I let out a long, loud sigh of relief as the bell rings to signify the end of yet another school day. Two years ago, I'd have given anything to be able to sit in a classroom dressed the way I am right now, but today I am almost desperate to get home and strip off the stiff grey skirt and black tights that are covering my lower body. And for three very, very good reasons- first, when I get home, I’m going to be pulling on a much more comfortable and stylish skirt; second, the longer I’m in this uniform, the longer I find myself feeling anxious about the sheer amount of coursework I have to do for my GCSEs; and third, most of all, the more I’m in this uniform, the more I’m reminded of the stress in my personal life.

As has become the norm over the last two months, breaktime and lunchtime today was spent hanging out with Melissa, Cameron, Lucy and Petra, gossiping about music, dance, celebrities, the usual stuff. The main topic of conversation, however, was this coming Saturday. More specifically, the party that’s going to be thrown for Melissa’s sixteenth birthday.

To say she’s excited about the party would be a huge understatement, and I have to admit, I’m more than a little excited about it too. It won’t be the first ‘sweet sixteen’ I’ll have attended- Lucy’s party was at the start of October and that was really exciting too, even if it was just a more ‘basic’ party and the birthday girl can still only barely hide her contempt for me. Fortunately, I was able to spend most of my time hanging out with Petra, which made the party considerably more fun than it otherwise would have been! I’m hoping the same will be true of Melissa’s party, though it also has a lot of over things in its favour- not least the theme of a ‘masquerade ball’. This means that instead of being at her house, it’ll be at a fancy hotel, with paid for catering, live music and, best of all, the costume! We'll all be wearing long, close-fitting dresses with extra-long black gloves, elaborate masks and shoes with higher heels than I've ever worn! The costumes will make us all look far older than we actually are- which is probably why Melissa chose them- and are almost identical to ones that were worn at one of the Angels' birthday parties in the past. Which is probably another reason why Melissa chose them, but believe me when I say I don't mind one bit!

Almost every part of me is looking forward to Saturday’s party, but there’s a large part of me that feels anxious about it. Not because I’m afraid Lucy or someone will try anything- Melissa simply won’t allow that, especially not at her own party- but because Saturday is also the birthday party for one of my very best friends, and the reason why I have the courage to go to school wearing a skirt.

If it wasn’t for Laura, I would never have thought it was even remotely possible for me to lead the life I’m living now. She showed me that the way a person is born shouldn’t have any effect on the way a person lives their life, and any boy can become a beautiful woman if they want, or indeed need to. Tomorrow, she’ll turn seventeen years old, but as tomorrow’s Thursday, she’s going to have her party at the weekend… On the exact same day as Melissa’s party. Which is Melissa’s actual birthday as well. Which leaves me with a hell of a dilemma. On the one hand, Laura is one of my oldest and closest friends. But on the other hand, Melissa’s the one I hang out with every day at school…

“Afternoon, girls!” Dad says as Bryony and I climb into his car, me in the passenger seat with Bryony assuming her usual spot in the back. Despite my dilemma, I’m still forced to smile at my father’s greeting- it took long enough for him to acknowledge me as a girl, let alone his daughter, that it feels like a win every time he says so.

“Hi dad,” Bryony says as we simultaneously get our phones out of our blazers and switch them back on.

“…Okay,” dad sighs. “Ash I get, but do you think you could wait until you’re actually thirteen before becoming a teenager, Bryony?”

“Never heard that one before,” my sister retorts with a sarcastic snort of laughter.

“I’ll take that as a ‘no’, then,” dad says with a tired sigh. “Oh well, two down, four to go, I suppose.” Despite myself, I let out a smile as I’m reminded than in less than two months’ time, I’ll be having not just another younger sibling, but a younger sister. “You two have a good say at school?”

“Meh, same as always,” I shrug, before mentally adding ‘for better or worse’.

“Same here,” Bryony adds. “Think Sabrina’s still a bit annoyed I dropped gymnastics club.”

“Well, you shouldn’t force yourself to do something you don’t enjoy just because it’d make your friends upset if they don’t,” dad advises. “If Sabrina really was your best friend, she’d understand, right?”

“I guess,” Bryony shrugs as I wonder how much of dad’s advice was directed at me. It’s easy advice for him to give, of course, seeing as he’s a taxi driver, works by himself and rarely deals with customers for more than twenty minutes at a time and hardly ever the same one twice. Me and Bryony, on the other hand, have to deal with the same people day in, day out for five years, and those five years would seem a lot longer if it wasn't for our friends.

After picking up Cassie and Dorothy from their school, the five of us head straight back home, where I waste no time in changing out of my uniform into a slouchy (albeit much more comfortable) pink hoodie, a pair of warm black leggings and a short denim skirt. Once I’m changed, I immediately vacate my bedroom to allow Bryony (whose bedroom it also is) to change out of her uniform. Even though we spent the whole of last year changing together for gymnastics club, we have a sort-of unspoken rule that when it comes to changing at home, we each give the other some personal space. Bryony’s taken pains to reassure me that this has nothing to do with my ‘status’ and everything to do with her wanting her own space, and I’ve taken great pains too to reassure her that I believe her. After all, we did use to have our own bedrooms, and it’s still sometimes tough to adjust to having to share, even though Bryony has been as much a support to me as any of my other friends.

