"Look I am not writing another part to this story. I got enough stories to write more chapters on."

"That's not my fault your the dam muse!"

"Let's see when we last left Ariel ..."

I stood there infront of my own mother in just my bra and panties. She looked at me. I fully expected her to slap me. Yell at me that I did this to myself. Yell at grandma that this was all her fault. Something.

Instead she did something far worse to me. She cried tears. Silent tears. The tears brimmed over her eyes. Her light brown eyes. The very same eyes I had. The water built up and slowly at first they built and built till the dam broke and it trickled down her face.

I stood there less than a foot away and saw these tears. Tears I had caused. I knew in that moment I did something horribly wrong. I was no longer her son. That hurt me so deeply that my own tears also fell. I turned around grabbed the stupid dress off the couch and ran back up the stairs. It was not a ladylike run at all. I could care less.

I had lost my own mother. A woman I loved more than life itself. The happy memories of her holding me as a child in my teddy bear pajamas. Her loving smile as she held me tight and read to me. The time I fell off my bicycle and scraped my knee. It was my mother who kissed it better. All gone.

I ran into my room. That room with its girly bed and frilly sheets. I hated that bed suddenly and pulled all the sheets off onto the floor. I took off the bra and panties and threw them across the room. Not that they flew all that well. I swept my arm across that hated vanity and all that makeup so that the makeup ended up mostly in the garbage can beside it. The can already more than half full of tissue from my previous attempts at makeup.

The closet with all those dresses and the dresser with all that lingerie I thought about moving or doing something but my strength was gone. I screamed at one point I guess. I was in so much pain. A pain I had not experienced before. A pain I wanted gone. I wished I could take back what I did to my mother but that was not possible.

I do not remember getting onto my bed and curling up with the pillow but I did. I was curled up tightly crying the crys of pain. I knew I was no longer a boy. But I was not a girl either. All my life I had been so sure I was a boy. I was happy as a boy. But now I was a freak.

If I went to school they would all see me as a freak. The girls would make fun of me and the boys would hurt me with pushes, shoves, tripping. I had seen it all before. I knew deep down that even my father, who I was never that close to anyways, would want nothing to do with me. I was a freak.

Grandma, Amy, and Aunt Peggy saw me as a girl. They said so just 5 minutes ago. But I am not really a girl am I? I didn't know anymore. Nobody forced me to be a girl inschool. Yet I had. The girls had accepted me as one of their own. They boys I used to go to school with never did anything like that before. I was alone in my previous school nobody had wanted anything to do with me. Did they know I was a freak even then?

What about that 30 pounds? I know gran's ladylike training had me getting full well before I really was because of those small bites. Or was it the endless walking, sitting, or other activities from sunup to sundown over the last month?

Where did these boobs come from? Was it those vitamins and tea each morning? Was it something else deep inside of me that would have made me this way anyways? I am a freak. Please make the pain stop.

Mommy I am so sorry. I love you don't leave me alone. I need you so bad.

I had no expect my cous to do that. Before I thought he was just playing dress up in my close. Kinda like having a big barbie doll. But when I saw her, I mean him, I mean .. This is so confusing. All my life Thomas has been a boy but that was no boy. Every part of her just said girl. And then when she took off the dress and well.

Those are real boobies. A little smaller than mine maybe. I know that bra it's mine it wouldn't hold anything but boobies too thin and its not a push up.

And where was his penis? I saw a girls front in those skimpy panties. Not a boys shape at all. I mean I have seen boys things in their shorts before. Like who hasn't. Penis's bulge outwards. Hers, if she had one, was so small that it really looked like a girls vagina thru the panties. Well not our lips but the general shape.

The part that I do not understand is why she looks so much like me. It's really freaky. My hair is way longer but if I had short hair I would look like that.

That scream! That's pain. Ouch.

Oh my god! I can't believe she would do that. What kind of mother would raise her daughter... I forgot that's my nephew. This is so weird. Poor Ams

I don't really know how to tell mom and Ams but I doubt it was anything mom did. Those herbals she takes and may have given to Amber would not do that. They are not even enough to prevent menopause for crying out loud. I asked Dr. Kendra about it with the old bottles I snuck out of moms trash.

She said that even if someone took like 10 a day for 2 weeks straight the most they could possible do would be to make her hot flashes less intense.

But maybe on a young boy it would be different. Poor Ams.

Oh my god! Amanda I can't tell you how sorry I am. If I had known that this was Thomas I would have brought him to Doc Sam's weeks ago.

I do wonder if I should get one of those infernal answering machines though. Maybe they tried to call and tell me.

I lay on my bed for what felt like hours. Nobody wanted me anymore. Who wants a freak. What I did to my own mother. God why does it hurt so much.

What am I gonna do for school tomorrow. I can't go as a boy now when everyone has seen me as Amy.