We soon arrived at the church.
There were already a few cars in the parking lot and people were kinda milling around outside as we all walked in through the back door.

We all went to the back room where our dresses had been left the night before.
Mom helped me get my shirt off cause she didn't want me messing anything up.

She did the same for Abby as I started to get dressed in the underwear that came with the dress.

it wasn't long before mom was zipping me up. I had already put the shoes on before putting on the dress so I was done.

Me and Abby went out to the main hall and waited with the others.
I wasn't really interested in the conversations that were taking place so I just kinda stood there.

I was standing there when I noticed Justin walking into the church. He was wearing a grey long sleeve button up shirt with a dark brown Vest and brown loafers.

I felt myself flush a bit as I looked at him.
I don't know why but I felt funny when I saw that cut... that smile he had as he approached me.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I yelled to myself.
"Hey" He said as he walked over.
"Oh ah.. hey Justin" I stammered slightly.

"Ah I don't mean to sound weird or anything but you look amazing" he said with a nervous smile.

"Oh, thanks" I felt that funny feeling in my stomach again.
"Hey justin" I said getting ahold of myself.
"Yeah.. I mean yes?"

"Look I know what's going on" I said.
"I get it I do I'm just not... I can't do that" I felt bad telling him this but I had to for my own good.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to be pushy it's just I can't help it you're...." he motioned towards me.

"I know, I'm sure I'd be the same way in your shoes but I'm not ready for this" I said.
"I understand, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable" He was scratching the back of his head.

"It's not that you're making me uncomfortable its just I'm completely lost on how to handle this" I said throwing my hands up.

"I just need some time to get my head straight" I said.
"Friends"I asked putting my hand out.

"Friends" he said as we shook hands.
"You still coming this weekend?" He asked.

"I'm planning on it" .
"Cool we're having karaoke and a few of the guys I know from school have agreed to come out and play with their band" we were walking towards the rest of the people.

"Cool beans, I'm just looking to take a break from everything" I said.

We hung around the other's before Aunt Maggie made us all head towards our designated spots as more and more people started to arrive.

Soon the place was packed and I felt nervous. I didn't know half the people there but there were quite a few who knew me.
Soon enough the music started and we all did our part.
I still had to smirk at Kylie in her cute little flower girl dress with her pink hair in an updo with flowers in it, he looked miserable.

And Cheyenne looked amazing. Her dress was absolutely beautiful and she moved so gracefully down the aisle. Steven let out a gasp when he saw her for the first time.

I noticed that all eyes were on her, all eyes except one pair standing right across from me on the other side of the stage.

He smiled at me and my heart fluttered.
"Stop it Clay" I said to myself.
I couldn't help the feelings that had been coming over me.

I had been ignoring things for weeks.
Little brushes of clothing or a stray finger when wiping or cleaning,certain movements as I walked or did daily task.

It was getting harder and harder to ignore these feelings. I've almost given into curiosity a few times but I just couldn't bring myself to cross that line but for some reason every time Justin glances at me, that smile, his smell.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" I quietly mumbled to myself.
The wedding ceremony went as you would expect one to.

I do's were said and a kiss was had.
After that we all shuffled towards the reception hall and as we walked mom walked up behind me.

"You ok?" She asked as I stopped.
I turned and looked at her seeing a concerned face.

"I don't know mom, can we talk?" I asked.
She looked around and nodded towards her suv luckily it was parked on pavement.

We walked over and got in where we knew we had some privacy.
"You nervous?" She asked.
"That obvious?".

"Well you blush real easy now and you were as red as a tomato up there earlier, what's wrong sweetie?" She placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Mom, I don't know what's going on with me" I went to wipe my eyes but she stopped me. Pulling out a tissue she started to dab at the tears that were starting to form.

"Well why don't you try and we'll go from there" she smiled.
"Mom I... I... think.... I'm. I think I'm Gay" I looked away ashamed of myself.

"Ah.. ok. Who is it?" She seemed genuinely curious.
"I'm having these feelings, I'm not stupid I know what they are but I've been afraid to allow myself to you know...." I nodded down there.

"I understand Clay believe me. You're a young woman and just like all teenagers you're going to have these urges and thats perfectly fine".

"I know but I'm afraid to even look down there much less, that" I felt my face getting warm just thinking about it.

"I understand its scary Clay but it's a natural part of life and there really is only one way to handle these urges".

"If you need me too, I've already helped your sister with this issue and I can..." she stopped when I looked at her in horror.

"Oh no no Clay nothing like that" she burst out laughing.
"Abby came to me with the same issue not long ago and I bought her a "personal aid" she used air quotes.

"Oh, I never figured you to be the laid back cool mom" I laughed a little.
"My mom helped me and all women know the struggle just remember its a private issue ok" mom put her finger to her lips.

"If you want me too I will but if not" she shrugged.
"I... think I need something, I know its weird but im just not comfortable with the idea of useing my hand to do something so..." I shook a little.

"I'll stop by the same store I bought Abby's at, I'll leave it in your night stand and what you do with it will be your business".

"Thanks mom, I just need some relief".
"It's ok" she said pulling me into a hug.
"I'll always be here for you Clay. And thank you for trusting me with this it means a lot" she had a smile on her face, the smile of a proud mom.

"Now that we have all that out of the way, what little lady has got you all hot and bothered" mom sounded like a gossipy teenager.

"Ah mom, It's... not a... well its not a girl" I really felt myself blushing as I tried to sink into the car seat.

"Ahh... oh" she seemed surprised.
"I ah... when I see him I feel even more.... well you know" I nodded downwards.