“There, all yours if you want it,” Bryony says as she emerges from our bedroom wearing a dark long-sleeved t-shirt and her favourite pair of pink jeans.

“Thanks,” I reply, before turning and following my sister downstairs to the living room. “Is Sabrina really upset at you for dropping gym club?”

“Meh, a little,” Bryony shrugs. “Laura’s sister isn’t interested in it, none of the other girls at our table are too so she kinda feels alone at the club, you know?”

“Yeah,” I say with a soft sigh. “Yeah, I do know…”

After dinner, Bryony and I head back to our bedroom, where we get stuck into our homework. Naturally, Bryony has less than I do and finishes it faster than I would’ve anyway, resulting in yet another embarrassing moment where I have to ask my twelve-year-old sister (and her genius level IQ) for help with my maths. Eventually, though, my homework is done, and I have a smile on my face as I grab my phone and log into Facebook where, as expected, a group chat is already in full swing- albeit a group I haven’t interacted with at all today.

‘Hey Ash!’ Nicole types, which is quickly echoed by the other six girls in the chat.

‘Hey girlies!’ I reply. ‘Sorry for being late, got caught up with homework.’

‘Ugh, I do NOT miss that!’ Suriya types, making me giggle and roll my eyes.

‘Really?’ Priya asks with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji. ‘What do you call learning lines and writing essays on all those plays you’re doing?’

‘Fun, duh,’ Suriya replies with the same emoji as her sister.

‘Lol!’ Nicole types. ‘SO wish I went to drama college with you two.’

‘So do we,’ Laura types, followed by several ‘hugging’ emojis. ‘Wish we were all still at the same college.’ Not as much as I do, I self-pityingly think to myself, biting my lip as I decide whether to type a message expressing my feelings. It doesn’t take me long to decide that if any group of people is going to be sympathetic toward me, it’s this one.

‘Tell me about it,’ I type, smiling happily as I get several ‘hugging’ emojis of my own.

‘Aww,’ Megan types. ‘George says a lot how much you miss us at school.’

‘No no no!’ Harriet types followed by an ‘evil’ emoji that confuses me. ‘You know the rules about talking about BOYS in this chat!’

‘Oh come on,’ Megan pleads. ‘I was just mentioning him to cheer up Ash.’

‘Who is as much into boys as I am,’ Harriet types in reply as the other girls in the chat all send ‘laughing’ or ‘evil’ emojis. ‘You know the rules!’

‘Fine,’ Megan types with a sighing emoji before sending a photograph to the group- one of her with a pair of tights stretched over her head. I let out a giggle at the photo as it comes through, though it’s soon followed by a sigh as my chance to steer the topic of conversation has been and gone.

‘Hope you’re not dressed like that on Saturday!’ Laura types, earning ‘lol’s from most of the group.

‘Hell no!’ Megan replies. ‘Already got my dress picked out for that, and for Priya’s too!’ I smile as I’m reminded that Laura’s birthday isn’t the only one coming up in the next couple of weeks, as the oldest of our ‘excellent eight’ will be eighteen at the start of December, and that celebration won’t clash with anything.

‘Unpick that dress,’ Priya types with a ‘grinning’ emoji. ‘We will all be wearing saris that day! My dad’s bought eight saris, one for each of us.’

‘Awesome!’ Nicole types with a ‘cheering’ emoji. ‘I remember that first time we all wore saris at your house, they were so gorgeous!’ I sigh sadly as I also remember the first time I wore a sari, and the fact that said sari ended up in a landfill somewhere following my first disastrous attempt at coming out to my dad. I can’t help but also remember that following that incident, I barely spoke to my friends for weeks…

‘I’ve never worn a sari before!’ Mia types. ‘Do they make one that suits really pale skin?’

‘No one’s going to care about your skin colour at THIS party, believe me!’ Suri types, making me giggle. Priya and Suriya’s parents are obsessive about being inclusive and accepting and have always been colour-blind toward their daughter’s Caucasian friends, as well as deliberately being gender-blind toward myself and Laura.

‘Besides, everything looks good on you,’ Harriet types, followed by a ‘kissing’ emoji that makes me roll my eyes as I know what’s coming next.

‘Thanks babe,’ Mia replies with a kissing emoji of her own, to which Harriet replies with another ‘kissing’ emoji, and before long the entire screen is filled with the emoji over and over again.

‘Too much kissing!!!!’ Nicole types, thankfully bringing the stream of emojis to an end. ‘Maybe we need a forfeit for kissing in chat like we have for mentioning the b-word?’

‘Seconded!’ Megan types. ‘Especially when we’ve got Saturday to talk about!’

‘Is it going to be at your house?’ I ask, momentarily forgetting my dilemma and only realising after I send the message that I’m not 100% sure whether I’ll be going to the party.

