Pure fiction, inspired by two great British Comedians, one of whose characters was (I’m told) the Only Gay in the Village. This Queen, you may suspect, is the First, but not necessarily the ONLY Queen in this village. No such village yet exists but, who knows, one day…. Now, Astrid and Christopher get out and about..

Chapter 3 Outside the front door

The weather was lovely. The sun shone on the village street which Andy and Christine could view from their front windows. Andy had wondered if they went out for a stroll, whether they would get away with being who they would like to be.

They had speculated about passing as a couple, female and male, or being discovered for what they really were, underneath. A man and a woman. Underneath their clothes of the opposite gender.

They had decided to ‘go for it’.

It was decided that the lunchtime date at the pub would be what they would do. Both secretly had wanted to do this for months — since their weekends en femme and en homme had become their usual practice. Weekends were a time for subtle, country wear. Nothing exaggerated as they might indulge in their evenings together… like the evening to come, they hoped.

Having breakfast was a relaxed affair, Andy enjoyed lounging about in his lingerie and sipping coffee, watching Christine get organized for the day while still wearing her dark blue very male towelling dressing gown. Astrid had yoghurt and fruit while Christopher enjoyed a full English fry-up breakfast, just as most blokes would do. The coffee was strong, Astrid’s was frothy and milky, Christopher’s was all black, no nonsense.

Time came to climb the stairs and to get ready for the day’s frivolities. Time did allow, however, for a little more intimate frivolity before clothing themselves. Astrid quickly reached for the lipstick that was sitting, waiting, on the vanity unit. She then parted the front of Christopher’s dressing gown as they stood by the bed. Andy often did this on a Saturday morning, so Christine knew what was coming next. She was going to get tongue-fucked by this lovely woman who was her Husband. Well, he was her husband five days a week… and didn’t she just love days Six and Seven! She sat down on the edge of the bed and Astrid knelt before her.

Gently raising her legs on to Astrid’s shoulders, Christine lay back on the bed. Astrid’s eyes focussed on the parting of her beautiful partner’s pussy. The wonderful folds of sensitive velvet which he knew so well were ready and moist already. His lipstick tasted very sexy this morning, unusually so — perhaps it was his subconscious anticipation of what was to come. Going out in full femme style.

This made his caressing of Christine’s pussy especially energetic. It wasn’t long before she was lost in a haze of pleasure while Astrid’s cock stayed between her thighs, patiently waiting for her Wife to cum.

And, of course, she did.

--oo00oo–

Andy’s patience was rewarded and he, too, would cum, for him quite spectacularly. It was comparatively rare these days, his pleasure being so great when he had Christine in such a position. But it was worth waiting for. This one. His bollocks felt like they were totally drained. That was a cum and a half!!

But time had to wait now. It was time to freshen up and get dressed for the day.

Having sorted out their hair, ……. Andy wearing a bouncy, swingy style and Christine a slicked back “boy’s” with a quiff, all-male, ……. they attended to their needs for make-up, Christine wearing none, and Andy being made-up lightly by “her” “husband”, Christopher.

The two went to their alternative closets in the dressing room which was ‘ensuite’ to their bedroom,
It was important, they felt, having dressed at weekends for several years now, that they had a choice of costumes to wear for different occasions.

There were all sorts of clothes; some for glamour nights in for two, some for everyday ‘just’ being wife and husband, some for night-times and for sex…. The list went on. One rail in each closet had ‘normal’ day-wear. It was anything but ‘normal’, except for them….. The rest of the world might have thought it was deviant at the very least. But they loved it; just being a couple. Him and her. Or rather, her and him….

Today’s choice was quite easy, given the sunny day but fresh cool temperatures. Astrid chose her favourite skin-tight slacks in black, and a loose girly shirt which wouldn’t hide her bra too much if it weren’t buttoned too tightly. (After all, if you’ve got it, flaunt it!, she thought). She reached for the soft cotton padding that would fill the bra where the tits she dreamed of having would have been. She packed the bra tightly, so that her ‘breasts’ stood proud through the shirt.

