kind of nice not being the tranny up the road but somehow I’m getting more to be me. We talk about the weather and work and of course the roads and even stuff about in the army it’s really just small talk but even with that there’s getting to be slow acceptance. And I find that they’re remembering stuff too more like Dad and Mom.

It’s worth the extra distance to feel this good and make these connections and I’m only in there for a half hour just small doses really and that seems to be working.

I put my apples in my backpack and get a few lottery tickets and scratch cards while paying for my coffee and zip my jacket back up and put my hood up and run back home feeling well cheered and a lot better prepared for the day.

See the coffee pot’s almost down to zilch probably from Brandon being over since I seen his foot prints going to and from his place to mine and I’d head over but I want to get ready and not have to worry about getting cleaned up from the barns beside’s Steve’s likely over there too but Jenny’s coming inside taking off her rubber boots and smiling.

“Mornin Sam.”

I smile I can’t help it she’s got this southern accent from the states from living in this place over near the border that’s like a just as red necked but smaller version of Bountiful. She’s really a sweet girl and down to earth but different enough to have that spark to be okay with people really different than what she was taught to hate.

I put on another pot of coffee and get my travel mug out and fill it with hot water to prime it. And there’s the sound of a car pulling in and Lacey’s getting out with her bag and stuff and it’s an awesome feeling to have family and friends now at my side and having my back after so long in exile.

“Morning Jenny, how’s things?”

“How’s Bobby?”

“He’s real good…” She’s got this really dreamy smile on her face like she…?

“Jennifer!” I put my hand over my chest in that mock shocked like in the movies.

Jenny blushes a deep to the roots of her head red but she’s also swaying from side to side like this about to explode little kid.

“No…it wasn’t that we’re still a awaiting to get married but…” she covers her face in her palms and almost dances.

I open the door for Lacey and take some of her kit boxes she brought with me to give me a make-over for today and grin at her. “Jenny’s got the juicy stuff this morning.”

Lacey looks at her and helps he drag Jenny into the kitchen. “Okay spill farm girl I want to hear this juicy stuff.”

We sort of settle in and Jenny’s all red and embarrassed and she starts telling us about how Bobby went down on her or… “Y’all he went down there a licking and kissin an I thought ma heart was gonna fly outta my chest.”

There’s a lot of laughing and talking and giggling as we make breakfast and have coffee while Lacey is setting up all her stuff. Jenny’s just all completely morning after post orgasm happy and bubbly and Lacey and I crack up laughing as Jenny says.

“Ah so totally get it now Sammy with the whole how two women can be together and stuff, I mean not that I’d want to be with a girl and all of that but if that’s what y’do with Cass ‘n all wow…I can definitely see why the whole lesbian thing can work and all.”

It gets a little raunchy after that with Lacey giving Jenny the skinny on things that lesbians can do in bed and I’m blushing at having done some of them but the expressions on Jenny’s face are kind of priceless and then Lacey get’s even more raunchy as she starts talking about blow jobs and I’ll be frank yeah I joined in too.

But the oral sex and having someone go down on you as a girl…it’s a whole lot more fun being able to do the girl talk stuff when you actually have the right equipment.

And as dirty as we get while we drink coffee and stuff our faces on chocolate chip Eggo waffles with spay on whipped cream and a dollop of strawberry jam since I don’t have any actual strawberries in the house is fun in a way that I never though would be part of my life.

Kind of like getting one of my teenaged should have been boxes ticked off finally.

Lacey does my hair once I’ve showered and she gives me this very nice and clean look. I’m blonde naturally but she gives me a lighter shade of highlights in it and my hair’s always been really straight too but instead of adding the whole cliché body and curls to it which is fine sort of I guess she gives it some body and yet keeps it straight but after a little trim she does it into this fancy sort of two part pony tail.

I like it, sort of business, comfortable and out of my eyes and out of my way in the whole way we nurses tend to like having our hair most of the time.

So I decide to go with a set of scrubs and I have a nice set of black ones, yes they come in all sorts of colors and cuts now but I’m wearing my black ones that have this bright pink trim on them and under that I’m wearing a comfortable but nice set of underwear, women’s Nike sports socks and sneakers. I have no idea whether or not I’ll be doing things at the hospital but comfy footwear is important.

I actually take my spare armed forces jacket without all the insignia’s except for my name tag just to show exactly who I am.

I get hugs and head out in my truck with my purse and shoulder bag and all my papers that I’ll need Lacey’s going to stay and do a make over session with Jenny and stuff so everything’s well there’s nothing left but to do it.

