© 2012, by Susan J. Charles. All rights reserved

Thanks again to Holly Hart for all her wonderful ideas and editing!

Phil called early the next day. After telling me again how much he’d enjoyed our date, he asked me for a favor. Karen and I had again been invited to his football party the next day.

“But the thing is, I’ve had something come up at the office,” Phil explained. “I’ve got deliveries coming from the liquor store around noon and I can’t be at home to receive them. I was wondering if you’d mind stopping past and just make sure the beer, wine and snacks are squared away. There’s a key in the flower pot next to the front door.”

“I guess I could,” I said.

“Great!” he said. “Help yourself to anything in the fridge while you’re there. You can give me back the key at the party.”

Karen and I got to Phil’s house shortly before noon, just in time to let the deliveryman in. Obviously, this was routine to him and he took care of getting the beer and wine into the refrigerator, the soft drinks into the tub and the packages of snacks on the counter. I signed the delivery slip and he left.

Before we left, I took a little time to really explore that big kitchen. I found all sorts of interesting cooking tools, pots, pans and bowls. Phil also had some professional grade food processing equipment.

“Boy, I love all the equipment in here,” I exclaimed.

Karen and I set out some bowls to be filled the next day with the chips, pretzels, trail mix and other snacks. I decided I’d bring the makings for some meatballs and dip and cook them there. I left Phil a note about my plans and we locked up.

The next day we arrived a couple of hours early so I had time to make up my food before the kitchen became crowded.

“Something smells really good!” Phil said as he brought in some bags of ice for the soft drinks.

“Well, I hope everyone enjoys my working my fingers to the bone,” I teased.

“And such pretty fingers, too,” Phil shot back, grabbing my hand and licking my fingers. “Good enough to eat!”

“You’ll have to wait until it’s done cooking,” I replied laughing.

“I meant your fingers,” he teased back.

I was in my oversized Seahawk jersey again, with an apron over it. I’d tied my hair back with a Seahawk scarf to keep it out of the food and without thinking, wiped my forehead with the back of my hand.

“You got some sauce on your face,” Phil said. He leaned over toward me. I thought he was going to wipe it off, but he licked my forehead!

“What is it with you and your tongue?” I asked.

“I have a very talented tongue,” he replied. “Want to find out more?”

Fortunately Karen came back into the kitchen after putting the snack bowls out, saving me from having to think up a reply to his innuendo. I wasn’t sure where this flirting was going and wasn’t ready to find out.

The party was a lot like the previous Sunday. Our team lost in a heartbreaker when the Bengals kicked a last second field goal. But, since it was only preseason, it wouldn’t count in the standings later. Karen and I and the other girls cleaned up and I went to give Phil back his key.

“Why don’t you keep it?” Phil said. “I appreciate the job you two did yesterday and may ask you to do it again sometime. That is, if you are willing.”

“It was no problem and I really liked getting a chance to cook in your fabulous kitchen,” I replied.

“Well, you are sure welcome to cook those great meatballs anytime,” he said smiling. “Thanks for that and for coming.” With that, he leaned forward and gave me a kiss. As our lips touched, he flicked his tongue across my lips. I jumped back.

“Told you!” Phil said, grinning. “There are lots more where that came from.”

I turned to Karen. “Let’s get out of here before I really get a licking.”

“You two really seem to be clicking,” Karen said on the way home.

“He’s fun,” I replied.

“Do you like him?” Karen asked.

I thought about that for a while. “Yeah, I do,” I said. “But since this is all temporary, and nothing could happen anyway, I’m just having fun.”

“You never know,” Karen said.

The following day, I made an appointment with my doctor. After seeing all the girls at the party for a second week, I decided I needed to do more about my skin.

Unbelievably they’d had a cancellation and I was able to see Dr. Burns that afternoon.
The nurse was surprised when I stood up when she called “Mark.” We walked back to the examination room and she shut the door and opened my file.

“What’s going on?” she asked. “This appointment is for Mark Stafford.”

“That’s kind of what I want to talk to Sandy about,” I replied.

She looked skeptical, but took my weight and blood pressure. “You are 30 pounds lighter than Mark’s last visit,” she said. “And your blood pressure is significantly better than his was at his last visit. Are you sure you are really Mark?”

