Laura is surprised, better yet speechless. Sidney Towers is close by and responded to Tiffany’s statement. “Debra’s not the only one taken with the new you. Lucas is a good friend, but Laura’s the one to who more of us are drawn. I don’t see myself as a lesbian, but there’s something attractive about being her special friend. You’re the best of both worlds.”

Laura gives a quizzical look. Sidney explains, “Gender-wise, it isn’t about sex though it could be.” Laura now blushes profusely.

“I would have known if that was the case with Debra,” said Laura.

Tiffany responded, “You were too close to see it; I think it was the same for Debra. How was she going to tell you? She felt the two of you have so much to lose, but she says it’s no longer just best friends forever.”

Laura was having feelings and emotions that were unusual to her. “Woe, this can’t be happening to me.” She looks up to Tiffany, “Do I dare call her as to talk? Does she know you’re going to tell me?”

Tiff says, “It is neither a phone nor message thing. I think when you’re ready you need to talk with her face to face. Take one of your walks or just sit down and talk as you two do.”

I didn’t dare look for Debra at school, and though I had an exam; I can’t remember anything about it or the rest of the day at school.

Mom asked me how things were at school. She even stressed that something happened, when I denied it.

I waited for Rachel in her room after dinner. Rachel was kind of expecting me, though she had no idea what was bothering me. I said, “Tiffany told me that Debra told her that she stayed away because she’s attracted to me as Laura.”

Rachel smiled, “Oh my, did you have any inkling?” She sat down, “I guess it kind of makes sense. How do you feel about it?” Rachel moves to hug me, and I hold the hug.

I said, “This is when I’m glad I have a big sister.”

She squeezes me, and then says, “But this big sister doesn’t know what to say.”

“I’m feeling emotions, and affection like Lucas, yet different. I don’t have words for it either.”

Rachel lit a candle and uses her phone to play music and we cuddled on the floor in silence.

It was more than a half hour before I said, “I need to talk to Deb, but what do I say?”

“Why don’t you just leave a note to see her at the Washington Park trail after school?”

As we entered for our third class, Debra walked next to me and squeezed my hand. She was smiling, and it never felt so good just to see her smile. After class Debra’s smile was contagious. I think we were both relieved that we would be talking. “I hope to see you at lunch,” she told me.

We ate lunch together but it was all small talk, girl things. Debra did agree to meet me at the park; I found a note at my locker. “Meet me at my car and we can ride together.” Signed Debra.

“I am glad that it was Laura who came to school today.”

I said, “I heard that my coming out as Laura is important to you?”

Debra said, “I hope you’re not offended that I find myself more attracted to you as Laura. It is just that this is the side of you that I’ve waited for so long. I see both your Mom and sister in you as well as your Aunt Trudy on your father’s side.”

My Aunt Trudy is my father’s younger sister, but the relationship between her and my dad is strained. Aunt Trudy’s love is her wife Aunt Sandra.

Debra says, “I’ve known for a while that Laura is part of whom you are. It is just nice to be able to be open about it. I think I’ll like talking with you like another girl. I never said anything, because I thought you might be upset that I like you as a girl.”

I said, “I’m comfortable with it; it was just that Tiffany said you had a crush on me, more like loving me.”

Debra said, “I do love you; as Laura, I have both Lucas and Laura. I know we said we want to be best friends, but I guess I felt a need to risk that and let you know I do love you.”

A hot flush came over me like a wave washing. Our relationship is best when we are open with one another, but this was more than I ever expected. More emotion was in my voice, it was a part of me as Laura that had never surfaced before. It was like I was finding my voice as Laura.

Debra and I were hugging; we were being two girls. The joy was overflowing. She said, “There are simple things that I am eager to do, like go shopping and just trying on clothes together or shopping for makeup and finding out what are your colors.”

I asked, “How are your parents going to react to my being Laura or you being in love with me?”

Debra smiled, “I already messaged my Mom and she’s happy that I’m my happy self again. My relationship with you is not the same as with women in general. It is you that I’m attracted to.”

It is Friday, the last day of school, and things have changed with Debra and I being back together, not only as best friends but as girlfriends.

My mom wants to take me and Rachel away for a month, but it is complicated as I don’t want to be away from Debra that long. Debra is fine with my getting away and getting used to being Laura 24/7.

Our initial agreement is we will be away for 7-10 days, then back for a week, and away another two weeks. Since Mom worked at home during the height of Covid outbreaks, she has permission to work away from the job. While we’re away she’d work half days some of the time.