‘Yeah,’ Laura replies. ‘Ricky’s promised me a surprise treat out somewhere tomorrow for my actual birthday.’

‘Will Alice be there?’ Nicole asks, again making me giggle excitedly- it’s still a surprise to me that Laura’s almost stereotypically male brother is dating an actual Angel.

‘Probably,’ Laura replies. ‘Not on Saturday though, she’s going to America for the big Angel tour. Though that does mean Ricky won’t be there on Saturday either, so that’s a win.’ Laura’s ‘stuck out tongue’ emoji makes me giggle again, though that’s followed by a sigh as I wonder whether she’d also consider my absence to be a win.

‘Excuse me?’ Megan asks. ‘Talking about your brother? What was the rule about talking about BOYS again?’

‘Ugh, fine,’ Laura replies with an ‘eye rolling’ emoji, before following up with a photo of a pair of ballet tights stretched over her head, which like Megan’s photo earns ‘lol’s from everyone in the chat. ‘Figured I ought to wear these at some point, seeing as I won’t be wearing a tutu on Friday.’

‘Haven’t you signed up for an adult class yet?’ Harriet asks. ‘Seems a shame to just drop it ‘cause you didn’t get into the elite class, you and Suri were both so good at dancing.’

‘We still go to the lunchtime club at college,’ Suri types. ‘No birthday tutu there, though.’

‘And it just isn’t the same without all of us there,’ Laura replies, making me roll my eyes as she doesn’t know just how right she is. ‘Though I know a couple of girls at uni who I’m trying to convince to sign up to Miss Fullerton’s adult class, one’s a T-girl too.’

‘That would be cool,’ Harriet types. ‘We should try to persuade Madame Renou-Briggs to let us have a private lesson, like the Angels used to have on Wednesdays.’

‘Like we could afford to rent the studio, though,’ Priya says. ‘And we’d need someone to teach us as well.’

‘We helped teach the younger kids last year,’ Nicole types. ‘Me, Laura and Suri, I could always ask Miss Fullerton if she’d still like some help.’

‘I could ask on Friday too,’ I type, my frustration building up as it becomes apparent that my friends have completely forgotten that I still attend the same class they’re talking about.

‘Sorry Ash!’ Nicole types. ‘Kinda forgot you still go to the class! That would be cool if you could ask.’

‘Sure,’ I type as I wonder if this is how my little sisters feel whenever me and Bryony are talking over them.

‘It’d be cool to go to dance class again,’ Harriet types. ‘feel like I’ve lost all my flexibility since I stopped going.’

‘Trust me, you haven’t,’ Mia types with a kissing emoji that makes me roll my eyes as I know what’s coming next…

The chat lasts for another hour and a half and stays on the topic of ballet and Laura and Priya’s birthdays before naturally trailing off as we all start heading to bed (or in the case of Megan, Harriet and Priya, to watch the Apprentice, which all three girls in explicably love), myself included. Though my dilemma causes me to get a lot less sleep than usual.

The following morning, I follow my usual routine of dressing washed and dressed, applying what little make-up we’re allowed at school and heading with my sisters down to dad’s car, where we’re dropped off at our schools. And, as usual, I sigh sadly when I see Bryony greet her ever-expanding group of friends while I’m accompanied to form by George in near silence.

After a morning spent sweating in the school's gymnasium and learning Maths, I head down to my new usual spot at break, where as always, my new friends are sat waiting for me.

“Hey girl!” Cameron says as I sit down and subconsciously straighten my short skirt. Of all the girls, Cameron's probably the one who's done the most to make me feel 'included' in my new group. Well, apart from Petra, obviously, but that's only because she also feels like an outsider at times- or at least, that's what she's told me...

“Hey everyone!” I reply. “Sooo… How was last night, Petra?” I giggle as four pairs of eyes, including mine, turn toward the raven-haired Polish girl, whose cheeks quickly start to redden.

“It was okay…” Petra replies, before loudly giggling. “I still can’t believe you persuaded me into going!”

“You’ll be a beautiful ballerina before long,” I say, giggling even louder as Petra tries to hide her face behind her hair.

“And,” Melissa interjects, “on your birthday you’ll get to dance in a GORGEOUS tutu, like someone else around here will be doing tomorrow…” I smirk and try not to roll my eyes as Melissa once again manipulates the conversation to put herself at the centre of it. Under the circumstances, though, I suppose I can forgive her for it…

“Ah, SO wish I could watch that,” Lucy sighs happily.

“I could always video it on my phone and upload it to Facebook later,” I suggest, trying not to smirk as I know instinctively that Melissa will be very happy with this suggestion, while Lucy resents even having me on Facebook at all.

“Sounds like a plan!” Melissa giggles. “Now as for Saturday…” My smile starts to falter and I feel my body tense up as I’m reminded of the dilemma I’m currently facing.

“Eee, I’m already so excited!” Cameron squeaks.

“I know, right?” Melissa asks with an excited squeak of her own as the excitement level at the table reaches fever pitch.