Brandon’s waiting for me by my truck and he smiles and set’s his coffee on the hood and he gives me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Figured I’d pop over to wish you luck before you took off.”

I give him a tight hug back.

Yeah he’s going to be that dad that waits with our kid by the end of the driveway for the bus dropping everything to do that kind of thing.

Its stuff like that, stuff like this that still has me loving him.

“Thank you, it helps. I actually am nervous.”

“You’re going back out into the real world with all of its bullshit. I’d be nervous too.”

“Gee, thanks.” I still kiss him on the cheek. “I’ll see you tonight? Supper, I’ll fill you in?”

“Sure we’ll go out?”

“No the girls’ll likely want to know too, we can cook.”

“Okay then.”

I get into my truck and pull out and watch him waving me off as he heads inside my place where the girls are at. I like that, the fact that our places are our places and sort of interchangeable.

I take it easy driving into town the roads are too bad but it always pays to be careful and me, I have this old habit from one of my DI’s. Worry a little less how you’re driving and a little more about everyone else…that’s three quarters of the accidents.

I get to the hospital and go and check into the day clinic area where my therapist is. Her name is Dani Whyte and I sort of know her, she did a stint while I was in Afghanistan with some of the wounded when I was first over there and she left way before my incident. It helps though we’ve already sort of got the ice broken and she knows how things were there so the entire session is a bit of catch up for the first half then a potty break and then some more coffee. Her office had a coffee machine and like a lot of us she has do it at home Tim Horton’s coffee.

Hey, they actually set up shop over there and send volunteers over there to bring us a taste of home. It really builds loyalty it’s a little slice of home.

The second half of the session is me going over current events with my incident, Brandon and Cass and everything with them and becoming a parent to be and flashbacking to my abuse and now post SRS and how that’s going and how it feels right up until even this morning, she’s recording it so she can go back through it and build on it like each separate thing as a talking point and the first session is two solid hours long getting that first connection is pretty heavy stuff so it takes awhile.

We even hug afterwards in that women’s social thing and I even mention that even getting to do this is pretty cool to me still…now.

It was a pretty good first meeting.

Then it’s off to the offices of the hospital and checking in with HR…yay paperwork and getting my temporary ID until I can get mine made. It’s the picture ID with the magnetic swipe stuff so it needs to be sent for.

Then it’s off to see the head of nursing. Alexis Masters and we talk as we’re getting the tour. We’re a forty eight bed small teaching hospital that is pretty decent for the size of the town but with everything that we have going on a small little clinic hospital won’t cut it.

Alexis is nice she came to us here from Ontario and she’s not treating me any different than any of the other girls/nurse would. It’s kind of nice though there are a fair number of surprised looks when some of them put two and two together as I’m being introduced to people.

Yep word’s going to spread pretty fast and I suppose maybe some of the looks are normal with a few people checking me out with most of them being the guys and there’s some kind of look me over catty looks from some of the girls/nurses.

I’m being kind of general with that, I should be more pronoun sensitive but really there’s not a whole lot of male nurses here so most people call the nurses the girls. Apparently we have only seven male nurses here but we’re not a really big place so that’s actually a pretty standard ratio but there are other guys working here like all the porters are guys and all the maintenance crew are guys and housekeeping and lab and x-ray are all evenly mixed.

Last stop is the ER where I’ll be spending most of my time and we talk with the crew there and I’m getting the tour to be shown were we keep things. There’s some new toys too that I never got to work with like the hover mat. It’s an inflatable bag that we put under a patient made of rubber covered in nylon and we inflate it with a really fast machine and we try in with one of the porters playing patient and it lets us slide a patient from one bed or stretcher to another with a really easy slide.

There’s a built in warmer we have in the IV fluids room where we can actively keep going several bags warmed up to body temperature if we need them. It’s got four steady baths going and there’s one for blood bags too. We do not microwave blood anymore…yeah I know people actually did used to do that and still do more than likely in some places.

It’s a small hospital but we have a really great bunch of toys and stuff for me to use and even some of the stuff I’m used to working with is a lot smaller. I guess according to the label stickers though a lot of the stuff we have is donated by local industries in town. Well with two mills and logging being still big in the area and we have a small fishing business in town plus a lot of farms and stuff it’s just good sense to make sure your local hospital is doing well.

We’re just about to break and see the cafeteria for lunch when the call comes out over the ambulance scanner.

“Two minutes out! Code one with severe hemorrhaging from a chain saw accident!”

