Previously: Mrs. Newcomb said, “Rosemarie Towers and Ms. Myers are members of the professional women’s group. Ms. Myers believes you are transgender, though she told me that was for you to acknowledge if you were going to… I’m sorry, this must be overwhelming…, but I say, “No, it was I who wasn’t listening to my mother when she talked about this. I guess one might say I’m transgender. I know I can trust Rosemarie, I mean Mrs. Towers.” …She smiled, “Actually, all the way through last night and today, you have given me a sense of peace about it. It’s just now, I don’t want to be asking too much of you…”

The Newcombs left for their church in just enough time to be there for 9:00 Mass.

Mrs. Towers had called to say that she and Ms. Jenn Myers were coming together and would be there by 8:30 if it weren’t a problem. The only trouble was Laura was getting more anxious by the minute. She asked Mrs. Newcomb, “Do you think I look okay in this skirt and cream sweater blouse?”

“You look very nice, the hem and waistband of your skirt are accented by your nails and lipstick,” said Mrs. Newcomb.

Tiffany giggled, “She did well in being conservative with her lipstick. I do thank you for all that you’re doing for me.”

The doorbell rang, catching us by surprise as they did not hear anyone drive up. Michele Newcomb answered the door and welcomed in Mrs. Towers and Ms. Myers. It was comforting in a way when Rosemarie Towers raise her arms to greet Laura with a hug, “Oh my, Laura, look at you. I have been looking forward to a time like this, but this was unexpected.”

Rosemarie continued, “I hope you don’t mind, but I told Jenn Myers about this side of you. I knew it was an unusual request, but you wanting to be there for Tiffany is normal to my way of thinking.”

Ms. Myers introduced herself to everyone, stating that she was a counseling therapist and a member of the Professional Women of Polk County.

The Newcombs left and I was to host the morning offering Mrs. Newcomb’s homemade cinnamon rolls and tea or water. I took a roll, but only sipped on the tea as we met. We were well into the visit before Ms. Myers commented, “You mentioned that you have modeled outfits for your mother, that you have even been a girl for Halloween, and even dressed as a girl, but I’ve not heard you ever comment whether you see yourself as transgender or not?”

I said, “Michele Newcomb asked something similar earlier this week. I guess I never felt a reason before to acknowledge that I am. I usually see myself as Lucas just dressing up as Laura. I guess for you and the special daughter/mother weekend it is important that I do.”

“I know it’s not your concern, but as my mother told me, I’ll probably more than many of the others learn about being a young woman in today’s world. I am very comfortable just being Laura part-time.”

I was embarrassed when they asked about puberty and whether I’d noticed changes. I hadn’t thought about it much other than when others notice I haven’t changed yet. I have one cousin who’s eighteen and he’s already tired of others telling him to shave. People make fun of him for having irregular facial hair. He said, his older brother is hassled by a girlfriend when his whiskers rub her the wrong way. I said, “I don’t look forward to problems like that or my voice changing.”

I was told about some of the sessions appropriate to Tiffany’s and girls our ages. The other transgender girls and I will hear discussions about birth control and having sexual relationships. Though I might receive a packet of birth-control pills I am warned against taking them as they would interfere with puberty. Experiences such as ear piercings, buying a bra, or a new set of clothes is to be part of talking about image and what might or might not be appropriate.

Rosemarie asked me, “Would you have any problem in approaching Ms. Myers if you have any trouble during the weekend?” My response was no. It was mentioned that the group would be told there would be transgender girls as part of the weekend. It would be known that the transgender girls would not be using common showers with other girls. Out of the thirty-tw0 girls and young women attending they expect at least fourteen of us would not use public shower facilities.

I asked, “You’re saying there will be two transgender girls attending the weekend, does that mean you are approving or expect my approval to attend?”

Jenn said, “We were to have asked for a moment to meet together if we had a problem with you attending. Besides suggesting that you get counseling, I am glad you accept yourself to be transgender. I do hope you’ll be open to all that may mean for you in the years ahead.”

“Thank you, both of you,” I said. “Ms. Myers, I don’t know what kind of insurance my folks have, but do you counsel teens like me?”

I hadn’t thought of it, but Ms. Myers said, “Most student insurance programs of schools cover counselling visits. I am sure that is true for your school.”

We were casually visiting with one another when the Newcombs came back from church. Rosemarie said, “We wanted to stay long enough to tell you personally that Laura is approved to participate in the weekend. The group will look forward to the three of you attending.”