Needless to say, the party is the sole topic of discussion for the rest of the break period, and by the time the bell rings to signify the end of the break period my head is spinning- so much so that I momentarily forget that my next lesson, geography, is also one that one of my ‘gang’ takes.

“Boo!” Petra says, making me jump as we head to our class.

“Ugh- don’t do that!” I say with a pout that makes my friend giggle- and quickly causes me to giggle as well. “Ugh, I dunno, this whole party thing just has me kinda stressed out…”

“Umm… Why?” Petra asks. “I would have thought that Lucy’s party would be the bigger stress for you, seeing as she’s still being such a pain.”

“Yep,” I reply. “But Lucy’s birthday doesn’t clash with one of my best friend’s, and that’s the problem.”

“Whose birthday is it?” Petra asks, her confusion momentarily confusing me until I realise that she and the rest of the excellent eight have almost never interacted with each other.

“Oh, umm, Laura’s,” I reply.

“Huh, okay,” Petra shrugs. “Melissa will be annoyed if you miss her party, though.”

“So will Laura,” I retort.

“Yeah, but you don’t go to school with her anymore,” Petra says, and I remain silent as I’m forced to admit that Petra has a point. “Anyway,” Petra says, again startling me while I was lost in thought, “is it true that they make you dance in a tutu when it’s your birthday?”

“…Not so much ‘make you’ as ‘allow you’,” I reply with an excited giggle. “I’ve still got a video on my phone from my birthday in May, I think I posted it on Facebook too?”

“You did,” Petra giggles. “You looked SO pretty in the costume! Hard to believe that- umm, well, you know…” I smile sympathetically as my friend’s voice trails off.

“Yeah, I know,” I say softly. “And I know you know I know, hehe! And I do kinda agree with you, a bit.”

“Is- is it worth it?” Petra asked, making me pause to contemplate my answer. Even after all the hassle I’ve had from my family (particularly my father), all the teasing and abuse I’ve faced at school and all the scars, both emotional ones and physical ones (like the one above my eye that I still disguise with my hair), there can be only one answer to Petra’s question.

“Definitely,” I say, gesturing to my uniform’s skirt.

“Oh- oh, not that, I mean,” Petra says, giggling with embarrassment. “I mean, I think, dancing on the tips of your toes? That must be painful, I mean, the boys on the football team need an ambulance if they stub their toe, never mind balancing their whole weight on the end of their toe!”

“Yeah, well, that’s BOYS for you!” I giggle as we take our seats and wait for the lesson to begin.

After an hour of learning about the wider world, Petra and I head back to our spot next to the sports hall, where surprisingly, we’re the first to arrive.

“Huh, that’s weird,” I say as we sit down in our usual spots. “Lesson must be overrunning, I dunno.”

“Yeah, I dunno,” Petra says. “I always get nervous when they’re not here, you know?”

“What, like you thought today was Friday and you’re missing cheer club?” I ask. “Because trust me, it IS Thursday.”

“I know, I know,” Petra replies with a giggle. “I get to dress up tonight, not this lunchtime.”

“So why so worried?” I ask.

“It’s just- ugh,” Petra spits. “You know Allie, Allie Gresham?”

“Yeah, she used to do cheer club with us last year, didn’t she?” I ask.

“Used to, yeah,” Petra says. “Melissa was never very kind to her, if you remember?”

“Ah- yeah…” I grimace as I start to recall the previous year at school, the repeated sneering and teasing- and worse- that Melissa shamelessly directed toward Allie. I feel a sense of guilt wash over me as the memories come back to me- what does it say about me that I barely even remember bullying when it's not directed at me personally?

“Allie used to hang out with us,” Petra explains. “Up to year 9, I mean.”

“Huh,” I say. “What happened to change that?”

“A boy, of course,” Petra snorted. “Melissa fancied him, but he asked Allie out. Whilst Melissa was there.”

“Ouch,” I grimace. “Thank god THAT’s never gonna be a problem for me…”

“Don’t be so sure,” Petra advises. “Allie turned him down but that was still enough to make Melissa want to kill her.”

“Doubt any boys are going to ask ME out, though,” I snort. “Not that I’m sad about that, heh!”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Petra says in a teasing voice. “There are some boys in my form who fancied Laura.”

“Exactly,” I retort. “Laura. Hell, even I fancied her. Probably ‘cause she’s always been a girl, you know, at school? Nobody who knew ‘boy Ashley’ is gonna fancy ‘girl Ashley’. Where the hell are Melissa and the others, anyway?”

“Don’t be so sure about not being fancied,” Petra says with a grin that makes me roll my eyes. “I’m serious, I mean, you’re thin, tall, a dancer…”

“…Used to be a boy,” I retort.

“Exactly,” Petra says. “’Used to be’. And you’re friends with the most popular girl in school. If you wanted a boyfriend, I bet you could easily get one.”

“Pity that I don’t want one then, isn’t it?” I reply with a smug grin that makes my friend giggle loudly.

Petra and I remain by ourselves for the rest of the lunch period, which makes for a refreshing change, even if Petra's recollection of what happened to Allie puts me on edge. The last lesson of the day passes quickly, and before long I’m once again lowering myself onto the front passenger seat of dad’s car.