I smiled. “Sometimes I wonder.” I replied.

Sandy Burns and I had gone to college together. After she’d gone through Med School, it seemed only natural to become one of her patients. I’d even met her as Jessica a few times before I met Cindy and had given it all up.

She remembered Jessica. I saw it in her face when she came in.

“Okay, Jessica or Mark,” she said. “What’s going on?”

“Well, as you can see, Jessica is back for a while,” I began. “Karen thought Mark needed a vacation for a while after Mark and Cindy broke up.”

“Yeah, I was sorry to hear about that,” Sandy said. “Maybe Karen’s right. You always seemed so much happier when you were Jessica. But why are you here today?”

“Mark is temporarily gone while I try to understand what happened, “ I said. “I am trying to understand what it means to be a woman and figure out why Cindy did what she did.”

“So are you having any problems?” Sandy asked.

“No, but I’d like to get checked out,” I replied. “And I’ve been doing some online research. I really want my skin to be better and I understand taking hormones can help.”

“That’s a big step,” Sandy said. “Have you also seen the possible effects?”

“I know if I continue for too long a time, it could have an effect on my ability to be a father,” I said. “But I don’t plan to take it that far. I just want a few months so I can look like the best girl possible. Oh, and I want to have periods.”

“There’s no procedure I know of that can do that,” Sandy said, “although there has been more than one occasion when I’d have like to have Max experience that.”

Max, of course, was her husband. I smiled at her comment.

“But that’s why I want to get as close as possible to being a real girl,” I said. “I need to experience the bad as well as the good. I was hoping you had some ideas.”

“Well,” she said, thinking. “I could give you some pills that would make you retain water. After a few days of that, you’d understand PMS a lot better.”

“That might work,” I said. “At least I could share some of Karen’s discomfort when she’s coming on. I’m staying with her for a while.

“I’d have to get the timing down, though,” I mused.

“Honey, you can do what every other woman does,” Sandy replied. “You can make up a monthly calendar with those days on it. I’ll give you an example. Then you can ask Karen for her calendar to set your schedule up. That is if you two can stand to be around each other while that is going on.”

“We’ll work it out,” I said. “What about the hormones?”

“That could be a little trickier,” Sandy said. “Have you been living full-time as Jessica? If so, how long?”

“Let me see. My gosh! Has it been that long? I moved in with Karen on April first. I remember because she made a joke about how I was beginning April by fooling everyone. Now it’s August, so it’s been four and a half months already.”

“Well, I’m afraid that’s a little short,” Sandy said. “Accepted standards call for you to live as a woman full-time for at least a year before I can even consider prescribing any hormones for you. You’ve also got to work with a psychologist and I’ve got to have a recommendation based on your therapy. But I do want to check you over. Get undressed and let me have a look.”

Sandy was impressed with how realistic my all-in-one form was. I had to remove it so she could hear my heart and lungs. I also had to untape so she could check out my genitals.

“How long have you had them pushed up?” she asked.

“I let them down for a while each day while I take a bath,” I replied.

“Well, I’m going to need some sperm samples, and too much warmth interferes with sperm production. I’m going to have to ask you to stay untaped for three days and then come back to give a sample. If all the tests look okay, I can prescribe a moisturizing cream which contains some weak plant estrogen. That will help soften your skin somewhat.

“ I do have a therapist, Dr. Christina Overmeyer, who I work with for my patients with gender questions. I can see about setting you up with an appointment, if you’d like, or you can find someone on your own.”

“Sandy, we’ve been friends for a long time. I’ll take anyone you recommend. But, remember, I’m not going for anything permanent, I’m just wanting to look a little better.”

“We will see about that.” Sandy said. “I’ve had other patients who wanted to experiment. Sometimes they go back, sometimes not. But I don’t want you to take any chances. You pass very well, now, but if you are going to continue living as Jessica for a while, you need certain legal protections that Dr. Overmeyer can help you with. Let me call her while we complete the rest of your tests.”

She had a nurse come in and completely drain me of blood. Well, not really, but she seemed to take an awful lot. Then I retaped myself in order to get home. Without the tape, my tight jeans might have given something away.

Sandy was able to set me up with an appointment the following week and gave me Dr. Overmeyer’s office information.

