© 2012, by Susan J. Charles. All rights reserved
Edited by Holly H. Hart

I had to wait a few minutes for my tears to subside before I could pull away. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was going to do since everything had happened so fast. After driving around for about a half hour, I pulled over and checked my cell phone for hotel locations and made a reservation for the night at a moderately priced hotel. I checked in, using my “Jessica Stafford Cheerleader” account card, and parked my car in the hotel parking garage. I took a suitcase and my personal bag with me to my room. Then I called Karen, and broke down on the phone talking to her. She immediately asked where I was and rushed over.

I spent the next half-hour crying into her shoulder. Finally I was spent and lay back on the bed.

“If I were Mark, I wouldn’t be feeling this way,” I said.

“If you were Mark, you’d be in another shell,” she replied. “And you wouldn’t be living the wonderful life you have been this past year.”

“But I feel so...so...” I began, and then stopped. What was I feeling? It wasn’t the same abandoned feeling of lost love that I’d felt when Cindy left. It wasn’t a feeling of losing Phil--he wasn’t worth it. What it was, was the feeling of ending a piece of my life and a relationship that had gone sour. I was now facing having to make some decisions that I hadn’t had to for a while.

But the more I thought about it, the more I found I was really looking forward to making some changes. I’d come a long way in the past year or so. I’d acquired some new skills and some new relationships. The more I thought about it, the more I found myself ready to move forward. I had actually been needing a kick to get me moving. I’d been pretty passive and had been just going with the flow. It was time to take charge of my life. Sure, I had some apprehension, but, I realized, I was looking forward to putting some closure to my past life and totally embracing my new one.

I started smiling and told Karen what I’d just been thinking.

“Atta girl, Jess,” she said. “You are a lot more resilient that Mark ever was.”

And I realized it was true. We women looked at life differently than men. Men could be such hopeless romantics, but we had to be more practical. But we had the choice to be optimistic or pessimistic about what life was going to bring. Mark had been a pessimist, hiding from the world. I, on the other hand, had had a glimpse of how much was out there in the world and I wanted to embrace it, the bad with the good.

Karen and I went out to dinner and had a great time. She agreed to help me find a place to live the next day. My cell phone rang several times during dinner, but I ignored it. I looked at my missed calls after I got back to my room. Several were from Phil, which was to be expected. I had two from Madeline and one from Deanna.

After checking that it wasn’t too late, I called Deanna back first. She wanted to tell me that she’d actually walked between the bars that day and, most importantly, she was getting the bandage off her head in the morning. She wanted me to stop past in the afternoon so she could show off her “new” look. Of course, I wouldn’t miss that for the world and told her so. We agreed I’d be by to see her at 4 p.m. the next day.

Then I called Madeline. She told me Phil had called asking if she or Steve had seen me. I told her that I’d left Phil. I didn’t go into specifics, but told her I’d caught him lying to me again and that I just couldn’t keep living like that. I said I planned to keep catering and hostessing the bank events at Phil’s house.

“I’m being paid to do so and to report my observations to Steve and I will honor that obligation until the project is completed,” I explained. “Actually, I really enjoy doing them. It’s just that my personal relationship with Phil is over.

“Frankly,” I continued. “I didn’t realize they were on a regular schedule. Phil never told me.”

“Of course they are,” Madeline said. “We host one every so often, too. Of course, we have ours catered, since I’m nowhere near the cook you are. There are a few unscheduled ones when someone important hits town unexpectedly. You had the last one. And, of course, you always get the ones when the Chinese are present. That, and your work with the contracts, was the reason Steve put you on the payroll in the first place.

“We’ve always enjoyed coming to your place since you took over,” she assured me. “That is, your former place. You add real class to the dinners and your food is to die for. I’m glad you will continue to host them in spite of Phil. Frankly, I didn’t want to influence you, but I’ve always felt you could do better.”

“Well, I guess I’ll find out,” I replied. “And, Madeline, thanks for being such a good friend.”

“I’m just so happy we got to know each other,” she said. “Let’s not lose that.”

“We won’t,” I said.

I decided I’d avoid talking to Phil for a couple of days to let things settle. As far as his personal needs, I was sure he’d go back to take-out and dining out as soon as he got it though his head that I wasn’t there to fix his personal meals anymore. As to his other personal needs, he had a hand, didn’t he?

The next morning, Karen and I set about finding me a place to live. Surprisingly, it didn’t take all that long. An apartment had come open in Karen’s building that day. It had three bedrooms, so it was a little more than Karen was paying, but with the allowance the Judge had allowed from my company’s account, I could swing it. Since it was already cleaned, Karen and I moved my things in immediately.

As Karen headed back to work, I made a run myself. I had ordered something special in anticipation of this afternoon. After I picked it up, I headed to the Rehab Clinic.