“Hi Ash,” dad says with a smile that I can’t help but notice falters slightly as I adjust my short skirt. “Good day today?”

“It was okay,” I reply with a shrug as I get my phone out of my bag. “Where’s Bryony?”

“She’ll be out in a bit,” dad says nonchalantly. “You really don’t like being alone in a car with me THAT much?”

“No, it’s not THAT,” I reply. “It’s just- eh, I dunno. My usual gang at lunch time weren’t around, now Bryony… Eh, it’s nothing.”

“If you say so,” dad replies with an unconvinced voice. “And anyway, here she comes now.”

“Hi dad,” Bryony says as she slides onto the back seat of the car and gets her phone out of her bag. “Hi Ash.”

“Hi to you,” I say with a frown. “Why exactly did you leave us waiting so long? I had no idea where you were just now.”

“Jeez, SORRY,” Bryony snorts. “Now you know what it feels like, normally we have to wait for you.”

“She’s got you there,” dad says with a chuckle that makes me roll my eyes.

“If you must know, I was talking with Ari,” Bryony says. “It’s her ballet class tonight, me and Sabrina were giving her a few bits of advice.”

“Ah, so you and Sabrina are talking again?” I ask.

“We were never not talking,” Bryony replies. “She was just a bit disappointed she doesn’t have anyone to change with for gym club, that’s all. We’re not going to stop being best friends just because we don’t see each other for one extra hour each week.” Naturally, this causes my thoughts to return to speculating where Melissa and the others were at lunch, though I also can’t help but wonder if what bryony says also applies to the rest of the excellent eight- even though we don’t see each other for thirty hours a week, rather than just one…

We arrive home shortly afterward, and after a quick dinner spent in a highly energised atmosphere (thanks to Cassie and Dorothy’s ballet lesson being this evening), I park myself on the sofa with my phone and my homework, paying more attention to the former than the latter while dad gets ready to watch the England vs USA football match on television. Naturally, when I log in to Facebook, I immediately get drawn into a group chat with only one topic of conversation.

‘I can’t believe he thought you’d want to go to that!’ Harriet types with an angry emoji. ‘Stupid BOY.’

‘I’d have gone if he’d got tickets for me and Kain as well,’ Laura types. ‘Oh, hey Ash!’

‘Hey birthday girlie!’ I type followed by several emojis including a cake, a party hat, several hearts and several fireworks.

‘Thanks girlie!’ Laura replies with a ‘wide grin’ emoji.

‘Did you get anything nice?’ I ask.

‘The usual,’ Laura replies. ‘Clothes, make-up, a new necklace from mum and Sean. And a couple of worse gifts, like tickets to the football match from my brother.’

‘The BOY,’ Harriet interjects, earning ‘lol’s from everyone.

‘That could’ve been cool, I guess?’ I type.

‘If it wasn’t just me and him, maybe,’ Laura retorts with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji. ‘And if they weren’t free tickets from Heavenly Talent too!’

‘From his girlfriend?’ I ask, referring to the fact that Laura’s ex-squaddie brother is inexplicably dating one of the Angels.

‘Yeah,’ Laura types. ‘Something to do with their America tour, a publicity thing.’

‘Though that does also mean Ricky won’t be at the party on Saturday!’ Nicole types, earning more ‘lol’s.

‘Party! Party!’ Mia types, followed by the same ‘celebration’ emojis I’d used earlier.

‘I am SO looking forward to Saturday!’ Suri types as my stomach starts to churn from my dilemma.

‘YOU’RE looking forward to it?’ Laura asks with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji.

‘We’re ALL looking forward to it!’ Nicole types. ‘Can’t believe it’s five months since the last time one of us had a birthday, now we’re getting two in three weeks!’ The calendar’s more crowded than you think, I self-pityingly think to myself, before smiling as I see another name pop onto the ‘online’ list- that of Cameron Calloway. While the group continues its excited discussion of Laura’s party, I open a separate chat window to talk to my other friend.

‘Hey Cameron!’ I type. ‘Missed you at lunch today.’

‘Hey Ash!’ Cameron immediately replies. ‘Missed you guys at lunch too, arsehole Mr Nixon gave the whole class detention.’

‘Hate him,’ I reply with an ‘angry’ emoji. ‘Bet there was only one or two guys actually causing trouble?’

‘Probably not even that, the fascist,’ Cameron types. ‘But whatever. Was it just you Petra and Lucy at lunch?’

‘Just me and Petra,’ I reply. ‘Thought Lucy was in your class?’

‘No, just me and Mel,’ Cameron replies. ‘Is Lucy still being a pain?’ The angry emoji Cameron adds to the end of her message makes me smirk- if it's sincere, it's a clear sign that Cameron values my friendship more than she does Lucy's...

‘Don’t she’ll ever not be a pain,’ I reply.

‘Well, her loss,’ Cameron types. ‘You know she won’t dare try anything at Mel’s party.’

