'She collected her rucksack, and pausing to gently kiss Ari on the forehead, she slipped from the room, quietly closing the door behind her. As much as she wanted him with her, she knew this was a journey only she could take.'

Chapter 17 — A little fire burns a great deal of corn

Sarah lay in her bed daydreaming. She loved that just woken up feeling of utter calm. She would often wake up a hour earlier to just extend that lovely feeling of rest. Today however was not to be one of those days. Their team had been placed on a fortnight's leave following the incident on the yacht. Sarah could imagine it was more to encourage them to follow the general story of an outbreak of food poisoning.

Swinging her legs from the bed Sarah stretched and rubbed her eyes. Ari lay sleeping in his bunk; One thing she was glad that hadn’t changed. Colonel Mathias probably forgot to move her she mused.

Pulling her towel off the rack and collecting her wash kit, she groggily padded down the hallway to the shower.

Stepping into the bathroom, she slung her towel over the railing and stepped under the steaming water within the nearest shower cubicle.

Today was no normal day; she was returning home.

The day before, she had phoned her mother and as much as it hurt her to hear the name that had pained her childhood, she had played the dutiful son informing his mother that he would be returning to visit his family.

But he wouldn’t.

Sarah was going to be returning, not David. It was the last emotional hurdle she could foresee, and one she would rather get out of the way sooner than later. Just the knowledge that she was only their son stabbed at her heart daily. She would let them know they had another daughter, even if they did not accept it.

Rinsing the soap from her hair, Sarah groped around outside the curtain for her towel and pulled it off the railing. Modesty returned, she exited the shower, wrapping the fluffy towel around herself. She approached the steamy mirror and wiped a patch with her hand; A bedraggled soggy Sarah looked back at her. Poking and prodding her face and making stupid expressions she really couldn’t see a David there at all. But she had not changed physically? Would her parents see Sarah or David in a dress?

Shrugging, she tore herself away from her reflection and slowly made her way back towards her room.

Slipping back inside, she quietly dried herself off and made her way to her wardrobe.

Androgyny? Boy? Or girl? Before she could convince herself that going as David was a good idea, she pulled a blue print summer dress from the wardrobe.

Shimmying her underwear up her legs she felt somewhat more modest in the presence of her sleeping lover. Despite Ari’s assurances, that one part of her made her more self conscious than any other. She was not his girl while she was reminded of that thing ... It bothered her more and more each day, the more she wanted to love Ari, that growth reminded her she was not worthy.

Smoothing her dress down she knelt to search her shoe rack for a suitable pair. It still amazed her how she had managed to fill her wardrobe in such a short space of time. Admittedly, Shamira was a one woman shopping explosion.

Liberally dosing herself in body spray, she collected her rucksack, and pausing to gently kiss Ari on the forehead, she slipped from the room, quietly closing the door behind her. As much as she wanted him with her, she knew this was a journey only she could take.

Clumsily locking the door, she made her way out of the barrack block into the bright morning sunshine.

By the time she had reached the bus stop outside the base main gate, she was beginning to feel the nervous pangs in her belly once more. Rummaging in her rucksack, she retrieved her cigarettes.

While she felt bad for doing it, now was not a time to deal with quitting, she needed the calming effects to relax her.

Lighting the cigarette, she waited beside the dusty road for the bus into the city. Before long, and too many cigarettes, she was aboard a sweltering hot bus rattling noisily into the centre of Hadera.

As she moved around the bustling city centre and train station, she realised that she had forgotten to worry. She stood on the platform and looked around her. People going about their business, waiting, chatting, nobody was staring, nobody was laughing at her, maybe she didn’t need to worry anyway?

As the train pulled into the station, Sarah joined the throngs of passengers boarding, and found herself a seat in one of the carriages.

Throughout the journey, Sarah could not pull her mind from the possible outcomes of her meeting. No matter how much she wanted them to just accept her, a niggling feeling at the back of her mind told her that it would not be.

The first hurdle would be Eliana, Sarah’s sister who would be picking her up from the station in Beersheba.