Michele joked about being left out again, and Jenn Myers pick up on her hurt feelings. Jenn responded, “If you would ever like to visit about what it feels like in your shoes? You are welcome to set up an appointment with me. You present this card and it will be my gift to you as long as helpful.”

Things relaxed and our guests were there another half hour.

Another half-hour passed and we were getting ready for Sunday dinner when the doorbell rang and Michele welcomed in my sister Rachel. Rachel started to say hello to me, “Hello Scout…” but stopped, and started again, “Scout doesn’t seem appropriate anymore. Congratulations, Laura, you don’t seem to be in costume, but more like a regular girl.”

She asked, and I said yes that the skirt outfit is mine. She asked about my makeup and hair. I took credit for a good part of my makeup and that I can take care of my hair once it is finished. She had a light laugh and encouraged me to relax.

We ate dinner there and later Rachel and I took a long way home. Rachel needed to head back to her university, but she took time to establish our relationship as sisters. “There’s questions and things you might want to talk to me about as sisters that have never been part of our relationship before. You are welcome to call me and talk. There is even a sister’s weekend coming up at college that you’re invited to attend as Laura.”

Once we get home Rachel came with me to my room and pointed to my calendar and asked me to ‘X’ out the next three days on my calendar. She had me count out four weeks and then mark three Xs. Start thinking like other girls and know every so often a girl has her monthly visitor.

She went to her room and started to change when she realized I followed her into the room. She said, “The least you could do was to shut the door as I tried to do. You should have knocked and asked permission. You are not regularly welcomed in here when I’m changing. Go ahead and sit down and we’ll visit as sisters. If you can’t do that go and leave now.” I had already sat down, and while I was a little embarrassed I stayed.

After my sister left for the university, I began to change from Laura to Lucas. My mother helped me with removing my makeup and moisturizing my face. I was back dressed as Lucas; I visited with both of my parents telling them about my weekend.

My father seemed a little surprised that I acknowledged I was transgender. He and Mom both thought my counseling with Ms. Myers was a good idea. My father didn’t want any possibility of my counseling to be on my school records; he said my counseling would come under our insurance.

I am back to being my regular self at school, but there is a change as Tiffany and Melanie become friends. I am making new friends mostly girls. Thursday, I am approached from behind by Melanie who asks, “Laura would you like to go out tonight with Tiffany and me, wearing the outfit you bought when you were shopping?”

I spoke with Lucas’ voice, but asked, “Can I trust you not to tell others?” With that, I turned around.

Melanie said, “If you’re the one helping Tiffany to have her weekend, yes.”

“I told you before that there are things about others that I don’t talk about,” I said. Melanie took a step closer and hugged me. Nothing more was said, but we both had an understanding.

She did ask, “Will I get to see, who was it, Laura? You make a good-looking girl, someone I’d also like as a friend.”

Melanie reached out to me, Tiffany was now there and she began to cry thinking her weekend was ruined. “I am not trying to ruin whatever you’re doing. I just want to be in on it.”

It was agreed by the three of us that we will go to Tiffany’s after school with Melanie giving Tiff and me a ride to her house. Tiffany acknowledged that she had one of Laura’s outfits. Tiffany talked to Melanie about the extended weekend she would have with her mother coming up. They talked as I made my change over.

Melanie was pleased as she saw again the girl, she had seen shopping with Tiffany. Melanie soon asked, “If I pay for the movie tickets would you two prefer going tomorrow night or Saturday night?”

I said, “If I can get permission, either night would work for me.”

Tiffany said, “Either night could work, but my mother will prefer that I give her a little notice, so Saturday is preferable.”

Thursday night after supper, I got a call from Tiffany. “My mother was wondering if the three of us went to the movies Saturday, whether we’d want to spend the day together,” I asked my parents and somehow it made sense to everyone.

Friday, I found out that I had an appointment with Laura/Lucas to meet with Ms. Myers as my therapist this coming Tuesday.

Movie night out was nothing special except I was in the middle of girl talk.

My Tuesday appointment with Ms. Jennifer Myers, MSW, LISW, was more a formality and for her to be assured I was doing well leading into the weekend.

I was being allowed to miss school on Thursday, so that beginning Wednesday after school I could change and be used to being Laura. It was decided that I would use Strong as my last name, not Storm, for the weekend. I kind of liked that. I got to keep my initials and it allowed me to have my own identity.

