© 2012, by Susan J. Charles. All rights reserved
Edited by Holly H. Hart

Karen and I cleaned out the suite. All of Mark’s clothes went to charity. The furnishings were sold with the suite. Cindy and I split the proceeds.

The next day, I wore one of my pinstriped skirt suits into the office. I really liked the way my skirt fit over my hips when I zipped it up and the way it hugged my rounded backside. Soon I’d be able to wear it without any padding needed. I had on gray hose and gray heels. But I had a sexy black bra and panty set on beneath my clothes. Yes, I’m a naughty girl, and I love it!

Karen gave me a big hug. “Welcome to the office, Jessica,” she said. “We’ve got a lot of catching up to do. I’ve got several pending orders from clients waiting for Mark to return from his sabbatical”

“We’ll get to those,” I said. “But we’ve got some other things to talk about first.”

Karen and I adjourned to the conference room that has the big white boards; the kind that you can write on and have it saved to a computer or printed out.

“We need to take a couple of days and map out where we go from here,” I said. “First and foremost, last year when all the trouble started, you wanted to help me, but all your credit cards were maxed out. That tells me you aren’t getting paid nearly enough. Especially since you’ve kept this place running for almost a year without me. So as of this moment, I’m tripling your salary.”

Karen gasped. “That’s too much for an office manager in any business,” she said.

“I agree,” I replied. “You are the only reason there is still a business here, much less still profitable. So, also effective immediately, you are promoted to CEO.”

Karen started to protest, but I stopped her. “Karen, you deserve this. It’s your business knowledge that helped me grow the business to what it is, or at least what it was. As I just said, you’ve kept it going. Furthermore, you’ve taken some big chances to remain my friend when I really needed you. But most of all, you are the best qualified person for the job.”

“Okay,” she said. “Then how do I relate to you?”

“Well, I’m still the owner,” I said. “But you are going to have to work with me. I now have a very different life than the ‘nose-to-the-grindstone’ life Mark had. I’ve got a lot of other interests going and I can’t be buried in code 12 to 15 hours a day anymore. It’s going to be up to you to crack the whip so that I don’t over-schedule. I’ll be giving a reasonable amount to the business, but not everything, like it’s been in the past.

“In connection with that, I want to take a substantial part of the Owner’s Equity account, say 25% to start, and give it to a very smart woman named Lisa to invest and manage. Depending on how she does with it and, based on her track record, I expect her to do quite well, we’ll gradually increase the amount of the account she handles. Eventually, she’ll be managing the whole account because you’ll be too busy running the company to manage our investments too.

“You’ll be screening the proposals that come in the door and only take those that are reasonable and the most profitable. You’ll also have to negotiate the prices for that work. And you’ll have to hire and manage the other people we need to start working here.”

“What people?”

“We need to beef up our marketing side,” I said. “I had a lot of time to think while I’ve been kept away from here, and we’ve been way too specialized. All we’ve put out is customized work. Granted, it’s been lucrative, but it’s also been limiting. When I read your report and the financial filing, I was struck by how vulnerable we were when I was out of action. We had no new product to cover ourselves. I want to change that. I want to take some of our basic concepts and go retail with them. I don’t know exactly how to do that and don’t want to take the time to learn. Therefore, we need marketing people and distribution people. And product support people.”

“Okay,” Karen said. “What kinds of products do you envision?”

“The basic scheduling program that I started this business with is one,” I replied. “I’ve seen how many people are juggling all sorts of activities and need help. We can help lots of them with a good, simple program that helps them get themselves and their activities organized. It’s got to be simple and not take a lot of upfront time to load. My target is the Soccer Mom or the overworked office manager.” I winked at Karen.

“And I want to link it so that a desktop or laptop can talk to a cell phone while that Soccer Mom is at her child’s game.”

By now, I was writing notes on the white board. “And I want to market a whole new line of programs for girls. They’ve gotten the short shaft in the past with computers. They have needs we can help meet. For example, the hair program you helped me with. We can help girls decide what hairstyle they want by letting them see themselves with the hair, just like we did with Deanna and her sisters.

“And I was thinking we could expand that concept. We could let the girls scan their whole body into their laptop webcam or cell cam. Then they could see how they look in different clothing. My program can modify clothing to conform to a body image just like it makes the hair fit to the girl’s head. Then the girl can see how a skirt or dress looks on her, not on some super thin model.”

“You know,” Karen said, “We could sell seasonal updates to the girls. Let them see what the new fall clothes look like on them. We could make deals with some of the leading girls’ clothing manufactures to tie their new lines to our application.”

I could see Karen was really getting into our brainstorming.

“We could do the same thing with the older girls and their mothers.” I was really getting excited. “How about letting them see what the clothing in online catalogs would look like on them before they ordered?”

