Part 4 of 6

 
Chapter 8
With the first public appearances behind them, it was time to hit the road. No one runs for office without a large number of volunteers willing to go out and do the legwork, answer the phones, make the endless calls, pay the bills, program the computers and generally support the candidate.

Myrna had several offices scattered throughout the district, and the New Myrna was duty-bound to visit them and fire up her volunteers. This was something new for the former Hank, who had scores of fellow-travelers who he knew in advocating for the environment, but these were mostly impersonal acquaintances, held together by their passion for the issue.

The New Myrna was realizing that a politician was not a single person, but more a collection of people working together, much like the collection of organs that form a human body. Myrna was the brain, but without the heart and kidneys and stomach and muscles all doing their part, the brain would be helpless.

Myrna's volunteers were far more personal than those Hank was used to, and if Penny weren't at her side with her ever-ready tablet and Farleyfile the New Myrna would have been sunk.

Maria is twenty eight, loves basketball, has two kids - one each - and gave you a polished rock inscribed with a poem about the Earth. Charlie not only volunteers but contributes a good deal of money to the campaign. He's vegan and sometimes a pain about it, but he works his ass off for you. For Myrna.

There were dozens of people in cities and small towns. At first it felt like she was cheating to have such information at her fingertips when she didn't have any memory of the people she was meeting, but Penny explained that even Myrna couldn't remember everything. The Farleyfile was no worse than keeping your schedule on a computer calendar to be sure you remembered when and where you needed to be.

Which made sense, so gradually the New Myrna learned to rely on the file for the necessary information. Politicians thrive on the personal touch, and the New Myrna found herself enmeshed in a far more personal circle of friends than Hank ever had. Hugging, touching, personal contact came far more easily to the person who once was Hank. The woman who once hid behind Hank was now in control and found herself living a very fulfilling life.
 

Myrna sighed as she arrived home after two weeks on the road. Leaving her suitcase in the car, she opened the door and called out "I'm home" as she came in. She found her cousin on the couch in the living room and was shocked at how she looked. As the New Myrna beheld the Old Myrna she felt the tears start because Old Myrna really looked old after only two weeks. She rushed to her cousin and gently embraced her.

"Helen, you look marvelous! Penny's been keeping me informed and tells me you're doing me proud."

"Trying to be you is bringing out the best in me, cousin. Everybody needs a role model and I couldn't have found anyone better to inspire me."

"Bullshit, cuz! You were always the smart one and I was the brash one. I could talk but you could think."

"I've found out your little secret after being you for a couple of weeks, you know."

"Do tell?"

"I figure you're in it because everybody who doesn't want to kick your pretty little ass is standing in line to kiss it."

"You just be sure when you pull down my panties that the line forms at the back. Anyone gets the front view and we're toast."

"Which is why I couldn't live without Penny sorting the ass kissers from the ass kickers before I expose myself. That woman is amazing!"

"Just be sure you keep her happy. You're going to need her when I'm gone."

"Bullshit, cuz. You're going to get better and I'm going to go back to my little cabin in the woods."

"Bullshit to you, Helen." The original Myrna paused to cough. "The test results sucked, I'm going to be lucky to be alive to hear the results of the election."

"Myrna, no!"

"Myrna, yes! I'm dying, cuz. No sense trying to spin it. You're going to have to make sure those bastards don't get my seat and screw up this state."

"But…"

"We both care, cousin. We've both dedicated our lives to protecting the environment and giving our non-existent children a better place to live. I just wish I had had children, but it's too late for that. Never found a man that compared to you. You know I would have married you if we weren't first cousins, don't you?"

"I know, Myrna. I feel the same way myself, but we both knew better."

"And now it's too late. The best you can do now, Henry David Bonforte, is to be me."
 

Chapter 9
Dying? How could her lovely, personable, brilliant cousin be dying? She was only doing this to help Myrna over a bump in life. Myrna has to get better. How could there be a world without Myrna?

But she's not going to get better. This weird genetic thing is going to kill her. There will be world without Myrna.

Unless Hank does as she asks. Unless Helen and Hank give up Henry David Bonforte and Helen. Unless they become her. Unless Helen chose to carry on Myrna's work, the work that both had dedicated their lives to in their different ways. But could Hank/Helen live their life as another person? Forever. The New Myrna didn't sleep very well that night.

Naturally, the original Myrna had one of her good days the next morning. Still wan and breathing with difficulty, but positive and ready to face down this damned disease and triumph.