Mrs. Newcomb came to give me a ride to her house Thursday at 1:00 p.m. She gave me a girl’s jacket as the forecast was for cool spring weather. When I said, “She shouldn’t have.”

She told me, “It’s from Rosemarie, she was afraid you or your mother would be embarrassed that a neighbor gave it to you.”

“I think, she heard that my father thought this was costing him too much money?” I said, “I hope he was just blowing off some frustration. It seems like this is a secret, but he knows more people are knowing about me. I didn’t plan on who I am. This just allows me to be this other part of me.”

Mrs. Newcomb gives me a hug, “My name is Barbara, please know I’m thankful and that I’m here for you.” The place for the weekend is like a major campground with many apartments. We have one of the few suites available to the program.

We wore slacks there but change into casual skirt outfits. My area is a sleeping area with a wall open to the common area. I was pulling up my skirt as my last piece of clothing as Tiffany entered the common area. She apologized, but remarked, “I’m sorry, but not fully, you could be my sister.”

The dinner was served smorgasbord style and we sat at round tables and got to meet others one small group at a time. After dinner, we moved to be with a different group for dessert, and then a third group this time in a circle.

Friday all ate breakfast together; Tiffany and her mother had the opening session together. I took part when young college women talked to us, young teens. Hanni Schaaf and Mari met with us; Bethany and nursing student Makenzie met with the older teens 16-18; Jenn and nurse Carson met with the pre-teens. I was surprised that most girls had identity issues and that these girls including me did not feel like we had any place to turn. We felt pressure on ourselves concerning boys and others to like us. Fortunately, we would meet again twice tomorrow.

In the next group, we met with others and our group to discover our colors and likable things about each of us. I was stated to be ‘warm and observant, with expressive eyes. Tiffany was surprised that others thought she was attractive, self-assured, with great sensitivity. Though I knew she didn’t think she was attractive or self-assured; I agree those first coming to know her could get those impressions. I don’t know if her sensitivity was already there or came from all that she had been through with her mother.

I got to meet with Tiffany and her mother at lunch after they already had time together. Someone had met with her mother; she felt responsible for Tiff’s stress and low-esteem. With my identity issues, I was able to sympathize with both. Talking through things and having those close knowing our concerns was helpful.

We didn’t see clocks but were sure lunchtime was later. An hour’s rest seemed like more. I was among the girls as we discussed sex, friendship, and romance. We each received a disc of pills. I was confronted with my assumption that the pill meant safe sex. I was not alone in that assumption.

Relationships and friendship were stressed more than trying to find romance or pressure to please someone. Half the group was withdrawn into themselves and another quarter of us had tainted self-images. The group that saw themselves as comfortable with themselves wasn’t who I would have expected. Seemingly outward appearance wasn’t as important as most perceived it to be. Like me, many felt they had secrets that would expose them to judgment.

Brianna, another girl in my group, raised concern that I wasn’t participating in everything. Did it raise the concern again if I truly saw myself as a girl? I chose to keep the weekend as it was slated to be, but I did get to talk with Jenn Myers and Hanni Schaaf during mother/daughter times. This was a big help to me in embracing my feminine side.

I enjoyed my budding friendship with Tiff as she was becoming more comfortable with herself. It is helpful that her mother’s health is progressing healthily. Tiff also had a time with me where she voiced her anger at her father. Jenn and Hanni helped me to understand that I was being helpful to Tiffany. “She is developing an important friendship/relationship with you. It will probably go beyond just your identity as Laura.”

Saturday concerns growing as an individual and one’s ability to decide how we developed relationships with others. The importance of continuing friendships with women as we matured was also talked about. It spoke to concerns of many about being identified as a lesbian but was more about the ability to keep friendships with those who were likely to understand us.

It spoke to my whole life, because many of my male friends and relations, including my father and others in the extended family, were closed off to understanding me. After several conversations and group discussions, I and others needed to accept where they were and not be held back by them.

This afternoon I was fitted for and purchased my first bra; which was capped off by selecting an evening dress for me. Some of the college women helped me to style my hair for an evening celebration. The younger girls went dancing from 4-6.

The social time for young and older teens included dinner and a dance. I, like Tiffany, was to introduce the boy I was partnered with to Mrs. Newcomb and gain her approval. I was partnered with Troy. He was a year older than me. He played soccer and also was in a band where he played the acoustical guitar and sang. He was a friend of Hadley who was paired with Tiffany.