“Miss?”

Sarah’s eyes fluttered open to see a aging conductor standing over her in an emptying carriage.

“Oh sorry,” mumbled Sarah blinking. “I must have dozed off.”

“Its ok my dear. We just pulled into Beersheba; I remembered your ticket’s destination.” smiled the old man. “You reminded me of my granddaughter.”

Sarah blushed and thanked the conductor before collecting her belongings and making her way towards the carriage door.

Stepping out into the early evening she felt a slight chill; she couldn’t tell if it was her nerves, or the temperature.

Sarah walked towards the café they had arranged to meet in. After a brief scan of the tables, she saw her sister reading a novel at one of the far tables alone.

Moving over, Sarah felt her stomach doing flip-flops inside her belly. Swallowing hard, she approached. “Is this seat taken?” she asked, catching her sister’s attention.

“Oh I’m sorry, I’m waiting for someo…..” Sarah saw Eliana’s mouth hang open unable to finish the sentence. “David?”

Sarah eased herself into the seat opposite her sister and studied her face carefully before speaking.

She had been best friends with her big sister Eliana before she had moved to join the army. The two had done everything together. So many times, Sarah had been moments and words away from telling her sister about her, but had never found the words.

“Um, been a while huh?” she prompted intelligently, trying to reengage her sister’s brain.

“David…. She began slowly. “Sorry Da… Sorry, ah, I guess, um, this isn’t a joke is it?”

Sarah shook her head slowly. “No, Eliana.” She whispered quietly reaching across the table and taking her sister’s hand in her own and giving it a squeeze.

“This might sound corny…” Began Eliana with a weak smile, “But I sort of always felt you were different, more like me… I’m just a little sad that you didn’t trust me.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you Eli.” Sarah sniffed as a tear rolled down her cheek. “I was too scared, and I’m so so sorry.”

“Oh baby” Sighed Eliana wiping a tear from Sarah’s cheek. “You know you could have told me anything. I'd have kept your secret.”

“I know.” whispered Sarah. “Its just I don’t know if I could have said the words to anyone, it wasn’t you.”

“You certainly have changed, sister.” smiled Eliana, making Sarah blush. “I don’t think it’s fair to keep calling you David, people might wonder if I had gone mad,” she quipped.

“Um, S, Sarah.” She stammered awkwardly while staring at her lap. She looked up tentatively to gauge her sister’s reaction.

She was smiling. “It suits you… achoti.”

Sarah couldn’t hold it back any further, her sister’s words meant so much to her, and without a care for being in public, she broke down sobbing.

“Hush baby. It’s okay.” She felt her sister wrap her arms around her from behind and hug her tight.

“Eli.” Sarah sniffed quietly.

“Yes, sweetie?” her sister replied softly while dabbing her own moist eyes.

“Thank you.”

After composing themselves, the two made their way out of the station and towards the lot where Eliana had left her car.

“Do you think Aba and Ima will be angry?” Sarah asked in a very small voice as they walked along the pavement.

Eliana shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know sweetie. I know Aba had high expectations for you, his son the soldier …. He is very old-fashioned, you know…” Reaching for Sarah’s hand, she squeezed it tight in her own. “Ima always thought you were gay, to be honest. So I guess she might have an easier time accepting the new you.”

Sarah sighed audibly. “That’s what I’m trying to explain, Sis,” she replied exasperatedly stopping and pulling her sister to face her.

“I’m not a NEW person.” She pressed. “This is the same person you grew up with, you can just see me now.” She pressed, searching her sister’s eyes for understanding. “I’m not changing.” She sniffed.

Eli looked at the girl before her that had been her brother till this day. She could remember the pain she had seen in her brother growing up, His dull outlook, his depression. She could see the person before her. They looked the same, but different. But there was one noticeable difference.

The girl in front of her had eyes that shone with life.

“I know, my sister, I know.”

Hebrew translations:

Achoti — My Sister

Aba — Father

Ima - Mother