“Thank GOD,” Mac says in an over-dramatic way as he, Ben and I head out of our college, all three of us tired after a long week, but excited at the knowledge we have the next three weeks completely university-free.

“Took the words right out of my mouth,” Ben chuckles.

“Oh come on,” I protest. “It hasn’t been THAT bad, has it?”

“So you’re telling me you’d rather have another 3 weeks of classes than 3 weeks of holiday, then?” Ben asks, making me grin slyly.

“…HELL no,” I reply, sharing a laugh with my friends as we walk through the warm Spring air. I do my best make the most of the good feeling while it lasts, though- over the last few months, it's become increasingly rare.

Three months have passed since my father ruined my life- or rather, the most recent time that my father ruined my life. In that time, I’ve completed half a semester of university work, celebrated my girlfriend’s 18th birthday (and Valentine’s Day), celebrated Ben’s 19th birthday and the birthdays of four other members of the Fellowship. I’ve watched Arsenal play twice, once against Chelsea and once against Man United (both matches ending 2-0 to my beloved Gunners), finished two videogames (Resident Evil 2 and Kingdom Hearts 3, both of which I loved), taken about 20 bass lessons with Mikey and/or Stuart, watched the trailer for Avengers Endgame about 200 times and made absolutely no progress toward resolving the lawsuit.

I’ve met with Ross- my solicitor- plenty of times since the New Year, with each meeting going exactly the same way. He tells me there’s been no progress, advises how much money I’m going to make from the eventual countersuit, and I go away feeling even more stressed with my so-called father’s lawsuit still hanging over my head. Stuart has advised that I can always sign for Joshua Benedict and make use of his retained lawyer to make the lawsuit go away quickly and without any fuss, and Joshua Benedict himself has even confirmed this, but the thought of that just makes me even more stressed- and more stress is the absolute last thing I need right now.

Of course, I can put all this stress to the back of my mind (well, I can try, anyway) for the next few weeks, as university has officially finished for the Easter holidays. I’ll still be busy with coursework, of course (pun not intended), but I’ll at least be able to relax, not have to deal with crowds or deadlines, and live life on my own schedule. I’ll be going back to Cardiff for Easter itself, but that’ll only be a few days of having to deal with my mother- especially as the bulk of my time there won’t be spent with her.

As I mentioned earlier, one of the highlights of the start of the year was Chloe’s eighteenth birthday, and now that she’s eighteen, her parents are finally treating her like her own person and not like a 5-year-old girl. She’s already visited London once for her interview at the London College of Fashion (who have offered her a conditional place, to the delight of both of us), and she’ll be visiting tomorrow for a few days so I can show her around London and she can help me ‘relieve my stress’. My friends have been helping with my stress as well, of course, but they can’t help in the way that Chloe can!

That’s not to say that I don’t appreciate their friendship, of course. In addition to my guitar lessons, I (and occasionally Lee too) have been to the occasional games night with Stuart and his friends and have even been on a couple of nights out with them. However, it’s the nights in with Lee, Ben and Mac that I’ve treasured the most, whether we’re playing videogames, board games or just chilling out watching a movie. On those nights, I can forget all about my stress, and forget all about the fact that for over sixteen years, as far as the law (and my parents) was concerned, my name was Kayleigh-Ann and I was a girl. Today, though, I am indisputably one of the guys, and this feeling of conditional acceptance may be the greatest gift I have ever received.

However, on our games nights, it’s rarely just the four of us. Dan Young- or as Mac calls him, ‘Sheldon’- usually shows up as well. Despite his best efforts, Lee is still struggling to make friends at university, and Dan has a very hard time taking no for an answer, so on games nights, we’re a fivesome. Fortunately, Dan at least unconditionally accepts me as one of the guys, though his idea of what a ‘guy’ should be is very different than mine. If I even mention my friendship to the Angels’ partners, or style my hair differently, or even wear a t-shirt or jumper with a designer logo on it instead of a Star Wars logo, I get labelled ‘Joey Essex’ and/or asked when I’m going to be on Love Island. One consolation is that the other guys, especially Mac, get as much shit from him as I do, but that doesn’t stop me from getting the regular urge to punch him. Sometimes I even wonder whether or not I’d have taken Joshua Benedict up on his offer if it wasn’t for Dan…

Fortunately, he spends most of his time with us trying to come with a ‘team name’ for the five of us, after he realised that all five of us have names or nicknames that are three letters long. As his current best effort is ‘Le Dice Bananamen’, it will hopefully keep him occupied for a while yet. Even if I can’t really call myself a ‘banana man’- not yet, anyway…

“Evening,” Lee says as I walk through the front door of our flat and flop down heavily on our sofa.

“Hey,” I reply. “You’re back earlier than usual?”

“No afternoon lecture ‘cause it’s the end of term,” Lee explains. “They said to use the afternoon for reading and coursework, and I can do that just as easily at home.”

“’Home’ meaning here or Cardiff?” I ask as I spot Lee’s packed suitcase out of the corner of my eye.

“…Both,” Lee replies with a shrug. “Figured I’d head back early tomorrow, give you some room. By which I mean ‘give you and Chloe some room’!”

“I do appreciate that,” I reply with a grin. “And yes, I owe you one.”

“Pity you don’t still work at GAME, you could’ve repaid me out of your staff discount,” Lee says, making me snort with laughter. “Speaking of which, when are the guys coming around?”

“Umm, around 7, I think,” I reply, before trying not to frown. “Is Dan coming around too?”

“Yep,” Lee replies in a stoic voice. “Try to be nice, okay?”

“I will if he will,” I snort. “I mean, yes, I know he’s your friend, but he’s a grade-A dick, you know?”

“Well, he’s helping me to get an A,” Lee replies. “Or a first, or whatever you want to call it now. But- well, yeah, I’ll tell him to tone it down a bit.”

“Thanks,” I say as I open the Deliveroo app on my phone. “Want anything specific for dinner or shall I just get a pick and mix again?”

“Pick and mix sounds great,” Lee replies as I start placing our order, only to be immediately interrupted by an incoming Facebook message- a message that instantly makes me forget all about dinner.

‘Hey you,’ Chloe types, instantly bringing a wide grin to my face.

‘Hey me,’ I reply, giggling at the ‘rolling eyes’ emoji my girlfriend sends in reply. “How’ve you been?’

‘REALLY missing you,’ Chloe types. ‘Can’t wait for tomorrow!’

‘Me too,’ I type. ‘For both things!’

‘You’d better be,’ Chloe types with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji that makes me smirk.

‘I’m looking forward to September more,’ I type.

‘God, me too,’ Chloe replies. ‘Gonna be weird not being at home and I know Hannah and Rosie will be jealous, which will make it even more fun!’

‘Lol,’ I type, reacting to both Chloe’s message and the ‘devil’ emoji she followed it with.