Confusing. Very confusing. The New Myrna felt guilty about leaving her cousin alone, but knew she had to be at the campaign HQ for yet another meeting. The original Myrna shooed her cousin out the door with a kiss on the cheek and an admonition to 'get out there and win the damned election'.

The New Myrna hadn't realized just how much time her cousin spent on the phone begging people for money. Not that Hank hadn't done some of that himself, but the organizations he was active in had dedicated volunteers to do the begging, he mostly gave speeches and wrote books.

Which he wasn't doing for himself right now. Henry David had posted he was off on a journey of exploration and wouldn't be available for the next couple of months. No details, just a warning he wouldn't be anywhere near modern communications for some time to come.

It seems that politicians had to do their begging with the big donors personally. Once again, Myrna's dedicated and competent staff put her through a string of mock calls to donors, helping her to refine her pitch.

With Penny and her Farleyfile close at hand, Myrna spent the morning practicing her best lines into the intercom phone. Somehow she felt like those poor souls on the street corners with a sign that read 'God Bless - Anything Helps!' If any of those guys managed to reel in a single donation in the amounts she was asking for they wouldn't need to stand on the corner for several months, if not years. Myrna needed far too many of those big donations to fund her political habit.

There had to be a better way, but the New Myrna couldn't think of one offhand. After a fortifying lunch she again picked up the phone and started begging. She really wished she had taken some training in improv theater, it would have helped a lot. Trying to be Myrna talking to people who at least knew her a little bit and asking for money was stressful.

After several calls she was feeling the strain and put her head in her hands as she hung up the phone. She was surprised to feel Penny's warm hands on her shoulders, massaging her tense muscles.

"Oh my god! It's almost worth making these stinking phone calls to have you do that."

"Being a senator isn't all glitz and glamour, is it?"

"How does my cousin stand it?"

"Because she knows that you have to do this stuff in order to get what she wants."

"I suppose. Just a little lower. Ahhhhh. Will you marry me?"

"I have other commitments."

"Darn! You wouldn't have a sister, would you?"

"She's straight."

"I suppose I would be a bit confusing to most women. Or men…"

"Myrna, I have no doubt you are a woman. You certainly have whatever it is that makes your cousin so special. It must run in your family."

"Most people run from my family. You've met my mother?"

"She is a memorable person."

"You've got that right. Thank you, Penny, I feel much better now. I don't think I could do this without you, and I'm not just talking about unknotting my neck."

"I know you couldn't. I'm not about to see all of Myrna's good work go down the drain. I just won't let that happen."

"Penny? Can I ask a personal question?"

"You can ask, but I might not answer."

"Good enough. Are you in love with my cousin?"

"I think that's one that I would prefer not to answer."

"Which is answer enough. I've been in love with her for twenty years. If we weren't first cousins I would have proposed the minute we turned eighteen and settled down in suburbia and had 2.6 children with her."

"When I turned eighteen we wouldn't have been allowed to get married."

"You could now."

"I know, but there are other things to consider."

"Like what?"

"If we got married that would mean I would eventually marry you."

""What!?"

"I talked to her yesterday after she got back from the doctors. She knows she only has a few more months and she flat out asked me if I would be willing to help you be her replacement. Not her successor - her replacement. To be her."

"She asked me to do that last night. I wasn't sure if she was serious or just overtired and dreaming out loud."

"Helen, she's serious. I know it sounds like the plot for a British farce, but with your family's power and money it could be done. If your mother is on board, it will be done in spite of any obstacles."

"Mom is like that, isn't she? Penny, I've dreamed of being a woman for much of my life, but I do not want to replace my cousin. I want her to live her own life. I want her to know what it's like to love and be loved. I don't want to take that away from either her or you."

"We both want that, Helen. God how I want that! But it isn't going to happen. The infusion treatments just aren't working any longer. Her liver is failing, her lungs are going and the chances of a double transplant working are not good. We're going to lose her, Helen!"

The two distraught women embraced and tried to get their emotions under control.

"Penny, I need to think about this. If I do decide to take Myrna up on her challenge I won't be able to do it without you. We will just about have to be married if this is going to work. We've only known each other a few months, can we even think about being that close for the rest of our lives?"

"You're right. I'm willing to do just about anything for Myrna, but what we do has to be able to work. When anyone gets married someone will drag out the old saw about 'the two becoming one.' We're talking about that happening almost literally. There will only be one person left and the other will vanish."

"That's a scary thing to contemplate, that Hank will go away forever so I can be Myrna."