I got there just as Ken and the girls were getting out of their car. I grabbed my purse and package and joined them in trooping to Deanna’s room. She was waiting for us, but kept her head down shyly. It was the first time I’d ever seen her head without the bulky white bandage. She had a nicely shaped head with a fine covering of very short red hair. It was shorter than a boy’s burr haircut. On one side of her head was the healing crescent scar where they’d had to go in and correct all the damage the accident caused. It was still an angry red, but looked like it was going to be okay.

When she saw me looking at it, Deanna held her hand up over the scar. “I really don’t want anyone to see it,” she said, with a tear starting to form in her eye. “It looks gross.”

“You’re right,” I said, truthfully. “It does look gross, but having that is much better than the alternative might have been.” I had decided that it was best to be completely honest with her. If she embraced reality, she’d heal that much sooner.

“But,” I continued. “There is something we can do about that.” I’d already checked with Deanna’s doctors and gotten their approval for this. I opened the package I’d hidden behind my back. “Let’s see if this helps.”

I pulled out a wig I’d had made for Deanna. It matched her hair color and was styled in the same manner as she’d settled on when we were playing with my hair program on the laptop. It wasn’t cheap. It had taken all that I’d made from three Sea Gal personal appearances to pay for it. But the look on Deanna’s face was more than worth it. It was priceless.

“Oh my,” she gasped.

I carefully slid the wig onto her head, and turned her toward the mirror. Before us all, was the most beautiful girl in the world, with a smile that wouldn’t stop.

“Oh my gosh!” she said. “It’s beautiful!”

“And you are beautiful,” I added.

Naturally Sarah and Millie were squealing in delight. They grabbed Deanna and hugged her and all three were jumping up and down.

“Easy, easy!” Ken said. “She’s still got some healing to do before you guys can roughhouse like you usually do.”

The girls stopped, looking chagrined “Hey, I almost did the same thing,” I said. “We’ve just got to remember to be a little careful for a while.”

Deanna took a step over to me and gave me the most loving hug I’ve ever gotten. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you.”

“Hey, a gal has to look her best,” I replied. “Wait until you have to spend hours getting ready to be a Sea Gal.”

Ken opened the ice chest he’d brought with him and we all celebrated Deanna’s new look with ice cream. Then the girls settled in to watch cartoons on the room’s TV. Ken packed up the left over ice cream and threw the dirty paper bowls and plastic spoons in the trash can.

Then he walked over and put his hand on my arm. “Thank you,” he said quietly. You’ve done so much for us. I can’t begin to tell what it has meant.”

I reached up and gave him a quick hug. “I’m just glad I could help,” I replied. “I just love your daughters to death. They’re great kids who shouldn’t have had to live through this.”

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the girls looking at us. I quickly stepped back. It had felt nice to have Ken touching me. But he had just lost his wife and the girls had lost their mother. It was way too soon for anyone to step in. They had to grieve. And the last thing I wanted to do was get caught up in any kind of a rebound relationship based on their grief. I truly just wanted to help them and be their friend.

Besides, I had a lot of stuff of my own to get fixed.

I stayed a few more minutes and then made my excuses to leave. I promised Deanna, I’d stop by again soon, but told them I had to spend some time organizing my new apartment. When I let that slip, the girls were disappointed that I wasn’t living in Phil’s fabulous house. I had to tell them I was taking a few new directions in my life and moving was one of them. I had to promise them a visit to my new place, once I had it organized. Then I finally got to leave.

I kept feeling Deanna’s hug all the way home. It was so good to feel like I was loved unconditionally. Doing things for others was extremely satisfying. Then reality intruded. I spotted a Post Office on the way and pulled into the parking lot. I had decided I’d need a Post Office box to receive my mail from Phil. I didn’t want him to know where I was until I was more certain about our new relationship. It took only a few minutes to set it up. Armed with my new-found information, I called Phil on my cell before I left the parking lot.

I thought I’d get his voice mail. I was wrong. Phil picked up. “Jessica, what are you trying to pull?” he screamed into the phone.

“I told you in the note I left, Phil,” I replied calmly. “I just couldn’t take your lying to me anymore.”

“What lies?” he asked angrily.

“The source of the money in my account, for one. Your little tryst with Shuandra for another. Your knowing well in advance about most of the dinner parties. Your using my money for your out-of-town trips. You forging my signature and nearly getting me in big trouble with the IRS. The list goes on and on,” I said.

“You owed me the money for taking you in,” he snapped.

“To an extent you are right,” I replied. “And I’ll always be grateful for you giving me a place to stay when I was desperate. If you had been honest with me, I probably would have agreed to pay you room and board once I had a source of income.

“And don’t forget, I’ve been your cook and housekeeper since I moved in. I’ve saved you a bundle there."

“Look,” he replied, his voice changing. “I was just trying to take care of you, babe.”

“The days I needed taken care of are passed. If you’d been upfront with me about everything, it could have been a lot different. But I just can’t live with knowing how much you lied to me.

“Which reminds me, I need my W-2 for my taxes. I need you to sent it to my Post Office box.”

“And if I won’t?” he asked.

