Bridges: 8

Chapter 8

It was morning when Brandon took me home. I’ve been up for most of the night with Brandon just driving around. He walks me to my door. I turn to look at him. “Thanks Brandon, I really needed last night.” I lean down and kiss him on the lips from the step I’m on. He needs to shave and as much as I’m not sure the prickle of bristles is something I like or don’t. I like the feeling of under my fingers though. I like kissing him too, very much.

It makes me feel significantly female.

I break the kiss and he pulls me in for another. It lasts only minutes, but it’s still kissing for minutes. He gives me the best ache in my breasts, other places too.

We break apart finally. He looks at me and I can see he likes me, that there’s caring there. “I had a nice time Sam. I know it wasn’t a real date but…’

I grin at him. “Yeah, You got a nice butt.”

He blushes, a bit. “I...I should get back to work. The guys can’t hang around forever.”

I step inside smiling and walking backwards I watch him leave turning the bike around.

I don’t go to bed either instead I take my meds and go and change into my running gear then grab my stuff to go out for a morning run. I’m tired but maybe the rush from the endorphins will keep the dreams and stuff away. I head up the hill and I feel better going out this morning than I have for awhile now. The Mounties have cracked down on the people that’ve been giving me trouble and making my life a living hell. I can run without fearing what I’d be coming home to.

My run takes me no time to climb to my usual turn around point. Between feeling safe and remembering riding up this way on Brandon’s bike last night. I take it a little further and enjoy myself as I run building up a really great sweat like I haven’t had since I was in the service I do another four miles up the road to where I know there’s a spring that comes out of where the dozer cut the road and it drains into a sort of culvert under the road and through a ditch to one of the streams nearby.

I’m hot as hell and I walk off the road to the spring taking off my running shoes and soon I’m standing under the thin but steady trickle coming out of the rock via an old pipe the loggers had drilled into there.

I’m just feeling relieved when Cass Cavanaugh pulls up in her RCMP Bronco. She get’s out. She’s got two coffees from Tim’s. “Morning.”

“Morning yourself.” I reply smiling. I like this woman and it might be some weird throw back to something about my mom but even being transgendered there are still women who turn me on. Not many but Cass…in that tight RCMP uniform…

“I was heading out to see you Ms. Chase and noticed you took longer than you usually do in your run so I came up to see if you were okay?”

“I’m okay just feeling better so I thought I’d put in an extra couple of miles.”

“Good, I…I was just trying to be careful.”

“Thanks, it seems that a lot of people know when I go jogging.”

“You have a routine; you could have changed it though.”

“I’m military even if I’m on med-leave. Jogging in the morning’s an old habit.”

“But it let them damage your place and harass you”

“I know, but if I let them force me to change my life then they win. It’s my life.”

“I think that takes a lot of guts.”

“Thanks,’

I get out of the spring area and squeeze a bit of water out of my hair before pony-tailing it again. She passes me one of the coffees. I take a sip, double-double (2 cream and 2 sugars) just the way I like it. And me getting just that good hint of chill from the cold water and the cool wind coming off the mountains makes the hot coffee taste really good. I notice the Sergeant watching me intensely as I sip my coffee…she’s oh, she’s staring at my chest. Like any girl the cool water has my girls awake.

I look her over too. I’ve been reading lots of stuff online on being Trans. I know I’m trans but I’m thinking there’s a part of me that’s pansexual…I’ve noticed I’m regularly kind of non-sexual feeling wise. That’s different than feeling gender, when I do feel sexual it’s from certain people. Brandon…and her…RCMP Sergeant Cass Cavanaugh …shoulder length sandy blonde hair done in a French braid, an amazing swan like neck like you’d see on a dancer. She’s shorter than me at about five foot five, but she’s not skinny, these kind strong shoulders and she’s got nice arms, she probably works out a lot. She’s busty, but it’s hidden or rather restrained by her shirt and her vest. Those Mountie dress pants with the stripe sticking to her like a second skin…It’s been a long time since a girl has attracted me. I like the feelings it’s kind of stirring in my body. I’m a lot further along transitionally than I was in Toronto. The fact she’s looking at me with interest and…like she actually likes me is nice…it feels good. And she’s defended me. That definitely gives her a good deal of the “Brandon” factor.