‘Rosie’ll be especially jealous of all the Angel parties we go to!’ Chloe types, making me roll my eyes even as I reply with a ‘smiling’ emoji. As much as I adore Chloe, sometimes I can’t help but wonder whether her excitement at coming to London is because of me or my contacts…

‘Also can’t wait to see your friends again tomorrow,’ Chloe types.

‘Umm, I think Stuart and Jamie are busy all tomorrow?’ I ask, confused by my girlfriend’s statement. ‘I know I’ve not made any plans with them, anyway.’

‘Not them, silly, your uni friends!’ Chloe types with a ‘giggling’ emoji that makes me roll my eyes but also breathe a sigh of relief and momentarily forget about my aforementioned stress about Chloe’s love of me or my contacts. And needless to say, you can trace this stress right back to my mother and the first sixteen years of my life.

‘Rosie will be less jealous about you seeing them again,’ I tease along with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji.

‘Lol,’ Chloe types with a ‘rolling eyes’ emoji. ‘Figure I should get to know them now if we’re going to be spending all our free time with them come September!’ Chloe’s ‘winking’ emoji makes me chuckle as I fantasise about September, being able to spend as much time with Chloe as I want, and whenever I want- though I can’t help but worry at how well Chloe and Dan will get along…

Chloe and I chat for another half an hour until Lee reminds me that I’m meant to be ordering our dinner, and with Chloe also being called down to dinner by her parents we say our goodbyes and log out of Facebook. As always, chatting with Chloe has taken my mind off my anxieties, and while it's a brief respite, it's still one I'm more than grateful for. If this lawsuit drags on until September, I’ve a feeling I'll be needing Chloe more and more.

Our friends arrive for our games night a short while later, closely followed by our food, and before long we’re relaxing in a pile of empty food containers and beer and soft drink bottles, game controllers in hand.

“Rocket League split screen next, then?” Mac asks as we finish our FIFA mini tournament.

“Yep, sounds good,” Lee replies as he selects the game on our PlayStation 4’s menu. “Quick reminder that while I’m back in Wales, you four are not to-“

“Yes, yes, we know,” I sigh. “Don’t touch your PlayStation Network account.”

“You’ve told us three times tonight already,” Mac sighs. “Chill out, for god's sake!”

“Why are you so stressed out, anyway?” Ben asks. “Not looking forward to going back to Wales?”

“Meh, a little,” Lee shrugs. “I mean, I’ll have a lot more space back home to work on my projects, but-“ I bite my lip as Lee glances in my direction- I know what’s been getting him down recently better than anyone else, and in truth, it’s made me a little depressed as well, even if I am relieved that I won't get any 'screen time' this year.

“…Girlfriend problems,” I explain, laughing as Lee angrily hurls a packet of crisps at my head. “Well- sort of, anyway. It was this time last year that we were recording Robot Wars.”

“Ah, right,” Ben says. “And because the BBC have cancelled the show-“

“Months of work down the drain,” Lee sighs. “I mean, there’s always the competitive circuit-“

“Which is a more legitimate competition anyway,” Dan interrupts, earning a dark look from all of us, Lee included, to my surprise.

“…We got so close last time,” Lee sighs as I bit my lip again- even though he’s gone to great lengths not to say, I’m sure he at least partly blames the team’s elimination from the tournament on my walking out on the recording.

“I know Chloe was gutted too when she heard that the show was cancelled,” I interject, before sighing as Lee, Mac and Ben playfully jeer at me.

“Humble girlfriend brag,” Mac says, making me roll my eyes. "Minus the 'humble'."

“For what it’s worth, she is looking forward to seeing you all again tomorrow,” I say. “God knows why.”

“Yeah, I’m looking forward to seeing her too,” Mac says, before fidgeting as I shoot a dirty look at him. “…Okay, fair enough, girlfriend is even more off-limits than a PSN account, I get it.”

“I’m having a hard time thinking of anything LESS off-limits than a girlfriend,” Ben muses.

“A man’s robot?” I tease my flat mate, who responds with more projectile snacks. “When they’re not the same thing, anyway…” I laugh as the jeers turn back in Lee’s direction, who simply sighs and shrugs them off as his team of cars prepares to do battle with Mac’s.

The rest of the evening passes noisily with all of us- Dan included- having a great time. All throughout the evening, though, I can’t help but worry about how well Chloe will fit in with the group- four noisy boys and one Dan is about as far from her 'thing' as it's possible to get, though the same could possibly be said of most girls. It certainly couldn't be said of me, though- because I am absolutely, positively NOT a girl.

I’m woken up the following morning by my phone alerting me to an incoming Facebook message, which I initially dismiss in my hungover state, only to sigh and roll over when two more messages follow in quick succession. When I see who the messages are from, though, my hangover quickly fades away.

‘Hey you!’ Chloe’s first message reads. ‘I’m getting on the train now, should be with you in a couple of hours.’

‘I’ll be there,’ I reply with a ‘kissing’ emoji that Chloe immediately reciprocates. ‘Lee’s giving us a lift before he heads back home, it’ll save money on taxis and the tube.’

‘As long as I sit in the front,’ Chloe types. ‘I’m wearing one of my shortest skirts so I can do without flashing the whole of London climbing into the back!’

‘Don’t need to ask if you brought me a present, then?’ I type with a ‘grinning’ emoji.

‘Don’t need to ask if you’re looking forward to unwrapping your present?’ Chloe retorts with a ‘winking’ emoji that makes me giggle excitedly.

‘Counting down the milliseconds already,’ I reply as I take several deep breaths to shake off the last of my hangover before jumping out of bed. ‘G2G now, breakfast then a shower.’

‘You’d better be wearing your sexy deodorant when you pick me up,’ Chloe types, to which I reply with another ‘grinning’ emoji. ‘Love you!’

‘Love you too,’ I type as I toss my phone onto my bed and head through to the kitchen, pausing as I pass my flat mate’s bedroom door.

“Hey!” I yell, knocking loudly on Lee’s door and smirking at the pained groans that come from the other side. “Get up! Chloe’ll be here soon!”

“I fucking hate you,” Lee moans, making me smirk. “I’ll be up in a bit, put some coffee on. A LOT of coffee. Like, hook it up to a petrol pump, that sort of thing. Ugh, reminds me, I’ll need to stop for petrol before we pick Chloe up too…”

“Looking forward to getting back home, then?” I ask.

“Not looking forward to the drive,” Lee replies as he opens the door to reveal his dishevelled, unshaved state. “But I’ll be happier when I’m there, yep. That reminds me- in addition to my PSN account, you and Chloe are not to go anywhere near my bed, okay?”

“Ugh- like we would?” I retort, chuckling as my flat mate gives me a playful shove en route to the shower.

A short while later, after both of us have been fully caffeinated, we pull into the car park of Paddington station and make our way to the station concourse, where we’re not waiting long before a beautiful, petite flame-haired girl comes running toward us, one arm dragging her travel case while the other arm is open for a hug I am only too happy to give her.