I neither expected to be part of this time nor to like it, but both happened. And I liked it as a new experience. Troy was nice in asking at the end of the dance if he could kiss me; as Hadley was doing the same with Tiffany. I said yes, though I didn’t expect much of it. But it became the highlight of the discussion between Tiffany and me with her mother.

I credited it to the extent I went to for the evening. I was not used to wearing a bra, a fine dress, or looking nice with my makeup and hair. “Mrs. Newcomb, I was having all the things I dream about as a girl and found myself liking to be with Troy. I planned on none of it.”

Mrs. Newcomb was very much taken with Tiffany’s experiences of the day and evening as well. When asked about the high point of the day; Tiffany and I agreed it was our budding friendship. Both of us reiterated a statement that Mackenzie made about a friendship of a best friend contrasting to that of a lover. Mackenzie said she loved Carol as much as any man she might meet and marry and in some ways more precious.

Tiff whispered to me, “That might describe us.”

Mackenzie and I talked more as she knew I was bewildered by something after our third group session. She got me to confess that what they were saying made sense, but it was somehow strange to my way of thinking. She suggested that what I found strange might be why I find being female attractive. “You don’t have to be a woman to find relationships more fascinating and attractive. But guys are directed more often to think of ways of winning, competition, and goals as more important. Women may have goals but they are often like developing a career. Being first is shunned because they’ve been told to settle for less or sacrifice for the sake of another.”

Barbara Newcomb said, “That might be part of why you took such a big risk in being here this weekend?”

Mrs. Newcomb then shared with me that she, my parents, and Jenn Myers saw what I did not only as a sizable risk but something deep inside of me affirming my transgender personality.

I asked, “Might it be seen in that I did it as much for me as I did it for Tiffany?”

We were soon in a three-way hug, and Mrs. Newcomb said, “Exactly.”

I saw by Mrs. Newcomb’s watch that it was 11:00 p.m. I said, “I wished that I still had my phone, as it’s not too late to call my Mom.”

Tiffany knew her mother had her phone and tried to persuade her to let me call my mother. The longer we talked about it, the more I was sure that my Mom would be scared that a call this late was bad news. It also activated Tiffany’s and her mom’s fears about more openly talking about her mom’s health and not only Tiffany’s stress, but all of Tiffany’s changes. It was gross to me but Tiffany and her mother talked about her having periods before she was twelve as possibly being stress-driven.

When I mentioned a need to take a shower because as Laura I was feeling grungy. Tiffany spoke up, “You want to know feeling grungy; I should baptize you from my period.”

I said, “Gross, you wouldn’t”. And what ensued need not be explained suffice to say with both of us taking showers.

Breakfast in the morning was not only satisfying to eat but came with lively discussions around the various tables.

I was invited to the mother/daughter time but encouraged to let the others in our small groups talk more. Hurts, bonding, and new beginnings were a major part of the morning. Since it was Sunday, there was a worship service of sorts, but more prayers, readings, and singing, no sermon. There was a time of people write down sorrows and hurts that were offered as dying moments.

We had a break and then came back to hear from a special speaker. The talk around the break was that while the dying moments were special, everyone wanted to be sure that it wouldn’t end on a down moment.

Once back as a group, a Jewish woman was introduced. She said, “I am between the age of most of you moms and daughters. But like all of you, I have a power no man has and that is to give life! In my Hebrew language, the word is ‘l’chaim’. Will you say it out loud with me,” l’chaim! Again, l’chaim! Again louder, l’chaim!!”

She laughed, “Even if you’re having twins, giving life is something we do alone, one at a time.” We laugh. She says, “But it is also something hopefully we don’t do alone. Too often, women are doing things alone without someone encouraging, even just being with them. We, women, are expected to be good caregivers. But too often we feel uncared for, misunderstood. Moms and daughters are often seen in competition, even when we’re trying to make connections and express caring.”

“How many of you have seen the person you’re with this weekend in a new light? …How many of you here have thought of professional women as a resource or more than a social group? They brought you here to see an emerging part of women in society, and hopefully be of help to you.”

I can’t do justice to her inspiring talk, nor to the moments that followed. The only downside was after this mountain high experience; we were afraid going home was anticlimactic. But we had learned to speak with our moms and others. We were felt better about making friends and more than anything we felt better about ourselves…

The Seamstress’ Model to be continued…
…end to the story of being The Friend