I will be the first to admit that I have a lot of pent up anger and hate. I have had a lifetime of resentment. Most people don't know the things that have happened to me, and I'm sure most, if not all, of you don't really care. Anger and hatred are quite valuable tools. They insulate you from a harsh and brutal world that seeks nothing more that to destroy you. It gives you the strength and resolve to soldier on through the quagmire that is everyday life.
I've been following some post on Bruce Jenner for quite some time, just watching and waiting and rarely adding anything to the conversation. I notice a lot of anger and hatred towards him (using the pronoun he referred to himself as) and I don't understand it. I thought the interview was quite good from the clips I've seen and am surprised no one has brought it up on the site. He was candid and honest and thought did a nice job explaining his journey. So why are there so many people out there that are looking to tear him down? I would really like it explained.
A few months ago I began a quest. A quest to make transgender fiction less marginalized and give it the respect that it deserves. A quest to show that transgender fiction is not only about erotica and men being turned into sex starved bimbos that live only as caricatures of what a woman is. The goal was to make Amazon recognized that there were far more genres that transgender literature fit into outside of erotica and biographies.
Before an administrator gets upset that I'm posting on the same subject too often, this will be the last post about my foot for a while.
1. Dr. Martinez has been awesome. He has really kept on top of things and made sure I got the test that were needed and wouldn't take no for an answer. If others were so proactive, things wouldn't have gone so far.
2. I do not have an infection. Perhaps at one point I did, but I don't now. So that is a relief. After getting a bone scan a few weeks ago and getting a CT scan and x-rays today, everything came up negative.
Yesterday I drove all the way down to Sarasota to get an MRI (It's more than an hour drive one way) only to be told that I was too fat. That really does give one a blow to their ego. Excuse me ma'am, but the machine can only take one person at a time and each of your ass cheeks constitutes a person. Notwithstanding that I told these people my weight beforehand and that the nurse at the specialist did to (I was standing right there when she called), there was a "miscommunication" and I wasted 3 hours of my life.
Several months ago, I think in the beginning of August, I stepped on an old nail. It didn't hurt, I didn't even notice it, but boy did it bleed for a little. It was one of those things that happen. We took down the walls to the second bedroom so we could have a massive living room and one of the nails must've still been about. These things happen, especially to me.
I am pleased to announce my first satirical attempt.
Introducing, for your reading pleasure:
Flushgate:
UNCOVERING THE TRANSGENDER AGENDA TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD ONE BATHROOM AT A TIME
by Katie Leone
This clever little essay turns the bathroom issue on its head in a delightfully funny way and even includes a few erotic scenarios for your added pleasure.
Finally, I see a crack of dawn, the early light that promises a new day is coming. The last three years have been agony on me as I lived daily in fear that my life was going to be ended.
I was trying to be funny with the title, I'm not that narcissistic (or am I). Anyway, I created a couple of memes, if you like them, please post them on your facebook wall or whereever you would like. There are three.
I just want to vent and whine and cry a little if that's okay with others. I've seen others do it, so I figured maybe it will be therapeutic and I will feel better afterwards. If not, I can try to kill myself with Rocky Road Ice Cream and see if I can fall into an ice cream induced coma (one step past brain freeze).
I am an interest mix of paradoxes. I don't think people realize that and sometimes it is difficult to form a kind of cohesion to make everything fit. Sometimes it leads to doubt, sometimes it leads to self-hatred, and a few times it has led to self harm.
I think I figured out what the outcome of the great bathroom debate will be (to be referred to as Flushgate from here on out).
In the future there will be a wall of doors leading to bathroom stalls. Signs for 'Men' and 'Women' will be replaced with Cis Men, Cis Women, Transmen, Transwomen, Agender, Polygender, Androgynous, gay man, gay women, bi men, bi women, furry - canine male, furry - canine female, furry feline male.... etc.
I was in line this morning. I guess it is important to note that sometimes I go out pretty androgynous when I simply want to get a cup of coffee and a little something for breakfast. I'll get ma'am, I'll get sir, it doesn't really matter to me at that point in the morning as long as I get served.
Anyway, I was in line this morning talking to an acquaintance while the line moved particularly slow. While waiting another acquaintance of ours came through the door and went towards the back for the energy drinks.
"I remember when it was a she," this guy says to me.
I will admit that early on in life I didn't identify as a girl. I know there are those who claim to have known ever since they were two or three, that was not me. The cynical side of me (which as a born New Yorker I got a heaping double portion of) wonders if it even possible for a person to realize their is even a gender divide at that age, but I understand that I am trying to place things in my own frame of reference and can see how that can get in the way of being accurate.
Transgender Life News has just launched with its debut magazine. It's a monthly magazine and I have a small monthly feature in it dealing with being Christian and Transgender. This is not a christian magazine though, for those of you who are put off by such things. I promised I would spread the word and I hope some will take a look. The first few pages are free to try.