“Wow!” Karen said, “With the right contacts, we could have a bonanza! I could see all kinds of uses for that concept.”

“And almost all of it would come from the same basic program that I’ve already written. No rewriting a customized program each time we make a sale.

“And wait until I show you my kitchen inventory and recipe program. We’re going to corner the women’s market when it comes to computers and related electronics.”

When I told her about my kitchen program, Karen immediately jumped to the idea of recipe updates we could offer. That got me thinking about whether we could make a link with the major grocery chains and incorporate their weekly sales into the grocery list part of the program by using online updates.

We spent the next two days brainstorming our “Woman’s and Girls Market” ideas. It was obvious to both of us that I’d almost accidentally stumbled into an area with a lot of potential. That’s what happens when you see things in a whole new light.

Then we started in on how we could make this thing work. There was an organization to build. We went over what we needed in-house and what we could farm to outside companies. We quickly saw that the more we took things in-house, the more we’d be burdened with administrative overhead. Just hiring more than 10 people would bring us under all sorts of labor laws and requirements that our current operation did not.

In the end, we found that we could out-source most of what we wanted to do. When our marketing person came on board, she immediately saw the potential in our being able to transfer and transform the images scanned into a web cam. She suggested we add a makeup application. It was a big success. We later found we had a couple of interesting niche markets. A bunch of horny boys were buying the clothing program, asking their girlfriends for pictures, and then dressing their girlfriends in all sorts of costumes. Transpeople were buying the hair, makeup, and clothing programs to see how they’d look as a different gender. We even had to add a line of sexy corsets and accessories to our line of clothing programs. We called it our “Big Closet” line.

I stole Carly from the bank to run things for us administratively. We had a couple of people handling agreements with retailers and grocery chains for information and imaging placements within our programs.

Much of our sales was handled by online downloads after the initial programs were installed from mostly hard copy discs purchased in stores. We were very popular in the big box chains just before Christmas.

In the meantime, “Mark” continued to do some custom programming for high-end customers from wherever he had moved to find peace. He e-mailed his work in. His sister, Jessica, worked directly for Karen.

A few weeks after we had all our new operations plans completed, I got with Fred to complete my official change to Jessica. Fortunately I was born in a state where one could pay a $10 fee to correct any information on the birth certificate. Thus, Mark a male child, became Jessica, a female child in the official files of that state.

That wouldn’t work for Social Security, however, and we had to go to court to get a legal name change. Once that was taken care of, I could tie my Social Security and IRS records together. I could also get a passport, in case I decided to go to Thailand for my final change.

My final change was something I was thinking more and more about. Naturally, I was impatient. Swallowing pills every morning was now routine. Sandy kept checking me, and gave me an occasional shot to go along with the pills, but it seemed like forever nothing happened.

One night after my bath, I took a really good look at myself. In spite of that stuff hanging between my legs, I couldn’t see Mark. In fact, my chest was getting a little puffy. I had real breasts developing! I touched myself and things felt a little tender. And down below, things looked a little smaller than I remembered. I liked the way my skin felt. It was soft and smooth as I ran my hands along my legs and arms. As I ran my hands down my sides, I realized that my waist was smaller and my hips had been widening. I was developing a really good figure.

The only thing out of place was that little package hanging between my legs. It disturbed me and I pushed it back between my legs, closed them and looked again. Now things looked right! I was a really good-looking woman. Clearly, I needed to have a talk with Dr. Sandy.

At my next appointment, Sandy went through the normal routine. She felt around in lots of places, remarked on how much my hips had widened, felt my boy parts and drew some blood. Finally she told me I could get dressed again.

“Jessica,” she said as I came out from behind the screen, “I’m a little surprised it’s happened so fast, but you've reached a crossroads. In fact, you might be beyond a crossroads, but I won't know for sure until I see the results of the blood work.”

“Meaning?”

“You may have already tumbled onto the girl side of things,” she replied. “Your physical development certainly points in that direction. Your body has responded well to the female hormones. It's like your body was just waiting for them. But how have you been doing mentally?”

“Well, the drastic mood swings have evened out somewhat,” I said. “The biggest thing I’ve noticed is that I can cry at the drop of a hat. That never used to happen. But, more than ever, I’m sure I’m going in the right direction. Now that I’ve reached closure with the whole divorce thing, I’m discovering new and exciting things every day. I am so much more as Jessica than I ever was before. Colors are more vivid. I smell scents I never dreamed existed. Things I touch seem much more real somehow. I want to stay this way for the rest of my life.”

“What about surgery?” Sandy asked.

“I feel like it would correct the only thing I still see wrong with myself right now. And, if I had a vagina, I’d finally completely understand what being female is all about.”

“Well, Tina agrees with me that it’s time you looked into it.”

I left Sandy’s office on Cloud 9. Of course, I realized being a woman wasn’t all sweetness and light. That had been reemphasized to me a few weeks after I’d left Phil. I’d called Lisa to let her know I’d moved out.