“Hey you!” I say happily, before exchanging a kiss with Chloe.

“Hey me!” My girlfriend teasingly replies, before giving a looser, more friendly hug to Lee. “And hey you! Hope you’ve been keeping Ian out of trouble?”

“Yeah, like that’s possible,” Lee chuckles, making me roll my eyes as Chloe releases the hug and grips my hand tightly. “I’ll drop you back home but then I really need to get going. I don’t need to ask if you have any plans for today, do I?”

“Just, you know… Catching up,” Chloe replies with a devilish grin that makes my heart beat faster.

“I really REALLY need to get going, then,” Lee says as we head out to his car and climb in (with me letting Chloe take the front passenger seat, as promised). “How long are you in London for, anyway?”

“Only until Monday,” Chloe sighs. “But that just means we have the whole weekend to ourselves, hehe!” I share a glance with my girlfriend and share the wide grin that spreads across her face.

“We are going to see a bit more of London, too,” I say. “I figure I lived here for nearly fifteen years, that makes me qualified to be a tour guide, right?”

“I’m really looking forward to seeing Big Ben, I am,” Chloe says excitedly.

“What little you can see of it through the scaffolding, anyway,” Lee says.

“Well- I’ll have three years to see it, starting in September!” Chloe giggles. “When I’m not too busy with uni work. And parties!”

“And me,” I remind my girlfriend.

“Who d’you think’s going to come all of those parties with me?” Chloe asks, making me giggle, even as I cringe a little internally- I’ve spent my whole life being told what to do and how to do it, so when it happens now, it can be a little grating. Fortunately, I know for a fact that Chloe is NOT my mother, father, grandmother or any other member of the family. She adores me, just as I adore her. I just wish it didn’t annoy me so much…

Lee drops us off a short while later before immediately driving off, leaving the two of us by ourselves. It isn't long before the two of us have stripped each other naked and retreated to my bedroom...

“I have REALLY missed you,” I say, taking several deep breaths as the two of us lay in my sweat-soaked sheets.

“Believe me, I’ve missed you more,” Chloe says, before sighing and smiling at me. “…And this is the part where you usually apologise, and I have to reassure you that I really, genuinely don’t mind that you’re not ‘built’ like most other men.”

“I wasn’t going to apologise,” I protest, before sighing. “Out loud, anyway…”

“Exactly,” Chloe says. “I wouldn’t have travelled 150 miles to be here if the sex wasn’t good, would I?”

“Yeah, well, I guess ‘insecurity’ is just a major part of who I am, heh,” I sigh as I lay back in bed. “Can’t imagine why… Sorry for- well, feeling sorry for myself, especially after we’ve just-“

“With everything that’s happened to you over the last few months, you’re entitled to feel a little sorry for yourself,” Chloe whispers reassuringly. “That’s part of why I’m here- who better to take your mind off of things than the best girlfriend in the world?”

“I agree with you 100%,” I say, even if I’m a little annoyed that Chloe’s brought my anxiety levels up. “And I would suggest a way you can take my mind off of it again, though I think it may be a while before I’m up to even walking, heh.”

“That’s okay,” Chloe shrugs, giving me a kiss before sliding out of bed and putting her bra and panties back on. “You just lay back and leave everything to me until you get your strength back.”

“Umm, you really don’t need to do that?” I say. “I mean, you ARE a guest in my flat, and-“

“And no more words,” Chloe interrupts, silencing me with a gentle kiss. “It really is the least I can do. You’ve put up with enough shit in the last few months to last most people a lifetime. Not to mention everything you dealt with before that, heh. You’ve earned this Easter holiday just as much as anyone has. And most importantly of all… I’m your girlfriend, and you’re my MAN.” Despite my tiredness, I still grin as Chloe gently caresses my chest- my flat, bare, masculine chest, unencumbered by the soft, heavy mounds that used to be there.

“…I love you,” I whisper, earning a smile and a kiss from my girlfriend.

“I love you too,” Chloe whispers, before pulling her skirt and top back on and heading out of the room, returning a few minutes later with two mugs of hot tea and our small, portable radio.

Chloe and I spend the next hour in bed, simply listening to music, holding each other close and, in my case at least, wishing that the moment would never end. As much as I enjoyed the sex, oddly enough it’s this simple act that does a much better job of taking my mind off of my stresses. I don’t have to be ‘careful’ when I’m with Chloe, I don’t have to make sure I act a particular way, a way that’s expected of me- I can simply be myself, which is the best gift anyone could ever give me.

However, another wonderful gift is the gift of friendship, as I’m reminded when my phone bleeps to inform me of a new Facebook message from Mac, letting me know that he, Ben and Dan are on their way over for our planned day of gaming. Fifteen minutes later- after I’ve had the chance to pull my clothes back on- the three guys arrive, Mac leading the other two in and greeting me with a handshake before giving Chloe a gentle hug that (from my perspective, anyway) lasts FAR too long.

“Hey guys!” Mac chuckles. “Thanks for putting your clothes back on… Ian!”

“Funny man,” I say stoically as Chloe giggles.

“I won’t ask what you’ve been doing all morning, then,” Ben jokes as he places a large bag of refreshments on our coffee table, including several cans of beer. “Sure you want to spend your limited time in London shut in with us rather than exploring the city?”

“Meh, maybe,” Chloe shrugs. “As long as I’m with Ian, it doesn’t matter where we are, hehe!”

“Good answer,” I say smugly, earning an eye roll from my girlfriend.

“And this way, I get to hang out with you guys too!” Chloe says. “Besides, I’ll be down here in the summer, when it’ll be warmer, so I can always explore then.”

“Chloe really wants to see Big Ben,” I explain.

“So you want to climb up the inside of the tower and look at the bell?” Dan asks, making me internally sigh. “I assume you know that Big Ben is the bell inside the clock tower, and that the clock tower itself is called the Elizabeth Tower?”

“You must be Dan,” Chloe says, making the rest of us giggle. “I’m Chloe, I don’t believe we’ve met yet?”

“Ydw, Dan ydw i. Mae'n braf i gwrdd â chi,” Dan replies, earning confused looks from myself, Ben and Mac and an eye roll from Chloe.

“You REALLY must be Dan,” Chloe says as the five of us sit down.

“Did you just have a stroke or something?” Ben asks Dan, which earns him a slap on the arm from my girlfriend.

“He was speaking Welsh,” Chloe explains.

“I didn’t know you understood Welsh,” I say.

“I did it as a second language at GCSE,” Chloe shrugs. “Only got a 6, though. Obviously, you didn’t have that option ‘cause you went to school in England.”

“O-kay…” I say, suddenly feeling very uneasy.

“Why is it such a big deal that I speak Welsh?” Chloe giggles. “Some Welsh, anyway?”

