Shame and Desire Chapter 53

Printer-friendly version

Sierra examined her face in the mirror as Elise pulled into Amanda’s driveway

“I think my makeup’s finally faded.” She said, rubbing her chin.

“Yeah, sweat’ll do that to you.” Amanda said. “Believe me, I know. Those girls on the team who wear makeup, I’ll never understand them.”

“Is that something you’d like to do again?” Elise asked.

“Of course!” Sierra said excitedly without thinking. She let out a forced cough afterward. “I mean, well, yeah… I think I’d like to do it again.”

Elise smiled. “I’m gonna need to teach you a lot then.” She said. “You may have missed seven or so years so we have a lot of catching up to do.”

“Right.” Sierra nodded.

The two stared into each other’s eyes for a bit before relenting and kissing each other hard and fast.

Amanda sighed. “Look, I know you guys are only doing this to taunt me.”

Elise interrupted the kiss, grinning. “Can you not handle a little making out? You’re acting like Emma.”

“Emma would be the one making out too much.”

“Don’t remind me.” Elise said.

Amanda smirked, opening the car door. “Good bye.” She said, getting out and back up to her house.

Elise watched Amanda as she walked, deep in thought.

“Sierra, you know those rumors going around about Amanda being a lesbian?” She asked.

“Do you believe them?”

Elise pursed the side of her lips.

“Oh wait! Shit!” Amanda yelled, running back. “My wallet dropped on the floor. Shit, I was about to be giving you a thousand bucks.” She said when she grabbed it, opening to check for her ID.

“Oh please we’re not like that.” Elise said. “You’d trust me with your wallet right?”

Amanda smirked as she shut the passenger side door and came up to the opened front window, looking at both the girls in the front.

“You know.” Amanda said to Elise. “I find it funny that your best boyfriend turned out not to be a boy.”

Elise laughed. “Girl power.” She said jokingly.

Amanda smiled. She was about to start running to her house before turning back for a second.

“Sierra?” She said.

Sierra’s eyes perked up.

“Good job today.”

Sierra nodded. “Thanks.”

Amanda nodded back, and then finally turned away and ran to her house for real. Elise continued looking at her in deep thought, though she wasn’t sure about what anymore.

“You know, when I saw Amanda check for her ID, the first thing I thought of was her name.” Sierra said. “And my name. I haven’t picked out a middle name.”

“You have any ideas in mind?” Elise asked.

“Well, I could change ‘Tyler’ to ‘Taylor’ but I think that’d be too easy. I don’t know, I’ll have to think on it a little longer. Something that jumps out at me and says ‘that’s my name’.”

“Must be a pretty cool thing to change your name.”

“I think more people should do it actually.” Sierra responded. “Not for any reason, just to do it.”

“Be a lot of paperwork.” Elise said back. “And I never really had a problem with my name. Very French, and it’s unique. Not often you see many girls named ‘Elise’. I actually remember teasing Amanda about that, all the way back in like… first grade? There was another Amanda in school but there wasn’t another Elise.”

“Well there isn’t another Amanda anymore, so don’t flatter yourself.”

Elise laughed and started her car.

***

Elise was forced to pull over to the gas station before she drove very far. When she got there, Sierra looked through the parking lot and instantly took notice of one very annoying, very inconvenient detail.

“Great…” She groaned as she looked out the window. “Ryan’s car.”

“Yeah, such an awful thing for your friend to be here.”

Sierra glared at Elise, which she returned with an eye roll.

“I’m not gonna force you to do anything, but that attitude needs to stop. Your friends are not some obstacle to avoid.”

“You’re sounding like Amanda.” Sierra remarked.

“I’m sounding like sense.” Elise shot back. “Look, I understand why you’re hesitant about telling your parents. I get it. But Ryan isn’t them. He’s your friend, he doesn’t hold any power over you. Would it be so bad to put just a little trust in your friend?”

Sierra balled her fists, raising them to the window.

“Not now, not in public. Some other time, he’ll know soon enough.”

Elise nodded, exiting the car at about the same time Ryan exited the store.

“I promise.” Sierra mouthed to herself.

Elise inserted the gas pump into her car, shooting a quick glance to Ryan, who clearly saw her and looked like he was debating whether or not to go to her. After a few seconds, he seemed to eventually settle on “yes”.

“Hey.” He said as he approached. “Is Devin in the car?”

“Yes.” Elise replied. “He’s pretty tired though. Long day, might not want to come out.”

“Oh.” Ryan said, coming to a stop in front of the car. “Well, I just thought I’d drop by and let him know I got back from the camping trip.”

“I can tell.” Elise said sarcastically. “How was that trip anyway?”

“Pretty good.” Ryan answered. “No one got bit by a snake this time so that was nice. We tried out making our own shelters one night and-”

Sierra’s head was drooped in shame as she heard the conversation play out. Why was she such an ass? This was one of her closest friends and she was treating him like dirt. He had actually asked her right before the school year ended if she wanted to go on that trip with him, and she declined because she was too afraid to admit the truth.

Recalling the extreme look of disappointment on Ryan’s face when she declined still made her feel as guilty as she was when she first saw it.