Two minutes is an estimate only the EMT’s arrive and they’re wheeling in some young guy and his leg is a mess. They have him packed and dressed and tied off as best they could and there’s still blood everywhere.

The doctor there hesitates only a minute before rushing with him into trauma and there’s that rush of us going in we’re holding him down because he’s freaking out and writhing from panic meeting adrenaline and here’s where it’s tricky we have to keep him calm, or rather get him calm we have to worry about shock and you can’t give them anything because if he bottoms out anything you gave him to sedate him will drop him even worse.

So I’m there and gripping his hand and asking for his name. One of the EMT’s says James. I go military nurse with him. “James! James! Look at Me!” he’s looking at me and I’ve got his hand and I’m leaning sort of in his face blocking his field of vision. Yeah I’m yelling at him it’s one way to cut through the shock and get his brain to focus on me. And not letting him really see what’s going on is also a good way to get him to calm down…well freak out less. I’ve done this so many times I’ve lost count with soldiers and people back in Afghanistan…its second nature now.

“I’m Sam! You’re going to be okay, we’ve got you.”

“The branches they came up and bound up and bounced the blade back right out….”

“Hey, that happens…look it’s going to be alright.” Maybe…part of me is pissed because this kid’s wearing jeans not chainsaw pants. He was likely limbing that’s the guys that go behind the guys dropping the trees and cut off all th branches…they don’t like wearing the gear because it slows them down since they usually get paid as a percentage of the load.

But now’s not the time to bitch about him being stupid or his boss being stupid.

He tries to look.

“No! No James you keep looking at me…okay?!”

“But…”

“The saw never touched your butt its fine.”

That caused a bunch of nervous laughs from the others and even him. He’s getting a bit blue lipped and it’s just about right in time when we’re getting some saline IV into him and they’re running a blood bag too…actually they give it to me and I keep looking at him. “Keep looking at me James…” I’m putting in the IV for blood and talking and keeping his eye contact as much as possible and the IV’s are on full flow and so’s the blood actually I’m squeezing the bag once it’s hung with my free hand because we do that to get as much blood into the patient as we can until we get them stable enough for the regulars pumps to be good enough and I can tell that they’ve opened the dressing and cleaned it as best they could and looked at the damage. They have to look so surgical will know what’s going on. I smile at him as he’s dropping out of trauma level shock and his lips are getting better looking too after I’ve squeezed to third bag into him. “That’s better mister. You’re doing good.”

I hear them calling for the medivac chopper he needs surgery and we are not the place for this level of trauma surgery so it’s off to Vancouver for James.

Alexis is on the phone and then I hear her cursing. “Mike’s an hour out it’s his weekend off and he was fishing, Lois is off on her maternity and she’s not picking up her phone. Is he stable enough to ship him out with you and the EMT’s on the chopper?” She’s asking the doctor.

“Hopefully we’ll find out I guess.”

“I’ll go too.” I’m saying it without really thinking.

“Sam?”

“I’m flight crew certified still it’s what I did in the forces I’m rated for this still and I’m right here. Beside’s James and I have a good rapport going.”

Alexis looks at me. “Are you sure you’re up to this?”

“Absolutely….”

Oddly enough I’m feeling pretty good about this and she nods. “Looks like you’re starting early Sam.”

The doctor’s looking at me and he’s smiling a bit even though he looks himself a little shaky. He’s done really good but even working ER you don’t see stuff like this and have something this life and death everyday.

“You fly before Doc?’

“No, not like this.”

“You’ll be okay?”

“You did this in the army?”

“Yes three shifts a week for nearly three years and when I wasn’t doing that I was in the surgical tents.”

“Wow…I’m Kelly Miller.”

“I’m Samaritan Chase.”

“Samaritan?”

“Yep, but I use Samantha or Sam just not Sammy okay?”

James looks at me blinking in that glazed over way. “Chase? Wuz your dad a fireman?”

“Yes he was why?”

“He came and got me and a friend off the old town water tower when I was ten…the ladder came off and he came up in the white boxy thing.”

“Cherry picker.”

“Yeah…” He gives me a loopy smile. “Chase’s are awesome.” He drifts off into regular passed out sleep and before long we’re moving gear in tow and the emergency kits and we get James on the Stretcher for the chopper and secured and then I help the doc and get myself ready and we’re lifting off and closing the side hatch door as the hospital drops out and away as we climb and we tilt forward and head out.

We’ll save his life; hopefully we’ll save his leg.

Life’s funny…it seems I’ve started to go full circle.

**Fade out scene to the M.A.S.H. theme music.**