Wearing a suit to my first meeting, or "I'm so nervous, I'm about to hurl" (this is a Working Girl blog)

Some probably know I resigned from my last job just before Christmas last year. And there were lots of reasons why. Truth was, it was an ill-timed decision, but I just couldn’t stand it there anymore. Too much work, not being given credit for most of it, no respect from your coworkers. All too cliché, I think.

But I was fortunate enough that I was able to start at my new job almost immediately after I resigned. Not at the same position, but about the same salary package less some perks (no car plan, so I’m back to making do with my little seven-year-old car). And the only people I had to tell about me and my gender status were the HR and the HMO people (and they’re actually subcontracted third-party providers, at that). I guess my new boss knows but she hasn’t brought it up, even during my interview, and I don’t feel she’s treating me any differently than others. I think she’s a pretty cool person, actually.

Looking back at my old situation, I guess I didn’t really set myself up for success. Most of my life, I’ve been an easy person to overlook. And I haven’t really made an effort to stand up for myself or to express my authority properly at my job. So I get into situations where some of my staff don’t come in for meetings I call or pay attention, or where my boss openly criticizes me for mistakes in front of others but expects me to not bring up his. After not getting a bonus package I was entitled (I was able to close a project under budget and deadline) for the nth time, I quit. But I am not that naíve to think that I was not partly to blame for how it was.

So in this new job, I’m trying to be more aware, and I have been trying to consciously prevent this. I’ve tried to be more forthright with my opinions, and be more confident in my behavior (and this is not easy for me), including in the outside aspects of things (like the way I dress).

Most IT companies and consulting shops were first in adopting the dress code that the dot-com era made fashionable, and I was not very different from most of my coworkers, preferring to be dressed down in the office. But my friend Nikki said that this works to my disadvantage as this doesn’t really help reinforce my position of authority. I think most born-girls would probably know this instinctively. But, for me, I needed some advice.

Seems everyday is a series of never-ending life lessons.

So, in my new job, I’ve tried to dress to express my authority. Can you believe I’ve actually bought some books on how to dress in the office? Also, I’ve started to wear suits to the office at least once a week. And in the three months I’ve been working at my new job, so far so good. (In fact many of the girls in my department have started wearing more dressy outfits. I’d like to think I had a hand in that.)

Last week, my company just got signed up to do a project (not a big one, but pretty substantial), and my group’s been selected to manage it. So I called my first staff meeting for 10AM today.

I’m going to be wearing my favorite charcoal suit to the meeting, with a plain white blouse, simple chain and fitted slacks, trying to look the part of the clean-cut cliché corporate lady-boss (no tie or anything like that, of course - too Diane Keaton-ish, I think). But I’m so nervous I feel faint, and feel like I’m about to hurl. Hope I don’t trip and fall in my heels. Hooo boy…

Never thought I’d have to worry about life problems like this. I guess, deep within myself, I thought that after transitioning, problems like these would solve themselves, or at least make them easier to manage.

‘Kay. Logging off and leaving for work now. I’m running super-late. Wish me luck.

http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/blog/bobbie-c
http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/14775/roberta-j-cabot