Andy’s female shoes were suited to a walk on country paths, but not messy woodlands, so she dared to go for the open-toed sandals which would expose her delightful lacquered toe-nails to view. The nails always made her feel just that bit more feminine if they were on view.

Christopher opted for heavy shoes, suited to walking miles if needed, thick walking socks, denim jeans which were male-cut, allowing her to wear them very tight around her bum. She decided not to wear the small dildo between her thighs that she sometimes used on days like this. It did make her feel very sexy but, today, it would wait until they got home this afternoon. On top, with her tits bound with tape to hide their luxurious nipples, she chose a tartan check shirt. For outer-wear, she chose a black fleece with a motorsport logo, emphasizing her butch persona for the day.

Astrid would later choose a pretty pink anorak in a soft cotton fibre. As they stood with eachother at the front door, each looked at the other and they agreed, they made “such a pretty pair and that they would never leave”, recalling Carly Simon’s “You’re so vain”….

Andy smiled into the mirror and his wife smiled back at him. And then a thought occurred to him. Before opening the door, he said, “How could we have forgotten?”

“Forgotten what?” Christopher asked, blankly.

“Where we’re going, after our walk….. we’re going to the pub….. “

“And….??”

“And there’s another couple, and a barmaid too, who we haven’t even considered in our analysis of the people we live with here….!! While we walk, let’s include them in our thinking…. I mean, the pub is always the heart of the village, wherever you are, isn’t it? I bet there’s not much that goes on that they don’t know about. But then, there’s the oddness that there’s no gossip in the village here. You’d think….”

“Oh, I know what I think…” Christine chipped in. “There are so-called evenings at the pub that we’ve never been to…. What about a Quiz night?! There could be things going on….”

Andy latched on to the implication. His mind switched back to the Monty Python sketch in a pub…. One of his favourite pieces of comedy of all time… He fell instantly into Eric Idle mode.

“Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more…. Interested in photography, is she…. Yer wife… Nudge, nudge!? Photography…. !?” Complete strangers engaged in, from one side at least, very unhealthy banter. The very conservative target for the game was obviously not engaged in any kind of hanky panky, never mind intimate photographs!

Christine warmed to the idea. “Well, there’s a way in to ask the Barmaid…. Is there a Quiz Night, or perhaps a photography club meeting…. Know what I mean… nudge, nudge! Say no more!! I could try that on with her….. being the man in our relationship, she might not be surprised…. She might even let me into a secret!” Christine was suddenly keen on chatting up the Barmaid. “I’ll do that… never know, if I fancy my chances, I could be “in” there, if you know what I mean…… Nudge, nudge!!”

“Cheek of it!” exclaimed Astrid…… “You have a tasty wife at home who’s up for anything you might suggest. You take care to leave the barmaid out of it. I only ever did fancy three-somes, with girls anyhow.” Her cheeks flushed with a mock embarrassment. “Not with another bloke.”

Still standing in the hall-way, they looked eachother up and down, admiring their ‘alternative selves’ and they then shared a hug and a long loving kiss. After that, Astrid had to refresh her lipstick in the mirror, a pause before they emerged from their home!

“Ready??”………………… “You bet!”

--oo00oo--

As the pair walked the pathways around the village, they drank in the sunshine and felt the gentle breeze though their hair. They held hands and easily dropped into the characters that they would be all day. There would be no acknowledgement of their true genders. They were Woman and Man. They were Wife and Husband. No words were needed for some extended time, before they would get round to assessing other villagers’ private interests.

Andy’s thoughts went back to the time when he and Catherine had met. In that indeterminate time in the past when boys were boys and only boys…..girls were girls and all pretty or alternatively, well, androgynous if they chose to be. It was acceptable for girls to look almost like boys but not for boys to look like girls. He was very attracted to Christine for the way she looked, the way she acted, the way she dressed and for her positive approach to life. He, by comparison, was rather unconfident, insecure and often ill at ease with being masculine. Catherine suited his dream of an assertive yet perfectly feminine girl.

