So, Here I Am
by Hilltopper

Chapter 3

As I was starting second grade, we were now living in a new house built by my grandfather. He was a building contractor for custom homes. Now, even though our house was technically ‘custom’, it was really just a square box. Since we are in the middle of the 1950’s, it was pretty average. It had a nice fenced back yard that I loved.

I was in the back yard a couple of days after school had started when I saw a girl walking up to our fence from the house behind us.

“Hey kid, come here.”

I walked over to the fence.

“What’s your name?”

“Johnny”

“Well, Johnny, walk around to the front yard and we will play something.”

It turned out that she was 2 years older than me which put her in the 4th grade. We played together several times over the next two week. One day, she came into my yard and said, “I know neat game we can play.”

“What’s that?” I said.

“I will chase you around the neighborhood and, if I catch you, I get to tie you to a pole and dress you as a girl.”

Well, I certainly liked the dressing up idea but I was a little scared of her.

“OK, I guess.”

“Great! You go across the street and when I come around the house, start running.”

So, off we went. It turned out that I was faster than her and, after 30 minutes or so, she had not been able to catch me.

“Hold up. Let’s take a break.”

I stopped and walked up to her.

“Listen, this game will be no fun if I can not catch you once in a while. So, when we start back, trip over something.”

Therefore, when we continued the game, I let her catch me after a few minutes. She led me over to a clothes line pole and tied my hands behind the pole.

“I will be back in a few minutes. Just be a good girl.”

She headed toward her house. A few minutes later, she came back carrying a sack. She pulled out a red skirt.

“Lift your legs, dear.”

She pulled the skirt up onto me. Since I was wearing shorts, it looked for real. She tied a cape around my shoulders and put a flower behind my ear.

“Well, Joan, you look real pretty.”

She teased me a little and then walked off without saying where she was going. After a while, I started to panic. What if she was going to leave me like this? What if some one sees me? After what seemed like forever, she came back, untied me, and said that she had to go home. I was relieved but excited. We played this game several times over the next month. Then, I guess she got tired of me and the game because we never played together any more after that.

It is about this time that I starting having a very intense dream. I dreamed that I had been given a switch. If I threw the switch, I would be a girl. If I pushed it the other way, I would go back to being a boy. I had this dream many times. When awake, I wished that it would come true. Sometimes, there was a meter looking thing. If I came near it, I started changing into a girl. These dreams went on for a long time. I do not remember when they stopped.

During my second and third grades, there were several crazes based on TV show characters. They were Hopalong Cassidy, Gene Autry, and Superman. I played cowboys with the neighborhood gang quite a bit, but my favorite character was Superman. I reasoned that, if I could grow up to be Superman, my dad would be very proud of me. I knew that my girlishness was not something that he was glad about. So, I tried my best to be Superboy. I even flew off the top of our tool shed one day. That did not turn out too well. I was playing superman with my friend Mike one day when he suddenly turned to me.

“You know, Superman has a red cape. Where’s yours?”

I thought a moment.

“Wait here. I will be right back.”

I ran into the house and into my sister’s room. She was three years old at this time and had a pink baby blanket that I thought would work. I grabbed the blanket and a safety pin. Back outside, I pinned the blanket around my neck.

“There! What do you think?”

Mike looked at me a minute. “You know, I think you look more like Supergirl.”

Well, I had never heard of a Supergirl but I liked the idea. So, from then on, I was Supergirl. I still think of myself as Supergirl to this day.

I always walked to school. My dad left early for work when he was even home and my mother did not drive. In those days, if you lived in town, there was no such thing as a school bus. One morning after it had rained all night, I was walking to school on my favorite route when, as I rounded the corner of a house, I found myself waist deep in water. The whole yard was flooded. By the time I could get out, I was soaked and muddy. I knew that, if I went back home, I would be in big trouble. On the clothesline next door, I saw a pair of girl’s shorts and a top. Do I or Don’t I? Well, I could not resist. I hurriedly donned the clothes and finished walking to school. No one said a thing to me about the clothes. It was one of my best days at school.

In the summer between second and third grade, I spent a lot of time with grandmother. There was a large city park just a half a block behind her house. One day, I was playing in the park when Betsy came over with a girl that I did not know.

“Hi, Johnny. This is Mary.”

I shyly said hi and we played together the rest of the afternoon. Mary had pigtails and I think that I pulled them quite often. I did not see her after that day. I only mention this because, 20 years later in a different town, I met her again and married her. Small world, huh.

Third grade was uneventful. I was a pretty good student and had a few friends; mostly younger than me. I don’t remember any particular dressing incidents. I was just being a ‘normal’ kid. Normal, that is, for a girly boy. I just did not have much interest in boy activities.

During the second month of 4th grade, I came home to a very mad mother. She would not tell me what was wrong. When my dad came home, he turned to me and said the dreaded words.

“Son, we are moving to another state.”