“Good luck, Jessica,” she said giving me a hug. “Sorry I can’t do more for you yet, but we’ll work on getting everything going as soon as we can.”

Once home, I changed out of my jeans and resigned myself to skirts exclusively for the next three days.

I was nearly driven crazy the next couple of days. Although I’d done it for years, I’d gotten out of the habit of feeling things rolling between my legs. They got in the way and I had to keep shifting to avoid sitting on them or pinching them when I moved. I had to sit with my legs apart and so had to bring out my long skirts to be modest. I certainly couldn’t cross my legs like I had been doing the last few weeks. I really didn’t like the feeling.

Of course, the health club was out for obvious reasons. Phil called to ask why he hadn’t seen me there. I told him I was having some “female” things going on, which was kind of true in a reverse kind of way.

Needless to say, I was very happy to get back into Sandy’s and fill a few sample bottles and then retape. Since the blood work had come back in good shape, she told me she was going to give me the prescriptions she had promised. But I had to come back monthly to have things checked. I left with a prescription and instructions for the moisturizing cream and one for the water retention pills so I could simulate having a period .

I also left with a big smile. Now I’d be a lot closer to understanding what it was like to be a woman. I’d forgotten that old Chinese curse, “Be careful what you wish for!”

Karen thought I was crazy when I asked her if I could copy her calendar onto one I’d bought on the way home. “You really want to make yourself miserable?” she asked. “Listen gal, you so don’t want to do something like this.”

“I’ve got to understand everything,” I replied.

“It’s your funeral,” she replied. “I can’t wait to see how long this experiment lasts.”

She was two weeks out, so according to Sandy’s instructions, I’d start taking the water retention pills in a week and a half. I’d take them five days and then stop. Sandy hadn’t wanted to give me anything to stimulate cramps.

“Too invasive,” she said. “Just hit yourself in the testicles few times a day and you’ll come close.” Then she assured me she was joking and told me not to harm myself.

Friday came and Phil took me out again. This time, we went on a tour of Underground Seattle and then to a restaurant in the lower town. The tour was interesting because we got to see some of the buildings from the olden days that had been covered over as the city modernized. I was amazed that I’d lived here so long and hadn’t seen a lot of things like this.

When we got back to Karen’s apartment, I invited Phil in for coffee. Karen was out on a date and we had the place to ourselves. We sat on the sofa talking. I’d kicked off my heels and folded my legs under myself. Phil knew so much about so many things! I realized my own education was limited to a few subjects. I had only grudgingly taken the minimum number of Liberal Arts courses required to graduate, but it seemed like Phil had taken everything. When I mentioned this, he pointed out that he had to have a wide range of knowledge in order to make the right investment decisions. I resolved then and there to expand my education by finding some on-line courses to take.

“Tell me more,” I said, leaning against his large upper body. He put his arm around my shoulder and I asked a few questions about some things he was talking about. Gradually, I realized he was fondling my breast! It took a while since I didn’t have any feeling in them. But when he twisted my nipple, it pulled a little on my own skin and caught my attention.

My brain went into overdrive. What would a real girl do? Since I hadn’t reacted when he’d first made his move, he was assuming I didn’t object. Moving beyond that, should I be liking his attention? I might even be getting a little aroused. What should I do?

I solved that problem by making an age-old move. I turned around and kissed him.

It should have worried me that I liked kissing him. Jessica had kissed boys before in high school. But that was for fun. I’d gotten a kick out of fooling them. This was different. I wasn’t trying to fool Phil for fun; I just didn’t want him to find out about me--the real me.

But, the more we kissed, the more I liked it. I had a warm feeling starting in my middle and spreading. His tongue found its way into my mouth and I started sucking it in and playing with it with my own tongue. My arms went around his neck on their own and I found myself pressing against his body. The pressure of the breast forms was doing things to my own chest underneath and I liked what I was feeling.

We finally broke the kiss. “Coming up for air,” is the way we used to refer to it. We traded little biting nips on each other’s lips and I giggled. Then he pulled me in again and started another marathon kiss. I just let myself go, giving into the moment.