Deep inside, he wished he was feminine. A girl…. Not so much as to want to change his sex. But he felt he could easily be a girl. Not that this would mean him being attracted to men. Far from it. He loved women for all things feminine that they were. He was jealous of them really. He was jealous when Christine would, from time to time, dress in a totally glamorous and sexy way. She could become a vamp, a sex kitten, out to seduce. She could seduce him any time she wanted.

Christine was also lost in thought, but she wasn’t thinking of the past. Not at all. She was thinking of the future. Where was all of this leading? Where would they be in a week or two — a month or two, or a year or two? She enjoyed their life together. It wasn’t what she had planned for herself when she was younger. She planned a successful career, and had forged success often at the expense of the men she worked with. She watched them. She could play them at their own games. She was more than their equal. She was superior. Not that she felt superior to Andy. They were complementary.

Their individual strengths worked well together. She was happy for him to play the girly sometimes. It brought the manliness that she knew she had within to the fore. Walking as they were today, she was the guy with the girl on his arm. It made her feel moist between her thighs. She now wished she had brought the little dildo with her!

The circuitous walk led them through the lanes around the village until they came to the Church at the top end of the High Street. They sat on the bench among the snowdrop flowers that were there in glorious profusion. It was a lovely time of year.

The occupants of the pub, including the barmaid, had not been discussed but, seeing as they were fast approaching lunchtime, it was right to speculate about whom they would encounter in the next few minutes. “Bev, the barmaid, Brian and Bitchy Belinda, the owners, three to reckon with.”

“The barmaid is the easy one to suss out…” said Astrid as she briefly refreshed her lipstick in the mirror of the hand compact that Christopher had given her on her birthday. “Bev’s the original slut… and I love her for all of that. There’s no hiding place for a man when he goes in there. She’s waiting for all and anyone in trousers. I think she’d bang the bed like a shithouse door in a gale!” (Such a blokey comment! ..thought Christine).

This gave a jolly illusions that Christopher could imagine. “Legs apart, feet in stirrups, tits hanging out of a blouse around her neck. What a sight!! Lovely, Gagging for it, people might say! What do you think gives her away, as a slutty lady, I mean?”

Astrid had no doubts. “The length of her skirt, the leopardskin top and the wild highly piled blonde curls. That hair is so bleached it could have been in the sun for a month! She’s altogether too much like Bet Lynch in Corrie…. And you know what she was like!”

“Indeed, this barmaid has obviously modelled herself on the ultimate slutty slapper…. But don’t you just love her!” Christopher exclaimed.

Her husband couldn’t disagree. In fact, Andy had always fancied a romp with the barmaid whenever he went into the village pub. He had never had the courage to chat her up with that in mind. To tell the truth, he was more interested in the construction of her hairstyle. Was it all her own hair, or was it a hairpiece, pre-styled and added like an extension/ probably the latter of the two, he thought. If only he could have the same….

“So, she’s game for a romp in the sack with anyone, are we agreed?” Christine asked.

“Yes, too right, we are!” Andy replied, sighing deeply at the thoughts he had just had. In a flash, he thought of Bev’s tits and how they had been served up, when he last saw her, like two melons on a serving board, on a shelf…. Just the thought made him feel a hard-on start. Getting his lipsticked lips around Bev’s nipples would be fun!...........

As they turned a corner, they were confronted by another couple from the village, out for a morning stroll. They recognized this pair as Cathy and Johnny, the first cuple they had analyzed in their talk about the rest of the villagers. Cathy said “Good morning” with a cheery smile, and Johnny smiled as well. Christopher answered with a bold “Good morning to you too… Lovely weather!”

And the moment was past. Both men and both women setting off to continue their walks. Andy and Christine had not been recognized. They were past their first test. But neither said a word. Andy had held his breath through the whole 30 seconds of the event.

“So what kind of people hire a barmaid like her to work in their pub?.....” Christine went on. She knew that Andy had nearly fainted!