She blushes at our mutual checking each other out. It’s another good sign. My ex might have been a lipstick but she was really very personally aggressive. Actually I think she looked for somebody like me to fulfill her need to feel superior and stuff. I know Cass is a tough chick, she’s RCMP they’re not wimps by any means. I just like she’s got that balance in who she is, or seems like at least.

She covers it by sipping her own coffee. Then the switch got flipped and she’s Sergeant Cavanaugh again. “I’ve got some news on your case but some of it isn’t good.”

“Okay, bad news I can handle.”

Cass gives me the are you sure look.

“Is it worse than getting shot at?”

“Not yet.”

“Okay…Just tell me.”

“We caught one of the guys that’s been hitting you recently. I caught up with truck but one of them bailed out of the truck up at red-fern pass bridge. I saw who it was I think but He was only was caught as a far side blur on the dash camera and If I tried to charge him by my testimony then it’ll get thrown out of court too easily.”

“But why if you seen him.”

“Because he can claim bias.”

“Bias?”

“Yeah, they’ve played the game a lot Sam. He got away but we got the driver and they were mouthy enough that their scumbag lawyer can throw stuff off with a jury if it comes down to it.”

“I can see why you said it was bad news.”

She looks down frowning and sips her coffee again. “It gets worse.”

“Worse?”

“We can’t charge the driver with the vandalism. He’s claiming he had no idea that the other person was going to throw the brick at your truck. He can beat that charge and at best we’re going to charge him with reckless endangerment and driving without a permit and resisting arrest. And these might not stick too much because we can’t get him on grand theft auto because the trucks owner won’t press charges.”

“But…”

“It’s a family thing; the driver’s taking all the heat and is a minor.”

“That’s…I’m not sure what I’m angrier about this, the fact it happened or there’s a child out there so messed up. The adult should be fucking horse whipped…how can they ruin a kids life like that?”

I’m pissed enough to pace back and forth in front of the truck.

“We’ve impounded the truck and are searching it for evidence.”

“So this guy’s going to get his truck back too?”

“Yeah but the crown was not happy with the situation or the kid smarting off so It’s been flat bedded to the Vancouver lab. Plus there’s the tire cast and moldings that I’m sure are going to match. If they do then he won’t be getting the truck back because it’ll be evidence in a Hate crime.”

“Well that’s something. Actually it’s more than what I’ve been getting.”

Cass’s look changed going from cop to pissed cop. She looks at me and says. “That’s not going to be happening again Sam.” She says it like she just made a promise. She looks at her watch. “I should get back to work; I’ve got a few cases to investigate plus my normal day so…I’ll…see you later.” She’s kind of back to shy and bashful- flirty. She gets the door open on her Bronco her back is to me as she says. “You know Sam, I like you. I think I like you a lot and if it wasn’t a conflict of interest I’d ask you out…If you still or I mean if you like girls…”

I step up kind of as dad used to say about mom “Feeling it.” I take her hand and turn her around and lean down and kiss her. It’s not long or full of all that drama stuff just a really good kiss with my hands moving down to hold her by her waist. Her eyes widened in the coolest, cutest way. “I like you too Cass, I’ve been attracted to you since we first met. I’m…I’m still figuring myself out but once my case is resolved…I’d like to see you if you wanted.”

She takes a breath. And then curls her lips in like she’s tasting me on them. Then looks at me as she pulls herself up backwards into the Bronco. “What about you and the Biker?”

“Brandon?”

“Yeah, Brandon Page I think his name is.”

“You checked him out?”

“Yes, there was a strong Biker gang vibe coming off of him and his buddies. I wanted to know who I might have been dealing with.’

“Makes sense.”

“So…you and him?”