"Really, let me guess Justin?".
I slowly nodded.
"Well on the bright side you're not gay at least" she chuckled.

"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Clay, look at yourself" she said folding down the car mirror.

"You tell me if you saw yourself and Justin walking together out in public would you think gay couple?"

I didn't want to admit it but I shook my head no.
"Clay you are an absolutely beautiful young woman and Justin is a very handsome young man".

"I know mom" I wanted to cry but I couldn't mess up my makeup.
"I think right now you're just really really horny" mom said very bluntly.
"Mo...MOM!" I squealed in embarrassment.

"Well it's the truth" she laughed.
"Look sweetheart, right now you're still learning about your body and at the moment your mind like most teenagers minds is on one thing ".

I vigorously shook my head not wanting to admit it but knowing she was right at the same time.
"Once you "calm down" she did her air quotes again. "Your mind will be less fuzzy, you'll think clearer and Justin won't have such an effect on you".

"You don't have to rush into anything or anyone but if you do find that certain someone that makes you happy and you want to be with them me and your dad will be here for you just take your time and make sure you're doing it for you understand?" She asked.

"Thanks mom, I really don't know what's wrong with me".
"You're a teenager again" she laughed
"Yeah, I mean yes jason is... is...

"Is?" She drew out the word.
"He's cute ok!" I hated to admit it but its true."Ever since I realized what was up last night he's been on my mind and I keep imagining..." I really felt hot on that one.

"Clay calm down it's just your hormones" mom rubbed my back.
"I mean I don't want to be attracted to guys but mom I just can't keep my eyes off of him".

Mom was just watching me have my little brake down.
"Like I said Clay, your hormones are on overdrive cause you haven't taken care of yourself and believe it or not women need attention just like men do it's only natural".

"I know I just..." I took a deep breath.
"Look I won't tell you one way or another when it comes to justin,Personally I would rather you wait a few years until you're both older but If you decide to give him a shot thats completely on you. all I ask is that you be careful and make sure its you who is making the decision and not horny you understand?" She asked patting my hand.
I nodded.
"And yall better use protection you hear me?"
"Yes mamma, I understand" I sniffed.
"Ok enough drama lets get going before all the good food is gone".
I nodded and we both got out of the car.
I felt better after my talk with mom. I'm not interested in any relationship right now especially with a guy. But I also know that being in a relationship is inevitable and.... oh nevermind.

We walked back inside and found a table with dad and Abby.
Steven and Cheyenne were in the middle of listening to John Parker ,Stevens best man give his speach.

People were laughing as we walked in so I'm guessing we missed some funny stuff.
"Hey where'd you guys run off to?" Dad asked.

"We had to use the bathroom" mom said shooting him a look and I saw dad immediately knew what that ment cause he just nodded and went back to watching the show.

Food was brought over to our table by the wait staff. Bbq ribs with all the fixings you could imagine. It never fails if you want a good meal in the south you go to a wedding or a funeral.

Mom had to show me how to eat while wearing lipstick.she ended up having to help fix my makeup later but dang was that food worth the inconvenience.

After dinner and the speeches there was music. The band was pretty good for a local group.

They did a cover of gimme three steps and this guy named Grant who is one of Stevens cousins came over and asked Abby to dance. She blushed and looked nervous but mom motioned go for it and she stood up and walked over with him.

"He's cute but not as cu..." I had to stop the thought as it crossed my mind.
I looked over and saw Justin sitting across the way at the table with his parents.

I hate to admit it but I kinda wanted him to ask me to dance but he seemed to have taken our little conversation to heart and just waved at me.

A few other guys all family of the groom asked me to dance but I declined them playing the shy card.

After the dance aunt Maggie called all the bridesmaids to the center of the floor and told us to line up.

I knew what was coming and I stood off a little to the side as Cheyenne got into position. Aunt Maggie saw me trying to sneak away and gently pushed me back with the others which got some laughs from the crowd.

Cheyenne got ready and I expected it to go to someone else but just like in some cheesey romantic movie when she threw the bouquet it came sailing towards me.

I caught it but like a fast paced game of hot potato I tossed it right into the waiting arms of Lisa and that got even more laughs.
"Looks like someone's not ready to get hitched yet" aunt Maggie said into her headset microphone.

I couldn't help but smile as I returned to my mom and dad to the sound of applause and laughter.
After pictures and all the other events it was about eleven o'clock by the time we all piled back into moms suv.

I was so tired after I got cleaned up and the makeup off I just collapsed into my bed and fell asleep almost immediately in nothing but a bra and panties
----------
"She's so pretty" I gushed at the little one in my arms.
"Just like her mother"I looked up and saw Justin leaning over us.
I looked at the little girl in my arms with her striking blue hair and beautiful eyes.
Suddenly the baby changed. She was now around three or four and screaming missing her left arm and had her insides hanging out with blood all over me and the ground.

"What's.... going on?" I was confused.
"Where am I?"
"What's wrong blue?" Justin was wearing a chest rig and helmet.

"Whats Happening?" I asked as the hospital room disappeared and was replaced by desert.
And the bed replaced with the turret of a HMMWV(humvee).

The heat, the smells the sound of the radio it all came back. I'm still my female self but now wearing my old combat gear.

"Cotton light em up!"
"No. No don't.... don't shoot please stop don't do it"I screamed at myself as I lined up the sights of my .50 on that old blue van.
----------
I sat up gasping like I couldn't breathe.
It was just barely light out as I looked down at my hands that were shaking in the early morning light while tears streamed down my face.

"Fuck, fuck fuck fuck" I whispered trying to get the memory to go away. "Damn you Clay, damn you" I sobbed.