Bathroom issues are making the news. People want to ban transgender folks from using the potty of their chosen gender. I don't know where the transgender leadership is in these states, but let me give you the playbook on how to win this battle easily.
In my younger days I used to like playing on the cb radio in New York City. I had a little walkie talkie type unit that didn't get much range, but how much do you need in a condensed area.
At the end of the night I would always end with over and out and go on with life. I always wondered what was over and what was out. My guess is that my participation was over and my power was out.
Going around the internet today is a news article about a transgender teenager who killed themselves and then left a time released tumbler suicide note after the fact where they spoke about how hard it was being transgender and blaming their parents for a lack of support and not being supportive. The story is starting to go viral and people are promising that the teen will not be forgotten.
Does this sound familiar?
It probably sounds just like Leelah Alcorn, but it's not, its 15 year old Zander from Georgia.
Thursday, I rolled over in bed and on top of Felix's laptop. I then proceeded to move it further out of my way with my knee. Long story short, I cracked the screen. I felt bad. I felt horrible. And I should feel those things because, as everyone knows, I am a bad, horrible person.
I didn't know I cracked the screen until Felix came home and went to use his laptop. Only made matters worse. I guess I could have lied and said I had no clue, but I fessed up.
I dreamed that I was a robot who was piloting my real human body. I would watch what I was doing on the screen and run the controls. Then a female robot came in and was helping me pilot and I found out that the female robot was supposed to control my wife. The end of the dream we were talking to our daughter but through my male body. If I leaned the left side of my face towards my daughter, it was me. The other side was my wife. We were trying to see how insane we could make our kid.
Today should be a happy day, but it's not. Not really. It is my birthday and I turned 4 - oh no today. So it is time to put away the pretty little dresses and the rumba pants, time to put the petticoats in storage, and time to say good bye to the party dresses, the footed pajamas, and the one piece swimsuits with the little tutus. I will have to say good bye to my old friends Barbie, Ken, and Skipper. The Barbie corvette is up on blocks and the pink power wheels jeep is being sold on craigslist.
**********
If you want to be accepted; live an ordinary life, conform to the roles that society expects of you, color within the lines and appeal to the greatest majority of people that you can
But if you want to be extraordinary, be true to yourself; dare to be honest despite what is in vogue, quit worrying about what anybody else will say, and stop bitching about how hard your life is. In the immortal words of William Goldman 'Life is pain, anyone who says differently is selling something.
I want to thank the people here who support me and my work. I just received my 70th review on Unreachable and my 40th review on God Bless the Child on Amazon. Also, The Dress Punishment is well over 40k reads (who keeps reloading the page?) It is incredibly humbling to see people take time to read and comment on something I produced when I know there are so many other great authors out there.
In the course of life we all undergo changes; it is inevitable. I have lived under the presumption that I can never be truly happy without something completely horrible on the horizon for so long that it has become my mantra. I felt like life was trying to teach me a lesson that I didn't deserve good things and that I was unlovable. My destiny was to live and eventually die alone.
So with all the pain and agony and treatment and bone infections and fighting insurance to still not get any treatment, I was able to piece together a Christmas story. This story is unlike anything I have ever written or even seen on the sites before. A Christmas Conversation is on sale for $.99 cents or your countries equivalent.
Fear not, even though I have the story for sale on Amazon, I will post it on the site on Christmas. But, for those who can't wait or want to show financial support, by all means buy it now, buy it today, three or four copies even :)
Anyone interested in seeing a Christmas story from me this year, even if it is a bit on the short side.
I am writing a story that is kind of TG/TS except that there isn't any cross dressing or anything in it. It is more of a lines of someone coming to terms that a person is TG and accepting them for who they are. It has some religious tones and I don't think people care for that any more. Anyway, I'm at 2000 words and am hoping to have it done by Christmas Eve. I haven't written much because of the infection, so it probably sucks anyway.
I had a replacement picc line almost 2 weeks ago. Things have been going fine with it. That is, until today. The first time the picc line get ripped out because it got caught on the car seat and I was smart enough to get it moved to the other side. Today, however, this wasn't remotely my fault.
Though my body and spirit might say otherwise, vital signs have confirmed that I haven't died. I feel worse than a corpse, but the coroner assures me that he is unable to sign a death certificate while arguing with the dearly not departed about it.
If I haven't been melodramatic enough, I feel like poo. Not just regular poo, but poo that had been stepped on by a 500lb man wearing cowboy boots that is trying to scrape it off on a curb.
On facebook I belong to a group that revolves around playing the game Real Racing 3 (awesome game by the way) and I am quite active in it. I was talking to one of the people who play the game and we got to talking about my books and that led me to revealing that I am transgender.
Their response:
You want to be a guy, I don't see it.
Priceless. With all the dark and dreary, I needed that.
Checks can be made out & sent to:
Joyce Melton
1001 Third St.
Space 80
Calimesa, CA 92320
USA
Note: $6000 is the operating, maintenance and upgrade budget. Amounts received in excess of the $6000 will be applied to long term debt accrued over the last 19 years.