“It’s not,” I protest. “It just, you know, came as a bit of a surprise, that’s all.”

“I could always teach you some Welsh, if you’d like?” Dan offers, making me scowl- which deepens when Chloe giggles at Dan’s unintended joke.

“Oh sure,” Ben snorts. “’Cause THAT’s not cultural appropriation? Maybe next you’d like to teach me Hebrew?”

“If you’d like?” Dan asks, oblivious to Ben’s sarcasm.

“…Actually, I’m thinking maybe we should head out after all?” I suggest. “Get some fresh air, rather than spend all day cooped up inside?”

“Suits me,” Mac replies with a shrug. “After lunch, though, and it should really be Chloe’s decision- she is the guest of honour, after all.”

“Thank you,” Chloe says with a smug grin. “Maybe it WOULD be a good idea to go out after lunch, hehe!”

“Well, that’s three votes for,” Mac declares, earning cheers from all of us (with the obvious exception of Dan). However, I can’t help but fidget at the sight of the smile that Chloe and Mac exchange…

After a quick Deliveroo lunch and an even quicker gaming session, the five of us put our coats on and head to the nearest tube station, and soon we emerge from Charing Cross station. A smile quickly spreads across my face as we walk down Whitehall, especially because of the awestruck look on my girlfriend's face- and the tight grip she has on my hand.

“Okay,” my girlfriend giggles excitedly. “THIS is cool, hehe!”

“Really?” Mac chuckles. “Downing Street is about as UNcool as it’s possible to get, heh.”

“Meh, it’s still a landmark, isn’t it?” Chloe asks, before releasing my hand and posing in front of the main gate. “Come on, take my photo, someone!” I smile as I take my phone out of my pocket and snap a photo of my girlfriend, but much to my chagrin, so does Mac. Jealousy is another form of stress I really don't need right now. Fortunately, an idea quickly springs to mind that hopefully should ease that nasty feeling a little.

“Hey Mac, get a photo of the two of us!” I say as I stand next to Chloe and wrap an arm around her tiny waist.

“Umm, okay!” Mac chuckles as he takes our picture, my smile widening as I feel Chloe slip a stealth hand into the rear pocket of my jeans.

“Big Ben next?” ‘Our’ Ben asks, making the four of us laugh as Dan rolls his eyes and sighs.

“Yep, sounds great!” Chloe giggles, once again linking her fingers with mine as we continue down Whitehall toward the Palace of Westminster.

After a good two hours of exploring the city, including having our photo taken in front of Westminster Abbey and Buckingham Palace, Ben, Mac, Chloe and I head toward a nearby pub for refreshment, while Dan thankfully heads back home, but not before stating in great detail exactly why he doesn’t like pubs. It’s obvious though that Chloe has thoroughly enjoyed today, and it's also obvious that a major reason for that is that she got to spend the day with me. However, every time I see Mac looking at my girlfriend- and even worse, vice versa- that nasty jealous feeling starts to bubble up again. I know I’m being irrational, but what with everything that’s happened to me over the past few months, I wouldn’t put it past the universe to mess with my relationship with Chloe as well. With that in mind, when Mac gets up to use the toilet shortly before we leave the pub, I follow him, determined to put an end to the situation before it gets out of hand.

“Oh, hey mate,” Mac says as he makes use of one of the urinals. “You do know that going to the toilet together is kinda a ‘not-male’ thing, right?”

“Funny man,” I say as I head to one of the cubicles, grateful that the toilet block is otherwise empty.

“And you can’t use a urinal yet, then?” Mac asks.

“Okay, getting VERY close to crossing a line,” I caution my tall friend.

“Oh- jeez, sorry, I was just asking…” Mac protests. “Didn’t mean anything by it, like.”

“Speaking of ‘crossing lines’ and ‘not meaning anything’,” I say, taking a deep breath to compose myself before continuing- it’s not like I want to fight with Mac, after all, and he IS a friend, but still… “Keep your hands off Chloe.”

“Oh- what?” Mac says with a snort of laughter. “Mate, you’re being paranoid.”

“Am I?” I ask. “Can you honestly say that you DON’T fancy Chloe?”

“Thanks a lot,” Mac snorts. “Ask the one question that doesn’t have a right answer. That has GOT to violate the bro code somehow. I mean, really, what do you want me to say to that?”

“The truth,” I reply, biting my lip as I ponder whether or not Mac is right, whether this is the question that men shouldn’t ask each other- well, normal men, anyway, and the fact of the matter is that whether I like it or not, I am very, very far from being a ‘normal’ man. However, this doesn’t mean I’m no less a man just because I live my life on my terms…

“…Okay, I think she’s cute,” Mac replies. “But I’m not going to do anything mate, honestly! Nicking someone’s girlfriend is, like, the biggest violation of the bro code there is.”

“…But am I real ‘bro’, though?” I ask, fidgeting on my seat as I ask the question that has plagued me for almost three years.

“Yes,” Mac replies without any hesitation. “Yes, you are a bro. And on THAT, I guess you are at least entitled to feel a little insecure, even though you really, really shouldn’t.”

“Well- thanks,” I sigh as I flush the toilet and head out to wash my hands. “And I- I’m sorry, I guess. Ugh, after three years you’d think I’d have the whole ‘guy’ thing figured out.”

“Really?” Mac asks. “I’ve been at it twenty years and I still fuck up sometimes.”

“Well- I guess,” I shrug.

“Flirting with another guy’s girl is just another fuck up in a long string of them,” Mac admits. “I’ll back off mate, I- honestly, I didn’t realise I was doing it, I- heh. I’ll find another girl. A different one.”

“Good,” I say, smirking as Mac rolls his eyes.

“Though I still reckon you’re being over-paranoid,” Mac says. “Just my opinion, but if I had a psycho dad who was suing me for- well, you know, I’d probably be a bit paranoid too, heh.”

“Well, I’m going to get my money’s worth out of my counsellor this week,” I sigh. “Though ironically THAT is paid for by my dad via the divorce settlement with my mum, heh. Looking forward to him suing to get THAT money back.”

“Umm, I’m pretty sure he can’t if it was a divorce settlement,” Mac says as we head back to our table. “Don’t those have to go through the courts anyway?”

“Hey you two,” Chloe says, greeting me with a long, loving kiss as I sit down next to her. “What were you two talking about?”

“Your boyfriend’s massive paranoia,” Mac replies, making Chloe giggle and me sigh. “What’ve you two got planned for the rest of the night, then?”

“Never you mind that!” Chloe replies with a devilish smirk that sends a tingle through my body. “What are you two doing, hanging out with Dan tonight?”

“Ugh, GOD no!” Ben snorts.

“I mean, I don’t want to hate the guy, but…” Mac sighs.

