Chapter 5 — Strange things.

Sarah felt a trickle of sweat roll down her back.

“Uh.” She said intelligently.

Sgt Goni looked at Sarah with a curious expression. “We knew you were a Noshech Kariyot* David, but this is taking undercover a little far no?”

Sarah just looked blankly at the 4 troopers before her. She had never realised how big they were. She had always felt smaller than them, but not small. Now she was almost looking up at the 4 big men in their body armour and gear.

“I, uh,” She muttered looking away.

“SHE, was shopping with me.” Announced Mara, placing her hand on Sarah’s shoulder.

“Yes we have to talk, but now is neither the time nor the place. And show some fucking respect. You’re talking to the woman that stopped this becoming a bloodbath.” Growled Mira. “She’s not in any shape to talk now; this has been hard on her.”

Peter Shiloh placed his arm on the Sergeant’s shoulder and gently squeezed. “Sergeant; Cohen is right, we have things to do, and David, I mean, um, she doesn’t look up to a grilling.”
Turning to Shamira peter nodded, “Back at the base?”

She nodded. “Thank you.”

“This is going to be worth waiting for.” He smirked before turning and walking off towards a group of police officers.

Turning Sarah, Mira guided her friend away from the carnage in the courtyard and towards the command post set up at the far end.

After she found Sarah a seat, Mira bustled off to find whoever was in charge leaving Sarah alone.

“Are you ok miss?”

Sarah turned to face a young paramedic.

“Uh, yes, I think so, I’m just a little drained.” She sighed.

“Can you walk? Id like to check you over if that’s ok?” The young man insisted.

”I’m Benyamin.” He offered

“Sarah” She replied with a weak smile.

Looking into his face, Sarah noted the concern and compassion in the man’s expression. He cared, and loved his job, but that job hurt him. “Ok.” She whispered.

Helping her to her feet, she was led over to the back of an ambulance where the medic began to poke and prod Sarah, shining lights into her eyes and testing things.

As he held her wrist, testing her pulse, she caught his eyes and smiled.

“So what’s the prognosis? Am I going to live?” She giggled.

“Well that depends really.” He sighed with a straight face.

“Oh? How sad, there was so much I wanted to do.” She sighed.

“Well, if you agree to go to dinner with me, I guess you might live.” He smiled packing the stethoscope away.

”You’re fine medically, that blood isn’t yours, and you are in great physical shape.” He said seriously. “But mentally, I think you’re a little shocked still, I heard what you did. And I’d understand if you want to be alone.” He added.

“Well living will be nice. I guess I can put up with the side effect of the company.” She grinned.

“Do you hit on all your patients?” she grinned, cocking her head to the side.

Ben shook his head and smiled. “Just the cute ones.”

“Ok then. Here’s my number, but I really have to get back now, my friend will be looking for me.” She smiled passing him the piece of paper and climbing off the ambulance’s back step. “Thank you Ben”. She waved and made her way back towards the command post.

”Where the hell were you?” Mira scolded with her hands on her hips. “You worried me.”

“I’m a big girl Mira, I can look after myself.” Sarah smiled.

Mira looked at her closely. “Tell.” She said with a slight grin on her lips.

“Oh a nice paramedic came over and wanted to check me out…. I mean over.” She smiled innocently.

Mira shook her head in disbelief. “You are off to a flying start my girl. Haven’t you heard of walking before you run?”

Sitting down beside Sarah, she handed her one of the coffee cups she had acquired.

“I don’t know Mira, he just looked nice, and he was so kind. I don’t know if I like him like that, but he’s nice, and friendly, and asked me… I thought it would have been rude if I just turned him down.” She shrugged.

“Just be careful honey, your… situation, will cause a possible problem, and try not to get too attached before you tell him ok?”

“I guess” Sarah grimaced. “I don’t even know why I said yes.” She sighed. “I never even considered dating or sex before today. What gives?”

“You’re comfortable.” Stated Mira matter of factly as she took a sip from her cup. “You’re finally you, and you let the act go. The girl you really are is beginning to wake up, and she knows what she likes.”

“I suppose.” Admitted Sarah. “It just feels like things are going too fast. I mean, I hadn’t expected this…. And now I have to tell everyone!” She sobbed.

“Hush baby.” Mira soothed as she hugged her friend. “You have me, Ari, the Colonel… You are officially ok…. Anyway once those macho assholes realise you’re serious then they will just accept it. They can’t have made it into this unit being bigoted unintelligent assholes…. They just act like it because they think it’s cool and manly…” Mira smirked.

“We should get back to base.” Sarah said flatly. “I’ve gone off shopping, and I have a firing squad to attend.”

Grimacing, Mira hugged her friend. “It will be ok honey, I mean; they didn’t blow their tops did they?”

“I guess not. But I still don’t feel good about it.” Sarah admitted, frowning.

Finally, Sarah left the bloodbath behind, and the two returned to the base. It felt good to get out of that place, it had been a traumatic morning, but what was ahead was equally frightening.

Sarah didn’t want to think about what could happen, but her mind wouldn’t allow her that nicety.

When the two arrived back at the base, Sarah told Mira she needed some alone time, and after hugging her friend, disappeared back to the sanctuary of her room.

Once she was safely inside, she shut and locked the door; sliding down against the floor she curled into a ball and began to cry.

As sobs wracked her body, she felt bad. Why was she crying so easily? She had never been this emotional before. Was this what Mira had said? She was ‘comfortable’ now?

Why was this being herself so bloody stressful? She asked herself.

Wiping the tears from her eyes she hugged her knees to her chest. There was no denying it. As stressful as this was; it was right she admitted. All the crap she had gone through to get into this unit was as hard as this. She survived that, she could survive this.

It was all about growing thicker skin. What was it Ari said? Sticks and stones may break my bones but names don’t throw stones in glass houses?

Sarah was sure that wasn’t right, but it sounded ok.

Pulling herself to her feet, she stripped off her top and skirt and walked over to the wash basin.

Looking into the mirror, she saw herself, but it wasn’t her. She wasn’t sure. Looking back was the same face, the same eyes, the same hair, hell, the same arms, hands, legs, but she was different.

While it scared her, she was pleased with what she saw. It seemed, natural; meant to be. Her smooth crotch and small chest in the underwear seemed appropriate for her.

“If I’m going to do this, I may as well do it right.” Sarah muttered to her reflection.

She gathered up her hair into a high ponytail and secured it with a simple black band.

She pulled on her uniform pants and tee-shirt, finally her uniform shirt and fastened her belt.

Looking back at her was a female Idf soldier. Like thousands of others, but this one was her. A tear rolled down her cheek as she looked at her reflection. This is how she should have looked all this time.

Every time she looked at that mirror, she became more comfortable with what she saw. ‘Time to make the others just as comfortable with me looking like this.’ She thought to herself. ‘If I don’t do this, they never will.’

Balling up her confidence, Sarah stepped out of the door to her room and locked it. Slowly she began to walk down the hallway; every footfall requiring mental effort to complete.

Approaching the door of the Mess, she reached out for the handle as if it were a coiled serpent.

Hesitating, she took a deep breath and opened the door…

*Noshech Kariyot - Pillow Biter (Hebrew slang for Gay)