I can't believe how hard it is to say this.

"Emily."

"Call me Em Belle. I think we are past the awkward stage. Just two girlfriends with a shared past."

Gods she makes this so hard to say. I want to tell her I'm nothing like her but I just know it will hurt her so much. I mean, from what she just told me, her life has been so hard already. Can I really take her last hope away from her.

"Thanks for everything Em."

"Your welcome sweetie! Now why don't you go get your lingerie on while your hair sets."

I hadn't even noticed that she had put my hair into curlers. I guess my thoughts were a bit distracting. On automatic I went to the master bedroom where she had laid out the lingerie mom had chosen for me to wear today. There was a black strapless bra/girdle thing that was tough to put on. The bottom part of the garmet came to just over my belly button and managed to also shrink my waste just a little. It was far more comfortable to wear than that corset ever was. Next I put on the panties, which were a black lace that matched the bra thing.

The sheer black stockings felt delicious as I pulled them up my legs one at a time. So much so junior was struggling to come to attention inside my stiff panties. Lastly came the garter belt that fit snuggly against the bottom of the bra, also in black lace. The assorted straps with the metal and rubber ends confused me. I remember mom putting one on me last week but couldn't remember for the life of me what do with it so I just hooked up the straps to the stocks as best I could. The straps were elastic, and quite painful when they released as I found out, so they stretched. It seemed a strange garment to wear but I have to admit that I made me feel different. Not feminine or sexy, but different. I put the robe back on one more time and walked out the door. Emily was waiting and took a quick look at me up and down.

I recieved a small education on garter belts and how to put one on correctly. Good thing too as going to the bathroom with the straps over instead of under the panties would have been difficult. She even told me a trick she used was to attach all the straps to the stockings before putting them on and then put it all on and in place with the straps all lined up perfectly. Then just slip on your panties and your done. She even gave me a pair of black slippers. The slippers she had to dig out of her closet. She gave me this package that read Tender Toosies. Inside was a pair of satiny looking black ballerina slippers with a tiny satin ribbon bow at the arch. The bottom was made with leather of some kind. They fit perfectly and actually felt really good on my feet. Em said she got them on sale and had grabbed 3 packages without looking. Her feet are bigger than mine and this smaller pair would not fit her feet.

I thanked her for them before she led me back to the living room with the chair and the table of bottles and stuff. She worked on my face with various powders, foundation, and a weird cream that she put on my lips. The real pencil she used caused me to blink at the wrong time and she had to wipe and restart that one spot. Then she spent a great deal of time brushing and spraying my hair. At times I pulled a bit much and I yelped. She wouldn't even let me see myself in the mirror before she ushered me back to the master bedroom to finish getting dressed. From the garment bag she extracted a full slip I had not seen before. The slip was shiny and seemed to flow.

Em told me how jealous she was of me having a full silk slip. I could see why as the material just lit up various nerve endings all over me as she draped it on me. It felt wonderful in a way I had never before experienced. The black velvet dress came next. She helped to get it over my head without snagging anything on my head before settling it into place. The bra had effectively pushed up my chest giving me noticable cleavage. The deep wide v groove neck exposed the skin of my chest just barely covering the slip. The slip itself was held in place by the tiny spaghetti straps over the edge of my shoulders. The short sleeves of my dress, gah I can't believe I said that, were not tight on my upper arms and had a little bit of lift to them at the seam. not much but enough. The dress and its long open back tied behind me with a little cross pattern into a large bow thanks to Em. The skirt of the dress flared out at the hips enough to give my hips a very feminine curve. The skirt of it came to just above my knees. Em extracted a set of black velvet pumps from the bottom of the bag. I had not seen these before as they also had a bow on the toe. They only stood about 1 1/2 inches high but on an itty bitty tiny heel.

They were not the shoes I had gotten with mom yesterday! I do remember seeing them in the store and trying them on but I vetoed them because of the heel. Mom must have switched them at the checkout on me. I did complain to Em about them being a little loose as my heel popped out of one when I took a step but she told me that was a good thing as feet tended to swell a bit as the day wore on. From the matching black velvet purse Em extracted a silver necklace I vagely remembered from somewhere. It took me a few moments to realize that it was mom's. My ears had tiny silver studs in them as well. When I did get a look in the mirror I just about passed out. No passed out NOT fainted. I'm not some girl... okay well you .. oh nevermind!

In the mirror was Belle but Belle was gorgeous! I don't know how she did it but there was not even the mearist hint that I was actually a boy. My hair was in waves all over my head but pulled back from curled bangs coming just over my eyes. At the back was a black velvet bow with long wavy hair that spilled down from it that reached the bottom of my shoulder blades. I almost freaked that Emily had put extensions into my hair again but she assured me it was something called a drop or fall or something, that clipped in and could be removed easily.

Emily corrected me to sit properly after an aborted attempt to sit down to change back into the comfortable slippers. I thought I had sat okay I had even remembered to sweep my hand under the skirt. The second time, thanks to her unwanted guidance, I sat more gracefully. Yuck like I wanted to be more graceful! Deportment class already had damaged my walk now this.

