I will be the first to admit that I have a lot of pent up anger and hate. I have had a lifetime of resentment. Most people don't know the things that have happened to me, and I'm sure most, if not all, of you don't really care. Anger and hatred are quite valuable tools. They insulate you from a harsh and brutal world that seeks nothing more that to destroy you. It gives you the strength and resolve to soldier on through the quagmire that is everyday life. It helps you look at those who want to crush your jugular under their heel and tell them to fuck of as you fight for your very next breath.
Yes, anger and hatred is useful.
But it is also a cancer. While it may insulate you, it also isolates you. It makes people who may want to give you a hand to turn away and head for gentler shores. It makes you suspicious of every good deed and turns the world even colder. I have seen how people harboring hate appear and decided that I don't want people viewing me that way.
What does that mean?
It means I have to be vulnerable, and that is not easy for someone who has been betrayed by people who were supposed to protect me. But I am tired of these prison walls I have built around me and am attempting to change. If I have hurt you in the past, I apologize and hope we can get beyond that. I'm hoping one day that the clouds can part and I can see a ray of sunlight.
Things will be better. I have no doubt. So in the end I will sing "The sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar...." quit covering your ears, I'm not THAT off key. :)
Comments
anger & hate
Anger is a natural reaction and is often justified and occasionally useful. But hate is a prolonged directed anger, that is corrosive to the hater and all that have to interact with him/her. As a Christian you should have the tools to love, but not to hate. Let it go and we will all be better for it.
A Full Colour World with Surround Sound
Fear and Hatred appear to be two sides of the same coin and what sort of life would it be to be governed entirely by such shallow emotions - black and white with shades of grey?
Add love, and the acceptance that time changes everything, and you will be living in A Full Colour World with Surround Sound and not with cartoon characters in looneytunes land.
Rhona McCloud
Hate needs to be managed
like you said, it is a tool. Just like all tools, it is only useful for what is intended. It is too easy to get into that 'when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail syndrome'.
I've been hated on for my race, my looks, my gender for different reasons. Some out of jealousy, others out of racism.
I found life is too short to always have to worry it all.
There are a few really
There are a few really hateful people who are best avoided and ignored. But the vast majority are really nice people underneath. Smile at them and they smile back.
Spend your life smiling and the world becomes a brighter place.
When you feel hate developing, think about something else, in the same way you'd switch to another channel on TV.
Being nice can feel unnatural at first, but the more you do it the easier and the more enjoyable it gets.
Good wishes
Charlotte
I don't think
I've ever disliked anyone enough to hate them. To me hate is an extreme emotion. There are people I dislike very much - such as my daughter in law, who wouldn't even allow me to go to my son's funeral nor will allow me to see my only grandchild. I try to see her prejudice as some form of personality disorder or sickness, she acts like a spoilt brat much of the time. I've even tried thinking of her and sending her love, but I still find her irksome. I've tried not thinking of her, but as soon as I remember my son, she shades the memory like a nasty black cloud. I'm sure if she thought she was making me unhappy, she'd be delighted. One day she'll get her comeuppance, although in her narcissistic world, nothing could ever be her fault, especially the death of my son.
I don't believe in gods or a benevolent universe. We're here as some form of cosmic accident and an amorous moment of our parents. Some have far harsher lives than I have had, 4000 in Nepal to begin with, so despite the total futility of life, I believe we should try to tolerate and help others as we can and avoid being unhelpful if we can't in the hope others will do the same to us. We're all on this doomed planet together, so perhaps we can help each other deal with the futility by being nice to each other.
Angharad
Hate and happiness are incompatible
Your singing sounds fine to me, Katie.
IMHO, it is not possible to be genuinely happy while hate is primary. Many people are on journeys to vanquish the hate and unhappiness in their own lives by doing things like practicing happiness, practicing compassion, practicing gratitude, practicing forgiveness, and studying and meditating on happiness. Some of the things are just easy and common sense. If a thing or activity makes you happy, that's what your surroundings should be occupied with and your time occupied in doing. Love music? Listen to it when you can, maybe instead of listening to news from channels that spend their time telling us who and what to blame and be angry at or fear all the time. Maybe replace a tense thriller you watch on TV with a light comedy. I try to find a reason to laugh at myself when I screw up. I make a game of it by trying to catch myself before frustration or anger or guilt or whatever has a chance to kick in, and find that reason to laugh instead. Hey, we all screw up, we're humans. Watch out for that word, "should" because it usually means a set of expectations with a whole lot of emotional baggage that isn't fair.
I really miss Craig Ferguson on The Late Late Show. As the wonderful Desmond Tutu told Craig when he was a guest on the show, "you are exactly what is needed right now" (IIRC). That show helped me laugh I don't know how many times a day, and laughter really is wonderful medicine.
The hardest thing for me is forgiveness. It is easy in a straightforward situation, unless it involves forgiving myself for errors (big or small) or it involves forgiving someone who has done something truly heinous - war crimes, violence, and etc. I do believe there is right and wrong in the universe and that some wrongs are too big to forgive. But I have made a lot of progress on forgiving the mundane wrongs, errors, and transgressions of life. If someone is a jerk in traffic or rude on the phone, oh well. Do I really need to care that much about it? Forget it. Bigger things are more a case of forgetting them by putting them out of my thoughts (I'm getting better with practice) but not necessarily by actually forgiving the person. Unless putting it out of one's thoughts is the same as forgiving? Probably not.
Every year there are studies that find people who meditate every day seem to be genuinely happier than the rest of us. Most do it as part of their religion, but it doesn't have to be religious per se. Besides my own meditating, every day, as often as practical, I try to simply spend time recalling some event or moment that was very happy and visualize and relive it. I take a minute or so to imagine doing something I truly love: usually some kind of outdoor exercise when I'm stuck indoors. Whenever there's a chance to look at a beautiful sunrise or sunset, I take that five minutes.
It's like the old joke. How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but first the light bulb has to really want to change.
I'm very happy about you turning away from 'the dark side' and toward 'the light', Katie.
Annie
Well-Stated
Hate is the total lack of compassion. Hate is loathing someone to the degree that you no longer have any regard for them. When we hate we voluntarily walk away from an opportunity to be happier by being compassionate.
Don't allow yourself to lose your anger. We should be angry when we see injustice.
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Four Times Murder
Murder is a crime against humans and against God. Four times I have been a survivor of someone who was close to me who was murdered. Two were because of racial prejudice in the US and two were transsexuals. Was I angry when these murders occurred? Damn right I was. But eventually I was able to mentally walk away. I cannot hate. Hate destroys the hater inside as well as possibly the victim of that hate, a vicious cycle. The real question is: how to stop the hate and eventually the violence?
Note: of the four situations one a group of men are serving time in federal prison, one was never found, one was tried and found not guilty because of doubt and one is on death row.
shalimar