Sometime in that kiss, he took my hand and guided it down to the bulge in his pants. I could feel his penis straining against the fabric. Without pausing to think, I reached up and unzipped his fly. As my tongue found his mouth, I reached through and pulled his shaft free of its restraints. It seemed huge! I had only one penis to compare it to, but I’d seen a few others in boy’s locker rooms. This seemed to dwarf any I’d seen.

I ran my hand up and down it. He was circumcised. The head was kind of bell shaped with edges that folded back to the rest of the shaft. And the head was so smooth! I ran my thumb back and forth across it.

Now all my life I’ve had a thing for very smooth surfaces. I used to run my lips across apple skins because they were so smooth and it felt good. Freshly peeled hard-boiled eggs felt so good across my lips. I’d liked kissing girls just after they’d applied a fresh coat of lipstick because they were so smooth. When I felt Phil’s smooth head with my fingers, I couldn’t resist.

Breaking our kiss, I moved my head down toward Phil’s crotch. I pulled his penis up and ran my half-opened lips along that head. It felt so smooth, so good!

After a minute, I slid onto the floor in front of Phil, never taking my hand off his penis. I bent forward and took the tip of the head into my mouth so I could feel that smoothness all around my lips. My lips went back and forth on it from the small tip to the ever-larger body of the bell-shaped head. As my lips reached the end of the head, where the skin started to curve back down, I ran my tongue across the tip. Phil was breathing hard and started to moan. I tasted a drop of liquid that was starting to form on his tip. It was a little salty.

At this point, I became aware of what I was doing. I had taken Phil into my mouth. But I was feeling so girlie that I wanted to. I wanted him to feel as good as possible. All the things Cindy used to do to make me feel good, I started doing to Phil.

I sucked his penis in a little further and began running my tongue all around the little fold where the head met the rest of his shaft. I explored that little groove where it folded under, licking it as far as possible and then reversing course until I’d approached the top from the other side. Then I took even more into my mouth, running my tongue all along his shaft.

It was pulsing. I could feel veins running just below the skin and I began to suck in time with their beating. Suddenly, Phil grabbed the back of my head and pulled me onto him so that my nose was tickled by his pubic hair. I almost choked as his penis rammed down my throat. Then I relaxed my throat and breathed through my nose. I wasn’t doing much of anything except keeping from choking as Phil moved up and down, fucking my face.

Then, he gasped. I felt a huge pulse in my mouth and Phil erupted in me. I couldn’t do anything except swallow. It seemed like he kept coming forever. I wasn’t sure I could keep swallowing and have enough oxygen to keep conscious.

Finally it was over. I’d given another guy a blowjob. ‘Rather,’ I thought, ‘Jessica had given a guy a blowjob.’ And, aside from the choking part, she’d kind of liked making the guy feel good. Again referring back to my experiences with Cindy, I carefully licked everything off Phil’s penis. I took a napkin off the coffee table and dried him off. I then returned it inside his pants and carefully zipped him up. Then I stood up and kissed him, driving my tongue into his mouth. ‘Share and share alike,’ I thought.

Phil wanted to reciprocate, but I told him no. I was quite comfortable just leaning against him with his arm around me, basking in the afterglow of a brand new experience. After he was gone, I discovered I had a wet spot in the bottom of my panties. Whatever orgasm I’d had just sort of blended in with my overall feelings of the moment.

The next morning I was beside myself. Karen noticed and asked me what had happened. I told her what I had done.

“Did you enjoy it?” she asked.

“I think I did,” I replied. “And that’s part of the problem. I shouldn’t have enjoyed it. And besides, I had unprotected oral sex. I got carried away. Now who knows that I might have?”

“Okay," Karen said. “First relax. It’s unlikely that a guy in Phil’s position would risk anything. I’m betting he’s clean, but you might want to have both of you checked out just to be sure.

“As to the rest of it, you liked it. That’s fine. You were a girl pleasing her man. It happens all the time. I’m a little surprised it took this long.”

“But I’m not supposed to like it!” I replied.

“Why not?” Karen asked. “You are Jessica and you are trying to experience everything about being a girl. Pleasing guys is a big part of that. You are just really getting into who you are.”

I had to admit, I’d had a few of the same thoughts, but I’d tried to shut them off as fast as possible. There were times when I really didn’t know who I really was anymore. That was something I was going to have to discuss with Dr. Overmeyer.