She had used the ‘I want to hang out with my girlfriend’ excuse, but it was again, an excuse. Especially since, at the time, she wasn’t even telling her what was going on. “Way to be a shit friend”, she thought.

She absolutely needed to tell Ryan. Very soon, to make things up. But not now, not at a gas station where everyone could see them.

But she couldn’t just sit here and avoid him.

“I think I’ve become pretty good at cooking fish.” Ryan told Elise. “The guys all liked it. Think you should try it too.” He chuckled. “Maybe if you come to the next trip Devin will come too.”

Elise took the pump out of her car. “Look, as much as I would love to force Devin to go on a camping trip, my dad would not stand for me going out with a bunch of guys. And… to be honest, I don’t know if I’d like to go out with a bunch of guys either.”

“I don’t blame you.” Ryan replied. “Anyway, I’ve also been told-”

“You’ve been told what?” Sierra said as she stepped out of the car.

“I knew you were alive in there.” Ryan smiled, walking up to her. “Anyway, I was just gonna tell Elise that-” His voice trailed off as his eyes focused downward.

Sierra squinted in confusion. In the corner of her eye she could see Elise trying to contain her laughter and failing, but she didn’t understand what was so funny.

“Ryan, what’s wrong?” She asked, frustrated.

“Aren’t those Elise’s shorts?”

Sierra instantly felt her skin grow cold and her heart rate shoot up. “Oh SHIT!” She thought. How did she forget about the shorts?

“It was a bet.” Elise said, still laughing. “I bet her that if she could go on SkyRush without screaming, I’d give her twenty dollars. She lost, so she had to wear my shorts for the rest of the day.”

“‘She’?” Ryan asked. “Was that part of the bet too?”

Sierra turned to Elise, eyes wide in fear as Elise nearly cringed at her mistake.

“That’s just to tease him.” Elise said. “If you look at him in my shorts he looks like he could be one of the girls.”

“Well he did shave his legs.” Ryan remarked.

“Crap.” Sierra thought. “Forgot about that too.”

“Uh… congratulations on going on SkyRush.” Ryan laughed a bit awkwardly. “I didn’t think you had that in you.”

“Trust me, I didn’t either.”

“No longer afraid of rollercoasters?”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” Sierra said. “But I think I’ve made some progress.”

“Let’s go.” Ryan reached out his hand and Sierra took it in some rough approximation of a “bro shake”.

Sierra shook her head, smiling. It was then that she finally took notice of the scent she’d been smelling ever since Ryan came over.

“Have you showered?” She asked him.

“No, I was gonna do that when I got home, I didn’t think I was gonna run into you two.”

“Did you shower during the trip?” Elise asked.

“Well… no.”

“No?” Elise said. “Weren’t you out there for like, six days?”

“Five days.” Ryan corrected.

“You should still take a shower. Aren’t campers supposed to shower in the river or something?”

“It was only five days, we didn’t think it’d be a big deal.” Ryan explained.

“It kind of is.” Sierra retorted. “Because you stink.”

“Okay fine, if you want to crap on me crap on me. But if you two were out in the woods for five days, you wouldn’t smell very good either. So I don't really want to hear it.”

“I’d take at least one shower.” Sierra said.

“Yeah, well shut up.” He laughed. “Anyway, I better hit the road. See you all later.”

“Wait!” Elise called out before he could run off. “What was it you were gonna tell me?”

“Huh? Oh! Um… Xavier’s friend is hosting a party July 2nd. I don’t know the address but I can get it and text it back.”

“Party?” Sierra asked. “What kind of party? And which friend?”

“Come on Devin, you know what a party is.” Ryan chuckled. “And… well the friend is a guy he met online. He’s a junior in college, I think. I don’t know what his name is, but he’s twenty-one and he’s hosting a party at his frat house. The frat says they’re letting anyone seventeen and up go.”

“That sounds like a horrible idea. A bunch of college guys opening a party where high schoolers will be.” Elise said. “Plus, frats are breeding grounds for rapists.”

“Can’t argue with that.” Ryan conceded. “I guess it’s a ‘go at your own risk’ type of thing. They’re throwing three parties this summer and they already threw one last Friday. Third one’s in August. Just wanted to know if you’re interested.”

Sierra and Elise stared at each other for a while.

“I’ll think about it.” Elise said.

Ryan nodded. “Devin?”

Sierra looked down, biting her lip. “…uh, same as her. I don’t know.”

“Alright.” Ryan replied. “Well, just… send me a text if you make up your mind and I’ll make sure to send you the address.”

“Okay, thanks.” Elise said.

Ryan looked back to his car. “Okay, I really have to go. Uh, fun talking to you two. See you later!”

He ran back to his car and quickly, he was pulling out of the station.

Sierra slowly turned back to Elise with a furrowed brow.

“A bet?” She asked. “Seriously?”

“I didn’t see you come up with anything.” Elise responded. “It was the first thing I could think of.”

“Do you think he bought it?” Sierra asked. “I don’t think he did.”

Elise pulled out her debit card and paid for the gas. “We’ll worry about that later. Why don’t we go back to your house first?”