‘True,’ I type, before tensing up again as I’m reminded of my ‘double booking’. ‘What time does she want us to get there?’

‘Think she said 1pm,’ Cameron replies. ‘You can ask tomorrow.’

‘Yeah,’ I type, before hesitating as I wonder how to word my next message. Cameron is Melissa’s best friend, after all, and if she finds out that I’m not guaranteed to go to her party- especially her sixteenth- she could be VERY unhappy. Especially if what Petra told me about Allie is true…

‘It’s actually Laura White’s party on Saturday as well,’ I type, hoping that Cameron doesn’t infer that I’m going to snub Melissa. ‘her birthday’s today.’

‘Yeah, I think I remember you saying last year,’ Cameron types. ‘Think Mel said she was okay with you going to Laura’s party instead of her as it was Laura’s 16th last year.’

‘Yeah,’ I type as I get the sinking sensation that my decision might just have been made for me.

‘And 18 is more important than 17, so you can go to Laura’s party next year instead,’ Cameron types, making me snort and roll my eyes. Thanks for the permission, I sarcastically think to myself.

‘Yeah,’ I type as my attention starts to wander back to the other conversation.

‘Have you sent off for your provisional yet?’ Suri asks, obviously referring to the fact that as she’s now 17, Laura is legally allowed to start to learn how to drive a car.

‘Not yet,’ Laura replies. ‘Ricky’s been on at me all day to do that. I’ll probably do it sometime after Christmas.’

‘Good,’ Priya types. ‘I am NOT driving all eight of us to Brighton next year!’ I smirk as I remember the promise the rest of the X8 made me this summer just gone, after they’d finished their GCSEs, that they wouldn’t celebrate the end of school without me. My smile turns into a frown, though, as I wonder whether they’d have made the promise if they’d known I wouldn’t go to Laura’s birthday party…

‘I am SO looking forward to that too!’ Mia types.

'Me too!' I type, earning several 'hugging' emojis from the rest of the girls, who obviously haven't forgotten the promise either- even though their response makes my stomach churn.

The chat lasts for well over another hour, during which time I repeatedly try to think of a way to bring up my dilemma, only to chicken out and delete my message every single time- in both chat windows. Eventually, the excellent eight and Melissa's gang all log off one by one, leaving me alone online, groaning in frustration. Why couldn't either Laura or Melissa have been born a week later? Or better yet, why couldn't I have been born twelve months earlier...

I wake up the following morning at the same time as the previous four days, and eat breakfast and get washed, dressed and apply my make-up at the same time as the last four days as well. Normally at this time of the week, I’d be looking forward to the weekend, but on this particular Friday, I am utterly dreading the upcoming weekend.

When I arrive at school, I am greeted as always by George, and only George. Form and the first two lessons of the day pass by in a blur, and eventually, the bell rings to signal the start of the first break period of the day.

After the bell stops ringing, I head to my usual spot by the sports hall, and if I was feeling anxious before break, I nearly have a full-blown panic attack when I arrive to find four pairs of eyes shooting accusing, almost angry stares at me.

“Umm, hey, everyone?” I say hesitantly with a forced smile on my face.

“Hey Ash,” Melissa replies in a voice barely above a sneer. “Looking forward to tomorrow, then?”

“Umm, sure!” I say as I sit down in my usual place.

“And whose party are you looking forward to?” Melissa asks me. “Mine, or Laura’s?” Oh, you bitch, I think as I shoot a brief, angry glare at Cameron.

“Well, yours, of course!” I reply in a matter-of-fact voice.

“Oh really?” Melissa asks, her face contorting into a sneer I’ve seen many times before, usually whenever Melissa’s talking about Allie… “Is it just a coincidence then that Laura’s party is also tomorrow?”

“Well, um, yes,” I reply, trying my best not to sound condescending. “I mean, it’s not her fault- or yours, even, that, umm, that you were born 2 days apart… But, like, it’s her 17th tomorrow but it’s your 16th, and that’s what most important, right?” Much to my relief, Melissa’s demeanour immediately changes and she beams a wide, smug smile that irks me just as much as it relieves me.

"Yep!" Melissa replies. "And you are going to LOVE the dress I picked out for you, hehe!"

"Cool!" I squeak, taking comfort from the fact that Lucy's face has changed from a smug sneer back to her usual condescending sneer. I've obviously passed this 'test'- the harder test is still yet to come...

The rest of break (and, obviously, lunch too) is spent discussing tomorrow's party, and as hard as I try to look excited about it, inside all I can think about is how I'm going to let Laura and the rest of my friends down- literally, how I'm going to go about letting them down in such a way that they won't hate me forever. And I won't hate myself forever either...

"That's another week done, girls!" Dad says as Bryony and I take our usual seats in his car, and I can't help but stifle a laugh at how dad's forced enthusiasm for calling me a girl is pretty much identical to my forced enthusiasm for Melissa's party.

"Well, it will be after tonight, anyway," Bryony says, reminding me that I haven't quite seen the last of Melissa just yet- there's one more 'lesson' to go before the week is over.

