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“What a good boy.” Chapter 1?
Chapter 1?
“When I was born…they looked at me and said.”
“What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.”
………………..
And there’s more to the song and it really and it’s a really great tune actually and I’m a fan of The Bare-naked Ladies ever since I heard them when I was ten at a neighborhood dance at the boys and girl club.
Uhm… The Boys and Girls Clubs of Canada are kind of like little YMCA’s that are mixed with the boy scouts or the girl guides. I guess I’m only mentioning them because well the deserve mentioning but also I dunno if anyone reading this in the States or like Europe has them.
I guess I can’t stall this part much longer really, my therapist will want to read this next appointment so.
……………………… My name’s Tracy and that can be a guy’s name, heck it was my grand fathers name. I mean well you’ll get what I mean.
Okay I was listening to my tunes on my phone while I was biking home after playing hoops. And I saw this really, really pretty girl. And yeah like of course I stared. And then it happened, no heroics, nothing dramatic like that.
I wasn’t paying full attention around me and then…then the SUV driver drove literally over me and my bike and dragged…I can remember the hit, and being dragged was kind of like I was under the SUV like in hide and seek.
I guess what I mean is I remember being under it but not being dragged.
I remember people screaming and feeling really warm then the cool helicopter ambulance ride. Okay I know nothing about this should be cool but it was actually pretty cool.
I guess shock’s a wonderful thing.
Well to get through the parts I was unconscious for…I was mangled up pretty good, the bike and I and the SUV became one with the speed bump that was there and the end result was a lot of broke and perforated and torn up Tracy.
Including my guy stuff.
I can remember waking up and being groggy and all these tubes and stuff going on and there was a nurse there.
I moaned.
“Oh, you’re awake how do you feel Tracy.”
I tried to talk but way too dry. I’ve heard of being to dry to talk in like books and stuff but
This was my first experience with that. “Oh you must be parched I be right back.”
She left but was just go a second or two to but I could hear Mom and Dad outside and she came in with a doctor who looked at my machines while she got me to sip and some ice water with a straw from a cup.
He looked at me then. “Hello Tracy, I’m Dr. Walker how are you feeling?”
My voice in hoarse but I get out. “Like I’ve been run over.”
“Well that is what happened. How’s your breathing?”
“I’m breathing still so…pretty good?”
“No pain?”
“A little like I’ve had a bad cold.”
“You had a quite well damaged left lung there for awhile and it was touch and go there for awhile.”
“How long was I out?”
“Fifty seven hours.”
“Oh wow.”
“I’d like to discuss with you the other damages you’ve suffered and the choices we have but with your parents here if you feel up to that?”
“Already? So soon?”
“There’s things we have to do as soon as possible to get you healing as best we can.”
“You mean back to normal.”
“As best we can. I’ll go and see to your folks.”
That was so my first clue into things being wrong.
There was talking and stuff and my parents came in and my dad was the first thing that I noticed. He was tired looking and he was pale and his eyes had some redness there. My mother was crying but at the same time she had this look like she’d find a way through this as she clutched her laptop to her chest. Mom’s a sorta computer nerd/genius she troubleshoots for the government when she isn’t working for the CDOJ. (Canadian Dept. of Justice.)
Mom thinks there is a solution for everything. Usually hers, but Y’know that’s gotta be a girl thing.
They sit in the chairs near my bed and I look at them both. Then at mom who’ll just come out with things first in that rip off the band-aid ideology.
“Mom…just how bad is it?”
“It’s bad honey but we can fix it, make sure you have the best life you can have.”
“Best life?….what happened?”
The doctor’s looking at the chart to avoid looking me in the eyes and says. “The bike parts cut and tore up a major portion of your erectile tissue and testicles…one was removed and the rest…”
Mom looks at me. “I’m sorry Tracy, there’s too much damage…”
“Meaning what, I’m neutered.”
Mom looks at me then to the doctor. He’s says. “There is enough there that a really good surgeon in the SRS specialties could perform a vaginoplasty.”