“Meh, so he’s a bit full-on,” Chloe shrugs. “Kinda reminds me a bit of Lee when I first met him. You guys like him, right?” I can’t help but smirk as Mac flashes me a look as if to say ‘twice in five minutes?’.

“Yeah, Lee’s cool,” Ben shrugs. “Ehh, I dunno. So Dan’s a bit odd, he’ll mature eventually. Maybe.”

“And if you think Dan’s odd, you should try hanging out with my sister some time,” Chloe snorts. “Aka ‘princess of the bloody universe’.”

“Which one, Hannah or Rosie?” I ask, earning a smirk from my girlfriend.

“Both,” Chloe confirms. “But especially Hannah, my older sister.”

“Ah, okay,” Mac says, before smirking himself. “Is she single?” Despite my earlier paranoia, I can’t help but laugh as Chloe gives Mac a gentle punch in his arm.

We stay at the pub for another half an hour before heading back to our respective homes, Chloe not removing her hand from my back pocket throughout the entire tube ride home. Once we’re home, I reluctantly remove my girlfriend’s hands from my jeans before heading into the kitchen and putting the kettle on. Much to my surprise, though, Chloe’s hand returns moments later, this time around my waist.

“Hey,” Chloe whispers as she rests her head on my arm.

“Hey,” I reply with a smile. “Did you enjoy today?”

“It was AMAZING,” Chloe gushes. “And I do like your friends too. Well, some of them anyway, hehe!”

“Meh, Dan will grow on you,” I shrug. “And he’s the only friend I think Lee’s made on his course so, well- yeah.”

“I guess,” Chloe shrugs. “Maybe I will grow to like him. But- but that’s all I’ll do- ‘like’ him.”

“Umm… Okay?” I ask, confused by Chloe’s need to be specific.

“I, umm, I- I kinda overheard your argument with Mac,” Chloe says, making my stomach churn. “I went to get some money out of the cashpoint while you two were in the toilet and I heard you two… Heh. And I thought it was just girls who argued in the toilets, heh.”

“Not really helping,” I mumble, making my girlfriend frown.

“Ehh, sorry…” Chloe grimaces. “But- but the point I’m trying to make is- well, you don’t need to worry. About me. At all. Ever. I. Love. YOU. Not Mac, not Lee or Ben and- ugh, DEFINITELY not Dan. Same goes for anyone I might meet at uni next year. So how about you forget about all this paranoia thing, and let me help you take your mind off things?”

“…Did you have a particular, you know, way in mind?” I ask. “To help me take my mind off things?” Chloe grins smugly as her hands move away from my waist, and within minutes, the kettle isn’t the only thing that’s boiling…

We spend the rest of the evening cuddled together on the sofa watching television before heading to bed just after 11pm- though it is a long time before either of us get any sleep.

Chloe is still cuddled close to me the following morning when I’m awoken by the sound of banging outside- and it takes a few seconds for my tired brain to realise that the banging is coming from our front door.

“Who’s calling round at this time on a Sunday morning?” I grunt as I gently unwrap Chloe from around me and pull on a pair of boxer shorts and my dressing gown. “I don’t remember ordering anything from Amazon…” When I open the front door, though, I’m greeted by the last group of faces I was expecting.

“Hi Ian!” Abbey-Gayle says with a wide grin that’s matched by Brooke and Georgie, who are standing either side of her. “Oh, sorry- is it, like a bit early for you?”

“Umm, no, it’s okay,” I reply, confused by the presence of the three women on my doorstep. “Umm, come- come on in…”

“Thanks!” Abbey-Gayle says as she leads the girls into our living room, all three of them plopping down on our sofa.

“Do you want anything to drink?” I ask as I repeatedly try (and fail) to reconcile this scenario in my mind. I’ve barely even seen any of these girls in the last three years, and when I did, it was only because I was hanging out with their boyfriends, or with Jamie and Stuart. I have to blink several times to reassure myself that I’m not dreaming- and I have to scratch my chest a few times as well to confirm that what was there previously is really gone…

“Nah thanks, we ain’t stopping long,” Abbey-Gayle replies. “We’s visiting a lot of people today and, like, thought you oughta be the first we invite!”

“Invite to what?” I ask, my brain still foggy from the early hour, not helped my friends’ enthusiasm.

“To me birthday, of course!” Abbey-Gayle replied. “Next Sunday, the fourteenth? I’m turning twenty-one and, like, I want all me friends there. ALL me friends.”

“And, well, that includes you!” Brooke says with a grin.

“I- well, umm, it may have included ‘Kayleigh-Ann’,” I mumble. “But, you know, we- we haven’t hung out in years…”

“Don’t mean you ain’t me friend,” Abbey-Gayle says softly. “I mean, I kinda miss it when it was the five of us, like, and, you know, Ella ain’t flying round the world for it, but you lives in London now, so I thought, you know, maybe?”

“The boys will all be there too,” Brooke says. “So it’s not like we’re expecting, like, a proper reunion. We’d never ask you to be ‘Kayleigh-Ann’ ever again.”

“Yeah,” Abbey-Gayle confirms. “It’s only ‘Ian’ I want at me party.” Before I can open my mouth to reply, my bedroom door opens and Chloe walks out, a look of utter confusion on her face.

“Ian?” Chloe asks with a frown as she surveys what is, admittedly a suspicious scene- me in my underwear and a dressing gown on one side, and three attractive young women on the other side. “What- what’s going on?”

“Ah- yeah,” I say with a grimace. “Girls, you've met Chloe before, right?“

"Of course!" Abbey-Gayle says with a grin. “I’d, you know, give you a hug or something but, well, you is kinda naked…” I bite my lip to keep myself from giggling as Chloe suddenly realises that she’s stood in front of a bona fide Angel wearing only a sheet.

“Umm… Be right back!” Chloe says as she hurries back into the bedroom.

“She’s still cute,” Brooke says with a grin.

“Yeah, I definitely think so,” I say with a smile of my own.

“So obviously, like, she can come too,” Abbey-Gayle says with a grin. “As, you know, a plus one, sort of thing.”

“Well- I’d have to ask her first,” I muse, even though I can safely guess what the answer’s likely to be. “You, umm, sure you don’t want anything to drink?”

“Nah, we’d better get going now anyways,” Abbey-Gayle said, standing up and handing me a carefully written envelope- no doubt the actual invitation to the party. “I know, I know, I coulda done this all online, but, like, I wanted to do it personal, you know? Well, that and it was great hanging out again even if it’s just for a few minutes, hehe!” If you say so, I think to myself.

“Yeah, we should do this again some time,” I say, trying not to sound too half-hearted.

“Umm, we will?” Brooke says with a giggle. “At the party?”

“Well- yeah, I guess,” I chuckle as I feel my nerves start to jangle. “See- umm, see you there!”

“Hehe!” Abbey-Gayle giggles excitedly as she gives me a hug, before leading the other girls out of the flat. Once they’re gone, I immediately drop down onto the sofa where they were just sat, the lingering perfume of the three girls invading my nostrils and causing me to hyperventilate as it triggers memories I haven’t thought about in a long, LONG time.