"Oh come on, don't see it like that," dad says. "You enjoy dance class, don't you? God knows those special shoes you need aren't cheap..."

"It's fun, I suppose," Bryony replies. "Maybe when I get cast in a performance, I dunno."

"Maybe if you ever audition for one?" I taunt my little sister. "You've had your pointe shoes for six months, what's stopping you?"

"Ash, leave your sister alone," dad chastises me. "Maybe she doesn't find it as easy as you do, or doesn't enjoy it as much as Cassie does?"

"No one enjoys it as much as Cassie does!" I say with a snort that makes both dad and Bryony laugh.

"Well- that's true," dad concedes. "Bryony, aren't you enjoying dance class as much as you used to?"

"No- well, yeah, I am," Bryony replies. "I just- ugh, I dunno. It's yet another thing where Sabrina's a million times better than I am, that's all. Sometimes I feel like the least talented girl in the class..."

"Oh- come on," I plead with my sister. "Won't you be doing your maths GCSE two years early, when you're what, 14?"

"...I'll be doing it in May in 2020," Bryony says. "So I'll still be 13 at the time. Point?"

"Point is, as the cleverest girl in your year, I think you can let Sabrina be better than you at SOMETHING, right?" I ask.

"Though as we've discussed more than once, this week in fact," dad says, "you shouldn't feel pressured into doing something just because all your friends do it as well. I mean, you're still twelve, for god's sake. You've got ages to make new friends, right? Same goes for you too, Ash." Yeah, thanks for reading my mind there, dad, I think to myself.

"...I guess," Bryony and I say simultaneously, before we both break into a fit of giggles.

"I dunno," Bryony sighs. "It IS fun doing it with Sabrina and Jo, though. And Laura's sister's probably going to be in the class next year too, which will be more fun. If anyone's gonna drop ballet, I'd have thought it'd be you, Ash."

"Uh- what?" I reply.

"You know," Bryony says. "'Cause Laura and her friends don't do it anymore?"

"Well- well, Melissa's still in our class," I remind my sister.

"Well- yeah," Bryony shrugs. "But are you as good friends with her as you are with Laura and Sabrina's sister and the rest of their gang?" I bite my lip as I turn my attention back to my phone, unable to answer my sister's question for now.

We arrive back home a short while later (after picking up my two younger sisters, of course), and after a quick dinner Bryony and I head up to our bedroom where we change into our regulation pink tights and black leotards before tying our hair into tight, severe buns and heading back downstairs. Despite my dilemma, I still allow myself a smile at the familiar, but still exciting sensation of the soft pink tights on my hairless legs (a far cry from the thick black tights I was wearing earlier today), the clinginess of my leotard and the weight of the bun on my head. It took me months, years even to grow my hair long enough to tie it into a bun, and I am immensely proud of my hair.

Of course, as I'm reminded when we arrive at the Krystie Fullerton School of Dance, my hair is still shorter than most of the girls in our class, especially Melissa, whose long golden blonde hair has been tied into the most intricate, elaborate bun I've ever seen- to match the elaborate costume she'll be wearing in just under an hour's time.

"Hey Ash!" Melissa excitedly squeaks as she comes over to greet me with a hug, while Bryony goes to sit with her friends. Ever since Laura left the class, Melissa and I have become the effective 'alpha females', a role Melissa has obviously taken to naturally and that even I find easy to adapt to, even if it does mean having to play a very distant second fiddle to Melissa. Especially on today, of all days...

"Hey Melissa!" I reply. "Looking forward to your dance, then?"

"Uh- yeah!" Melissa replies with a giggle.

"You're going to look SO amazing out there," one of the other girls, a 13-year-old whose name I can't remember, says, and it's all I can do to avoid rolling my eyes.

"I know," Melissa says with a smug smile before turning back to me. "Going to be nice to actually have the tutu all to myself this year and NOT have to share it with Laura, heh. Speaking of which, have you told her yet?"

"Umm... Told her...?" I reply.

"About tomorrow?" Melissa asks. "That you'll be at MY party and not hers?"

"Well- well I haven't had the time..." I feebly stammer in response, cringing as Melissa lets out a long sigh.

"Is that because you don't want to tell her?" My 'friend' asks with an angry look in her eyes.

"I- I just- I dunno..." I mumble.

"I mean, it's not like I've looked forward to celebrating my birthday with my friends or anything..." Melissa sighs. 'Friends' that you decide are worthy of being your friend, I think to myself, before pausing- doesn't that describe the way literally everyone decides who their friends are?

"I- I'll send her a quick message now," I say, sitting down at the side of the room and getting my phone out of my dance bag.

'Hey Laura,' my hastily typed text reads. 'Really sorry but won't be able to come round tomorrow, hope you have a great day, love Ash.' I deliberately leave off the text message the reason why I'm not going round- Laura really isn't find of Melissa and this will only rub it in.

"Okay?" I ask, showing Melissa the message.

"Well- sure," Melissa replies with a shrug. "I knew you'd send a message EVENTUALLY, I mean- you are pretty cool, you know?"