“A…what?”
Mom looks at me. “You’d be a girl honey.”
“No.”
“Tracy, it’s the best option you are young enough that we can get you on the hormones and into the right treatment and…”
I hold up my hands and cut her off. I look at the doctor. “I’ll never have another option?”
“There are always options but for a functional chance at a sex life…this could be your best bet.”
“I still have one testicle right?”
“Yes.”
“And if I got the surgery?”
“Honestly I don’t know your full options there, I can put you in contact with the right people to talk to.”
“Could you?”
Mom’s like… “Tracy, this is the only way that you will have a decent chance at a normal life…I’ve researched the whole thing right here.” She’s holding the laptop and opening it to show me.
“I know mom, but just…no…don’t show me. I want to look at this all myself. If this is what’s going to happen and be the rest of my life I want it to be my decision.”
“But….But…”
“Leslie, Tracy’s fifteen he knows enough now to make this decision himself.” That’s my dad and he’s looking at me but holding her and |I swear I heard him use the male pronouns a little heavier like they might be the last time.
I smile at him and I look at the doctor. “I’d really appreciate those contacts as soon as you can.” I look at Mom. “I’m going to look at this, I just need to be by myself to do this.”
She sniffles. “I…I…know I just wanted to do what’s best for you Y’know.”
“I know and I love you for that.”
……………………………….....They both leave and the nurse gets me plugged in and onto the wireless and I have to get the Dr. to call IT services to give me access past the filter on the “Adult” stuff. Anything remotely close to getting rated with an A is flagged by these things.
I surf the sites she’s looked at and I do my own research. I’ve seen trannies and she-males online, that stuff’s everywhere but I’m looking at the closest thing to me. FTM’s see I really don’t feel it’s a choice. I don’t have that little woman hiding there in my soul like the MTF’s have. I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong body, it’s just this is my right body and it just got…damaged.
Being or identifying with FTM’s might be exactly what I need. The more I read on that and of SRS surgeries and stuff the more I’m convinced. So six hours of thinking, surfing, reading and four Jell-O cups and a nap later I’m sure what I’m going to do.
I use the call button and Nancy who’s bee my nurse all day comes in. “You okay honey, more Jell-O?”
“Two please the orange is really good. But tell the doctor and my parents that I made my choice.”
“Sure honey.”
I get my Jell-O before either show up. But the do show up. I cough.
“I suppose you all wonder why I called you all here.” I know it’s a old joke and a bad one but I couldn’t help myself.
Dad at least rolls his eyes.
“I’m getting the surgery, I want the full one the one where they do the colon tissue thing and stuff. I want it to be as real as it gets.”
Mom’s smiling and nodding.
I add in. “But, I’m not going on female hormones, I don’t want to be a girl, I’m getting the corrective surgery because I’m injured. I’ll be living as if I was a female to male transgendered person.”
Mom looks confused, not mad but confused. Mom thinks her solutions are best. No dick means girl. “But, Tracy it’d be your best chance at a normal life?”
“No mom, it’d be the appearance of normal, either choice I’m not normal. Heck before this I’m not normal, there’s no such thing as normal just conventional. This way at least I feel as I’ll always be myself and this is my choice.”
“But…”
“Mom…I know…and trust me afterwards we’ll still have that in common more than we had.”
“Tracy…”
“That’s my choice Mom….”
“Okay…Dad…?”
“Yes son? I can still call you son right?”
“Sure, I’d be pissed if that changed. Look there’s transgendered parents that still get Mommy or Daddy by their kids I just still want to be me.”
“Okay son, we’ll get through this, we will.”
………………………………...........................and that’s it so far. I’m going under the knife tomorrow and I need my sleep so wish me luck okay?
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Comments
A bit strange but interesting anc cool :D
I don't really get it? Why does he want to have a vagina, so he can be a T-man because that's better than being a guy who lost his dick in an accident?