“My name is NOT Kayleigh-Ann,” I whisper to myself. “I am NOT a girl. My name is NOT Kayleigh-Ann. I am NOT-“

“Are- are they gone, then?” Chloe asks, emerging from my bedroom dressed in her skirt and top from yesterday and have even applied a quick layer of make-up.

“Umm, yeah,” I reply, taking a deep breath to compose myself. “Just- just dropped round to give me this.” Chloe frowns in confusion as I hand her the invitation.

“What is it?” Chloe asks, her eyes widening and her jaw dropping as she reads the card inside. “Oh- oh my GOD! You- you’ve been invited to an Angel’s birthday party?”

“Well- well I went to Stuart’s last month,” I remind my girlfriend.

“That’s hardly the same thing,” Chloe snorts, making me fidget uncomfortably at the slight against my friend and mentor. “I sometimes forget how close you used to be to Abbey-Gayle!”

“I wish I could,” I snort in reply, my chest feeling tighter with every passing second. “You know it was, my- my mum who used to make me hang out with them, umm, when I- when I was ‘Kayleigh-Ann’…”

“Huh, okay,” Chloe shrugs, making me frown with frustration. The biggest source of stress from my childhood, and all she can say is 'huh, okay'?. “Oh my god, it’s next Sunday! I can come down for that! I’m sure I can persuade my mum to let me come down again…”

“Yeah, I- I’m not sure I’ll be going…” I mumble.

“What?” Chloe asks, her face contorting into a frown. “Why- why wouldn’t you?”

“I- I dunno,” I sigh, leaning back in my chair and trying to relax, or at the very least, stop panicking. “Abbey-Gayle and the others, they- they’re a part of my past. K- ‘Kayleigh-Ann’s past. And I’ve been trying really, really hard to forget that past over the last three years, okay?”

“So what?” Chloe shrugs. “You’re not ‘Kayleigh-Ann’ anymore, you haven’t been for ages, and it says ‘Ian’ on the invitation, so what’s the big deal?”

“What- seriously?” I ask, my panic quickly being replaced by frustration and anger. “You know the shit I went through as a kid, the shit I’m still going through, and you seriously ask ‘what’s the big deal’?”

“Wha- don’t talk to me like that!” Chloe snaps, further fuelling my anger. “So you had a tough childhood, big deal. Why should it bother you now, you’ve put it behind you, haven’t you?”

“Do you- fuck, I can’t believe this!” I snort, before growling with frustration. “Are you seriously that insensitive, or do you only care that Princess Chloe Barnard has finally got her invite to the big Angel party like she always wanted?”

“You- you total prick!” Chloe says, her face reddening with rage. The next thing I’m aware of is Chloe’s knee raising, almost in slow motion, and making hard contact with my groin.

No doubt you're wondering why this would be a big deal, right? After all, I have no 'equipment' for Chloe to damage. Well, two- and a-bit years of testosterone injections doesn't just cause me to grow a little facial hair, it affects my whole body. My muscle definition has greatly increased. I have less fat on my hips and my backside. And my clitoris, the most sensitive part of my anatomy, has greatly increased in size whilst being just as sensitive as it was before... And I've just had a sharp, bony knee impact it at full speed. Spots form before my eyes as I slump to the ground, curled up into the foetal position, while Chloe looks on while a look of utter disgust in her eyes.

“Ugh, stop pretending, you pathetic little shit,” Chloe sneers as I take several deep breaths to try to ease the pain. “If you don’t want to take me to that party, fine. But you won’t be taking me ANYWHERE from now on. Goodbye. Don’t bother messaging me- I won’t read it.”

“W- wait,” I gasp, trying to get to my feet but stumbling down again, meaning I’m forced to watch as Chloe grabs her suitcase and leaves the flat without saying another word. Feeling utterly broken, I stumble back to the sofa where I crash down and take several deep breaths to calm myself, before the mixture of pain, frustration and anguish causes me to break down in a flood of tears.

“FUCK!” I yell, throwing a hard punch into the cushion next to me. “Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!” How typical that even when the universe grinds me down, it still somehow finds yet another way to screw me over…

I stay on the sofa for the rest of the morning, not bothering to get dressed, not even bothering to eat or shower as I desperately try to think of anything positive in my life. I must have fallen asleep at some point, as the next thing I’m aware of is being awoken by a loud knock coming from the front door. Despite my hopes, I’m forced to accept that once again, I’m not dreaming, and I wasn’t when Abbey-Gayle knocked on the door either. This is cold, hard reality- something I really don’t want to deal with right now.

“Go away,” I moan.

“Mate, it’s Stuart,” my mentor shouts through the door, making me sigh. “Come on, open up.”

“I don’t feel well,” I feebly protest.

“Yeah, and I think I know why,” Stuart says more softly. “Come on, let me in already.” I sigh as I slowly lift myself off the sofa and head to the front door.

“Hi,” I sigh, prompting a grimace from my mentor.

“Ye- erm, no offence, mate,” Stuart says. “And I know guys aren’t really meant to comment on each other’s appearances, but you- you really look like shit.”

“Thanks,” I sarcastically snort as I let my older friend into the flat. “Though I probably feel a lot worse than I look.”

“Yep, I can believe that,” Stuart sighs as he sits down on the sofa, unconsciously spreading his legs like any other man- any other man apart from me, anyway…

“You- you know about me and Chloe, then?” I ask, barely keeping my emotions in check as Stuart nods. “H- how?”

“Facebook,” Stuart explains. “Chloe’s got me and Jamie on there, remember? She updated her relationship status to ‘single’, posted an update saying some really unflattering things about- well, she didn’t mention you by name, but it was, you know, kinda obvious…”

“Ugh,” I moan, collapsing into Lee’s chair and closing my eyes. “This is really what I needed right now…”

“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing,” Stuart sighs. “How- what happened, anyway? Chloe always seemed like she was besotted with you…”

“Ugh, THAT,” I moan, pointing at the discarded envelope on the coffee table.

“What, Abbey-Gayle’s party?” Stuart asks as he picks up the invitation and looks at it. “Why would this cause you two to break up? Why did you even get an invitation anyway? I didn’t know you and Abbey-Gayle were friends…” Really? I think to myself self-pityingly.

“Ugh,” I spit again. “I- it- ugh. What it is, is that ‘Kayleigh-Ann’ was friends with Abbey-Gayle. Forced to be. By my mum. So when she drops round, with Brooke and Georgie too, it- I kinda get, you know, flashbacks…”

“Ugh,” Stuart spits. “Sometimes I’m glad that ‘Claire’ never had any real friends, heh. Not real friends like, well, ‘Stuart’ has. But then again, so do you. Loads of friends, right?”