Debra and I enjoyed a week getting together after school let out for the summer and before I was going away. It is a priority for both of us to enjoy our girl time together. Unfortunately, the last week of school included Debra’s monthly visitor, and she wanted part of this week and had me listen to her talk about what it was like. She has also put me on a twenty-eight-day calendar, where I will wear a pad and be sensitive to her. Fortunately, her mensuration time is usually mild, but it had not been when she took her last final test.

Debra thinks she is wanting to be a doctor, so her grades and working under pressure are important to her. She is often harder on herself than I feel is needed. She says I don’t understand.

Our last two days together before I left with my mother and sister for our time away; we spent with me living as Laura. The ocean water was still cool, too cold, and it was my first time with Debra and two other girls as Laura. Part of what Debra was wanting, was for me to experience what felt like being an object. She admitted it was true that a girl sometimes wanted others to see them with affectionate eyes. But she said, girls don’t like their space intruded into and that there were differences.

When we got to the beach and Trudy took off her outer clothes down to her swimsuit was the first to turn some eyes to look at her. Holly and Debra were next, but it was Holly who had to work her way out of tight designer jeans. When I began to take off a strap of my burgundy bib-shorts; there was a suggestion from a guy nearby that I put on a show.

Acting not to give him any attention, I continued to let the shorts just drop to my feet and step out of them. When I crossed my arms and grabbed the bottom of my blouse to pull it off over my head. He spoke up again, which distracted and upset me. And I growled while my blouse was still covering my head. Jim-Bob, for no better of name, called for me to calm down pussycat. “I didn’t do you any harm.”

He said, “I didn’t mean anything bad. I just wanted you to know a red-blooded American boy finds you attractive to look at.”

Debra stepped over to me, and whispered, “It doesn’t feel good to be objectified does it?”

I asked, “What should I do about it?”

Holly said, “Let’s pick up our things and move away a little.” Which is what we did,

Deb said, “There are times we choose to make an issue about it, but most of the time we just ignore the person and hope things change.

I said, “But I’ve seen times when the girls and the guys got to talking and even mingled with each other.”

Trudy said, “People don’t always see it the same way. Sometimes even I might have been hoping to get a wanted reaction from someone.”

It soon became obvious to those around us that we were a group unto ourselves. It was the first time that Deb gave me a hair band and suggested I twist my hair up and use the band and a bobby pin to hold it in place. “You’re not used to brushing out your hair or what to do to keep it from getting tangled.”

I had been swimming before and did have problems. I asked, “Did Rachel or someone else say something?” It became a point of conversation about things they learned about me, or just expected I had not thought something through.

One of the things was how girls often chose to do things together, i.e. turning when lying in the sun, talking about hair, and cosmetics, or listening to one another. The four of us decided to go into the water together, but at the last moment, Trudy and I ran and dove into the water. While Debra and Holly chose to walk in more slowly and take the time in adjusting to the cold water. Trudy said, “Laura, I’m with you; I want to get in and quickly get adjusted to it.”

Though only two-thirds of the shops were open up on the boardwalk, shopping held our interest. It was fun for me to see what the others thought looked good.

Holly admitted to me that she originally thought it was strange that I liked to dress as a girl, even stranger when I decided I wanted to be a girl at times. Holly said, because of you, our school probably has more guys who have worn makeup and or dressed as a girl at least once.”

I asked Holly and Trudy if they had done something like that with a date or boyfriend. Trudy paused and then said, “Well, I don’t think I’d tell you if I did, but Travis is bigger and too manly anyway.”

Debra said, “There are some entertainers, sports people, and singers that look manly but also look good with long hair, maybe jewelry, or even a silk shirt or blouse.” Deb said, “Besides, I find Lucas attractive as a guy.”

The night before we were to go away for the first week; I asked my mother if I could get an injection of the testosterone blocker.

Mom said, “Well your blood was tested the last time we were to the doctor. I could call when the doctor’s office opens up and find out what the doctor thinks.”

It would cause us to delay going away by a day, but the doctor was able to see us as Her last appointment of the day. Dr. Shannon Isley greeted us warmly. “Your blood work has an interesting discovery for us. Your testosterone is low enough to indicate why you haven’t been noticing traditional changes as a male. But it is high enough to interfere with your body feminizing either.”

She let what she said to sink in, before saying, “If I give you a testosterone blocker today, it wouldn’t mean a lasting change in itself. But it might give you a better perception of your experience as a young woman.” She paused again, “If I do so, I will want to see you within thirty days for us to talk further.”

I said, “I want the injection, but I’m not ready to say I want to be just Laura, and not include Lucas…”

To be continued…