Once I was ready to her satisfaction she brought me once again downstairs for the final touch as she put it. I carried my bag of normal clothes in one hand while the other clutched the offending shoes. I sat down into that chair again where she had made my eyes look inviting and very pretty with dark makeup somehow. She tutted me over the shape of my fingernails but after a small argument pronounced them saveable. She filed and sanded them before applying 2 coats of clear something before a layer of dark red followed by something called pearl pink that barely showed. Into the wet nail polish she inserted tiny little plastic crystals. The final effect was that I had nice oval feminine nails. Not long at all but some just turning my hands into delicate things.

My hands were still drying when mom walked in to Em's house. At first she didn't recognize me at all. I had to say "Hey mom" before she did. At which point she squealed and cried at the same time. So much so that Emily gave mom a touchup job on her face. Even mom looked way prettier when Emily was done. Emily is very good. She also sprayed our faces with hairspray. She said that this would prevent runny makeup from tears at the funeral.

Although Emily first refused any money from mom she eventually gave in and accepted. Mom was ecstatic about how I looked the whole time. I just put on a smile and played my part while they continued to do what women do when excited. I got bored and slipped on my heels, gah, before going outside in one of Sam's spare coats. I walked to the car where dad and Sam were waiting while mom was still inside. As I got in I noticed that both dad's and Sammies faces had open mouths.

"What?" I asked in an angry tone.

"Nothing." dad drawled out.

"Fuck me! Your gorgeous sis!"

"Samantha!" that was dad.

"Sorry daddy."

Samantha was done up nicely and I did tell her such before mom came back to the car in a bit of a run. The car ride to the funeral home was not very long but it felt that way in the silence of the car. Sammie just kept looking at me with big eyes the whole time. I never felt so uncomfortable before.

"Mom can I get a spa day too? If Bill can look like that after one imagine what I would look like!" she said.

"I can just see it now. You would walk out as the handsomest boy ever!" I replied. I couldn't help it.

That got mom giggling and dad having a hard time steering through his laughter. Even Sammie was giggling while trying to hit my arm with her one good one.

"Mom.. Sammie is hitting me." I whined in a little girls voice.

"Am not"

"Girls behave!"

It was a family moment of laughter and it helped to break the ice so to speak before we pulled into the home. The funeral chapel was built on a stretch of land with wrought iron fences. Each grave was visible with a stone of black granite or marble or whatever the heck they use. All those stones, with flowers here and there, all on lush green grass. I knew dad was envious of that grass. Even now when it was dying it still looked really good. Each path through the graveyard proper was made of cut stone. I knew they had machines to dig holes and stuff but I had no idea how they got them to dig without tearing up the grass.

The actual chapel was different than others I have seen. For one the doors were all glass with shiny brass handles. The other was the building outside was covered in finished wood. I don't know what type of wood it was but I was impressed. What wasn't covered with wood was finished stone. I was impressed. I think mom, dad, and even Sammie were too. Dad drove the car up to the entrance where we got out. Sam shifted to get out while dad got her chair. I was busy trying to get out of the car without killing myself in the stupid heels. I even lost one swinging my feet out that mom had to retrieve for me.

Eventually we all got out and straightened ourselves up. Mom even retrieved Sam's purse for her along with the one I didn't want for me as well. Thus with our purses over our shoulders we waited for dad to finish parking the car. I know mom frowned when she saw that dad picked the first spot he could find. Almost at the far end of the lot. She gave him the look as he walked up in his black winter business coat.

"What?" he asked.

"You couldn't have parked closer?"

"Why?"

"MEN!" and with a huff mom turned to go inside pushing Sam in front of her. I shrugged and followed leaving dad behind to mutter curses under his breath.

If I thought the outside was fancy the inside was incredible. From the outside it didn't look that high but here in a funeral home was cathedral ceilings with exposed wooden beams in arches. Every 30 feet or so hung glass chandeliers by heavy chains. The whole place echoed with haunting pipe organ music from unseen speakers. It was also cozy warm. Too warm for our overcoats and with reluctance I removed mine. The uh usher? or whatever her name is in here took our coats and purses, yes, and took them out of sight while we were greeted by Nathan and his grieving wife. She was also dressed in black but it was a very fitted black skirt suit in a fabric that was both shiny and dull at the same time. It made her waist look small. All in all she was very attractive for an older woman. The similarities between her and little Bethany were amazing. I could almost see Bethany being her double when she grew up. Make that if she had..

For some reason the thought of Bethany being dead hit me while I was starring at her mother and I started to cry. That got Sammie and Mom going as well. Before long Mrs. Peters was also crying and for some reason all of us were hugging at the same time. Dad and Nathan looked decided uncomfortable and moved away. Take me with you please don't leave me trapped in this wash of female hormones! No luck.

When we all finished crying, it took a few minutes, I was escorted by even more women into the ladies room to "fix ourselves". In the ladies room surrounded by women ,who all knew me only as Belle Thorne the young transgirl, I was told about how well I was doing and congratulations on joining the correct side and such. It made me decidedly uncomfortable as it was not really the case. I almost spoke up to correct them a few times but was interrupted each time so I never got the chance.