“Well- yeah, I guess,” I sigh. “It- it’s just something about being back in that situation, though, when I’d given EVERYTHING to try to put it in my past…”

“Ehh… Yeah, I guess I can kinda get that,” Stuart sighs. “So why did Chloe fly off the handle, then? Seeing you sat in your dressing gown talking to three girls?”

“Heh, no, I don’t think she even noticed that,” I snort. “Hell, I barely even noticed it. If it was three other girls, I might have, but those three…”

“I get it,” Stuart says. “Wasn’t going to imply you weren’t into girls, heh.”

“Well, I’m not into any anymore, am I?” I ask with a tired, sarcastic smile. “What happened was that I said I wasn’t sure I’d be going to the party, I tried to explain why, why it made me so stressed and she- she just treated it like it was nothing.”

“Ugh,” Stuart spits. “You know, you’re not supposed to criticise a guy’s girl, not even an ex, but she- she always did strike me as being a bit, you know, obsessive… Kinda reminded me a bit of your mum in a way.”

“Oh, thanks for THAT,” I say, before letting out a sarcastic snort of laughter. “Makes me feel a little better about the breakup, though.”

“Well, whether or not you go to the party is your decision,” Stuart advises. “Certainly had nothing to do with Chloe even before the breakup. Though I will say this- just because you had female friends before, well, before you were Ian, it doesn’t make you any less ‘Ian’ to hang out with them now. Especially as me, Mikey and the other guys will all be at the party as well, so you can just spend the whole evening hanging out with us if you decide to come. IF.”

“Well- thanks,” I say, before sighing. “Party’s the last thing on my mind right now though, I- I’d just rather be left alone.”

“Bad idea when you’re depressed, especially for you,” Stuart says, glancing over at the coffee table again and smirking. “Especially as Chelsea are going to finish ahead of Arsenal this year.”

“Hah, you wish!” I snort, before grinning as Stuart tosses me a PS4 controller from our table. “So… FIFA session, then?”

“Always cheers me up,” Stuart says, making room for me on the sofa as I switch on the TV and pop in the game disc.

We only spend around an hour gaming before Stuart needs to head home, but it is enough time to put a smile back on my face (especially as my Arsenal team beats his Chelsea 4 games out of 5). Before Stuart leaves, though, I let out a sigh at another opened envelope I spy on the table beside the front door.

“What’s up?” Stuart asks, concerned by my sudden angst.

“Ugh, just- I’ve got another solicitor’s meeting tomorrow,” I sigh, picking up the envelope stuffed with legal information that I barely understand and that hasn’t helped to even slightly move the lawsuit forward. “Well, at least I’ll have more money for this now that I’m NOT going to be spending any on Chloe anytime soon…”

“Mate, you know my opinion about this,” Stuart says.

“I am NOT signing for Heavenly Talent,” I state firmly.

“Well- okay, that’s your choice,” Stuart says. “I know how stressed it’d make you. But I know how stressed this lawsuit’s making you, as well as uni work, and now Chloe too… There’s no shame in asking for help if you need it, you know? It really doesn’t make you any less of a man.”

“…Yeah, I know,” I sigh. “Dr Phillips has told me that more than once.”

“Mm,” Stuart mumbles in agreement. “And yet I’m the one who had to come round here to cheer you up, rather than you calling me.” Stuart bites his lip as I frown, unable to retort. “I’m going to be in the office all next week, anyway. JB’s rented out the recording studio to a couple of local up and coming bands, which means he’s rented ME out as well, and, well- yeah. Not in case you change your mind, but just in case you need to chat or anything.”

“Thanks,” I say, closing the door behind Stuart and letting out a long, pained sigh.

Over the last three months it’s felt like literally everything has fallen apart for me. First came the lawsuit, which caused my grades to start to slip, which caused me to spend less time with my friends, which caused them to want to spend less time with me, which caused me to get more stressed, which caused my relationship with Chloe to get strained, which has now caused the relationship to end. And now, with Abbey-Gayle forcing her way back into my life, it even feels like my masculinity, which I fought so, so hard to earn, is being stripped away from me too.

The only constant in my life over the last few months has been stress. Stress over the lawsuit, over university, over Chloe and now over my very identity. Unlike Stuart, I don’t have the comfort of male genitalia to remind me of who I truly am. My name IS Ian. I AM a boy. But sometimes, the world seems to want to convince me that that simply isn’t true. When I was with Chloe, she’d go to great lengths to reassure me that I was as male as any other boyfriend. And even when she dumped me, to her credit, she didn’t throw my being transgender in my face. But now that I’m alone, I have no one to take my mind off the fact that I AM different to other boys. Some would even say 'wrong'.

I could call home, of course, but in all likelihood, mum would answer and pressure me into taking Joshua Benedict’s offer. And even if grandma answered, she’d probably tell me to go to church, especially as today’s Sunday. Lee would probably tell a few jokes and make me laugh to briefly take my mind off of it, but he wouldn’t be able to provide a long-term solution- why should he, when he has his own, much tougher university work to deal with?

However, as I sulk, I’m forced to concede that there are people in the world who have been entirely altruistic with me. People who have helped me without expecting anything in return- and the man who just left the flat is top of that list. He dropped round on a Sunday morning, without needing to be asked, to simply spend time with me and make sure I was alright. And he didn’t ask for anything in return other than ensuring that I was okay. Even though he’d disagree, the fact is that I owe him, and I have no idea how to pay him back- other than only one way…

The following morning, I walk into the large office building dressed in smart trousers, a plain white shirt and a tie, a determined look on my face as I immediately spot the man I was looking for- however, that man is not Ross Michaels.

“Ian Freeman!” The always-ebullient voice of Joshua Benedict booms across the reception area, my presence having distracted him from his conversation with one of his agents. “You are looking smart today! Though with that being said, I know better than to try to coerce you into being one of my models. As talented as you would be!”

“Well- that’s the thing,” I say, fidgeting nervously as my heart rate increases and a fine sheen of sweat starts to appear on my forehead. “You- you don’t need to coerce me. If- if the offer is still on the table, I- I’d like to, umm…” I feel my whole body start to tremble as the tall, imposing man stares down at me with a mixture of confusion and concern on his face.

“Come with me,” Joshua says softly, leading me to an empty office on the side of the reception area, where I sit down opposite him. “Ian, I- I know you’re having legal issues at the moment. Stuart has explained to me that your current solicitor may as well be a painting on the wall. I am under no illusions that if you were to sign with me, it would primarily be because you want to make use of my contacts, and my resources.”

“Umm, okay…” I say, my cheeks starting to flush.