“Then I’ll get a duplicate from the bank and your boss will know you couldn’t be trusted to give me the original like he asked.” I could play hardball too.

“I could tell everyone about you,” he said, playing his trump card.

“You could, but I doubt anyone would believe you,” I answered. “I know Karen would tell anyone that we’d known each other since we were both little girls. It would only make you look desperate and foolish. And, I could tell Steve about the tricks you’ve been playing with my money.”

And that was my overtrump. More than anything else in the world, Phil needed to appear competent and in charge.

“Phil,” I said, “I’ll always love you for helping me when I needed it. That’s the reason I’m not telling anyone about what you did. And, as I said, I’ll keep helping you with your dinners and your parties, if you want. But our personal relationship is over.”

I cringed a little saying that. I had just echoed what Cindy had said to Mark over a year ago. I knew what Phil was going through. But it had to be said. I gave him my new Post Office box address and told him I needed the W-2 in a week.

“Take care, Phil,” I said. “By the way, Lisa is a great gal. You made a mistake letting her get away. I really like her children, too.” Then I hung up. I felt like I’d driven the last nail into our relationship and it felt pretty good.

But thinking about my own breakup with Cindy, I realized I’d achieved what I set out to do. I finally really understood what Cindy had gone through. All of it. It wasn’t fun, but it felt liberating. I knew that Cindy had gone through this and had come out better for it. I would too.

Still in the Post Office parking lot, I hit Fred’s number on my cell phone. It was getting late, but I’d hoped he’d still be at work. Luckily, he was.

“Fred? This is Jessica. I need to give you my new address, but more importantly, what’s happening with my divorce? I really need to get moving with completing my identity change.”

Fred hemmed and hawed around. “Your wife’s lawyer is very...demanding,” he said. “I just can’t seem to reach a fair settlement.”

“I thought the settlement I offered was more than fair. Especially since it was Cindy who walked out.”

“She, that is Cindy’s lawyer, doesn’t see it that way,” he replied. “I was lucky to finally get the allowance for you.”

“Okay, Fred, here’s what we’re going to do,” I said. “It’s time for you and me to sit down with Cindy and this lawyer and see what’s going on.” I wondered what was going on. This had been dragging on way too long. I wanted to see for myself what the holdup was.

“I can see what I can do,” Fred said.

“No,” I said. “Get it done or I’ll call Cindy myself.”

I was tired of excuses and delays. And I was sure Cindy was too.

“Will you be there as Mark?” Fred asked.

“Yes, Mark will be there,” I said. “Unpleasant as it might be, Mark needs to be there. And I want this meeting within the next two weeks.”

I snapped my cell phone shut, hanging up on Fred. I really hated to handle it like that, but Fred needed to realize I meant business. There was no reason this had gone on so long, except that I had been very passive about it. That had to end if I was to move on.

My phone rang then. I saw on the caller ID that it was Terri. She had another personal appearance she wanted me to go to. I promised to attend, if I could find my white boots which were somewhere in the boxes in my new apartment. Fortunately the appearance wasn’t until Sunday.

I was beginning to think I was living in the Post Office parking lot when my cell rang again. It was Fred. We had a meeting with Cindy and her lawyer set for the next Wednesday morning.

I called Karen and invited her to dinner in my new apartment to celebrate. She, of course, accepted. Then I drove out of the parking lot before Homeland Security began to suspect me.

I stopped by the gourmet food store near the apartment building and picked up some things for dinner. While checking out, I noticed a flyer for an advanced gourmet cooking class. I promptly signed up for it.

Dinner was nice. I told Karen about my phone call with Phil and she complimented me on how I’d handled him. I also told her about my call to Fred.

“That reminds me, I’ve got some mail for you,” Karen said. She went back to her apartment and returned with a stack of mail. “There’s a couple of pieces that will interest you,” she said.

She pointed out a big envelope from Cindy’s Agency and another envelope from our company.

“I think you’ll find them interesting reading,” she said. “Do it before your meeting.”

She hesitated and then looked me in the eye and said, “I was really weirded out by that court order last year forbidding me to have any contact with you.”

“Well, technically, you haven’t,” I replied. “You’ve had a lot of contact with Jessica, but none with Mark.”

“That’s it,” she replied. “I was so worried about us being found out, that I kicked you out of the apartment. And things could really have been bad if it wasn’t for Phil. I’m so sorry.”

“As it turned out, no one did find out about the link between Mark and Jessica,” I said. “It all worked out for the best. If I hadn’t been forced to go live with Phil, a lot of wonderful things in my life wouldn’t have happened. I don’t blame you one bit. In fact, I’m grateful for the way things turned out. I’ve learned and done so much that I wouldn’t have if you hadn’t had to do what you did. Don’t feel at all guilty. I’m glad it happened. Sure there’s been some bad, but so far the good outweighs anything bad that happened. I’m better for this past year.”

We hugged, and adjourned to the living room for some wine.

Next: Mark’s final meeting with Cindy.