One of his testicles was still working, is he going to remove that too and go on replacement hormones or does he plan to be an eunuch with a neovagina? (well technically) Or will they somehow intergrate his last working testicle into his body?
I guess vaginaplasitc might allow him to have sex, which he wouldn't be able to have as he is.
thank you for writing this interesting and captivating story. I want more of this :D
*hugs*
Beyogi
I'm not sure what they'd do with the remaining
testicle but Tracy see's things like this. He's mangled and he'd rather not spend life as a neuter. there's reconstruction but what he's read that's not really a great result based option. Now the FTM community shows that these "guys" can have still fairly normal lives and he has also looked into the SRS for MTF and the Neo-Vag and while not planning on what kind of sex he might have in the future he wants what's the best option as he sees things.
I'm glad you liked the altered perspective.
*Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
That's the choice I'd pick
Nice to see it in a story :)
I never thought it rang true in these stories where a boy who is mutilated and is already traumatized is then forced into an unwanted gender. Give me the Vagina if you can make one, and put me on TRT for the hormones...best solution all the way around really.
Why should a boy have to learn a whole new gender when it isn't necessary or desired?
{{Hugs}}
Frank
That's exactly as he see's it.
It's not in him to be a girl or a woman or to learn to be one. It's absolutely not the only option:)
*Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
This is why...
...you are one of my favorite writers. You don't come from a very narrow view of male and female. It is all I can do to control my gag reflex every time I see someone claim he is bright, he must be a girl; he is moral, he must be a girl; he dislikes sports, he must be a girl; he cooks..., likes reading..., does laundry... We read people superficially so that we don't have to get to know them it is a social marginalization 'you are not important enough to get to know'.
I definitely try though...
I will warn you now that this isn't just about that but it's also pretty graphic too.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Certainly a Different POV...
It does go in sort of the opposite direction from most stories that begin this way. ("You're a girl now -- get used to it.")
If you want to tell this story, I'll certainly follow along.
Eric
Thank you Eric:)
It's that altered POV that I'm looking for but also the way the other parts of this story is supposed to go.
*Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
his point of view
you really sum it up with "there’s no such thing as normal just conventional"
that is such a true statement. this looks like a really good start.
is it chapter 1 or 12?
keep writing, thanks
Spell checker messed with my numbers it's a 1.
It's really true, you look at anyone's life and try to define it as "Normal" and it won't be. Conventional fits better because times and things change.
I'm going to keep this going and maybe just do a few parts to it before it's done. We'll have to see.
*Hugs and Howls*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Choices
I think I understand this. He has the choice between a non-functional penis constructed out of the mess that was left or a more or less functional vagina. What a choice! Interesting story that's taking the less traveled road.
hugs
Grover
The thing about the road less traveled is...
there's been less people through so it's not as messed up. Tracy wants to prove that you don't need the standard male gear to still be a man.
*Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
I can understand him
I can understand him identifying with the FTM condition, and wanting to continue to live as a male. But given that, the vaginoplasty seems an odd choice. Why not keep the one testicle and what tissue is there, as that's likely the best basis for phaloplasty at some future point if the state of the art advances?
That's the thing it's not that odd a choice when you look at
less than great results and the likely promise of more surgeries later when this is a bit more livable in Tracy's mind. But of course it's my plothook so without it there wouldn't
be that much of a story:)
*Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
All things are possible !
It was at least 30 years ago now, that I went to an International Conference of Plastic Surgeons in London ( I was a Medical Liason Officer for a pharmaceutical and implant company at the time, and among my tasks were ascertaining what unfilled needs specific medical specialties had, and analysing the possibilities and costs of developing solutions for them, then recommending go or no go for each proposal, together with as much feedback from top experts in that area of medical care.