“Right now?” Sierra asked. “We won’t stop for dinner?”

“I could go for dinner, if you want.” Elise said. “Got any place in mind?”

“I do.” Sierra said, running to the other side of the car. “And I’d like to drive you there, if that’s okay.”

Elise handed over the keys, then left her side for the passenger seat.

“I’ll pay for everything.” Sierra said, getting into the driver’s seat. “Consider it my treat for making Emma stay in your room.”

“Oh, you don’t actually need to do that, that wasn’t a serious request.”

“Too bad.” Sierra smirked, starting the car.

***

“I’ve been meaning to take you here for a while.” Sierra said, parking the car. “I’ve dropped by here a few times before, it’s pretty good.”

Elise raised an eyebrow at the restaurant in front of her. “It’s just a pizza place.”

“A very good pizza place, the best in town I’d say.” Sierra said. “All the other local pizza places around here kind of suck. Too much grease. Either that or they’re too bready. And the big pizza chains… well, they’re not very good either. I had Domino’s once, tasted awful. Papa John’s is too sweet, Little Caesars tastes like cardboard, and Pizza Hut is… probably the best of the four, but only really by default.”

“Pizza Hut’s crust does suck though.” Elise retorted. “And it’s too expensive.”

“I did say ‘by default’.” Sierra explained. “There’s not much competition.”

“I don’t really have a preference.” Elise replied.

“You will soon because this,” Sierra pointed to the restaurant, “is the real deal. It’s fresh, it has the perfect amount of cheese, sauce, and crust, and the texture is incredible. Not too greasy, or soggy, or hard, it’s just right.”

Elise got out of the passenger seat. “Let’s hope it is. Been dying for some good pizza, this county doesn’t have any.”

“It’s worth it.” Sierra said, grabbing Elise’s hand. “Trust me.”

***

With it being late afternoon on a Sunday, the place wasn’t exactly packed. There were a few people here and there, but it was pretty abundant that most saw Sunday as a time to prepare for the office, not as a time to relax and go out to eat.

It was very fortunate that Sierra and Elise were still high school students, and as such had no reason to view Sunday that way during the summer. Adults would probably say to “enjoy it while you can”, and Sierra was planning on taking that advice.

“You were right.” Elise said after swallowing a bite of the recently arrived pizza. “This is really good.”

Sierra smiled. “This is basically the only place I eat pizza at anymore. It’s so good.”

“How have I not heard of this before?”

“Well it is rather new.” Sierra said. “It almost didn’t survive the pandemic. Place was on very thin ice, or so I heard. But somehow it managed. It’s a real miracle that it did.”

“I can see why they survived, this is great. I don’t think I’ll eat pizza anywhere else again either.” Elise said.

“Best New York style in the county. Now what we need is some authentic Italian style pizza. Or maybe some of that Chicago Deep Dish stuff. A lot of people like to hate on it but it looks… interesting.”

“They hate on it because it’s not pizza.” Elise said. “It looks more like lasagna. You can’t just put melted cheese and tomato sauce on dough and say it’s pizza. There’s gotta be like, some kind of structure to it.”

“Regardless, I would like to try both styles before the summer’s over.” Sierra said back. “I’d like it if you joined me.”

Elise rolled her eyes. “Okay.”

***

As another favor to her, Sierra allowed Elise to take all of the slices that hadn’t been eaten. Elise was almost going to say again that it wasn’t necessary, but she knew Sierra would have none of it, so she didn’t try.

The two returned to their original seats when they got back to the car, Elise in the driver’s and Sierra in the passenger's. Before Elise began driving off however, something erupted inside her and she blurted out the first thing that came to her mind.

“Sierra, I think I might be a lesbian.” She said.

“Wow, that was fast, what happened to being bi?” Sierra asked. “Or do you mean lesbian as in ‘I’m a girl dating a girl’?”

“It’s just this feeling I get.” Elise explained. “I got it when looking at Amanda and thinking about those rumors. It made me second guess myself. When I dated my older boyfriends, was I really attracted to them? I remember that I was, but looking back on it… I’m not so sure. Do you still consider yourself bi?”

“Yes, I still like men.”

“I don’t know if I do. I think I did before, but… Sierra, I think you might have made me a lesbian.”

“Good, my evil plan has worked. Now we can work together to turn every girl in this county into a lesbian. ”

“In that case you better start with yourself, you dork.” Elise punched Sierra’s shoulder.

“But you haven’t heard of my other evil plan to-

“Turn every boy in this county into a girl.” Elise interrupted, shaking her head jokingly. “So predictable, you’re gonna need to get some new material.”

“Oh, shut up.” Sierra told her.

Elise grinned, finally backing her car up and beginning the long trek to Sierra’s house. She glanced over to her purse and for a second her grin grew wider before settling down. She turned over to the passenger side, looking at Sierra’s face through the side view mirror.

She wasn’t smiling, but Elise could still tell she was happy. It was in her eyes. Elise dawned that same look in her eyes as well.

Tonight was going to be a very special night.

up
32 users have voted.
If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos! Click the "Thumbs Up!" button above to leave a Kudos

Comments