Lisa had sounded disappointed when I broke the news. “I’d been hoping you were the one,” she said. She invited me to come over for dinner and a good, long talk. So I’d taken the ferry across the Sound after work, along with the other commuters. I met her husband, Bob, and enjoyed a really good meal with them. It was such a good time that I didn’t mind the interruptions of Lisa’s children. In fact, I was a little surprised to find I enjoyed helping her take care of the kids and get them off to bed.

We had a really good talk. I told her that Tina and Sandy had started me on hormones and she told me some things that had happened to her when she started. That information was so helpful when I started feeling the emotional changes. Instead of wondering what was happening, I kept thinking, ‘Oh, this is what Lisa was telling me about.’

She also told me about the process she’d used leading up to her surgery and what she went through afterwards. It was so helpful!

We were deep in discussion when Bob stuck his head in the door. “The last ferry goes back to Seattle in 15 minutes.”

“Gosh, how time flies! Thanks, Lisa for everything.”

“You keep in touch, Jessica. I’m here to help.”

We hugged and I flew out the door and down to the ferry.

Riding the ferry late at night is much different than during the day. On one hand, the view of the islands and of Seattle with lights twinkling and reflecting off the water was spectacular. On the other hand, there are very few people riding over to Seattle at that time of night. I was seated by the windows and became very conscious of two sailors sitting across from me. I was still dressed in my work clothes and was very aware that they kept trying to look up my skirt. Thank goodness I had my winter coat that I draped across my legs.

But as we docked, I began to feel vulnerable in a way I’d never felt before. There was a big, lonely parking lot with only a few scattered cars. My car was far across the lot. The echoing sound of my heels as I walked, reminded me that I was a female alone at night. I’d gotten myself into a situation where I could be a target with no help around. I’d never given a second thought as Mark to walking alone at night. But a woman alone at night was different. We could easily attract the wrong kind of attention. We could be hurt–or worse.

At least the lot was well lit and I’d be able to see anyone coming a long ways off. I breathed a big sign of relief when I reached my car. I remembered to walk around the car, check my back seat and look around again before fumbling in my purse for my car keys. As I started my car, I vowed that I would not put myself in such a situation again. As a woman I had restrictions men wouldn’t even dream of. I never felt totally secure when I was out by myself again.

After my appointment with Sandy, Karen and I poured over information about SRS surgery on the internet. There were lots of pictures of the final product of several surgeons in several countries. I got very confused and it took Karen, with her intimate knowledge of the female anatomy, to make sense of which pictures were of good work and which were marginal. We read testimonies and horror stories of new girls almost stranded in countries where almost no one spoke English. I could speak Chinese, but not Thai, so we ruled Thailand out. I know, they say everyone there speaks English, but I still wanted to be perfectly comfortable.

In the end, we decided I would stay in this country and go to the surgeon who boasted that over 90% of her women were able to achieve orgasms. That, Karen assured me, was the most important point of all.

“Men just don’t have a clue what we really look like down there,” she told me. “All they care about is getting in and getting off. So it doesn’t matter what we look like as much as how we make them feel. What we get out of the deal is how we feel. And, if it’s right, it feels really, really good!”

We had noted one complaint about a post-op woman complaining about hair in her vagina. There was only one way that could have happened. Somehow, all the hair had not been permanently removed prior to surgery. So I got out the home electrolysis kit I’d used last year to get rid of the few hairs I had on my face.

This was a more delicate operation than what I’d done before. Karen was the only person I trusted to help me. Very carefully we examined my penis and scrotum. There were a few hairs that needed to go.

Sending an electric charge down a hair follicle into such a sensitive part of the body is not something I’d recommend for anyone. The electric current did the job, but I was really not in too good a shape for a little while after that session.

My pubic pattern was getting pretty good after being on hormones, but according to instructions, there were a few areas that I needed to shave before I was ready. I used a bikini area cream removal instead of trusting the razor. After all, you don’t want to risk having a sneeze while wielding a razor in a place like that. I wanted to leave the cutting in that region to the professionals.

At last everything was ready. I’d told Deanna and her sisters that I’d be going on a trip for a while. Karen had agreed to accompany me. I was ready to embark on the next and most permanent part of my journey.

We checked in and I was examined. I provided both my medical and psychiatric letters. We discussed my options. The head of my penis was going inside to become my cervix, at least as far as anyone poking up in there would know. Somehow, some of the nerves would remain attached so I’d have some feeling up inside me. The remaining knob, with nerves attached, would become my clitoris and would be hooded by scrotum tissue as part of the operation. Apparently that used to require another later operation. My remaining scrotal tissue would become my inner and outer labia, something else that used to require another operation. In short, I could get everything done at one time.

