Years ago, Mom and Dad were on their way back from visiting a friend and Adam was at the church preparing for whatever he was going to do or say at the service that evening. He could do whatever he wanted, I would just stand next to the rest of the family holding onto a candle that was slowly melting away in a cardboard holder and singing Christmas carols that I knew by heart.
Danny and Seth were in the living room watching a Christmas movie of some sorts when I walked in wearing a red and white dress.
“What do you guys think?” I asked.
They turned from the movie and looked at me.
Danny paused the movie, “Uhh, is that new?”
“I got it last year, just never really did anything with it. Now seemed good. How does it look?”
“Looks good, Nikki,” Seth replied.
“You do you,” Danny replied and then unpaused the move.
“Wait a minute. Pause it.”
“I want to watch this.”
“It’s on DVD,” I whined.
“If you want me to say it looks cute? I’m not. I can’t. I don’t’ know what ‘cute’ is.”
“If Angela heard you say that,” Seth said as he shook his head.
“Exactly. I don’t know what’s cute. I’m not a girl.”
“So you wouldn’t say it was sexy?” Seth asked.
“First off, Nikki’s related to us—”
“It’s not suppose to be, as you put it, sexy,” I growled.
“It looks complimentary.”
“He means it looks cute,” Seth replied as he patted Danny on the shoulder. “You unlocked your sensitive side, Danny. Angela would be so proud of you.”
“Shut-up,” Danny replied as the front door opened.
We looked at the door to see Adam step in.
I immediately froze like a cat staring at a red dot. He moved in slow motion as he he walked in and closed the door.
“Mom and Dad aren’t back yet?”
“Nope,” Danny answered as he unpaused the movie.
“Everything ready at the church. I’ll need to be back in an hour.What are you wearing?”
Adam’s hard stare was on me.
“A dress.”
“I can see that. Why?”
“Because it’s hers,” Seth said as he sat up on the arm of the couch.
“Excuse me?”
“The dress is Nikki’s.”
“When did this all start?”
“It’s been a few years,” I replied, in hush tones, like a three year-old who did something wrong.
“You think you’re a girl?”
“I am.”
“You think you are a girl?”
“No, I am one.”
Adam closed the door, locked it, and then took off his jacket.
“So, what I’m hearing is that Nick thinks he’s girl and the two of you have no problems?”
“Mom and Dad don’t have issues with it. I don’t either,” Seth replied.
“You wouldn’t,” Adam said as he shook his head.
“I just. Want to watch. My movie,” Danny replied, Christopher Walken style.
“I have an idea, Nikki: You can wear a choir robe. There, problem solved! Adam’s happy, I’m happy and Danny can get back to…what are we watching anyway?”
“You’re telling me Mom and Dad are okay with you wearing that in public?”
“I haven’t been, like, out and about.”
“Thank God for that.”
“But it’s about time I did. I’m not going to deny who I am.”
Adam put his hands to his forehead. “You need to go change.”
“No.”
“You’re wearing that tonight?”
“Yes.”
“Go change.”
“No,” I replied with a shrill to my voice.
“You have got to be kidding me. If you go to the service tonight wearing that—”
“Then I guess I won’t go.”
“You’re going. We’re going as a family.”
“I’d sooner burn in Hell.”
“Keep talking, Nick,” Adam replied.
“I am going to start this movie over!” Danny muttered.
“If I go. I am wearing this dress.”
“Are you wearing a bra too?” Adam’s hands were shaken like he wanted to throttle something like, me.
“Were you looking for it?” I asked as I lowered my shoulder to reveal that yes, I had one.
“I go to school for six months and this…this all happens?”
“It’s been a bit longer than six months, Adam.”
“How long Seth, how long?”
“You need to ask Nikki.”
“Nick is a bit confused, so I’m asking you.”
“I’m a bit confused myself on why it matters,” Seth asked as he got up from the couch.
“It matters because our family is a pillar of the community.”
Seth shrugged his shoulder. “I don’t recall being nominated for that.”
“I just came home to sit down for a moment and to see if Mom and Dad were home and now I’m witnessing Sodom and Gomorrah in my living room.”
“I’m going to complete this with a set of earrings.”
“Nick” Adam yelled as I walked down the hall.
The lights in the hallway seemed dimmer as I walked back to my room—and that was because Adam’s shadow loomed over as I walked into my room.
“Take the bra and dress off and just wear a decent pair of jeans and a t-shirt for Pete’s sake. You’re not going to embarrass this family by wearing that!”
“I also have a pair of blue and white striped panties. Would you care to see those too?”
“No!”
Adam’s right fist flew into the wall, creating a massive hole. I stepped away, inching back to the door.
He turned back to me. His face was still in a rage. Like I had killed a puppy or something.
“Adam, you need to calm the fuck down!” Seth yelled.
“That! That is exactly the problem with all of you! You’re all perverts, delinquents and sinners!”
“Yes, I am!” Seth replied. “And unless your name is Jesus, so are you, Adam! So settle your ass down!”
Adam grabbed my arm and yanked me across the room like a human version of “Stretch Armstrong”
“Leave her alone!”
“Her?” Adam screeched. “Did you fail sixth grade science?”
“Did you fail seminary?”
“Hey!” Danny stepped in-between them. “We’re all better’n this, right?”
Adam and Seth were nearly at each other’s throats—it was like they couldn’t even see Danny standing in-between them.
“We can talk about all of this like the calm and rational guys we like to think we are when no one’s watching. Right?”
“I can do that,” Seth replied. Both of them looked at Adam.
“How bout you, bro?”
Adam sounded like a growling animal with every breath he took.
“Let’s talk about this, Adam, okay?” Danny asked as Seth waved his hand at me to get out of there!
“Run, Nikki!” Seth yelled as he grabbed one of Adam’s arms. Danny followed suit and tried to tackle Adam.
I ran like Hell down the hallway and sharply turned to the front door.
Seth and Danny were yelling but I couldn’t understand a word as I had my eyes on the door to escape from everything. I hoped they were able to hold Adam back so I could open the door and flee. Maybe I’d come back in a few hours, days, weeks whenever Adam had left.
I had reached the front door only to feel Adam’s still bleeding fingers dig into my back as he once again grabbed me, picked me up, opened the door and threw me out of the house and into the snow—right in front of the headlights of our parent’s car.