A Change in Lifestyle
Chapter 7

I leaned forward as much as I could to watch the car disappear and Helen go through the front door.
OMG should I go home and face her or let her worry about me?
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I waited for a while not knowing what to do. I liked to feel appreciated by Fran and I liked the day I’d had and I wanted to feel like this again. Maybe again and again I don’t know. Yes I do. I like it!!

I wondered if I dare meet Helen like this as the Robyn she’d pushed me to be. I was certain that she would be angry to see me like this at Frans house and in a nightdress with make-up, with a relative stranger.

For certain I shouldn’t do this but that was it. As far as I’m concerned Helen might want me to give in and be in total control. Maybe her intention is to emasculate me completely and after all why would she say ‘I’ll show you how to be a man?’

Did she want to take full charge and run my life? We were comfortable just with Helens salary and yet why was she wanting me to stand up for myself and get a good job? Why did she want me to be more of a man? Or was she putting me to the test?

I decided the best thing I could do was to clean myself up and dress and then just go home and beg forgiveness for upsetting her. I never meant to let her down and it hurt me a lot that she was disappointed in me. But I like Fran and I like to help her and to chat with her. I would really like to help her as I’d agreed and Helen might object if I tell her.

I never used to be like this when I first met Helen. We fell in love as soon as we met. There was something that had clicked immediately between us and we were married within 7 months of meeting.

I was the most successful of the two of us at first until she changed jobs and her boss became her mentor at work and pushed her to take on more and more management duties.

Then Fran appeared. ‘What’s wrong?’

I told her that Helen was home and that I should dress and go home.

‘Look it’s up to you. If you weaken now then in my opinion it’s a backwards step. Have you ever discussed your true feelings with Helen? Did you ever show her how beautiful you are and how lucky she is to be married to such a sensitive and caring man?’

‘But I can’t let her see me like this. She might be upset and ashamed. I never discussed my true feelings with her.’

‘But you aren’t a freak. This is just another side of you that maybe she realizes exists. Women aren’t fools you know. We pick up on these things. Didn’t she ever suggest exploring a little or pay complements about your skills around the home. Or even how handsome you are. Ore even beautiful if I dare say.’

‘Well I suppose she has sometimes joked a little bit with her friends about her dependence on me at home and she referred to me several times as her ‘wife’ but only joking.’

‘Did that make you angry or did you like it?’

‘I liked it but tried not to show it.’

‘Then why not exploit it and explore a little?
‘I can’t.’
Just then the door bell rang and Fran jumped up.

‘Who on earth is that at this time?’ stay there I’ll go and look.’

I couldn’t let her answer the door so late on her own so I stood at the bottom of the stairs as she shouted through the locked door.

‘Who is it?’

‘it’s Helen from next door. I saw you had a light on. Can I come in a minute I’m trying to find Robyn. Did you see him today by any chance?’

Fran let her in so I went up the stairs to the landing so I was hidden from view. They went through to the kitchen and so I couldn’t hear them very well. I hoped that Fran would cover for me and wouldn’t tell Helen what I’d been doing. I couldn’t bear to face Helen like this. OMG please Fran don’t say anything.

I was like a frightened schoolboy so I decided to put on the clothes I’d been wearing and rush home to change. I couldn’t let Helen find out so please Fran stall things until I can get home.

I was out of the door in just a few minutes wiping off the mascara and lipstick as I went using a packet of wipes that Fran had given me. By the time I was in the bathroom at home most of the make up had gone but I still looked more feminine than masculine.

I ruffled my hair and washed my face. My skin appeared softer with the cream I’d been using and I tried my best to look like Robyn the man.

I found a sweatshirt and some jeans. What to do with the bra and panties. I hid them in my wardrobe in one of my suit bags. I could see the marks left on my skin and my nipples were still quite enlarged.

I’d liked the feeling of comfort that the bra had provided and the sweatshirt rubbed against my nipples that were a little bit tender today.

I looked in the mirror. I looked more like the normal Robyn. Huh what is a normal Robyn?

Then I received a text message from Helen asking me to call her as she was worried and a second soon after from Fran saying she hadn’t told her anything but that we’d had a coffee together and I’d helped her by looking after Beth for a while to give her chance to rest.

I sent a text back saying I was at home just as I heard her unlocking the front door.

I looked in the mirror again. I might not look great but at least I’d managed to change so Helen wouldn’t go spare or kick me out.

She shouted to see if I answered and I answered.

‘Where the hell have you been, I’ve been worried? What’s wrong with you today? Are you crazy or something?’

’ Huh, where have you been more like? I’ve been upset all day and I was so angry with you that I almost left.’

‘Come on Robyn you infuriated me. I did at least expect you to call me to apologise.’

‘It’s not me who needs to apologise it’s you. I didn’t do anything and it was you who hurt me. You slammed the door and stormed off in a huff and said you’d show me how to be a man. Then you come home with your girlfriend and go off with her without even leaving a note or sending a message. Is that what you call being a man? Behaving in such a selfish way.’
‘How do you know that Emma came here? Where were you? Were you in the house hiding?’

‘No but I saw you both together. Is there something between you two that I should know about?’

‘What if there was? Would you do something about it? Would it make you angry?’

‘No.’

‘No to which question?’

‘No,No then.’

‘So you don’t care enough to fight for our relationship? Are you saying you don’t love me enough to at least have an argument? What’s happened to you Robyn? You behave more like a teenage girl than a man these days.’

‘There you go again. You make my blood boil. Can’t you see that each time you say such things it makes me feel bad about myself? I can’t help it if I am like this. I am different to you and these days I feel different. When we first met you respected me and looked up to me. Now you talk to me as if I’m not capable of doing anything. ‘

‘Look Robyn all I do is try to push you to stand up for yourself. You have no confidence anymore.’

My eyes filled with tears and I ran upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door. Helen knocked and tried to open it but I refused to answer. In the mirror I could see that I hadn’t cleaned the mascara away properly and it would have been obvious that I’d been wearing make up if Helen saw me.

‘Just leave me I’ll be OK I’m taking a shower.’

‘OK but please come back downstairs afterwards because we need to talk this through.’

To be continued………………