Karen and I went to a room and I had a last meal with any part of me male. As we ate and talked, I finally asked Karen the question I’m sure everyone in my position has asked at about the same time in this process.

“Karen,” I said. “Am I doing the right thing?”

“Not getting cold feet, are you?” she asked.

“No, but you have to admit, this is a pretty big step.”

“Well, you’re not going to get me to make your decision for you,” she said. “But I will say, I’ve never thought of you as a boy or man. Even way back when we were kids, I knew you were a girl. I couldn’t understand why others didn’t know it.

“And the way you blossomed so quickly after you start taking hormones just proves it. Your body was just waiting for that little push. You just became who you really are.”

“I think so too,” I said. “I can’t wait.”

After we finished, Karen reminded me to take a dose of arnica and then place the Hypericum Perforatum tablets under my tongue. Hypericum is a homeopathic which they’d told me about at the natural health food store. The owner was telling me it helps when there’s nerve damage. He said he had had serious dental surgery and had taken it instead of the pain pills the dental surgeon had prescribed.

“I kept waiting for the time when I’d need the pain pills,” he told me, “but it never came.”

Naturally, I hadn’t told him what I wanted to use the arnica and Hypericum for, just that I was going to have a little surgery. And, as it turned out, they helped. A lot. Thank goodness.

The next afternoon, I woke up completely Jessica. There was no turning back. I was now a woman and would remain so for the rest of my life. I hurt, but not as much as I’d expected. My bottom was hurting and also my throat. I’d opted to get my Adam’s Apple shaved a little too, since I’d remembered that that was one of the ways Phil had “read” me.

I did have some pain medication coming in through an IV, but had Karen slip some of the pills under my tongue as soon as possible and they really helped.

“Everything went okay?” I croaked.

“Yes, your doctor was very pleased,” Karen said. “She said everything looked great as if you were just waiting for this.”

I smiled and fell asleep. I woke up to find Karen’s mother, Mildred sitting beside me.

“What?” I croaked.

“Don’t try to talk yet, dear,” she said. “I wanted to surprise you. When Karen told me about your trip, I had to come down and welcome my other daughter to the world.”

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“I had my reservations from when you were a little girl,” she said. “But seeing you here, so beautiful, I can see I was wrong. And don’t think I haven’t watched you on TV at the football games. You are the most graceful of the lot.”

I was crying by now. My second mother, the one who had taught me so much about being a girl, had also accepted me. It meant a lot. I reached over and squeezed her hand. That was as much as I could do with all the tubes sticking out of me.

The tubes didn’t last long. They had me up and walking around way before I thought I was ready. Then they removed the packing and introduced me to the joys of dilation. Not! The only happy thing about that whole process was finding out that I had a very good depth. I’d be able to take in just about any length of penis under 10 inches. Once I’d healed, of course. Right now, with everything swollen up, dilation was a necessary pain, and I do mean pain.

Soon, I was healed enough to head back to Seattle. I had a real sense of satisfaction as I pulled my panties up and didn’t encounter any taped parts. That little irritant was gone. Of course, I was wearing a pad, which felt somewhat the same in a different way, but that was temporary. As I pulled on my skirt and top on, I felt lighter. I had no fear of discovery now. I held my head up high, stuck my breasts out in front, my tush out in back, and walked out to face whatever lay ahead as the woman I truly was and always had been.

I had to sit on a rubber donut for a while as everything healed completely. Gradually things settled down and I was able to slide larger and larger appliances up into me, until I reached maximum depth with the largest one I had been given. When that one got all the way in, I discovered that I did, in fact, have feeling up in there. It was still tender, but I could feel it.

And, it looked perfect when I finally got a good look. In fact, one night when Karen and I had a little too much wine, we both dropped our panties, spread our legs and took pictures with my laptop camera. When we laid the pictures side by side on the screen, there was almost no difference, except for my red pubic hair and her blonde ones. I fixed that by running the photos through our hair program. With both with the same color hair, we couldn’t tell which one was Karen and which was me. I was as natural looking as a genetic girl. That really boosted my confidence.

“Now we’ll post them on our web page,” I joked. I should have waited. Karen had just taken a sip of wine and nearly spit it across the room.

“We’ll just keep those private,” she said. “No one but paying customers get a look.”

“You mean I can get paid?” I asked.

“Well, a little, but not much,” she replied. Then we both rolled on the floor with laughter.

The next week, I had to smile again as I pulled on my white short shorts for another Sea Gal personal appearance. This time the crease that showed in my crotch was real! I really loved showing myself off. But, just as I was about to walk out the door, I looked at myself in the mirror. While I liked the way I looked, there would be children at the event. What message would I be sending to girls like Deanna and her sisters if I were showing off my genitals in public? A suggestion is probably okay, but I was now beyond that. So I went back and slipped in a panty liner to soften my appearance.