“I care for him. I care for Brandon more than any man in my life except for my father. But he knows I’m still figuring stuff out. If he can’t take you and me getting to know each other then I’m better off. Besides…it’s only a matter of time before he finds something better.”

“Better?”

“Better, or at least for him. Cass he’s older than me, starting to settle down. He’s a hell of a nice guy and a friend so yeah, better like somebody who can give him a family. I’ve still got a year and maybe more in the service after my head and body are squared away. I’m not looking for anything serious. I’m still recovering from serious.”

“Still recovering?”

“My last relationship wasn’t the greatest. It was abusive enough it put me in the psyche ward.’

“Sounds like he was an asshole.”

I look her in the eyes. “Yeah she wasn’t the nicest girl in the world.”

The look on her face is a mix between stunned, embarrassed and confused.

“Oh shit…Sam I’m sorry.”

“It was what it was really.”

“Still…”

“Stop.”

“Okay.”

“Cass...”

“Yeah?”

“Go to work.’

“Yes Ma’am’

I’m amused and still a bit “Ahem.’ So I jog back home only to see Brandon waiting for me out on the road. He offers me a glass of juice which I greedily drink down. “You okay?” he asks me. “I saw the Mountie truck go up passed and you were gone awhile.”

I smile at him then kind of switch to a more somber look. “Yeah, I’m fine Cass was just keeping me up to date with the incident with the truck.”

“Okay, I was just checking, making sure and everything.”

“She likes me, and I kissed her.”

“Uh-huh…So me and you…we’re...”

I kiss him and really kiss him, with my arms around his neck and everything. “Brandon you are the first guy I’ve ever really been attracted to as a woman. That hasn’t changed. You’re still the best man I’ve ever met and I’m still interested in what’s happening with us if you are.”

“Oh, I’m definitely still interested.”

“Even though I like Cass too?”

“Yeah, I’m not at that age when I’m going to get jealous about us seeing other people when we’re just starting to get to know each other. Can I ask a question?”

“Sure.”

“Is she good people?”

“Yeah, really nice. So not like the ex.”

“Then I’m okay. “

“Good.” I kiss him again. I like kissing him. And he shaved, and he’s been working. I honestly love the way he smells. A little sweaty, and with the scents of fresh cut sawdust and aftershave still clinging to him. It’s driving my girl brain into “very ahem”

.

“I stink Brandon I’m going to go and shower and get some sleep or try to.”

“I like the way you smell Sam.”

“Uhm thanks. Later okay?”

“We’ll save you some dinner, come over when you get up.”

I’m already jogging to my steps and wave to him. I’m feeling really good. I told him and he was good with it. The me and Cass thing and…He told me all sweaty and stuff he liked the way I smelled. It really made my morning. I love how adult he is about it and us and he’s still interested.

I lock up and go and shower. In the shower I bring my rarely used “Friend” and some KY. I’m feeling very…needy and I just…I’m in the mood. I don’t get in this mood very often. Even alone I’m kind of self conscious about it. I put in a cd of my favorite romantic orchestra scores and get on my knees with two short yet fluffy towels under them. Lots of hot water and soapy suds to get me going. As my hands touch my body and play with my breasts I’m thinking of Cass and as I lower myself onto my “friend” with the suction cup base Brandon joins into my fantasy. I achieve satisfaction three times before the water’s getting cold and I feel like a boiled noodle. I barely get to my bed after I put things away.

I feel tingly with afterglow. My first orgasm was painful and delightful and explosive I never touched it and it came up on my out of nowhere. The second I had a hand in. The third is a different animal as I felt the same feeling but slower, more drawn out and it had this cascading wave that send pleasure through every pore of me.

It was the first sexual experience for me in fourteen months, ever since I got out of the psyche ward.

