Shame and Desire Chapter 25

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It took hours of deep concentration for Devin to finally finish the drawing. In the end, he was quite satisfied with what he came up with. He briefly considered showing the drawing to the TF discord he was in, but he decided against it. This was a picture he thought he should keep to himself.

Devin frowned as he took a deep look at the picture of Diana. The nightmare he just had was still fresh in his head, and he couldn’t help but feel ashamed of the way he had acted in it. Intellectually, he knew that he could hardly be held accountable for the actions he took in his dreams, but still, he was such an ass. He made another person’s traumatic experience his problem and acted like a dick around them. Very rarely did he think about their pain. Even if said person wasn’t real, he was a selfish prick.

Is that how he would act in real life? He hoped not. He was sure he wasn’t that bad of a person. And that dream was filled with errors and nonsense anyway. As the Inception quote went, “dreams feel real when we’re in them, it’s only when we wake up that we realize something was actually strange”.

Sighing, Devin saved the image to his hard drive, and took his phone out to check his text messages. Elise was going to be coming over today, and it seemed she would arrive around noon. There was also another text of hers that caught his eye.

“I talked to them and they agreed to let you speak with my grandparents. You’ll be going over on Saturday.”

With everything else going on, Devin forgot about his request to talk with Elise’s grandparents. A part of him had wished her parents would have said “no” to it. Unfortunately, he was now stuck with this. At least he had two days to rehearse what he would say.

“Saturday”, Devin thought to himself. It was currently Thursday, and he had four more days until his parents came home. They would inevitably put an end to the daily visits Elise and him were having. That, he was not looking forward to at all.

Better enjoy it while it lasts.

***

As Elise walked to her front door, she checked her purse. She was planning to bring Devin a gift she thought he might like, and she wanted to make sure it was still there.

“Going to Devin’s house again?”

Elise turned her head from the door, annoyed at the sound of her little sister’s voice. “Yes.”

Emma crossed her arms. “You’ve been going there a lot, what’s going on? What are you doing there?”

Elise groaned. “Have you ever noticed that I never pry into your relationship? Because I have.”

“Just curious…” Emma said defensively. “Want to make sure you’re not getting pregnant over there.”

“Oh, you’re SO funny.” Elise said sarcastically. She was about to open the front door and leave when Emma spoke up again.

“His parents aren’t home, are they?”

Elise stood frozen, not answering.

“I knew it! I’m telling Mom. No one should be spending that much time at their boyfriend’s house.”

“Do not tell them.” Elise demanded sternly.

“Why? What’s in it for me?”

Elise racked her head. “If you don’t tell them, then I’ll… uh… I’ll give you twenty dollars.”

“Hmm… fine, but give it here now.” Emma held out her hand.

Elise sighed angrily as she took out her wallet and handed over the money.

“You’re so lucky Mom and Dad are clueless.” Emma said before walking away.

Elise got a laugh out of that.

***

“I guess I found another cliché.” Devin thought as he found himself staring into the mirror again.

It was almost as if mirrors had a grip on Devin’s soul. So many times in the past few days he had stared into them and contemplated his mental state. Perhaps he was also admiring himself a bit too. Half of him really liked seeing the cute short haired girl in his reflection. But the other half was still deeply ashamed of her.

Should he give in? It seemed Elise wanted him to. And a part of his mind really wanted him to as well. Sierra was the part of him that was happier, after all. It could only be good to embrace her…

Devin shook his head. No, he wouldn’t give in. He couldn’t give in. It intimidated him. It scared him. But it also excited him. It enticed him.

Conflicted, Devin walked away, leaving the mirror, but only temporarily. He was sure he’d be back later that day.

***

The moment Devin heard the doorbell ring, he sprinted. He opened the front door and immediately went to hug Elise.

“Looks like someone’s happy to see me.” Elise smiled.

“I’m always happy to see you.” Devin said before giving her a kiss on the cheek.

Elise gently pushed Devin’s head back. “Alright, let’s take it easy now.”

Devin giggled. “I’m sorry.” He said.

Devin looked down and noticed Elise was holding something.

“You brought your purse?” He asked. “You’re only going to be here for a couple hours.”

“Yeah, well, I brought something a little special today.”

“You did?” Devin asked her.

“Yeah, and my pants don’t have pockets.” Elise shrugged. “You’re gonna learn that struggle pretty soon. Women’s pants just don’t have pockets. It’s like a sick joke by the fashion designers.”

“Oh.”

“Anyway, the thing I brought, it’s for you.”

“Really?” Devin asked, surprised. “You’re… giving me something? You really didn’t have to…”

“Well, you’re getting this whether you like it or not.” Elise stated. “Come on, let’s go inside.”

***

Sitting on the couch, Elise rummaged through her purse. “I hope it didn’t get lost in the car.”

“What is it?”

“You’ll see. Just be patient.”

Devin waited another few seconds before Elise pulled something out with both her hands. She was holding a silver necklace, with a heart shaped pendant on the bottom.

“I thought you might like this.” She said.

“A necklace?”

“Yep.” Elise nodded her head. “What do you think?”

“It’s uh-” Devin’s voice trailed off. Elise had gotten him a necklace? Looking at it, it was very clearly a feminine necklace, one definitely meant for a woman. The female half of Devin’s mind was incredibly excited by it, but the stubborn male half wanted it as far away as possible.

“Well, don’t be shy. Take it.”

Devin reached out his shaking hand to take the necklace. Why was he so afraid? It was a damn necklace! He couldn’t have actually been scared of a necklace, right?

“What’s wrong?” Elise asked.

“I- I-” Devin was unable to answer.

Elise turned her head at Devin’s conflicting emotional state. She then decided to go about this in a different way. “Hold on.” She said while putting the necklace down.

Elise moved a chair in front of the body length mirror in the living room and had Devin sit down on it.

“Hold still.” She said.

Devin obliged and from there, Elise slowly pulled up the necklace and placed it down firmly around his neck. He almost shivered once he felt the chains touch his skin.

“So, what do you think?” Elise put her hands on Devin’s shoulders.

Devin stared into the mirror, seeing the reflections before him. Together, the two could definitely make a great lesbian couple, at least in theory. The reflection of Elise showed a beautiful girl with long brown hair and deep brown eyes. The conventional looking girl. And then there was the reflection of himself, showing a more tomboyish girl with a pixie cut styling her brownish blonde hair, along with icy blue eyes.

Devin focused on himself. The silver necklace didn’t look out of place on him. In fact, it actually fit his appearance quite well.

“It looks really nice.” Sierra said, for the first time not caring about her voice.

“I think so too.” Elise agreed.

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