I recall seing on an exhibition stand from a French company (France was ahead at that time in plastic surgery), both an artificial vagina made to replace the original one for post vaginectomy in cancer surviving patients, and an attachable artificial penis and scrotal sac, complete with two pretend testes, for males post op after injury or cancer. The sac contained one ball that contained a fluid reservoir that could pump up the pretend penis, with a slow leak valve that allowed the fluid to flow back, and the other sphere had a fluid that could be refilled between ejaculations. Metal wires transfered signals to nerves in the real body to stimulate and give the impression that it was all real. The salesman on the stand told me very enthusiastically that they had already given several elderly couples these implants. I came away with a mental image of two geriatrics banging away at each other.... I felt amused but unkind about it. Nowdays they would also get Viagra I suppose...
To me it seemed, even then, a pretty pointless set of operations to have to endure. I had just had my "for life" partner tell me not to bother to come home any more (I had a job that entailed a lot of travelling away to different countries, and made it home about every other weekend or slightly less), and was consoling myself with the point of view that sex was over-rated anyway.
All that was 30 years ago, and I have been out of that job for at least 25 years since then, as I decided to specialize in immunology. I can hardly imagine what they might be able to do by now.
The notion the young man has is probably not such as bad idea. If people change their gender at great cost and with a lot of pain, because they feel they are in the wrong gender body, then changing the sex of someone just because they were injured in that part of the body seems unethical to me.
Briar
Yes, but nooooooo!
Yeah, it's a good story, and I would love to see more, but ain't you stretched out already? You have so many fantastic stories (What happened to Aroo? It's not even in your archives, now...Sorry, back to the topic), and I'm so jealous I could...well, I could!
This IS a good story, and I have to admit, with your story history, I really don't know what Tracy will do, and that's a good thing. Will he become a she? What are his options, really? Will he decide to become a eunuch? What's going through TRACY's mind?
You're gonna use all the good storylines up, you meany.
I still love ya!
Wren
Aroo
look in the "The Evanescence 'Verse' "
Thank you Wren:)
Your own work is doing really great too. I'm really behind in it too but I will catch up. I'm not going to drag this one out but I just find chapters or parts easier to write than one shots. I'm still going to write the other stuff and I'm slowly working my way to getting things closed on several stories.
Oh and yes S&L is still in the works honey.
Love Ya Back:)
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
continue please :--)
finally! there really aren't that many stories out there that go down this (more realistic IMO) route. Though like others have questioned, he could've always gotten a penis like the mtf's, they either have a very small one or they take skin off of the arm to make a bigger one. Both aren't perfect yet, but the few transmen that I know that did have the surgery (for the bigger one) are very happy with it :)
I would love to see how this story continues and wonder in what ways it would be like charlie's story and where it would differ :--)
grtz & hugs,
Sarah xxx
Thanks Sarah:) I love the inclusive factor here at BCTS...
there are a lot of sites that say they're TG but you go off of the FTM tropes and you get some pretty rude comments like these alternative stories bursts someone's bubble. Here it's not just okay but all the different viewpoints are encouraged here. It's one of the reasons I do so many different things because here you can ALWAYS try at least.
It'll be interesting to compare this with Charlie because the two characters have two totally different ways of seeing things.
*Big Hugs Back.*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
You had to ask???
Of course we want more!
Thanks Cliff:)
It's always good to see the yea votes.
Good for ma Ego:)
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
“That’s my choice Mom….â€
Good for him! And good for his parents for listening and respecting his wishes.
It is pretty cool of them but it might not be over either.
I'll have to see where it goes and what the responses are to those bits.
*Great Big Angel Hugs*
Bailey...A Proud Supporter of Team Dorothy:)
Bailey Summers
This is a neat concept Bailey
This is a real what if scenario and just the kind of meat a speculative fiction writer craves. i'm not certain i have read this angle before. i'm reading with great interest, keep up the good work Bro.
Hugs,
Diana
It's not story plot finished either this is actually like the
character intro. There's more to this and much of this was Extravagance's inspiration before I was asked to see what I could do with the idea. it's got a lot more to it than just this but I had to slip in my speculative edge in there too.