"Th- thanks," I reply with a smile as we head into our class.

The hour passes by as per usual, with the obvious exception of the last five minutes of the class being given over to Melissa and her solo dance, which receives a (well-deserved) standing ovation at the end. Once the class is over, Melissa bids me farewell with a brief hug while Bryony and I climb into dad's waiting car.

"Hi girls!" Dad said. "Did you have fun tonight?"

"It was okay," I reply with a shrug as I switch my phone back on and brace myself for the inevitable replies to my text. "Bryony? Want to continue our conversation from this afternoon?"

"It was fun," Bryony shrugs. "Feet are a little sore, though."

"It'll get better as your feet get more used to pointe," I try to reassure my sister.

"Yay," Bryony sarcastically replies, while I sigh as I read Laura's reply to my text message.

'Aw, that sucks,' Laura's message reads, followed by several 'crying' emojis. 'Was really looking forward to the eight of us hanging out. Are you sick or something?' I bite my lip as I wonder whether lying to Laura would be the best idea here, considering that Melissa's inevitably going to put hundreds of photos of the party onto Facebook.

"What's up, Ash?" Dad asks.

"Ugh, this whole 'clashing parties' thing," I reply with a sigh.

"I don't get why you don't just go to Laura's party," Bryony shrugs. "That's where you'd rather go, isn't it?"

"Well- yes and no," I sigh.

"You like her better than Melissa, don't you?" Bryony asks.

"Well, yes-" I reply, before sighing as I realise I didn't even need to think about that response. I genuinely do like all the excellent eight better than Melissa or any member of her gang. However, it's not that simple a choice...

"So what's the problem?" Bryony asks.

"It- ugh," I reply. "Imagine if all your friends were in a different year to you. Then imagine that you start year 11, and you have literally no friends to sit with at break, or lunch, or anyone. Add to that the fact that everyone at school hates you simply because of who you are. Then, suddenly, the coolest girl in the school says 'hey, want to hang out?'. Are you really saying you'd say 'no' to that?"

"You could always sit at our table," Bryony says.

"She's got you there," dad chimes in.

"What, and be the only year eleven at a table of year sevens and eights?" I snort.

"Your loss," Bryony says with a loud, angry sigh. "Sabrina and Jo would both like you, I reckon." Wouldn't be too sure about the second girl, I think to myself as I remember Melissa and Lucy's implied threat from months ago, and how my remaining friends with them is as much for Bryony's benefit as it is my own.

"I'll pass," I say, twirling my phone around in my fingers until we return home and I can reconnect to our house's wi-fi.

The moment we get back home (and in wi-fi range), I head straight up to my bedroom, not bothering to change first, and log onto Facebook, where I'm immediately (and unsurprisingly) drawn into a group chat.

'Hi Ash,' Laura types without any of the usual exclamation marks or emojis that her usual 'welcome' messages contain. 'Are you feeling alright? I was shocked when I got your text.'

'Yeah, I'm okay,' I reply, before grimacing and wiping a tear away from my eye as I compose my next message. 'I can't come tomorrow because it's Melissa Jeffries's birthday as well, and she's invited me to that party.' I press send and lay back down on my bed with a loud groan. I wonder how many of the other seven girls in the chat will still be my friends in five minutes' time?

'Okay then,' Laura's reply to my message reads. 'I suppose it would be her 16th, right?'

'Yeah,' I reply, biting my lip as I wonder why none of the other girls are replying or even typing at the moment. 'And I skipped it last year for your 16th.'

'Okay,' Laura types.

'I guess it's just bad luck that your birthdays are almost on the same day,' I type.

'Guess so,' Laura types. 'Well, hope you have fun tomorrow!'

'Thanks,' I reply, pausing before sending the message as I wonder whether to add a 'smiling' emoji to my message, before thinking better of it. I actually start to fidget on my bed as the chat stays quiet for another minute, before breathing a sigh of relief as Nicole types a message on a different subject that gets the chat moving again.

The following day, I get up early (for a Saturday) and get ready for the day ahead. As Melissa promised, the party is a lot of fun and the costume is AMAZING, completely unlike (as in, much sexier than) any dress I've ever worn before. We stay out until late, having fun dancing, playing games and flirting with the boys at the party. Even I flirt with a couple of the boys, even if they all know me so don't need to be told the 'look but don't touch' rule as they're not going to 'touch' even if I wanted them to. Which I don't, so it's still fun.

Fifteen days later, I head to Priya's eighteenth birthday party, where the sari I wear is in its way just as beautiful as the dress I wore to Melissa's party, and yet I can't help but feel out of place. The other seven girls and I have barely spoken after Laura's party (which looked just as fun as Melissa's, from the photos I saw on Facebook), and it's clear that a lot of them are still upset about my decision, not that they'd say it openly for fear of ruining Priya's party- even if Priya herself is probably the one who's most angry with me.

And the following day, a Monday, I head back to school where Melissa and her gang welcome me with open arms and are actually enthusiastic about me sharing details of Priya's party with them. I really wish it was easier to know who my true friends really are...