After everyone had fixed themselves, more or less, we were led to a front pew as honored guests for the actual funeral stuff. You know someone stands behind a podium while pictures of a healthy Bethany go by on a screen. Well not all healthy as there was, embarrassingly, a few of yours truly in that dratted school uniform. This is followed by prayers that nobody seems to really know and we all bow our heads down. This was a bad mistake as it also allowed women to whisper "Belle knees!" whenever mine started to drift apart.

Once that was done a viewing of the casket containing poor little Bethany in a very angelic little dress with a very lifelike wig on her tiny sleeping face was something we had to look at. This was made hard as each woman saw her they broke into tears. Hence by the time we got to it I was already shedding water so all it took was a choked sob from Sammie and I was off. I guess that was why they left it towards the end so that all the women, and some men so I wasn't alone, were led into a small reception room to cry. Every table or ledge had tissues in fancy boxes so nobody was without one. Even dad was sniffling as he led us to seats. Samantha was not doing so good and I ended up hugging her tightly while she emptied herself out on my shoulder.

Her whispered "thanks Bill" was followed by a louder "Oh my look what I did to your dress!" which got me another escort by Mrs. Peters to the ladies room to salvage my dresses edge on the shoulder from makeup.

"Belle I hope I'm not being to forward but I know that Beth.."sniffle" wanted you to have something. If it would not be too much of a problem I would very much like it if you could come visit sometime." She said this while using a small washcloth, don't ask me where she got it I have no idea, to wash down the corner with some soap and yet more water before patting it dry with paper towels. I was very uncomfortable and may have made a mistake but I accepted the invitation.

The rest of the funeral was mostly just a gathering of people munching on tiny sandwiches and itty bitty paper cups of some juice. I think the sandwiches were either tuna or chicken. There was also a tray of vegitables, which I grabbed a few sour pickles and carrots from. I happen to love sour pickles. I happily munched away, while keeping my knees together, while listening to inane chatter from women and a few girls ranging from Bethany's age to women just into college. Her cousins and surprisingly one Aunt. The rest of the woman were older and of various states of courtship. Her grandmother, Mrs. Peters call me Abby, was also there and I could also see a strong resemblance to little Bethany in her. Not like her mother but oh well hard to explain.

I did break away once to chat with dad and a few guys my age but the guys kept getting really shy around me or were hostile so that didn't last long. The one group of guys were even talking about the latest game coming up for release, Halo 4, which I had a vested interest in. Unfortunately they saw me as a girl and I was told to go back to my makeup and dolls instead. That hurt more than I care to admit.

The ride home I wanted to fall asleep but couldn't even though both mom and Sam were snoring. I just stared out of my side window as the scenery passed us by. I don't even remember thinking about anything just starring away. I just about killed myself once more getting out of the car on those heels before the door saved me. Once inside I kicked off the shoes into the closet, much to mom's dismay, and all but ran up to my room. I had to get out of the dress and all the stuff as soon as possible. I don't know exactly why I did but I just knew I really needed to. I even got the hair thing out without much trouble before I ran into the bathroom and took a long hot shower.

Mom silently unlocked the bathroom door on me and retrieved my crying self from said shower after it had gone cold. I just couldn't see to stop I don't know why. She lovingly caressed me as I sat in her lap with her similar black velvet dress, with full sleeves and a smaller neckline not to mention a straight skirt, getting soaked. She made soothing noises and it was from there I fell asleep.

I woke much later in my bed. It was dark outside and I could not hear anything from people in the house. A quick glance at my clock told me it was 3 am so that explained it. Still something had woken me from a sound sleep. I left my nice warm bed to find out what it was. Not the best idea I admit but something was almost calling me. Eventually I made my way downstairs and to the back door of the kitchen. I saw someone sitting outside in our deck. I couldn't tell who it was from the house as it was sorta half snowing and raining at the same time.

I don't remember how I got there dressed in one of moms long winter coats and my rubber boots but I did. I found Kim, of all people sitting there. It appeared she was waiting for me so I wrapped myself as best I could to go sit down beside her.

"Hey Kim wassup?" lame but it works.

"Not much Bill. So how do you like being a girl?"

"Hate it."

"But not all of it."

"Well.."

"Don't lie!"

"Alright it wasn't that bad, at least some of it. But I really want to just be myself now."

"Nothing stopped you from that before. You did all this on your own."

"Well I tried.."

"I know you tried but you really didn't try all that hard."

"Yea I guess. But what was the whole reason I mean really?"

"When a person makes a small decision. That choice can and will effect other people. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes not so much."

"I guess. Your not really Kim are you?"

"No,"

"Who are.." and my last words were spoken to empty air. There was no trace of any footprints other than my own. I gathered I would never find out all the answers but perhaps one day. I went back to bed confused and thinking.

You know for the first time in a little over 2 weeks I got a good nights sleep. I wish I could say that that was the last time Belle Thorne ever made an appearance in my life.

But that is another story.

The End.