My Dreams are scattered. I have some sex dreams but those are brief and foggy. But I remember feeling so sore inside, in my breasts but so good and perfect I cried a bit. I thought my sex drive one way or another had dried up. Maybe it was stress as well as transitioning. With things going right I feel lighter in my chest and neck. My dreams finish with me. I think I was somewhere between four and six. I was with my mom. We were shopping. Buying girls clothes for me and for her. Me and daddy picking berries and me calling him daddy and he called me pumpkin. I remember making rice crispy squares with him for mommy. It was so strange…I don’t remember these things but now I sort of do?

I woke up crying not knowing why, then just lying there I suddenly missed my parents so much…So, no nightmares but I cried for an hour into my pillow.

I get up, still sore but pleasantly so. I feel lighter too. I think something’s starting to give and I’m starting to distress and there’s a lot of suppressed grief there. I write a long e-mail post to my therapist. I’m a lot better now and only have to see her once every month. I fill her in on all the details and the events as well as Brandon and the guys and Cass and getting some justice for once. Even about the self pleasuring and my dreams and stuff.

I shower and change going for the whole long brown plaid skirt and a camisole under a simple light denim blouse. I make a list of stuff I need in town, a few things I want, really want. Like those butt and leg shaping Reeboks that are out now. Food and other stuff I hadn’t gotten because I was scared or just too depressed to bother. The good news is I’ve got lots to spend I just never went out so I didn’t spend a lot of my paychecks.

I get into my rental Bug and pull into Brandon’s yard There’s a lot more guys around. I see a new roof going on. There’s four electricians and plumbers and a whole bunch of guys doing the stuff for the furnace and the fireplaces. I find Brandon and the guys redoing the outside of the house with vapor barrier stuff and a spray on insulation. Eli’s boys are inside putting in the inside pink stuff and plastic just ahead of the dry-wallers. It’s chaos and Brandon is working but also being literally the crew chief. I just watch him and my breasts ache with need. I love watching guys work, I love just how much of a turn on it is to see a real man like Brandon shine in his element.

He sees me and he makes his way over walking like a jungle cat, no that lion in work boots over the open floor joists. Bandanna on, dirty and sweaty and in faded jeans and a thin white clinging to his muscles t-shirt. Carpenter, biker hotness. His tool belt gives him a guys sway/strut the shows off his package.

He walks right up and gives me a light kiss and tells me I’m beautiful.

“So how do I smell?”

He smells me and I love that so much. I can smell him and feel like a bitch in heat he smells that good. It’s got to be hormonal. The smell of the guys in the desert never smelt this good.

“You smell like Pears shampoo, baby powder and like a beautiful woman.”

Right there I nearly cried with feeling so right.

“That just made my day Brandon.”

“You’re welcome, you want some dinner?”

“There’s some left?”

“Chuck made and set your’s aside just for you.”

We walk to the barn and I see one side partly done. Grey cultured stone up to the 4ft window line then This redwood very realistic siding, lovely thermal windows with a faux wood frame that looks like maple unstained but varnished. He’s putting on a rose grey shingles on the roof and I can see them fitting in a skylight and several solar panels. This is going to look amazing when it’s done.

The food is divine. Chuck made this orgasmic Mac and cheese with this Frenchman made cheese sauce and a middle layer of l’hambergere as he calls it just barely having hints of somekind of BBQ sauce in it and crispy friend crumbled pancetta over that…I eat too much of it.

I ask Brandon if him and the guys want anything in town I’m given a list of a few things and Brandon walks me to my car and kisses me as he opens my car door for me. He give me some hundreds to pay for the stuff. It’s mostly paints he’s ordered and He wants a lot of hot dogs and buns and corn on the cob to feed al the guys in working.

I’m humming and smiling as I drive into town. I’m still a bit nervous, I wasn’t really too well received when I moved back home and this is the a big moment for me. I even find a half-way decent parking space. I nervously check my hair and make up before grabbing my purse and head into the mall.

I saw this black escalade drive past me twice while I was parking and another time as I get to the curb. I see that Henry Wade guy who tried to have me evicted for squatting on my own land. He kept coming back with offer. I’m not selling. He gives me a smile that’s kind of creepy. I hurry into the mall.