“…But I am okay with that,” Joshua continues, earning a look of confusion from me. “For two reasons. Firstly, because I originally made you the offer before your legal issues began, and I am a man of my word. And secondly… Heh. Ian, do you really believe that people become models, or actors or singers because they like working long hours, or sleeping in trailers, or not going home for weeks at a time? No, of course they don’t! They’re in it for money and fame. And that is okay. I would not be a good agent if I did not want the people in my care to earn money and fame. But I also have a duty of care to those who are signed to me, especially when it comes to mental health. I don’t know everything that you have gone through, and I will not insult you by pretending to understand. But I do know that the work you would be expected to do- and if you sign for me, I will expect you to work, obviously around your studies- it will involve a lot of public interest. I need you to be certain that this is what you truly want. If it is, I can interview you right now.”

I nod and take a deep breath before responding- this is the big question, after all. If I sign for Joshua benedict, every nightmare I had when I was a child will be coming true. I’ll be a model, I’ll have my face in magazines and catalogues… And there, standing at the sidelines, will be my mother, with a wide, smug grin on her face. Except… She won’t be if I say she won’t. It won’t be ‘Kayleigh-Ann’s face in magazines, it’ll be ‘Ian’s face. MY face. My name is NOT Kayleigh-Ann, and I am NOT a girl. And I am NOT a slave to my mother’s whims. If I want to sign for Heavenly Talent, it’s not relevant to what she wants, not even slightly. It’ll solve far more problems than it would cause. My university work will come first, as Joshua literally just reassured me. I’ll be in a supportive, caring environment. And god knows how much it’d piss Chloe off if I signed for them literally 24 hours after she dumped me…

“I understand,” I say calmly. “And I DO want this.”

“Okay,” Joshua says with a nod. “You are your own man, an adult, and it is your decision to make. Our photographer is in today, we shall do the photoshoot first, then you and I shall have a talk about the type of work you want to do. I shall also give you our lawyer’s contact details so that you can set up a meeting with her.”

“Thank you,” I say, before frowning as I realise something. “Do- do you usually give people interviews ten minutes after they ask to be represented by you?” My cheeks redden further as Joshua replies with a loud, booming laugh.

“Of course!” Joshua exclaims. “If you give people time to prepare for an interview you will get prepared answers to your questions. Give them no time to prepare, you will get real answers instead.”

“Well- makes sense,” I chuckle as we stand up and I follow my prospective agent through to a large room on the opposite side of the office, where a young, freckled woman is waiting, who I instantly recognise as a friend of Nikki's and Jacinta's.

“Oh, hi boss,” the young woman says in her thick London accent. “I’m just setting up, didn’t realise we had an interview already?”

“That is alright, Katie, as neither did I!” Joshua replies with a chuckle as I’m stood on a spot in front of the camera and instructed to pose by the photographer. Much to my surprise, it comes naturally- the posing, even the facial expressions require little to no effort from me, to the point where I almost start to enjoy myself.

“Looking good!” Katie teases me, making me roll my eyes as she takes another photo. “Oh come on, you do! That shirt really suits you, but I reckon you’d look better without the tie, maybe roll up your sleeves a little?” I try not to blush as I do as I’m told, even though with every passing second, I’m having to fight my natural instinct to sprint out of the studio as fast as I can. A few seconds (and a few more photos) later, though, the session is interrupted when the studio door opens, and my mentor comes through carrying a small pile of audio equipment under his arm.

“Stuart!” Joshua exclaims, surprised (and seemingly a little irritated) by the interruption. “Are you not supposed to be recording?”

“And I would be if these idiots had remembered to bring along spare guitar strings,” Stuart snorts. “I wanted to make sure though that I heard what I thought I heard, and I did, and I will admit I’m more than a bit surprised to see you here today, Ian!”

“I’m a bit surprised too,” I confess as I step away from the camera to talk to my mentor.

“We all are!” Joshua chuckles. “Though it always a pleasant surprise to welcome another member to the Heavenly Talent family. I know Jamie will be happy, she wanted all of her ‘Fellowship’ involved with us in one way or another.”

“I’ll definitely be happy as well,” Stuart says, “but Ian’s a musician, not a model.”

“Umm… What?” I ask. “I am?”

“Well, Dan’s about to be elbow deep in baby shit for a third time,” Stuart explains. “So we’re gonna need a bassist, especially as we’ll be recording soon, both in the studio and the music video.”

“…So far this ‘Celestials’ project of yours hasn’t made a single penny,” Joshua retorts.

“We will, we will,” Stuart insists. “Once we get this video for ‘There She Goes’ recorded, we’ll be laughing, trust me. I know what I’m talking about when it comes to music.”

“If you insist,” Joshua says.

“And there’s the small matter that I haven’t even been offered a contract yet,” I mumble.

“Well- we can resolve that now,” Joshua says. “Three months, on a part-time trial basis. I will expect you to fulfil on average one job per week. Though… Recording with Stuart and his band will count toward that fulfilment as well.”

“Even though I’ve only been learning bass guitar for six months?” I ask.

“Five and a half months longer than most bassists, mate,” Stuart chuckles as he gives me a gentle pat on my back. “When are you meant to be seeing your solicitor today? You said you had a meeting with him, didn’t you?”

“Hmm… Not anymore,” I reply, which earns a chuckle from Joshua, much to my relief.

“Come on,” Joshua says, his hand replacing Stuart’s on my back. “I’ll get my secretary to draw up the contract, then we can get it signed, and then, maybe, things will start to get better!” I hope so, I think to myself.

After signing the contract, and being offered some immediate work for the Easter holiday (Heavenly Talent is so well-respected as an agency that it usually has more requests than it can fill), I had my meeting with Ross where I explained that his services would no longer be required. A few days later, I met with Janet Bean, Heavenly Talent’s retained lawyer, who reassured me that the lawsuit could and would be resolved very quickly. A few days after that, I attended Abbey-Gayle’s party, where as promised, I spent virtually all of the time hanging out with Stuart and his friends. And a few days after that, Lee returned from Wales, and we both returned to university, and life returned to normal- or in my case, the new normal.

Despite (or maybe because of) photos of me at Abbey-Gayle’s party being plastered over Facebook, I hadn’t heard a single peep from Chloe by the time I returned to university. How a person can go from declaring their love for me one minute to utter hatred the next is baffling to me. My friends have tried to reassure me that that’s just how women are, but having been one myself, it still confuses me- or maybe that’s yet more evidence that I was never really a woman. Either way, my ‘new normal’ includes the word ‘single’, and will do for the foreseeable future. Sure, I do catch the eye of more than a few girls at university, but I genuinely have no idea which, if any of them know the 'truth' about me- and that's a risk I'm not willing to take right now. Even if I am now officially a model AND in a band, which all of my (male) friends assure me should make me a girl magnet. And yet, I don’t feel like one. Whether it’s because of my anxiety, or because of my (no doubt over the moon) mother, or because I’m still hung up on Chloe, I can’t say. All I know is that one source of anxiety in my life is about to be discarded forever, but a few months from now, my new anxieties may make me so stressed out that I might even miss the relative simplicity of being sued…