“………..People like Belinda and Brian…… I called her a bitch and I think that of her…. She’s never been at all civil when I have been in the pub with you… as just you and me. She looks at customers like she’s superior to them in every way. I dislike the woman!” Christopher clearly had strong feelings about this woman.

Andy was surprised at the vehemence in Christopher’s voice, but then had an idea. “Perhaps you could flatter her outrageously before suggesting that you and she get together… You, Christopher, might stand a chance of ‘pulling’ if you pitch it right.” Andy paused, developing his idea in his mind, but saying no more.

“How could I do that, with us being casual tourists in the village?…. Never been here before. Never likely to be staying. What do you mean?” Catherine was genuinely lost. What was Andy getting at?

“I think it might be interesting, if we find that we are not ‘clocked’ as who we really are, if we actually said we were visitors who were taking on Andy and Catherine’s cottage while they went away for a few days. We could be their house-sitters, couldn’t we??”

“You mean be ourselves as we are today, for several days??? I like the idea of that. But it would only work if we are accepted as strangers, not as the people we really are. Do you think it’s going to work???”

Well, you know how I feel about Belinda… what do you think of Brian?” Christopher asked.

“Bit of a wanker if you ask me…..” Andy considered his reply. “….. With a wife like her, he’s probably not been successful at anything he’s tried. Might just be in the right job at last. Certainly not someone who would be able to stop his wife going off and screwing with a total stranger who just moved into the village.” Andy went silent, thought again, and said, “Don’t you even dare think of a threesome or a foursome with those two. Screwing her might be fun just the two of you… I’d enjoy hearing your report on the encounter!”

Belinda fitted the description well — a bitch of the first order. Sophisticated, she thought, but really just full of airs and graces that a pub landlady shouldn’t have. Posh voice, suggesting an education she had never had. Country landowning background, she would like you to think, but probably a Farmer’s daughter. Rides horses, but may not own more than one. Hob-nobs with the property-owning classes of Oxfordshire.

“Nice tits…..” said Christine…. “…. Maybe Christopher could tell her, she has nice tits….” Not half as nice, or half as visible as Bev’s, thought Astrid.

They had spent quite some time sitting on the bench in the sunshine and it was now time to venture towards the pub, to have a drink and to have some lunch. They decided it was a good idea to try the ‘strangers staying in Andy and Christine’s cottage while they are away’ story and see if they were accepted as the strangers they were professing to be.

As they got up from their seat in the sunshine, Andy was suddenly struck by a feeling of his confidence as Astrid, as a woman for the world to meet, draining away. They had seen people at a distance on their walk. They had even passed cheery waves and “Good morning” greetings, but now, it was ‘make your mind up time’… Am I ready to go through with this?, he asked himself silently, not wanting to betray his thinking to Christopher, her female husband. It didn’t take more than a second for “him” to realize that Astrid was hesitant….

“What’s the matter, honey?, You look ashamed of something….?”

“No, darling, I’m not ashamed, and I love you for bringing me to this point in our lives…… but I have never developed a speaking voice to convince anyone of my femaleness….. I may try at home, in private, and you’re very encouraging, but….. be honest…… I don’t sound feminine enough? ….Do I? …. Be honest… And if I can’t, or don’t, I have to say nothing…” Astrid’s male voice trembled.

“You will do fine….. Just think how girly you look and how girly you feel. This is meant to be fun… it’s not torture!! I love you very much, man or woman, and I’ll show it by kissing you in full view of everyone in the pub.. You wait and see!” Christopher was suddenly masterful again.

They reached the door of the pub. Pausing for just a moment to kiss his “wife”, Christopher sqeezed “her” hand and pushed open the door.

--oo00oo--

Bev greeted them as they entered the pub. “What will you have, dears." Neither Belinda or Brian were anywhere to be seen. But Bev’s breasts were there for everyone to see… and admire. Andy’s gaze fixed on them in a totally un-feminine stare…….

“Eyes off!” whispered Christopher….. “They are mine!!”

“Two beers — one a pint for me, the other a half with lime juice for my lovely wife, please.”

Chapter 4 will reveal the encounter, with Bev and, later, with “B&B”.