"If you do, I'll be there for you. I like you a lot, Helen. You're a good person and we both love Myrna. It's like what they taught us in math, if A=B and B=C then A=C. Not that love is formula, but maybe I could come to love you."

"Even knowing we will have to get my mother involved?"

"Can you get a divorce before you get married?"
 

Chapter 10
"...in short, there is no longer any excuse to argue that global warming has not been caused by the human race. I don't want to get everyone into a panic, but we do have to start doing something now to mitigate the damage or our children will be in a world of hurt.

"It's a complex problem, simple solutions will not solve it. There is no magic bullet, no quick fix. Our national government insists on sticking their heads in the sand and singing 'la-la-la' at the top of their overdeveloped lungs, so we are going to have to start doing something at the state level.

"I've been saying this for several years and I'm not going to stop as long as I'm in the senate. I'm going to keep it up once I'm no longer in the senate, but I do hope you will see fit to keep me there. Thank you and I'm very happy to take questions."

OK, so the New Myrna was lying through her teeth, answering the same old questions once again was not what she wanted to do, but what she had to do.

"Senator Bonforte! The President has recently tweeted that there is no reason for these massive, deadly and costly forest fires in California except that the state's forest management is so poor. He's suggested they should be sweeping up the mess on the forest floors. Have you any comment?"

"Are you familiar with the concept of code words?"

"I would think any reporter would be familiar with that phrase."

"Good, then you'll understand that the phrase 'The President tweeted' clearly translates to 'The President is lying again.' Take the California wildfires. The federal government owns 58% of the forests in the state, California owns 3%. The man lies every time he opens his mouth and refuses to take responsibility for his actions or those of his government.

"If the wildfires are the responsibility of the owners of the forest, then Mr Trump is the one responsible. With that said, the responsibility lies with all of us because global warming is drying out the forests on the entire planet, we need to do something about the root cause, not just the symptoms.

"And don't think we are going to get off Scott free up here. We're on track to have around 100 wildfires up here in our own forests, but thankfully we have far fewer acres involved in fires, somewhere around forty last I checked."

"Senator, wouldn't we be far better off if we adopted a plant-based diet?"

"Perhaps, but that's another simple solution to a complex problem. I have a cousin who lives in a cabin off in the woods and grows much of his own food. He lives off the land as much as possible, but he isn't a fanatic.

"He likes a good deer steak and realizes that the growing season up here is maybe four months long. He isn't interested in surviving on beans and rice for the other eight months. Do you have any idea what his cabin would smell like if he ate beans for eight months a year?"

That one got a pretty good laugh, especially for an off-the-cuff joke.

"There are undoubtedly many positives to being a vegetarian and anyone who wants to live that lifestyle is perfectly welcome to do so. But there are some negatives.

"One - what do we do with all the pasture land that is no longer of any use for growing food if we stop eating meat? What do we do with the thousands of families who are suddenly unable to earn a living by raising cattle or hogs or whatever?

"Two - a refrigerator truckload of meat will make it from the Midwest to New England with almost no loss. Most meats have a shelf life of up to sixty days. But studies by the Logistics Bureau show about 33% of perishable food is lost or wasted in shipping, and most produce has a shelf life of two weeks or less.

"Then there's all the petroleum products needed to transport the fresh vegetables, which will need more trucks to transport because produce is less densely packed than meat.

"Three - up until we started using oil-derived fertilizers, farmers used the animal waste as fertilizer on their crops. We need to start moving away from oil based fertilizers, but how do we do that if we stop raising animals?

"Four - and I warn you this one is rather gross - has anybody considered that people eating a vegetarian diet produce a good deal more solid waste than a mixed diet? If you don't believe me, go and visit some stables and talk to the people who have to muck them out. Would we need to expand our sewer plants? Will we have enough water to cope with processing the added human waste? Darned if I know, but somebody needs to answer these questions before we go off and make such major changes."

"Senator Bonforte, your opponent has said your environmental policies will cost the state jobs and lead to economic ruin. What is your response?"

"You couldn't print it, Sarah."

More laughter.

"Really, that old cant has been around since the Indus Valley civilizations didn't believe the desert was expanding and would wipe out their civilization around 1700 BC. As long as people put their personal profits ahead of the good of civilization we will fall as surely as the Romans did. If we don't do something soon there will be a whole lot more sand to hide our heads in.

"People, I've got to hop on a bus and get going to the next stop. Thanks for letting me bend your ears and be sure to get out and vote. If you vote for me I'd appreciate it, but go and vote no matter if you agree with me or not."