*Great Big My Sister's An Angel Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Interesting premise
One of the things I like about your writing is that you've never been shy about tackling tough subjects or challenging the assumptions common to a lot of tg fiction. While that genre challenging angle would hook me for a chapter or two, it's the strength of the characters that brings me back...and back.. and back... and back... you get the picture. ;-)
It's been about six hours since I read this the first time and I had to stop and think about it before posting a comment. I completely agree that genitalia doesn't equate with gender. A ftm transperson isn't any less of a man before surgery than after surgery just as a mtf transperson isn't any less of a woman before surgery than after. So on that basis Tracy is still a guy regardless of the surgery because that's how he identifies. It's not like post surgery he's going to be twirling around singing 'I feel pretty' after all. Tracy will still be the same guy 24/7 365 he was before the accident... I assume (just sans the standing to pee without some form of aid). So on that basis the decision to undergo the surgery made me stop and think 'he's what now? why? what?'. Mind you, had he embraced mom's plan to have the surgery and become a girl I think I'd have had a similar reaction!!
Six hours later and I'm back and I'm still not sure I know where this is going but I'm intrigued to find out more about Tracy. This was his decision, his choice. I don't read a lot of stories where a ftm character is the main focus (actually thinking about it I only read one and that's with Sunny/Ty) but I'm intrigued enough about where you are going with this and interested enough in Tracy to say I'd read more if you wrote it Bailey. :-)
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
I do write another FTM piece called Charlie but
this is a different take on the genre as Tracy is mentally a guy, and still feels and identifies as a guy and was one but he's chosing something that due to his circumstances that he thinks he can live with. At the same tack this is where he can find ways of living and coping from the things that he'll find in the FTM community and he's straight too and wants a life and a GF just like everyone else.
I'm so glad that you liked this Jemima:)
*Huge Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
I'm Not Sure
What he or any other transman will do or will want to do with his vagina, but I've had sex with two pre-ops and I think F2Ms really appreciate having a sensitive clit! I'm also sure that they'll be happy (if they don't go for phalloplasties) if their clits grow a lot longer while taking T.
This might be the most important part of the surgery for future pleasure. They can rescue/recruit all the nerves that survive and get them into the clit area at least. They can line his vag with colon or whatever. I don't think that's the most important part.
Have fun and good luck!
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
Well Tracy's not sure either but...
It seems at least to him to be the best option but he doesn't want to limit things either if he's going to have it done he wants it done to be fully functional. He doesn't see himself as a Transperson though of either category but the things he's read about T-Boys and T-men shows him he can live as a guy.
*Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
What a good boy
Surprises aren't surprising with Bailey. Interesting story and I am interested in where it will go. Like the fact that Tracy is owning what he can, and reacting as one might expect. His owning his decisions will make the emergence of the new Tracy to have more depth and breath of character.
I expect his decisions are not done, as it is a journey that needs to be lived, more than a problem to be solved.
Yes you have many irons in the fire, but that doesn't seem to stop a new story such as this to come alive in you. I liked the explanation of Girls and Boys Club. It will be interesting on how others respond to Tracy.
JessieC
Jessica E. Connors
Jessica Connors
Thank JessieC:)
I really appreciate the support. I'm glad that you enjoyed this too.
*Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
The road less well travelled...
...in fiction, at least! Usually they either go for the full works, or just get everything tidied us as much as possible... until a few years down the line... :)
It'll be interesting to see how you traverse this new path you're hacking through the undergrowth and if you continue with the quest or eventually merge onto one of the existing paths... :)
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
You think?
I'm not sure where this'll go or where it'll end up but love your imagery.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Boy-girl I can understand
Boy-girl
I can understand Tracy decision.. Going throught all the comments above, I would agree that it might be better to have a less functional vagina than to have a non functional penis. Plus to that, I think it is much better to be seen as a tomboy girl than a boy with ED. Good story..
It changes later on a bit too:)
But Yeah the surgery for the attempted reconstruction wasn't really worth the chance to Tracy.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers